Several months ago, Leadership Network and Catalyst did an online event called “The Nines” where they asked 70+ leaders to make a quick video focusing on one message they had for other leaders.
I felt the pressure to perform and planned up a fancy talk that would wow and amaze the thousands watching.
However, something happened when I woke up to tape my talk. It was this gut feeling that I should just roll out of bed and talk about something I’m wrestling with: finding my identity in the way I want to be perceived, my platform, knowledge, etc., and not who I am in Christ.
(You can watch that video here if you’d like).
The point of this is, how I am perceived is still a huge problem for me. I hire people to take professional pictures of me. I want my hair to look good. I want how I look to be memorable because in a deep, dark part of my heart, there’s a part of me that wants to be affirmed and famous.
I hate that part of my heart, but it’s there. I hate it. I fight it. I hate it.
Because of the response the Nines video received, I decided to do a spin off of it and made a video of me going from made up to to made down. Pulled the hair back, took all the make up off.
My face is bare.
Red, and blotchy.
No fun eyeshadow.
The circles under my eyes are begging to be stared at.
For men, I understand it may be different. One guy wrote in saying he shaved his beard after watching the first video because he was using that as a mask. For women, we do put a lot of time and energy into our appearance, and please hear me — that’s not a bad thing!
It’s when it becomes our focus, when we use that as a mask to pretend to be somebody we’re not or because we want to be perceived as something else, that’s when it becomes an issue.
I hope that in some way, you’ll also be inspired to lose the mask. Whether it’s with how you look, how you act, or how you want to be perceived. A 30 second video isn’t the magic pill that fixes my heart, but it’s a step to letting down my guard and exposing my heart — the good and the bad — to at least this tiny part of the Internets.
Have a great weekend.
Comments
62 responses to “Exposing Everything on My Blog”
the people that matter will be looking ‘into’ your eyes and for the most part won’t notice your makeup or lack thereof
thanks for being vulnerable
Still a huge issue for me. And when I started performing, it became an even bigger issue – all of a sudden, I “needed” different clothes to perform in, had to spend more time getting my hair done … and I feel the pressure to get more made up than necessary – just to take my kids to school. It’s exhausting. Don’t get me wrong – this once tomboy likes playing dress-up and I agree there’s nothing wrong with wanting to look your “best,” but when it gets in the way of everything else, it’s sin. Also, I find it’s now a faster trip to self-loathing when I don’t look or feel great – all because I’ve chosen to focus on that area too much. The ironic part is that I sing about being beautiful and loved by God – and that no one can take that away, but I stand up there on stage in fancy clothes and lots of makeup while I sing it.
Amazing how we recognize ourselves when we hear/read someone else expressing our thoughts.
Thank-you for having the courage to post this. Your beauty lies far deeper than your skin.
I can only imagine the guts that this took.
Lead the way Anne….I where mask all the time, usually it involves hiding behind a computer.
Anne you are beautiful and inspiring. Thank you.
If this is out of line, forgive me…but I think you look better without all the makeup and things on.
Your inner beauty shines through whatever you have for an outside package.
.-= Jason?s last blog ..Satan, Sara Evans and temptation =-.
Love your transparency, Anne! I was inspired to pray for you on my drive to work this morning, and then when I arrived, read your blog entry and saw the video. Not sure what that all means, but I wanted you to know that you have touched my heart. By the way, “inspired to pray for you” sounds so holy and wonderful … but it’s not such a regular thing for me. Figured if God was leading, I better follow!
Anne — I completely get this. I have the same issues. I angst over what to wear, what my hair looks like, my nails, etc. oh and my weight… that’s a big one… pun intended.
God didn’t call me because I LOOK a certain way or because I wear a cute jacket or have snazzy highlights in my hair. He called me because He desires to do a WORK in my life. A WORK! HE calls me into a relationship with Him and often times that is the LEAST of my worries.
Thanks for making me think.
.-= Mary R Snyder?s last blog ..52 NEW Things in 2010 =-.
Love your transparency and the purpose behind it. You speak to a lot of people through your struggles. If you weren’t willing to lay it all out, some would never hear or understand. Thanks!
Way to rock the blogging advice you gave the other day. The way you described yourself in the post, though, I thought I was going to see some monster emerge at the end. Alas, no monster movie. :>)
-Marshall Jones Jr.
