Anne Marie Miller

Blog

  • oil change

    i am learning how fickle i am. how easy it is to sing praise and rejoice when an email filled with good news arrives; and then how only hours later, with the news of a road block, my heart crumbles and i allow all the joy to be replaced with despair.

    like getting an oil change; only backwards. i drain out all the clean oil, the oil that makes my engine run smoothly – with dirty oil, which will only clog all those moving parts and cause them to freeze up.

    some people take things as they come and can keep a great attitude about them. i can…but it is really hard for me to do that. each time one of these obstacles leaps in my path, i choose to pour in some more dirty oil.

    god, give me the faith to understand the trials which face me now, and will continue to come…and help me keep my eyes focused on you, your blessings…and to consider it pure joy.

  • something very cool…

    some of my favorite people over at lifechurch.tv announced an amazing thing today!

    one of the greatest things i love about lifechurch.tv is their vision for the global church, not only the local church. they see far beyond the walls of their campuses and out into the borderless world wide web, already with things like their internet campus (which i’ve attended three out of the last five weeks) and their island in second life.

    well, their latest endeavour is called YouVersion.com. briefly…

    YouVersion is a revolutionary online Bible that enables community and collaboration like never before. Choose from various translations and read Scripture in a fresh, new way. Take personal study notes, and discover and contribute audio, video, text and images. With YouVersion, you will find communities of people exploring and interacting with God’s Word.

    You can read more about YouVersion on Bobby’s post today on the Swerve blog.

    usually, I am really cynical when churches try “new” stuff – because 9 times out of 10, it isn’t new- it’s just rebranded or redesigned. YouVersion is completely revolutionary and I can’t wait until the full site launches!

  • searching…

    every once in a while, i check my stats to see what people are searching for and how they end up on flowerdust.net.  i sorted through all the recent key phrases, we decided these were my ten favorite searches.

    -levitation pills
    -disposing of cremated remains
    -taboo story about a hesitant aunt
    -i got rid of my bleeding ulcer myself
    -anne jackson cakes
    -porn cake toppers
    -athletic butt
    -how to take all the crap out of heroin
    -flickr women hairy armpits
    -anne jackson dead or alive

    WOW. that is some interesting searching. and just in case you’re wondering…i’m alive. thanks for checking.

  • searching for my tribe

    i had lunch with a very good friend today and over the biggest chicken taco salad (ever, really), we discussed different aspects of our history with various churches and the search for community.

    during our talk, we compared some notes: we both have been in “forced” small groups, we both have had trust broken in extremely close relationships (who hasn’t?), but mainly we both wondered whether it was our own hang ups that stop us from getting in really authentic relationships, or if it was the way most churches today have small groups or fellowships structured, or perhaps a combination of the two?

    on the drive back, we went a little farther with the thoughts of true, raw relationships. we wondered if each one of us is part of a tribe. you know when you have that very rare connection with someone; it’s like you’ve known them for years. sometimes they live near you geographically, and sometimes they don’t. our train of questioning even went down to wondering if we should search for our tribe – like a lost soldier separated from his battalion, he tries desperately to locate them. he is a part of something – something beyond himself – intertwined with others…others he MUST rely on, who rely on him…for life.

    i realize the “christian walk” isn’t all about finding happiness and an easy road to easy relationships. that isn’t the focus here, but, i do believe personally, i am finally realizing that i do need a tribe…and somewhere out there, a tribe is needing me.

    i guess i’m just not sure what that looks like.


    your thoughts?

  • shooting birds

    father, forgive me – it has been since yesterday’s rush hour since my last confession.

    today, the vatican issued an unusual document – the “ten commandements of driving”

    from CNN.com

    An unusual document from the Vatican’s office for migrants and itinerant people also warned that automobiles can be “an occasion of sin” — particularly when they are used for dangerous passing or for prostitution.

    It warned about the effects of road rage, saying driving can bring out “primitive” behavior in motorists, including “impoliteness, rude gestures, cursing, blasphemy, loss of sense of responsibility or deliberate infringement of the highway code.”

