Anne Marie Miller

Category: Church

  • searching for my tribe

    i had lunch with a very good friend today and over the biggest chicken taco salad (ever, really), we discussed different aspects of our history with various churches and the search for community.

    during our talk, we compared some notes: we both have been in “forced” small groups, we both have had trust broken in extremely close relationships (who hasn’t?), but mainly we both wondered whether it was our own hang ups that stop us from getting in really authentic relationships, or if it was the way most churches today have small groups or fellowships structured, or perhaps a combination of the two?

    on the drive back, we went a little farther with the thoughts of true, raw relationships. we wondered if each one of us is part of a tribe. you know when you have that very rare connection with someone; it’s like you’ve known them for years. sometimes they live near you geographically, and sometimes they don’t. our train of questioning even went down to wondering if we should search for our tribe – like a lost soldier separated from his battalion, he tries desperately to locate them. he is a part of something – something beyond himself – intertwined with others…others he MUST rely on, who rely on him…for life.

    i realize the “christian walk” isn’t all about finding happiness and an easy road to easy relationships. that isn’t the focus here, but, i do believe personally, i am finally realizing that i do need a tribe…and somewhere out there, a tribe is needing me.

    i guess i’m just not sure what that looks like.


    your thoughts?

  • mmmm, beefy.

    chris told me about this church sign that he saw while driving around yesterday. i begged him to snap me a photo today.

    ummm……? i really don’t know what else to say about that.

    Beefy

    Anyone, anyone?

  • trust is not a four-letter word

    describe:

    trust is not a four-letter word.
    [at least, that is what i keep reminding myself]

    i think you know the place of which i speak.
    the small area
    [approximately the size of a quarter, i’d imagine]
    which rests in the center of your chest:
    between the cages of your ribs
    beneath the muscles and tissues
    of your heart and of your lungs

    this is the place we feel trust
    [or lack thereof]

    at its most intense times
    [when betrayal is fresh]
    the pain and discomfort
    radiate across our entire being

    the tension in the neck
    the pressure on your stomach
    nauseated
    [imagine the tire of a texas-sized truck
    running over your torso
    repeatedly; repeatedly]

    arms folded
    trying to protect the emotional;
    the spiritual;
    the mental;
    using physical means
    survival.

    logical redemption?

    with grace
    and time
    forgiveness chosen
    the once overwhelming
    sensation of suffocation
    retreats back into
    aforementioned quarter-sized area
    and quietly refrains
    from causing disturbances

    emerging and unsuspecting

    hibernation
    by definition
    conserves energy in
    those frigid winter months

    but once the warmth of the sun
    touches the air
    [touches my being]
    instead of spring
    the fear of feeling
    those things that have been
    felt before
    [crushing me before]
    [shredding me before]
    emerge

    questioning this new light
    [or this one? or this one?]
    is real; shining; radiating?

    perhaps another fluorescent clone
    which will project
    a washing out of my skin
    [grey
    lifeless?]

    i find myself
    staying…

    …buried

    still afraid
    and unable to find it.

    [to find trust]

    and as a poetic man
    expressed similarly
    i find truth in his art:

    remember the words
    of someone
    someone I used to know
    love everyone
    but keep them
    far from your soul.

  • can i get a witness?

    i have slowly been making my way through the nearly 500 page chuck colson book, being the body. yesterday, while battling a bit of a stomach bug and at the same time enjoy the amazing thunderstorm which was ripping through dallas, i sat down with mr. colson’s big green book (and a fat orange cat) and dove back in.

    the topic on this particular day was evangelism. my entire life, i have felt guilty for not being an evangelist. no, not your typical big haired, super-gunked eyelashes, put-me-on-tv-and-send-me-money kind of evangelist, but the one we are always taught to be in sunday school. the one who witnesses to her friends and shares the miraculous story of how she came to christ.

    for one reason, i don’t have some amazing conversion story. i was five years old. finally old enough to sit quietly in a church service with my mom and dad. they had an easter play on sunday, and i had questions. my dad led me to accept christ later that night (and tape recorded it secretly: something i’ll always treasure).

    the second reason is that i’m fairly introverted. especially around people with whom i’m not familiar. when i worked in student ministry, we did a beach evangelism trip. the sole purpose was to go out on beaches and witness to those we encountered. some of the high schoolers were great at it. honestly, i was a big fat chicken and spent most of my time chasing them down or encouraging them (oh, okay, really i spent most of the time sitting on the beach reading, okay? there, i said it.)

    but i still felt so guilty that i just couldn’t go out and witness.

    colson brings out an interesting point in his book; one that had never crossed my mind. whereas some people are given the spiritual gift of evangelism to witness (ephesians 4:11), regardless of your spiritual gifting, we are all called to be witnesses (acts 1:8).

    notice the verb changes? one is to witness. one is to be a witness.

    i am no bible scholar, and at best, i will define this exposition as simple theology, so please forgive any errors. however, i think it is important to note these differences as the line between witnessing and being a witness has seemingly been very cloudy, at least to me.

    the call for all belivers to be a witness is compelling. and how do we become witnesses? by loving. accepting. obeying. you may not be shouting from the rooftops or the street corners, but sometimes the adage silence speaks louder than words is true. as saint francis of assisi so directly stated, “preach the gospel at all times — if necessary, use words.”

  • long weekend

    This weekend is going to be long, and dare I say, relaxing? All I plan on doing is reading a few books and a tackling a little bit of freelance. Friday I was only in the office long enough to check my email. Today, I have no plans; tomorrow, no plans; and Monday, my family is coming over for a little memorial day cookout.