.-= bondChristian?s last blog ..The (bond) beginner’s introduction to two crazy-important themes =-.
Thanks for all of the encouragement. I’ve had this idea in the tank for a while (months) and decided now was the time to post it for whatever reason.
Much love.
Thank you for being vulnerable and challenging me to examine what my own mask is. Your honesty and vulnerability only makes His image that much greater. Keep on sister!
That’s an awesome video. And people tend to be their own biggest critics. Especially women when it comes to their looks. You know, it’s kind of weird that men supposedly put such a high premium on looks, but when his wife is staring at three outfits for an hour, trying to get her look “just right,” he really couldn’t care less how she dresses or does her hair. He’s saying it all looks good, so let’s go already!
You could start a new blog series: “bloggers without makeup.”
.-= Matt @ The Church of No People?s last blog ..Guest Blogging on Stuff Christians Like Today =-.
YOU ROCK! I laud you for not just being counter-culture, but for making a spiritual throw-down for us gals, young & old!
“GEN 1:27 So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and *female* he created them.”
I want to point out that, it is easy to think in physical terms here, but…God is not physical, He is spiritual…if we are created in His image, then…
Anne, you are a bearer of God’s image as a woman (female), your heart, longings, desires, emotions, the *spirit* of who you are. Not physically, *Spiritually*.
Thus… You are Beautiful.
.-= Rocco?s last blog ..Rain… =-.
Anne – mmm … looks like we were both writing about wearing masks at the same time …
What’s God trying to say to all of us?
.-= Linda Stoll?s last blog ..Masquerade Party =-.
The thing is, you are absolutely beautiful, just the way you are… with makeup, without, hair done, or not, snapshot, or pro-shoot… you stumble, you fall, you get back up, you dust yourself off, you keep going, you share, you’re REAL. There’s nothing more beautiful than “real”. Brave AND beautiful. What a sweet combination!
To me, this post is a reminder of how important it is to see others through the eyes of Jesus — because if we all did this, less of us would worry about these issues. He sees us with love, He sees us as His Father’s masterpiece. Imagine what the world would be like if we all saw each other as God’s children, with love, seeing the beautiful masterpiece? It’s not that hard to do.
Wow. This caught me completely off guard and hit me hard, deeply and painfully, right at the heart of where I live.
I’m not an author, writer, or speaker, and I’m pretty sure only about 11 people in the world read my blog, but in every area of my life i feel this immense pressure to perform. To be…cool…or thin…or funny, or pretty, or a good mom, or a good wife, a good missionary…
I am none of these things.
I have let this self-imposed perfection take me far, far away from the only one who requires nothing, expects nothing, needs nothing of me. And I am drowning without Him, nothing apart from Him.
Thank you. I needed this. I need Him…
.-= Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary?s last blog ..Economic cri…baby? =-.
Anne,
My favorite picture of you is the one you took in India after (or while) being sick all night. The honesty is visible in your eyes in that one. When I read your blog, that’s the picture in my head. Thanks for being real. I’m doing the opposite of the guy who shaved his beard, I’m letting mine grow because for me fixating on shaving just right is an issue. Funny how we all have our issues with appearance. If we could only see ourselves as our Papa sees us.
Mike
.-= Mike Raburn?s last blog ..meeting God at the changing table =-.
Thanks. It was after and while :)
You are a Beautiful Warrior, Anne. Thanks for being you. ~Blessings, Lucy
.-= Lucy Ann Moll?s last blog ..Drug Dealer: ?God Put Me in Prison to Find Him? =-.
I wish church was more like a 12 step ministry where you really get to know people from the inside out. In 12 steps, conversations start with an admission of brokeness, not I do so and so for a living, what do you do? Appearance doesn’t matter. Economics don’t matter. Heck, you don’t even know their last name. There is no judgement, just a realization that we are all in the same boat.
Okay what about us girls that don’t put enough thought, time and effort into looking good or put together for our platform, however big or small it might be?
I definitely have that voice inside me that says, “wow, how cool would it be to be famous??” but another voice yells “what a joke, you, famous? besides, then the spot light would be on you and you can’t even help on stage in kidstuf without your knees knocking together so hard everyone can hear it!!”
