Category: Uncategorized

i’ve never had the flu.

i’ve never had the flu shot either.

do you get a flu shot?

i can’t cook. plain and simple.

last christmas, i decided i would try and impress my family with my amazing culinary skills. i purchased a boxed cake, a christmas tree shaped aluminum cake pan, some frosting, and some sparkly sprinkles. surely i could succeed at something that only required 2 eggs and a little bit of water.

have you ever seen a cake explode and implode at the same time?

i’m not sure how it happened, but it did. my rachael ray facade rapidly disappeared. my family would have to live without a beautiful christmas tree cake.

so this weekend i was thinking about the cake, and why i even felt a need to present myself as a gifted cake-maker. i wanted to be something i am clearly not in order to be perceived as something i wanted to be. and as we are slowly preparing for the move, i’ve noticed out of all my new-state, new-job moves, our upcoming move to OKC is producing a few more butterflies in my stomach than any other time i’ve moved (which has been a LOT.)

maybe it’s because i am still desperately searching for my tribe. the feelings since writing that have only intensified. maybe it’s because i’m terrified of letting people get to know the real me. i love getting to know other people, but i tremble at the thought of someone really getting to know me. i fear rejection. i fear failure.

aesop said,

?It is easy to be brave from a safe distance.”

most of you are far, far away. so i can share these thoughts with you and shut off my computer.

but things are going to be changing soon. it’s a little weird knowing how many of you OKC people read this blog. so i am going to throw a challenge out at you.

don’t let me hide. because i will try.

and please don’t ask me to bake a cake for you either…

from ananova.com

A Bosnian couple are getting divorced after finding out they had been secretly chatting each other up online under fake names.

Sana Klaric, 27, and husband Adnan, 32, from Zenica, poured out their hearts to each other over their marriage troubles, and both felt they had found their real soul mate.

The couple met on an online chat forum while he was at work and she in an internet cafe, and started chatting under the names Sweetie and Prince of Joy.

They eventually decided to meet up – but there was no happy ending when they realised what had happened.

Now they are both filing for divorce – with each accusing the other of being unfaithful.

Sana said: “I thought I had found the love of my life. The way this Prince of Joy spoke to me, the things he wrote, the tenderness in every expression was something I had never had in my marriage.

“It was amazing, we seemed to be stuck in the same kind of miserable marriages – and how right that turned out to be.

“We arranged to meet outside a shop and both of us would be carrying a single rose so we would know the other.

“When I saw my husband there with the rose and it dawned on me what had happened I was shattered. I felt so betrayed. I was so angry.”

Adnan said: “I was so happy to have found a woman who finally understood me. Then it turned out that I hadn’t found anyone new at all.

“To be honest I still find it hard to believe that the person, Sweetie, who wrote such wonderful things to me on the internet, is actually the same woman I married and who has not said a nice word to me for years.”

That really sucks.

i was twenty four years old. a girl. and was getting offered the title of “director” in the southern baptist church i worked at. i would be one of the few women with that title, and by far the youngest. my salary would also increase, as would my oversight of several key teams: communications & media.

internally, i was facing a dilemma. my current position was a support staff role in student ministry. i loved working with my team – we had the most unique chemistry i’ve ever experienced. my direct supervisor was the student pastor, and it was like i could read his mind. i was truly his right hand person. the ministry had developed such momentum and i had formed some very special relationships with some of the high school girls over the couple of years i had been involved.

but…director?
but…more money?
but…more influence?

i’d have my own office. my own budgets. my own credit card.

being a list-maker, i wrote down the pros and cons of each position. reading over them now, i can see how my true intent of wanting to be the youngest female staff person in leadership tainted my decision making.

i took the director position.

and it was the worst decision i have ever made in my entire life.

three years later, i can see how much i stepped off the path of how god made me so i could pursue a sweet sounding title on a business card and a status which i thought proved my worth.

sure, i can be a leader. i can take charge. i can delegate and direct. but he has specifically designed me to be in a supporting role, and it’s in that supporting role where god uses my gifts, talents, and passions the best.

for his name.
not mine.

jud writes,

“You may have no say over the organizational chart in the business you work for, but you do have the ability to serve others each day. Every person wants to be known and loved. What would happen if you stopped to talk to three people each day and asked them about their lives? Do you know the dreams of your co-workers and friends? Do you know their frustrations? Do you know their strengths? Have you thought about how you could help them win?

These kinds of questions cripple the High and Mighty Assassin. They lead to the release of sharing power and influence instead of the hording of it. They move people from following us positionally to following us relationally. This is servant leadership at its best.”

regardless of my title, i have to ask myself “what’s my position?” am i serving god and others in the best possible way now? or do i feel like a leadership role before i can lead?

