Anne Marie Miller

Author: Anne Marie Miller

  • Unfinishedness

    People who know me well would call me a little bit compulsive.

    I take that as a compliment.

    I know everybody has their quirks, and one of mine just happens to be finishing things. I love making lists. I love marking things off lists. I’ll even put something on a list that I’ve completed just so I can mark it off. I can’t stand for the shower curtain to be open, the front door to be unlocked, or things to be crooked.

    Things must be finished.

    There is a Point A.

    There is a Point B.

    When life gets stuck between the two, I go a little bit crazy.

    Most of you probably read my first blog post about Haiti. You read my Point A.

    You read some of the in between.

    But even though I’ve been home for two weeks, I haven’t landed at Point B.

    I haven’t been able to sign off on the bottom of my trip and file it away in my “Life Experience” folder.

    It unfinished, and it’s driving me crazy.

    There are so many emotions to sort through, and some of them aren’t pretty.? There are emotions I don’t want to write about publicly on a blog because I don’t want to seem like a jackass…or vulnerable.

    …Like the anger I’m feeling toward the lack of relief happening on the ground.

    …The pride (fueled by frustration) I feel when I talk to someone who’s already moved on and forgotten about it since they wrote a check a month ago.

    …I fight back tears wondering how my friend Jean is, with his newborn baby and family of nine. Did they find adequate shelter before it rained? Are they safe?

    …I feel guilty knowing how much my cat’s food costs and how that could feed a family for a week in Haiti.

    …I feel confused because I wonder how the Haitians can have so much strength, hope and determination when they have been ignored for so long, and are still being ignored by most. Why do I get pissed just because my prescription medicine isn’t ready when they said it would be?

    I’ve done everything I can to complete my “process.” I’ve gone for long drives with good music. I’ve taken naps (I promise — sleep helps me process!). I’ve exercised. I’ve stared out my window in my living room at the big trees in my backyard. I’ve prayed. I’ve read. I’ve talked to friends. I’ve talked to strangers.

    And yet I remain stuck, somewhere between my heart and my head and Haiti.

    This experience, for me, is unfinished.

    That is the only conclusion I can make after two weeks of trying to figure it all out. As I spoke to my friend today about this predicament, I can’t help but wonder if it’s supposed to be unfinished.

    Maybe Haiti isn’t an experience I can file away like I have other trips. Maybe the stories don’t just become stories I share about in a book or on a stage or on a blog, but they are stories that actually shift my DNA. Maybe God’s slowly rewiring me, bringing me in alignment with his heart for the poor.

    Which by all means, I thought I had already figured out. People pay me to talk about God’s heart for the poor. That qualifies me as an expert, right?

    (Just goes to show…)

    I leave you with no grandiose words of enlightenment.

    No resolution.

    Only this verse, that I was reminded of today by a sign at an old Presbyterian church by my house.

    “Return to me with all your heart…” (Joel 2:12)

    I’m not sure what the next step looks like — to return to God with all my heart. I didn’t know I had gone off track, and you know what? Maybe I haven’t. Maybe it’s the “all your heart” part that I need to keep in mind.

    There’s something about connecting to the forgotten, the oppressed, and the overlooked that connects us to the very heart of God. Jesus talks about it in Matthew 25.

    May we not forget Haiti and in that, not stray far from our Father’s heart. May we be generous with the money we send, but realize our hands and feet are needed on the ground as well. May we not become fatigued and apathetic because the need is so great, fully knowing we serve a God who is more than capable to do so much through us.

    And may we return to God with every part of our hearts…not just the easy pieces we can understand or logically process. May we let the tension and the uncomfortable sense of being overwhelmed take us over, so that we can see redemption in it’s purest light. May we realize we are all poor and we are all in need of rescue.

    —

    PS: (EDIT: This trip has been postponed…I’ll still be going back. Just not next week.)

    An interesting twist to this story has emerged. As I was in the middle of writing this post, I was asked to return to Haiti next week for a few days. (More on that next week.)

    At first, I said yes, hoping that it would provide the resolution I need.

    Instead, I’m going fully knowing that the story will likely become even more unraveled, and less complete, and hopefully that will guide me – and all my heart – more closely to the heart of God.

    As unfinished as it may remain, I’m going to try to be okay with that.

  • Want to Write Timeless Content?

    “What goes in must come out.”

    That adage is something I always heard growing up, especially from my parents when I would read R.L. Stine books as a kid.

