about every three to four months, i run solid. 110%. i am an unstoppable force. and do not dare stand in my way. my close friends, and newest officemate andrew can attest solidly to that portrait. i think i need to be the heroine that saves all…
and at the end of those three to four months, i crash. i hit a wall. hard. physically, i can’t sleep, eat, my heart starts doing these weird fluttering beats and the thought of even moving the clothes from the washer to the dryer is overwhelming.
i hit that wall over this past weekend. working carefully and diligently on a side project, i convinced myself my work was too important to let something physical hinder my ability to tackle the task at hand. which only threw me harder and harder into the wall.
[if one were to visualize this, one must also visualize the outline of a 5’6″ medium framed female impressed into such a wall.]
i arrived at work tense monday, fluttery and wanting to hide under my desk. noting something off-kilter, our lovely department admin michele comes in with some encouraging words:
go home.
that is all it took. i finished a few things and went home at 10 am.
i was forced to rest.
and i did.
and i hated it.
it is so difficult for me to relax (sans medication). anyone else have this problem?
Comments
15 responses to “heroin[e]”
Dittos.
I think creative pros all work this way…at least the good ones;-)
I must not be a good one (creative pro) because I have little problem taking breaks. They’re usually small and scattered – visiting a friendly blog and leaving a comment for example – but numerous. I’m not sure I have it in me to run until I crash. There are days I (and probably my employer) wish I did, but everything usually gets done, done well and done on time.
I’d say that relaxing comes more naturally to some, but it can definitely be learned. Let me know if you’d like to receive my free ebook, 101 Ways to Relax at Work and Not Get Caught.
I can totally relate! I’m in a workful bliss during that time where I’m just nailing out solutions and fixing problems and such. And then every so often I just hit a wall just as you described, and it is so frustrating because if I continue on to work (at least for me) I usually make the problem worse or screw up something that I carefully planned out.
The only way to get passed it is to take some “downtime” and well…I don’t like doing that.
I need something to do.
Try a coloring book! Keeps your hands moving, its slow to the eyes(as opposed to computer screen), you have to sit down to do it. Creativity without the stress. Unless of course a small child tries to color on your page. Then the whole day is shot.
Ah, I resemble much of what you wrote. I’m sidelined with a mysterious arm injury. You can bet the MRI will slow me down tomorrow. I think God is sending me a plethora of slow-down hints.
My wall wasn’t recurring, it was just there all day every day. I hit it sometime during college. I couldn’t sleep more than five or six hours a night for a stretch of two years.
But, that was due to a bunch of other health and anxiety issues working together… a homeopath and a chiropractor have fixed me up now. Even though the anxiety/stress issues had been dealt with, and I’d “given it to God” and all that Christianese, my body was too used to operating on blasted anxiety. It was kinda like withdrawal that didn’t go away.
Though poorer (WHY must homeopathy be so expensive??), I’m in a much, much healthier place now.
i hit the wall in October. somehow i have to stop operating that way. i find when i have hit that wall that there are a lot of pieces to pick up. by that point i begin to beat the crap out of myself emotionally. like i said i have got to learn to stop operating that way.
was that t.m.i.?
also regarding your last blog (conference and leadership),
my praise team is currently in a position where we have a leader who doesn’t lead. one by one we have dropped off. it is heart breaking to see gifted, passionate, devoted people quit, because they’re was no leader who desired to lead them. they want someone to follow, someone to encourage, inspire, direct, to see in them more, to bring them into something greater then themselves. Awesome worship and ministry happens when as a team you come together into something bigger than yourself(the fullness of God), and then you invite everyone else to join you.
and i hadn’t commented before, but yes, i’m praying for you.
I haven’t taken a vacation yet. Ever. Since I started working (after college) in 1996 or so.
I’m going to try next month… a week and half… no laptop.
(looking around nervously)
I can quit, anytime. My hands aren’t shaking. YOU’RE the one with the PROBLEM!
I relaxed once back in July 2002. It was boring and it made me tense. Relaxation = tension = grumpiness = everybody around me hating life. The solution? No relaxing. LOL
BTW, nice necklace in your pic! ;) I miss the blue one already…
Last spring out pastor and staff encouraged us to fast for a week. Not like a “no hershy bar fast”, a “no non work media, no caffine, no car radio, left alone with the random world that is my own thoughts” fast. It was horrifying. I had to confront stuff that was nicely disguised by busy-ness. Relaxing, for me, means I might be caught off gaurd by truths I really don’t care to deal with. They float to she surface like so many dead fish and I take my net of noise and shove ’em back down.
yes.
Rob Bell has a great series called “Master of the Art of Living”. I can’t get the link on the website to work, but here is the page:
http://www.marshill.org/teaching/series.php#
Anyway, one of the 15 parts of the series deals solely (soul-y?) with Sabbath and rest. It is a must hear. Helped me a ton and while I have my tendencies to overwork, I am moving towards balance.
r
me.
i have made a commitment to not take my mac home during weeknights. and you know what God did? he made my other computer at home stop working. so… i can’t do anything unless i take my mac home but i made a commitment not to. it’s a cruel circle.
grr.
all i can think about is this emotional welling i’m experiencing from link love.
i think you know how i fit into this conversation.
thank you for that. perfect timing.