While I have no problem talking to people I do know and even most that I don’t, I am embarrassed by attention I get when I do “dress up” and don’t know how to accept it with grace. I still, even now in my 40’s get nervous and have to make a comment about the compliment that diverts it from me to the clothes or person it came from or anything but me. I can’t just smile, say “thank you” and move on.
I only wear sweats to the gym and I do (almost always) not leave the house without at least foundation, blush and (sort of) styled hair but I know that I should be more professional even just out of respect and honor for the position/job God has blessed me with. I’m too lazy and more afraid of the direct positive attention than I am of looking unprofessional or less than my part and the indirect negative attention that might come along with that. I realize that’s a mask too but hate this part of my heart as much as you do the needing affirmation/wanting to be famous part.
i am glad that i read this today. i am feeling very vulnerable currently because it feels like i am doing life without make-up. i have been in “non-performance” mode for about 3 months and it’s creepy, scary, and a bit refreshing all at the same time. i am not used to doing life without a stage or being in charge of very important things or large groups of people… now it’s just me. no reputation to hide behind. no good works to advertise. no perfect performance to leave people in awe. it’s just me. and the toughest question i ask myself, probably a little too often, will the people i want to like me still like me without all the stuff? can they find enough to like within me beyond what i was or better yet, what i did?
Living a life exposed eventually leads to freedom. it’s just a tough road sometimes to find it;-)
Thank you again Anne.
.-= JuliaKate?s last blog ..on the local Church… my fair weather friend =-.
Man, everybody else said much of what I was going to lead in with. :) Anne, I see your eyes and see the heart inside. No distracting eye shadow or makeup; I see a beautiful Holy Princess.
I’ve always tended to go the opposite of you, at least in physical terms. I decided to wear glasses, rather than go with contacts, at the age of 10 because, as Mike Warnke once put it, “anything that covered part of my face can’t be all bad.” Boy, could I identify with what he claimed his brother said: “You could make a train take a dirt road. You could turn a funeral up an alley. [Even though I was a country boy, I knew what an alley was, but I didn’t know cars could drive through them.] Your face looks like it was on fire and somebody put it out with a golf shoe.” (OK, I didn’t have acne scars that were *that* bad, but…) I grew a mustache in my senior year of high school for similar reasons; it was only about 2 years ago, after a barber cut it too short, that I finally shaved it off.
I don’t take the time to make myself “look good.” I haven’t shaven in over a week, but that’s not unusual, so I don’t have major beard growth.
I have to wonder, though, if *that’s* a mask, too. After all, it makes people think I don’t care what they think … even though I do.
I care about being trustworthy. I care about being liked. I care about my opinions and research being respected.
Hmmm … I’m going to have to Consider ?his.
Love ya, AJ!
Pretty amazing, Anne. Thanks for your transparency. You minister to more people than you might realize. (BTW, my wife picked out the same shower curtain!)
.-= Joe Donaldson?s last blog ..Pain Relief =-.
Anne, thanks for sharing this with all of us.
Remember this: God created you, and you are beautiful on the inside and outside.
Blessings on your weekend!
I truly hope this becomes the heart of The Church.
.-= David?s last blog ..THANK YOU! =-.
Wait, there’s a wipe that does everything? Where did you get it? Who makes them? I’m 42, I use MANY steps Mary Kay, I’d love a one step wipe.
Your young and beautiful, inside and out. I know I make light on here, I hope you know my heart is a desire to bring joy and laughter not making light of serious subjects. I pray daily that you, Dino, Christine, Los, Shaun, Ben and many other famous Christians, that THIS doesn’t eat your lunch, swallow you in the swirling shallow pool of self. THAT is all the devil needs, and he wants that for all of you..all of us. I know the more out there you are, the harder the fight is. Greater is He that’s in you… SO, good for you, draw closer to Him, he will meet you where ever you are, made up or not.
Blessings love and grace!
.-= Carole Turner?s last blog ..No One Cares About Your Cause Because Your Rude, Judgemental and You Don’t Live It! =-.
There are many wipes! I use Dove.
I wouldn’t be surprised if MK makes one!
Mary Kay has one step-wipes. If wetting it first doesn’t count as a step. They work pretty well. Real foamy. But I use the Dove ones now (after vacationing with Anne and thinking, “dude, those are amazing!!”)?plus they are cheaper.
.-= Crystal Renaud?s last blog ..Brit Hume on Tiger Woods? Faith =-.