    And they were right.

    When I was ten years old, I wrote my first “book,” which was about 80 pages long in a spiral bound notebook.

    It was about a girl who, after a basketball game, went to a convenience store and drank a sports drink that was poisoned. In order for her to not be harmed by the poison, she had to give it to other people, poisoning them.

    She started by poisoning her younger brother.

    Somehow, one of my parents must have found my “book” and out of concern for my younger brother’s life, quietly removed it from our wholesome Christian home.

    And I started therapy.

    I really didn’t start therapy then, but I’ve always remembered that the things I soak my remaining brain cells in will show in other areas of my life.

    A few weeks ago, I shared that I would have an opportunity to thank a former teacher in my life for the influence he had. I didn’t mention this in the earlier post, but he’s one of three people I dedicated Permission to Speak Freely to, as he taught me how to write from my heart.

    He’s now a brilliant teacher at a prestigious academy in Pennsylvania, and last Monday, I got to spend some time with him (see, here’s a picture of us), hanging out in his English classes and clearing cobwebs that have been forming in my head since I was a junior in High School.

    Most of us have read some of the “classics” in our high school or college days. Melville. Twain. Hemmingway. Homer. Salinger. (Etc., Etc., Etc.)

    If you’re anything like I am, I left those books behind with my prom dress.

    After spending time in Mr. Bennett’s classes, listening to sixteen year olds discuss the greatest line in American literature (?All right then, I’ll go to hell? – Huck Finn) I began thinking, “These kids understand classic literature more than I do,” and as the visiting “professional” author, felt entirely like a poser.

    “Have you read this?”

    “Ummm…once in seventh grade.”

    “Do you remember the line about…”

    “Never read that one.”

    “Last year, when you guys read…”

    “Crap.”

    In the midst of jokes about Hemmingway and my feelings of inadequacy, I made a decision.

    If I want to write timeless content, I should probably read timeless content.

    Because what goes in must come out.

    Before I wrote Mad Church Disease, I had spent my “ministry” years reading “ministry” books and lo and behold, produced a “ministry” book of my very own.

    With Permission to Speak Freely, I had ventured more into memoirs, essay collections, poetry, and spiritually contemplative books and I think it’s fair to say the tone of PTSF reflects that.

    The goal of any writer is to become a better version of themselves (and not give into the temptation to be the next Anne Lamott, Donald Miller, David Sedaris, or Elizabeth Gilbert).

    As writers, we should hone in to cultivate our own voice and make it the best it can be.

    That only happens with time.

    What can we do with our time to develop ourselves into timeless writers?

    We have to nurture our creative spirits, and that looks different for each of us. But within that universal pursuit, find authors who have proven themselves as staples, not trends, that speak to you. Find poets who connect with your soul on a level brief metaphors can speak to. Find music that causes your mind to journey into abstract places. Find places in nature where time stops and the colors, the smells, and the sounds pour into you, because you are a piece of nature yourself.

    And write…

    Workshops are good (I guess, I’ve never actually been to a writing workshop), and how-to books can be beneficial. I own my fair share of them.

    But remember, practicality is rarely a pathway to creating art.

    Most art isn’t practical.

    If it was, it probably wouldn’t move us in the way that art often does.

    —–

  • Don’t Wait for the Government to Help

    Last weekend, I had the opportunity to share about Compassion International at a church in Virginia. The Sunday I spoke was just three days after I returned from Haiti. One of the things I shared was about how we can’t wait for the government to help Haiti. We have to help now.

    When we were there, the relief effort we saw happening was minimum. I can count on one — maybe two — hands how many relief trucks we saw.

    And I can count on one finger how many UN food lines we encountered.

    Please don’t misunderstand me. I realize there is relief work happening in Haiti. And yes, even some via various government agencies.

    However, I can tell you from my firsthand (yet admittedly unprofessional) experience the most efficient way aid is getting to the people who need it the most is through organizations that don’t have to work their way through the mysterious and convoluted bureaucracy that’s at the airport, where aid is being delegated.

    That is where Compassion International comes in. If you’ve been around my blog any given length you’ll know my heart beats for the mission of Compassion.

    Because Compassion was on the ground, assisting children, families, and communities through local churches in Haiti before the earthquake happened, they already have the infrastructure in place that guarantees the money that is being donated is going directly where it needs to go, without it taking a long detour around various government and non-government organizations.

