Anne Marie Miller

Blog

  • a few updates

    there are a couple “categories” i haven’t addressed here in a while, and some of you have emailed or myspace-messaged me asking questions, so i thought i’d put it out for all to see….

    1) fat ragamuffin. my goal weight was between 140-145 (i’m 5’6″…almost) and i have stayed in that range for the last two months. i’ve been putting on some size 8’s again, which i haven’t done in four years. it feels good. i just need to tone up, and stay away from my mom’s brownies tomorrow.

    2) depression. last i wrote, i dropped the wellbutrin which turned me into crazy lady, and was on paxil one single day until i quit. i’m not on any anti-depressants, but i still have some bouts with anxiety which are usually helped by upping my sleeping medicine (it’s really an anti-seizure medicine (20mg), but used in really low doses for insomnia (1mg) and anxiety (4mg)). when i get a little edgier, i just take 1.5mg and it seems to help balance me out. i’ve been feeling pretty good lately.

    i don’t plan on being on medicine forever, but until i can heal from some things in my past (which i see a therapist for), it is aiding me in becoming a little more centered. i’ve had a few breakthroughs in some areas and that has been INCREDIBLE. exercise (although i haven’t officially worked out in three weeks) has been another big help in this area, i’m sure of it.

    so there are some updates on the not so pretty things. it’s easy to write about the good things or the questions, but hey, we’ve all got our warts.

  • long weekend

    This weekend is going to be long, and dare I say, relaxing? All I plan on doing is reading a few books and a tackling a little bit of freelance. Friday I was only in the office long enough to check my email. Today, I have no plans; tomorrow, no plans; and Monday, my family is coming over for a little memorial day cookout.

    I have 3.20 books I plan on completing this weekend. Have you read any of them?

    1) Finish “Being the Body” by Chuck Colson. I have about 80 pages left.

    2) “Confessions of a Pastor” by LifeChurch.tv Pastor Craig Groeschel. This book landed on my desk yesterday, courtesy of Terry Storch. [edit: done.]

    3) The Organic God by Margaret Feinberg. This book also landed on my desk yesterday, courtesy of my boss, Bill. She has spoken at some conferences he helps organize, and I get the privledge of meeting her in the fall.

    4) I Sold My Soul on eBay by Hemant Mehta. You can meet Hemant at FriendlyAtheist.com, but after skimming this book, Chris’ impression of it (and his actually conversing with Hemant some), I am really looking forward to reading an intelligent and respectful view from an atheist on the American Church.

    So, those are my plans…How are you spending your Memorial Day weekend?

  • a good reminder

    “Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one.” – Quote by Stella Adler

    [HT: Randy Elrod]

  • heroin[e]

    about every three to four months, i run solid. 110%. i am an unstoppable force. and do not dare stand in my way. my close friends, and newest officemate andrew can attest solidly to that portrait. i think i need to be the heroine that saves all…

    and at the end of those three to four months, i crash. i hit a wall. hard. physically, i can’t sleep, eat, my heart starts doing these weird fluttering beats and the thought of even moving the clothes from the washer to the dryer is overwhelming.

    i hit that wall over this past weekend. working carefully and diligently on a side project, i convinced myself my work was too important to let something physical hinder my ability to tackle the task at hand. which only threw me harder and harder into the wall.

    [if one were to visualize this, one must also visualize the outline of a 5’6″ medium framed female impressed into such a wall.]

    i arrived at work tense monday, fluttery and wanting to hide under my desk. noting something off-kilter, our lovely department admin michele comes in with some encouraging words:

    go home.

    that is all it took. i finished a few things and went home at 10 am.

    i was forced to rest.

    and i did.

    and i hated it.

    it is so difficult for me to relax (sans medication). anyone else have this problem?