Guilty. Maybe instead of hating and fighting that part of our heart, we need to yield it.
We judge others and ourselves too much by appearances. True beauty is in the eye of the Beholder. And I behold Him in you.
.-= Sandra King?s last blog ..Epiphany – Aha! =-.
I love what you do here. I buy expensive clothes and wear expensive shoes… Honestly… I do it for me (which I think is an okay reason) but I do like the looks I get sometimes. I was at Sam’s club earlier this week wearing designer jeans, shoes and shirt… definitely wasn’t dressed appropriately for Sam’s club! I hate that I felt better than everyone else because of how I dressed.
.-= Graham?s last blog ..Our Saviour?s ?Goes Google? =-.
Since we’ve retired from Senior Pastoring, I decided to let my skin breathe and only wear a slight (just enough) blusher to give me some color and when our daughter came to visit us Christmas….she kept asking me if I was feeling ok and I confessed I didn’t have foundation on to give me color. She said she would accept it because, of course, she believes if I like it and it makes me feel good, go for it(& vice-versa)….so I decided it would be make-up when going out with hubby. But, Anne, you have a superb speaking voice as you talk and right up to date subjects that makes people want to listen to you. You, I believe, have so much confidence and homework done on your subjects, that you don’t have to “doll up” with “stage celebrity look.” You are beautiful inside and out! We value your putting these subjects out there; you are unique in your own just being you self!!! Keep up the super phenomenal way you have of communicating what your subject is! Thanks for sharing your video!!!!
.-= Carol?s last blog ..More Appreciation…….. =-.
Anne, I think it is always easier to focus on our outward accomplishments, looks, etc. than it is to focus on our character. It’s easier to put on makeup and clothes than love and grace. This has also been a huge struggle for me as well, particularly as many of the things I had in my life that made me look successful dissolved around me. The word God gave me for 2010 is “peace”, and I believe my focus needs to be on letting some of this go. Quit striving, quit promoting myself, and just say yes to God everyday. Love God, love people, and not worry about the fact that for the first time in 15 years I don’t have a team to lead, and when i go to church no one has a clue who I am, what I’ve ever done, etc. In the eyes of the world I am kind of a nobody. I’m self employed and make no money. But I am trying to obey God and focus on who I am becoming in Christ, not just what I am doing.
So with all of this whirling around in my head and heart, I appreciate your openness more than I can express.
I personally thought you looked great without your make-up. You have beautiful eyes and the make-up hid them. : )
i love your face. and you.
.-= Crystal Renaud?s last blog ..Brit Hume on Tiger Woods? Faith =-.
I love your mom (and you) :)
my mom cried talking about you the other day. meant to tell you?she sure does think the world of you. dunno why ;)
.-= Crystal Renaud?s last blog ..Project 365: January 8, 2010 =-.
Thanks for being yourself! Thanks for your blog and the time you spend sharing your life with us! May God Bless You…
.-= Robbie?s last blog ..robbiewendt: @wess_stafford Sounds great! Recently finished To Small to Ignore – http://www.toosmalltoignore.com/ =-.
Anne,
You are an amazing young woman! The world needs more of you!!
Pat
Anne,
You are beautiful. I’m thinking it’s partly due to your vulnerability, and partly the light of Christ that dwells within you. Thanks for sharing!
~ Jess
Anne, I loved it! It’s lovely when we can let our guard down – and be us, natural, real.
I changed my twitter (@aggieredhead) and blog profile pictures today – and after posting them, I realized that I wasn’t wearing makeup. I thought about at least putting a coat of mascara on and retaking the pictures, but I didn’t. It’s a great picture without the makeup – and it’s who I really am.
Keep on, you’re doing a great job!
.-= Rachel?s last blog ..31 Day Exercise Challenge: Week in Review =-.
Trying to think of a similar expression of humility for a guy. For me, it would probably involve taking off my shoes. But love for my fellow man restrains me.
Seriously, brave stuff sister.
Dave
.-= Dave Wilson?s last blog ..P.S.: Bible-in-a-month challenge, 29 of 30 =-.
I Agree with Vince- I see your heart thru your eyes and words, and I love it….
Even though I don’t really know you, I trust you–scary, but true.
ok. the real question is – WHAT WAS THAT MAGIC WIPE YOU WERE USING?!?!!
seriously. i think you’re beautiful with or without the makeup. but the way that wipe took off all your makeup in a few swipes – um.. hellooooo I NEED THOSE! haha :)
seriously though, this was gutsy & i’m proud of you!