    It goes from your wallet, to their headquarters in Colorado Springs, to their national office in Haiti, where it is then distributed through a time-tested and culturally proven system to help release children from poverty.

    Why am I pushing this now?

    Because there is an amazing event called Help Haiti Live in Nashville tonight (Saturday, February 27) benefiting Compassion’s work in Haiti. It’s at 7:30 pm CST and if you can make it, you can still get tickets for the actual concert.

    If you can’t make it, you can watch it online for free here.

    Yes, watch it online for free.

    But be generous in your donation.

    Be confident with it also. Because I can personally assure you that it won’t get tied up in red tape.

    We can’t wait for the government to fix Haiti. We can’t wait for the millions of dollars of supplies to reach people who haven’t eaten for a month and a half. We are charged both Scripturally (and morally, if you don’t subscribe to a Christian faith) to care for mankind.

    Don’t wait.

    I’ve seen it with my own eyes and touched it with my own two hands.

    Haiti can’t afford for you to not step up now.

  • Surrounded by Testosterone

    I realize the blog has been quiet lately.

    This is partially due to the fact that after I returned from Haiti, I hopped a plane to the DC area for a few days.

    It’s also partially due to the fact that upon landing in Nashville on Tuesday, I was punched in the face with a pretty rotten cold, and have spent the last two days on my couch in my pajamas watching a pile of Redbox movies and surrounding myself with piles of Kleenex.

    As I was cleaning out my Google Reader, I came across this post by my friend Marko, who was in Haiti with me.

    Because of the intensity we experienced in Haiti, we found opportunities to release some of the tension by, well…I’ll let you watch this video of Adam as he guarded the groceries we had purchased for Camp Marassa.

    Please do not eat or drink anything as you watch the following video.

    YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

    This is what happens when you are the only girl on an international trip with a bunch of youth guys.

    And I wouldn’t change it for the world. :)

    (Click here if you don’t see the embedded video.)

  • A Day of Rest

    As we spin with the world
    Rotating among
    The stars and particles
    Swirling around us
    Tides ebbing and flowing
    The moon and the sun rising
    We must command
    Ourselves
    To simply stop.
    To simply be.

    (Breathe in the air
    Not polluted by hurry
    And breathe out the spirit
    Of mercy and peace)

  • Guest Post by Renee Johnson: Devotional Diva

    I had the pleasure of being introduced to Anne Jackson through a ministry partner and friend, Eric Bryant. He told me that we have a lot in common and that I have to look up this chick, @FlowerDust!

    It wasn?t until six months later did I come to learn Anne?s incredible value in my life.

    I struggle with acute anxiety, and it had been five years since my last burnout. Anne?s book ?Mad Church Disease? and her article in Outreach Magazine encouraged me to keep going. I kept all of her encouraging emails to me through my transition from working at Outreach Events to full time speaker & writer.

    Why the long intro?

    Because I believe there are hurting people everywhere (not just Haiti). Jesus said in Matthew 9:12 that the healthy don?t need a doctor. Sick people do!

    I write devotionals because I myself have suffered. Fourteen years ago my mom gave me a One-Year Bible when I was in the hospital with severe eczema and told me to read it. Every day I grew closer to the father heart of God. I journaled. Cried and sobbed and threw fits. If a God who loved me allowed me to suffer-then there He must be able to exercise divine providence.

    I?ve kept my word to follow Him daily and my book, ?Faithbook of Jesus? is a direct result of my daily time with Him. “Faithbook of Jesus” is the only daily devotional on the market written by a 20-somethings (me) for young people. I’ve surveyed over 300 young adults, ages 18-35 and quoted them in my book to match the day’s verse/devotional.

    And if that weren’t enough, my story should inspire you because I was discovered on Twitter by my agent and publisher.

    I hope my story inspires hope. Hope for a future because God does what he says will do.

    Keep living.

    Keep reading and follow Him daily!

    That is my prayer!

    —

    Disclosure of Material Connection: This is a ?sponsored post.? The company or identity who sponsored it compensated me via a cash payment, gift, or something else of value to write it. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission?s 16 CFR, Part 255: ?Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.?

  • Just Imagine

    Imagine what it’s like to walk down to the river that’s a few miles from your house.

    With a 20 gallon bucket, you let the water slowly spill in, filling it to the top. Lifting the bucket over your shoulder, you carry it back home.

    This is your water supply for the next day. You’ll use it to cook and clean and bathe and drink.