  • weekend thought…help me understand

    there are several conferences going on this weekend for those of us who seem to live, eat and breathe church and leadership and creative stuff. i personally have sworn off conferences for the time being as i need to refocus where and how i get my information. but i was reading about some of the sessions at the daybreak conference (which i attended in 05) over at tim steven’s blog. pretty typical leadership conference bullet points, but this one kind of gave me that “alarmed” feeling in my spirit.

    i realize i am not there, and quite possibly some of you are, so maybe the reason i am misunderstanding this statement is because it’s a bullet point taken out of context. if that is the case and someone can explain this further to me, please do.

    but alone, i kind of find the content disturbing. tim noted:

    This morning at the Creative Infusion Conference at Daybreak, I enjoyed a breakout session on Creative Leadership by Terry Woychowski, and executive with General Motors. Some notable quotes…

    * The single most important element in your ministry is leadership. More important than worship, discipleship or missions. Because without good leadership–you can’t do any of that.

    you can read the rest of the list here

    i left a comment on his blog and said:

    Some good stuff on leadership, but my heart kind of screeches and shoots up a thousand red flags on #1.

    Maybe I am just being overly concerned with semantics but somehow I think obidience to and communion with Christ should replace the word “leadership” there.

    That is why so many pastors get themselves in trouble…leadership becomes their God.

    [[steps of soapbox]]

    what do you think? taking this at face value, do you agree or disagree with this statement? i lovingly encourage any thoughts and opinions. i know very well that maybe i just don’t get it…but it sounds really off-base to me.

    [[edit: as a result of a comment questioning the faith of Dr. Woychowski, his bio from the conference website reads:

    Dr. Woychowski has been active in civic and volunteer work. He developed and led the efforts of his community?s involvement in setting up refugee camps in Albania and Kosovo during the conflict in the Balkans, making three trips to the region during that crisis. He has served his community as a paramedic and is the lead elder at his church.

  • i ask you this…

    what's your dream?

    well?

  • baring it all

    i never go anywhere without even a little make up on. never. ever. after moving this weekend, i just didn’t care and went three whole days without make up. that included my saturday night journey to my office so i could work on a little freelance given our internet at home wasn’t connected yet. and inspired by mary demuth’s “morning face” challenge, i kind of modified it and now challenge you.

    below is me. with make up, and without. with doing my hair, and without.

    here i am. nothing to cover up anything. nothng to make my eyes look bigger or my cheekbones higher or my skin not as pasty as it really is.

    [am i really putting this online?]

    yes. i am. we always make sure we put our most hip or creative or artist or professional photos on our blogs so that others whom we will never meet can form some kind of impression of us.

    today, i remove that barrier between you and me. here it is. here i am. and i challenge you to do the same.

    show us you.

    just you.

    beautiful you.

    nothing

  • have you ever

    have you ever just had one of those seasons in your life where your spirit has a great expectancy of what god is doing in and around you? last week started that season for me. at least in my own eyes. i’m sure, no, i know god has been starting it for years. the more and more i look back, the more and more i can see how this step lead to this place, and this turned into this, and saying “yes” here meant this, which lead to this…

    it creates a stirring energy inside me. an eagerness i haven’t had for a long, long time.

    i have no idea what in the world is going on, or what all of my current circumstances, feelings, thoughts, hopes, and dreams will lead to, or when, or even why (except the obvious reason of all glory to thee)…even though i’m not physically going anywhere, i know spiritually and mentally i have jumped on a crazy ride.

    and i really covet your prayers. for discernment. creativity. inspiration. pure-heartedness. meekness. compassion. hope. faith. courage.

    you, although most of you i have never met – are a giant part of my life, my community, of showing god’s grace, passion, and love.

    will you join alongside me by praying for me specifically those things daily over the next month? (and i won’t stop you there, feel free to go longer).

    i would really appreciate it.

  • institution or movement?

    H R Niebuhr suggests the following contrasts between movements and institutions with regard to the church.

    INSTITUTION
    Conservative
    Passive and yielding to external influences
    Looks to the past
    Anxious
    Guards boundaries

    MOVEMENT
    Progressive
    Active, influencing rather than influenced
    Looks to the future
    Risk-taking
    Crosses boundaries

    what do you think?

    HT: My English-turned-Scottish friend, Geoffrey