=====

(if you’ve enjoyed this series, you must get the book “deadly viper character assassins.” seriously. now.)

i have to be honest. when i got to the assassin of amped emotions chapter, i thought, “ah…finally, something that doesn’t apply to me.”

except for some very fleeting moments, i am a very calm person. i don’t throw tantrums. i hate yelling. i rarely get angry. i’m not much of a grudge holder and i am typically not a vengeful person.

and then i got through a couple more pages and read this:

DEAR FREAKING IDIOT!!!
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!???!! DO YOU HAVE A BRAIN!!?? I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!!! PUSH ME AGAIN, YOU SCUM SUCKING PENCIL-NECKED GEEK, AND I WILL MAKE YOU PAY!!!!!

i don’t know how mike and jud hacked into my email account and found that email, but oh boy, am i embarrassed!!

there have been times where i have sent that email. there have been times when i have posted that comment on a blog when i disagreed with someone. i have used the ALL CAPS and the !!??!! many times before.

and as the book says, it’s usually over really tiny things that don’t matter.

there was a time, just a few months ago, when i read an email that i wasn’t supposed to. i wasn’t snooping around or anything; it just got sent to me on accident. and there was a very snippy remark in it, which i assumed was about me.

i was FIRED UP. livid. super, duper annoyed and just flat-out ticked at the people who were involved in the conversation.

i wrote one of those kinds of emails and right before hitting that send button my boss came in my office.

he instantly knew something was off (as i mentioned earlier – i really don’t get visibly upset) and we talked (meaning: i vented) about the situation. i (proudly) read him my response to their supposed immaturity and he said,

“you probably shouldn’t send that.”

he was right.

that’s when it really hit me: i can let my emotions get the best of me.

i closed out the email and spent a lot of time thinking about the entire situation. even if my response seemed justifiable (there’s that word again)…i was lacking SERIOUS humility.

a week later, i got the word “grace” tattooed inside my right wrist. a little drastic, perhaps, but it is now a constant reminder of the grace i have received and the grace i need to give.

it’s also really hard to flip someone off in dallas traffic when you see the word “grace” as your hand’s flying up to shoot them the bird.

anger, jealousy, bitterness – they can all get the best of us. this assassin moves quickly and wrecks our common sense.

deep breath. deep, deep breath.

there you go.

breathe.

i got a copy of my friend mike foster’s and jud wilhite’s new book, deadly viper character assassins. something i have always appreciated about mike is his cut-and-dry honesty, and the deadly viper book is no exception of that trait. over the next few days, i’ll be hitting briefly on some of the things that stood out to me personally in this book (aside from its amazing design and layout).

today, i want to talk about the assassin of character creep. in summary, character creep is the killer who knocks us out in the small details of our life.

it’s the temptation to not claim all my contract work on my taxes because i know not everyone who hired me is reporting me to the IRS. it’s the temptation to blame traffic when i’m late for work when in actuality, i didn’t want to pull away from watching maroon 5 on the today show. it’s the temptation to justify why i am really watching maroon 5 on the today show (it wasn’t just the music…)

these have been some of my real, honest-to-god temptations.

a million little thoughts like this have always crossed my mind, and have probably always crossed yours too. we are always looking for the small ways to justify little missteps. when we’re searching for ways to find justification, chances are we probably shouldn’t be doing whatever it is that needs to be justified to begin with.

one of my favorite lines from this chapter is,

“we must acknowledge whether we are cutting corners and identify where we are vulnerable. when the pressure comes, will we be able to stand the force, or will our hull be compromised?”

it’s the little things. the little things nobody will ever know about.

we think we’re safe.

we think we’ll never be found out.

but the truth is when we make these little compromises, we’ve just been taken down by the assassin of character creep.

get dirty:
where are some of the areas in which you are tempted to fudge the details? your turn. spill it.

evidently, i have been keeping a really big secret from you guys.

my name is not anne jackson.

i don’t live in texas.

and i work in a tattoo parlor.

this blog uncovers my true identity.

and now you know.

 

 

yeah. i’m totally kidding.

but my friend sent me this story.

Pittsburgh-

(AP) Change for a million?

That’s what a man was seeking Saturday when he handed a $1 million bill to a cashier at a Pittsburgh supermarket. But when the Giant Eagle employee refused and a manager confiscated the bogus bill, the man flew into a rage, police said.

The man slammed an electronic funds-transfer machine into the counter and reached for a scanner gun, police said.

Police arrested the man, who was not carrying identification and has refused to give his name to authorities. He is being held in the Allegheny County Jail.

Since 1969, the $100 bill is the largest note in circulation.

Police believe the $1 million note seized at the supermarket may have originated at a Dallas-based ministry. Last year, the ministry distributed thousands of religious pamphlets with a picture of President Grover Cleveland on a $1 million bill.

i am almost 28. long gone are the days where staying up until 3 am, waking up at 7 am, and working productively were no big thing. last night i stayed up until almost 1. i could barely drag myself out of bed by 7:30…

but today will be good. i love fridays because i get a day’s head start for next week. so when i come in on monday, i’m not suddenly overwhelmed with the week ahead. tonight is date night. and tomorrow, i head out to decatur, alabama. i have to tie up a few loose ends on my message but i am really excited about getting to teach this sunday. it will also be my first time speaking in a movie theatre church so i think that whole experience will be awesome.

i covet your prayers. the messy-ness of this week’s news hasn’t really affected my focus for the weekend much. if anything, you have inspired me to keep on going, keep on trusting. this is totally in god’s hands and being distracted isn’t going to do me – or anyone – a lick of good.

anyway, on the getting old thing, that makes me curious – how old are you?
don’t be shy…