    I have 3.20 books I plan on completing this weekend. Have you read any of them?

    1) Finish “Being the Body” by Chuck Colson. I have about 80 pages left.

    2) “Confessions of a Pastor” by LifeChurch.tv Pastor Craig Groeschel. This book landed on my desk yesterday, courtesy of Terry Storch. [edit: done.]

    3) The Organic God by Margaret Feinberg. This book also landed on my desk yesterday, courtesy of my boss, Bill. She has spoken at some conferences he helps organize, and I get the privledge of meeting her in the fall.

    4) I Sold My Soul on eBay by Hemant Mehta. You can meet Hemant at FriendlyAtheist.com, but after skimming this book, Chris’ impression of it (and his actually conversing with Hemant some), I am really looking forward to reading an intelligent and respectful view from an atheist on the American Church.

    So, those are my plans…How are you spending your Memorial Day weekend?

  • weekend thought…help me understand

    there are several conferences going on this weekend for those of us who seem to live, eat and breathe church and leadership and creative stuff. i personally have sworn off conferences for the time being as i need to refocus where and how i get my information. but i was reading about some of the sessions at the daybreak conference (which i attended in 05) over at tim steven’s blog. pretty typical leadership conference bullet points, but this one kind of gave me that “alarmed” feeling in my spirit.

    i realize i am not there, and quite possibly some of you are, so maybe the reason i am misunderstanding this statement is because it’s a bullet point taken out of context. if that is the case and someone can explain this further to me, please do.

    but alone, i kind of find the content disturbing. tim noted:

    This morning at the Creative Infusion Conference at Daybreak, I enjoyed a breakout session on Creative Leadership by Terry Woychowski, and executive with General Motors. Some notable quotes…

    * The single most important element in your ministry is leadership. More important than worship, discipleship or missions. Because without good leadership–you can’t do any of that.

    you can read the rest of the list here

    i left a comment on his blog and said:

    Some good stuff on leadership, but my heart kind of screeches and shoots up a thousand red flags on #1.

    Maybe I am just being overly concerned with semantics but somehow I think obidience to and communion with Christ should replace the word “leadership” there.

    That is why so many pastors get themselves in trouble…leadership becomes their God.

    [[steps of soapbox]]

    what do you think? taking this at face value, do you agree or disagree with this statement? i lovingly encourage any thoughts and opinions. i know very well that maybe i just don’t get it…but it sounds really off-base to me.

    [[edit: as a result of a comment questioning the faith of Dr. Woychowski, his bio from the conference website reads:

    Dr. Woychowski has been active in civic and volunteer work. He developed and led the efforts of his community?s involvement in setting up refugee camps in Albania and Kosovo during the conflict in the Balkans, making three trips to the region during that crisis. He has served his community as a paramedic and is the lead elder at his church.

  • have you ever

    have you ever just had one of those seasons in your life where your spirit has a great expectancy of what god is doing in and around you? last week started that season for me. at least in my own eyes. i’m sure, no, i know god has been starting it for years. the more and more i look back, the more and more i can see how this step lead to this place, and this turned into this, and saying “yes” here meant this, which lead to this…

    it creates a stirring energy inside me. an eagerness i haven’t had for a long, long time.

    i have no idea what in the world is going on, or what all of my current circumstances, feelings, thoughts, hopes, and dreams will lead to, or when, or even why (except the obvious reason of all glory to thee)…even though i’m not physically going anywhere, i know spiritually and mentally i have jumped on a crazy ride.

    and i really covet your prayers. for discernment. creativity. inspiration. pure-heartedness. meekness. compassion. hope. faith. courage.

    you, although most of you i have never met – are a giant part of my life, my community, of showing god’s grace, passion, and love.

    will you join alongside me by praying for me specifically those things daily over the next month? (and i won’t stop you there, feel free to go longer).

    i would really appreciate it.

  • institution or movement?

    H R Niebuhr suggests the following contrasts between movements and institutions with regard to the church.

    INSTITUTION
    Conservative
    Passive and yielding to external influences
    Looks to the past
    Anxious
    Guards boundaries

    MOVEMENT
    Progressive
    Active, influencing rather than influenced
    Looks to the future
    Risk-taking
    Crosses boundaries

    what do you think?

    HT: My English-turned-Scottish friend, Geoffrey

  • but it’s for god. in bed.

    have you ever played the fortune cookie game where you pull out the little piece of paper, read it aloud to your fellow diners, and add the phrase “in bed” to whatever it is the fortune says?

    For example…“You will have great success in your journey…in bed.” Or…“Don’t give up! Follow your dreams…in bed.”

    Sophomoric, I know, but it can be pretty fun.

    During our trip to Kansas City, we got to spend some time with our friend Justin. Justin has spent the last 11 years leading worship at a few churches here in Kansas and in California. We talked about how when we do certain things in the church, we tend to add something similar to whatever it is we do.

    The phrase being “but it’s for God.”

    For example…“Yes, I spent 70 hours this week at the church getting ready for service. It was a sacrifice alright…but it’s for God.” Or…”This new building sure did cost a lot of money, and most of it we still don’t have…but it’s for God.”

    The word “but” is a word that justifies. It negates the preceding statement. The dictionary describes it as “But…[is a word] implying opposition (with a possible concession). But marks an opposition or contrast, in a casual way.”

    What do you think? Overanalytical semantics? Or when we say things like this, are we subconsciously trying to justify something that is either opposing or not confirmed as God’s plan (but, in a casual way, of course)?