    The “Drivers’ Ten Commandments,” as listed by the document, are:

    1. You shall not kill.

    2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.

    3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.

    4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.

    5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.

    6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.

    7. Support the families of accident victims.

    8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.

    9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.

    10. Feel responsible toward others.

    the pope has obviously not driven in dallas. to live up to these standards would prove impossible!

  • good morning, sunshine

    insomnia has been a dear acquaintance (unwelcomed, mostly) for the last four years. i’ve finally found some medicine which actually helps me sleep…usually.

    this morning at about 3:58, i’m awakened by our wonderful, adorable, fuzzy cats playing with one of my (formerly) beaded (now the beads are scattered all over our bathroom) bracelets. i take care of the mess, and try to go back to bed.

    current time: 4:00 am.

    about half an hour later, after unsuccessfully attempting to find the place where my dreams await, i feel something tickling my shoulder and my neck. at first, it think it’s probably a pulled thread from our comforter.

    until it starts crawling.

    without thinking, i reach back and crunch whatever it is in my right hand. i turned on my lamp, even though i really don’t want to see what was violating me so early in the morning.

     

     

    yes. a spider. probably not a brown recluse like the one shown in exhibit a above, but it was the only brown spider google images would provide me.

    so here at 5:13 am, i sit awake on my couch. my cats are asleep. but my pulse is averaging about 105 bpm.

    maybe this morning i’ll exercise and get into work early.

    we just have crickets at work.

    no spiders.

    no spiders.

    no spiders.

    (assumes rocking position with her arms wrapped around her legs and eyes wide open)…

  • commentomundo

    the other day someone asked me, “how come so many people comment on your blog?” then, someone else mentioned it to me again today.

    i really can’t answer that because you guys are the ones commenting…

    so, what about this little blog here inspires you to react, to comment?

    i think i’d kind of like to know too! :)

  • why i can’t have kids

    It’s true. You know it.

    [courtesy: nataliedee.com]

  • perfection confession

    my friend sarah wrote something on her blog yesterday that really resonated in me. those who know me well, know my tendency to lean towards not only excellence, but perfectionism. this manifests itself in so many ways; holding unreachable expectations for myself, and also for others. at its ugliest, it becomes an obsessive quest in which i know there is not a realistic (or pretty) end.

    she writes:

    My perfectionism creates a demand for the unattainable…This perpetuates my self-hate and tendency to isolate – because if I can?t be perfect, no one will accept or love me, of course. Our society demands perfection. Everyone I encounter is “puttin? on airs,” as my dad would say. (Southern for pretending to be something you?re not). Image is everything. I loathe my imperfection. I wish I was pious enough to embrace it as a reminder of the abundant Grace which covers my imperfection. But I can?t claim to be anything of the sort. Imperfection to me spells disaster. On the one hand, I do seek to be transparent in some areas. What an oxymoron. Partially transparent.

    for both sarah and me, a lot of our habits now were formed when we were children by external circumstances. a few glowing moments in my own life:

    1) i got busted in the first grade because i would throw away any schoolwork that was returned to me with less than a 97 on it. i was a straight-a student pretty much my whole academic life, but anything lower than 97 wasn’t good enough. my teacher finally found my 94’s, 90’s, and 96’s in the trash and had a conference with my mother.

    2) until i was in the fourth grade, i sang. i was in school plays. i took lead roles. i was in a bluebell ice cream commercial. i was even in a children’s touring group called “the little texas singers” (we’d wear cowboy hats & red bandanas). my mom would always encourage me to rehearse hours a day. that wasn’t the problem – i loved it! however, simply offering some constructive criticism on my vocal rehearsal, “you’re a little flat there, honey”…i stopped. if i couldn’t be perfect, then what was the point?

    these minor decisions and thought processes i adopted when i was young have formed a full-on issue now. i’ve posted about it a few times (demolition of things not mortar, the power of human need) but i wonder if these feelings are an addiction of some kind. a control issue? definitely a trust issue. lots of fear involved. fear of disappointing. fear of being a disappointment.

    hmmm.

    anyone else feel this pressure?