.-= Brandi?s last blog ..WordPress.com: Now on HootSuite =-.
it’s a dove makeup cleansing cloth — found in the cleansing / facial care section at any store :)
Oh, the irony of it all! Yesterday, I read a post about having photos professionally done and I started shaking my head. I’ve worn make-up at a couple of my daughters’ weddings and a couple of writer’s conferences. I hate make-up with a passion because I’m not good at applying it and I don’t like to mess with it. Maybe someday I’ll have to wear it, but for now, I blessed that I don’t need it.
.-= patriciazell?s last blog ..#25 UNDERSTANDING CHRIST: HIS TRIUMPHANT CRUCIFIXION PART 2 =-.
Love the song, (and your message) : )
I love you. With or without makeup (I thought you were every bit as beautiful barefaced, btw).
.-= Jen?s last blog ..Adjustmentalisms =-.
Weird…all I could think was how beautiful your spirit is. It certainly became more evident with every wipe of the “magic cloth”. Keep going Anne! You are a true reflection of God’s love and grace on this earth. Thank you for being vulnerable! Someone above commented on your eyes…I have to agree that was the one thing I noticed as well. Maybe they really are the windows of our souls!
I love this Anne. I love your transparency. I think guys deal with this too. I call it the Northpoint look. You know, snazzy graphic tee, maybe with a casual coat…thick rimmed modern glasses, weird hair, funky shoes. Anyway, glad you posted this.
i think my wife is the most lovely when she first gets up in the morning (her breath stinks, but anyway)
her hair is screwed up, her PJs are all wrinkly, sometimes she even has those eye boogers in her eyes – but what i see is purity, simplicity, the look of Eve, and a woman who loves Jesus and me in it’s purest form
gotta go and hug her now!
Good one, Anne. Kind of struggling with fame and fortune in general right now, so this was timely.
.-= Jeff?s last blog ..What Are Your Favorite Blogs to Read? =-.
Nice one.
How many of us are hiding behind online masks?
Or given up fighting against the masks thrust upon us?
hmmmm
.-= Phillip Gibb?s last blog ..Friday FilmMaking Links =-.
Hey – you are a brave soul. And thanks for admitting about the desire for fame and acknowledgement. Why else is anyone (any writer, at least) blogging? I’d rather that we all admit it and get it out of our system. We all want to be acknowledged, especially for our creativity. It’s how God made us – I don’t think it’s evil, or from satan. I wouldn’t feel so bad about it, as long as it doesn’t become a self-inflated obsession.
Hi
You wrote ” there?s a part of me that wants to be affirmed and famous.” I don’t necessarily see that as bad, or a part of your heart you need to hate. I think perhaps God put that need in us. It’s just that we don’t understand that need is to be met by relationship with Him. Each of us is already affirmed and famous in the eyes of God…we’ve not understood or realized that yet. But I’ve found that as a relationship with God deepens, His affirmation is there for me, and maybe even felt I was famous, if only to Him.
I make no sense. I know I’m strange; constantly am reminded of my strangeness. I don’t think I fit in to any one “box”. I desire to be liked and accepted for who I am, but sometimes I think I’ve also given up by not “fitting in” and “playing by the rules”.
I’m 38 and I don’t wear make-up. I live in jeans and a tee shirt. I desire that people like me for who I am and yet….. I’m not easy for people to get to know who I am without some type of reference point. What do most people think of when they meet a 38yo female that is so odd they wear no make up, spend little time on their appearance and is primarily an introvert that prefers reading a book to interacting at a party? They make assumptions, just like they make assumptions when a person has perfect hair, flawless make up and looks put together. Only one brings positive, want-to-know-more about the person assumptions and the other seems dismissive.
I don’t like being dismissed. I don’t like to pretend; I want to be who I am but am finding that rather lonely. To me, online is a great equalizer because I’m not assumed to be any one way based on my appearance. Sadly, I find very little of that IRL.
.-= torybee?s last blog ..Coded Messages =-.
I relate to a lot of what you’re saying here.
It’s easier for you…. you actually are beautiful, talented, etc.
.-= torybee?s last blog ..Coded Messages =-.