    You know it may make you sick — it has before, and every time you have a sip is like rolling the dice.

    But you also know you need water.

    Your baby needs water. He’s getting dehydrated because he has diarrhea. You question yourself.

    “Is it making it better…or worse?” as you look over at him. He lays quietly on a blanket inside your home. You can see the goose flesh run up and down his warm skin. He has a fever again.

    —

    Yesterday, we raised over $5800 for clean water.

    $1 provides 1 African clean water for a year. So, if you used that statistic, we’ve provided clean water for over 5800 Africans for a year.

    Next year, on my 31st birthday, we’ll do the same, to ensure this necessity doesn’t go away.

    5800 people with clean water.

    Some, maybe for the first time.

    Lifesaving, life giving, clean water.

    Water without hesitation — without risk.

    —

    Thank you guys for your sacrifice. It’s never too late to give.

  • THANK YOU!!!

    WOW!

    What can I say?

    YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!

    In just a few hours almost 100 people donated a total of $5395 which provides 5395 people with clean water for a year!

    We actually surpassed the goal at exactly 2:19 pm…which is the EXACT time that I was born! (2:19 on 2/19. Kinda freaky!)

    I AM BLOWN AWAY!

    Even though we’ve hit – nay, exceeded – our goal of $5000, let’s not stop!

    You can click here to donate and remember, 100% of your donation is tax deductible and goes to support Blood:Water Mission!

    **(Also, as of 2:40 pm CST, all 75 books have been given away to the donors who donated $50+…thank you so much!)

  • My 30th Birthday Challenge – How You Can Get a Free Copy of My New Book!

    **(Also, as of 2:40 pm CST, all 75 books have been given away to the donors who donated $50+…thank you so much!)

    —

    Update: 7:50 am CST
    $1780 donated is providing 1780 Africans with clean water for a year!
    Only 25 books remain!
    $3220 left to reach our goal!

    Update: 9:15 am CST
    $2550 donated is providing 2550 Africans with clean water for a year!
    I just added 25 more books, so there are now 37 books left if you donate $50 or more.
    $2450 left to reach our goal!

    Update: 10:30 am CST
    $3260 donated is providing 3260 Africans with clean water for a year!
    Only 30 books remain (for a donation of $50 or more).
    $1740 left to reach our goal!

    Update: 12 pm CST
    $3900 donated is providing 3900 Africans with clean water for a year!
    Only 21 books remain (for a donation of $50 or more).
    $1100 left to reach our goal!

    Update: 1:30 pm CST
    $4550 donated is providing 4550 Africans with clean water for a year!
    Only 11 books remain (for a donation of $50 or more).
    $450 left to reach our goal!

    Update: 2:30 pm CST
    $5245 donated is providing 5245 Africans with clean water for a year!
    Only 4 books remain (for a donation of $50 or more).
    $0 left to reach our goal–but let’s keep this going!

    —–

    Friday, February 19, 2010, I turn THIRTY stinking years old.

    THIRTY.

    I’m pretty excited about it…I think.

    Anyway…

    To celebrate, I would LOVE to raise $5000 for Blood:Water Mission through my Ride:Well Tour (the 3100 mile cycling tour I’m doing in June and July) fundraising.

    Two nifty things:

    The first nifty thing is this:

    Since a few generous friends have already donated to my bike ride and I’ve met that goal – 100% of the donations will go toward the check we write to Blood:Water at the end of the trip. So, whatever you donate today is going straight to Blood:Water Mission!

    Can you donate $30 for my 30th birthday? If we can find 167 people to donate just $30 each, we’ll hit the goal. (I’d personally like to blow the pants off it.)

    The second nifty thing is this:

    The first fifty 75 people who donate $50 or more will receive a free copy of my new book Permission to Speak Freely before anyone else does. The book will be autographed (I can find someone actually famous to sign it if you’d like).

    —

    This little challenge is for TODAY only – February 19th – so please tell your friends and drop $30 before midnight on February 20, 2010! 100% of your donation is tax deductible.

    Your $30 buys 30 Africans clean water for a year.

    That means if we reach the goal of $5000, we are providing FIVE THOUSAND AFRICANS with clean water for a year!!!!!

    And that is the best 30th birthday gift I could ever ask for!

    To donate (in any amount), click here.

    I’ll update Twitter through the day with the totals, and post the final total back on the blog on Saturday.

    —