today, as i do around the first part of every month, i send out invoices to my freelance clients. licking envelopes is not part of my daily routine. and every time i do lick one, i think of the seinfeld episode, “the invitations,” where susan dies from licking all those cheap envelopes.
Doctor: Excuse me , Are you the husband?
George: Well , not yet.. Fianc?.
Doctor: Well , I’m sorry…..She’s gone.
George: ………What’s that?…
Doctor: She expired.
George: …Are you sure?
Doctor: Yes , of course.
George: So…..She’s dead?
Doctor: Yes
George: …Huh!
Doctor: Let me ask you ; Had she been exposed to any kind of inexpensive glue?
George: …Why?
Doctor: We found traces of a certain toxic adhesive commonly found in very low priced envelopes.
George: Well she was sending out our wedding invitations.
Doctor: That’s probably what did it.
George: We were expecting about two hundred people…Well…Thank you , thank you.
Comments
17 responses to “envelopeaphobia”
so you use better glue, right?
i hope so.
that episode made me cry.
i felt sort of bad, but i was never so happy when a television character died. just sort of bad, though. not entirely.
sorry Heidi Swedberg. no hard feelings.
Anne, I don’t want to add gas to the fires of fear…but this post makes me laugh and it reminds me of this guy I met once…he was a corporate designer so he toured different facilities all the time. One of his jobs was at a factory where they make the envelope glue and he said that he had never seen so many flies in his WHOLE LIFE. Apparently the vats that they mix the glue in are surrounded/filled with flies. So, I don’t think of death when I like an envelope, I like of tiny little fly legs;)
oops! typed and posted too quickly… the last phrase should have been…”So, I don’t think of death when I lick an envelope, I think of tiny little fly legs;)”
My wife told me about a story from one of her coworkers. A friend was licking an envelope and got a small cut on her tongue. It didn’t heal well, and after a while, it started to puff up. When she went to the doctor, they found that there had been roach eggs on the envelope and they had gotten in the cut and had either been growing or just caused infection (she said growing, but that’s just crazy)!
Totally grossed the lady out. They cut it out and removed the infection.
I wouldn’t believe it either. But it comes from a trustworthy source. :)
…not….feeling….well…….
Seinfeld references? We are going to be friends for life. =)
And so began the “Summer of George.” Foggy on the details, but I remember it included eating hunks of cheese…
There’s always the newer self stick envelopes?
jon: i’m pretty sure its an urban legend…. i definitely think you should trust your wife, but ya might wanna check up on that coworker! :)
Seinfield is hilarious! I like that episode, and I also think about it EVERY TIME :)
“She expired…”
“Are you sure?”
Comedy gold.
after reading everyone’s stories, i’d suggest getting a sponge, wetting it down and sealing the envelopes that way. now if you’ll excuse me, i need to go make sure there isn’t anything growing in my tongue.
Annie, I agree with John–invest in some self-sticking envelopes. Well worth the few extra pennies:)
Everything in life relates back to Seinfeld. Awesome show!