Dear reader,
I don’t know who you are. But you found this blog because you Googled something that asked something about how to find help because you’re going through a divorce. Or you’re looking for ways to help a friend (sister, brother, parent, co-worker) who’s going through a divorce. All I know is that in the last thirty months or so, there are 34,000 of you that have found your way to this website because you did a web search using the word “divorce” and a divorce is one of the most broken, painful things one can experience.
Each day when I log in to my blog, I don’t bother looking at how people got here anymore; it’s always the same. It looks like this.
You see, a few years ago when I wrote at another blog, things like “Anne Jackson author” or “Anne Jackson speaking schedule” or “Anne Jackson books” would bring people to my website. I never once thought anything having to do with divorce would lead you here.
But in 2010, I faced my own crisis. A divorce. It was never supposed to happen to me. If you click around enough on this website, you’ll see a journey of grief and healing. Of pain and hope.
There may be a little advice. But I’m afraid I have little to offer you.
Divorce is hell; it’s a million fires and a black hole and anguish and fear. It’s empty and all you know is it’s not the way it was supposed to be.
I’m sorry that you’re there. I’m sorry someone you love is there. Divorce leaves you broken and in my own I realized that broken was the only place where I gave God room to come in.
I guess if you’re here and looking for an answer or a glimmer of light or a breath of air as you search the internet for some way to possibly hurt less, that would be it.
Be broken, give God room to come in.
And I’m sorry. I’m so terribly sorry.
Much love,
Anne
Comments
14 responses to “The 34,000 Divorces”
He’s redeeming the pain, the heartache, the sorrow, one Google search at a time, my friend …
He is, and you are, a wounded healer.
Hmmm your words hit deeply. Thank you…
Agreed…it is horrible and beauty can come out of it.
Beautifully said, Elizabeth. Thank you!
Hey Anne. We’ve met once or twice when you were staying at Mike and Gail’s. I’m Gail’s niece…don’t know if you remember me. Anyway, there is a LONG story to what has led up to this point, but my husband told me this weekend that he is going forward with a divorce. This just sucks…it definitely is not God’s design. Thanks for being vulnerable, so I can know I’m not alone.
Kim, I will never forget lunch with you in PDX. I am so sorry to hear this :(. We are heading to Nash soon and maybe our paths will cross at some point…a coffee is due. Lots of love.
I guess I’m another one who stumbled across you and your writing after having the D-bomb dropped on them last year. It’s crap. There’s no other word for it. Well, there are actually but not ones that a repeatable in such hallowed company.
Thanks Anne for your refreshing honesty and your gift with words.Though Iit may not seem like it to you in some days, you do bring hope and encouragement to others.
Kia kaha
Thank you for all your encouraging thoughts!!!
Still praying for you, girl!
Gotta make it #prayforAm! (: thanks joe!
I was one of those 34,000. Found you. Was broken. And like you, it gave space for God to come in. Still a process, yes, but when you hear others walking through the same pain turned hope, it is encouraging!
I am glad you came here and am praying for your hope journey!
Anne, as I think you know, I too went through a very painful divorce some years ago. So if it’s ok, I’ll address these comments mostly to any other readers who may see them.
How did it feel? As if I’d fallen off a skyscraper and, emotionally, broken every bone in my body – but somehow, barely, survived. My emotions swung wildly. I couldn’t control them. At work I was on autopilot – and can’t imagine yet why I wasn’t fired.
My pastor took me to lunch and told me “Don’t ever feel as if you’re any less worthwhile a person.” My mind knew it was excellent advice. But my emotions still wouldn’t listen.
Thankfully, early on I found that, though my church was against divorce, it “loved its neighbor” – me – MORE than it hated divorce. I’m still grateful for that church. I finally found that God did still love me, and that he is a God of second chances.
I found, in my Bible reading, that though Paul was against divorce, he also sometimes allowed it. He was compassionate toward the divorced, saying that God wanted his children to “live in peace and harmony (1 Cor 7: 12-17). And, eventually, God did give me several special, very wonderful experiences that I still believe he did in order to help “make up” for all that pain. I pray he’ll do that for each of you too.
Healing was slow. Meeting another person who loved me (my second wife, Yvonne, who came into my life 3 years later) was a key to that healing. But even then it was several more years before I could claim to be fully healed.
Later, in a similarly painful experience – when nearly all of the defense plant where I worked (including me) was laid off, and there was just NO other work, I noticed that my fellow workers kept telling me “keep your chin up.” At church, my friends told me “keep your eyes up.” And I found, both times, that when I did lift up my eyes (to God), my chin came right along with it!
Anne, I agree with your advice. Even when we’re broken, God wants to come in. And, even if slowly, he will heal us.
Blessings.
I want to commend you on your great reurcose for parents and kids going through divorce. Divorce is a very difficult process to go through for everyone involved. As your website points out, helping children through a divorce is the most important aspect. Your kids will need help to get through this stage and onto the rest of their lives. Thanks for your great reurcose.