Over the course of the four years I’ve been blogging, one of the topics that usually emerges is depression and anxiety – both of which I’ve dealt with from time to time.
You can catch up with some of those posts here.
At first, they weren’t easy to talk about. And?especially?to bring up the use of medicine, well, many “religious” people don’t like that idea very much.
Shouldn’t God be enough to heal you? Don’t you have enough faith? What do you have to be depressed about?
Those are a few of the many emails (and sometimes public comments) that people have left.
About this time last year, after fighting through a really rough season of depression, I dispelled some myths about it.
But here’s the thing I’ve learned this year:
I might not have clinical depression.
You see, I’ve tried about every class of antidepressants and the one thing that is true to them all?
They make my depression worse.
A few months ago, I was having dinner with a psychologist/priest/friend about this dilemma. The moment I told him that antidepressants just make me worse, he replied,
“Well, that’s because you’re probably?exhibiting?a form of Bipolar II.”
I’m sorry – WHAT?
Even though it’s not totally accepted, the stigma of depression and anxiety has become less and less over the last five years, thanks to people speaking out and sharing the honest truth about the diseases.
But bipolar?
To me – that means strap me in a white jacket with buckles and throw me in a psych ward. After hearing my friend’s informal diagnosis, I retreated back to my hotel room in denial.
There’s no WAY I could talk about this.
(All while writing a book about things we can’t talk about in church…hmmm.)
It’s been about three months since my friend shared his words with me over dinner, and I’ve researched the type of Bipolar he thinks I may have. I can’t deny it – the symptoms, cycling, everything is spot on. And one of the most defining characteristics of this particular class is that – lo and behold – antidepressants make the depression worse.
A couple weeks ago, I went to my doctor who drilled me on how I was feeling (eh), how I was sleeping (terribly) and instead of trying a new sleep medicine, went back to his original treatment of treating the underlying problem (depression). I explained to him what my psychologist friend said, and he thoughtfully agreed.
I understand that doctors can be drug-happy sometimes, but I do trust my doctor. He prescribed me Topamax, which is typically a migraine preventative medicine. There have been several studies though that in lower doses, it actually is a really good mood stabilizer and has fewer side effects than other stabilizers.
(The side effects it does have are hilarious – it can literally make me stupid while I’m taking it. Like, forgetting words kind of stupid. Words like “pizza” and “cat” and “computer.” As if I weren’t absent-minded enough…)
And today, Tuesday, December 15, I’m starting treatment.
(Deep breath)…
I’m starting treatment for Bipolar II.
Straight jackets and psych…wait-what’s-that-word?…oh, psych wards aside, I hope it goes well.
Thanks for listening.
Comments
147 responses to “The Stigma of Bipolar Disorder”
Girl, thank you for speaking up!! Stigma is right, but it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain, correct?
Have a dear friend who’s diagnosed w/ bipolar disorder and not even the II, she has the original, and if I didn’t know her, I would still think people who are bipolar are just….. well…. just crazy.
Praise God for allowing me to get to know someone who has it. I’m a mess crazier than her…. just a mess and they don’t have any medication for me and I don’t have any excuse for the crazy.
Thanks for being real!
I went through nearly the exact same situation. The denial, the dread…all I can say is that having a correct diagnosis made things infinitely better. Thanks for sharing your story, my prayers are with you.
Nothing to be ashamed of… In our church we have a doctor that has several in his family suffering from bipolarism and as a result we have many in our church with it as well. I have learned that my counseling degree and background, nor my ministerial excellence (whatever that is) can never really help these people. It’s so much more physical than emotional. The emotional is just the reaction to the physical.
Take the medication and be glad it is available. Praying it works well for you!
You have an awesome Kingdom heart! I love what you do and the transparency in which you do it.
.-= Ron Edmondson?s last blog ..10 Tips to Doing Leadership the Jesus Way =-.
Great words. It is definitely more physical…all physical really. That is what is so misunderstood.
Anne,
Boy, does the Lord have perfect timing. When I saw the title of your post in Twitter, I nearly stopped breathing. You see, my wife was diagnosed with Bipolar two years ago and I asked the exact same questions you mentioned: Shouldn?t God be enough to heal you? Don?t you have enough faith? What do you have to be depressed about? I was in full-time ministry at the time and thought something was spiritually wrong with her. I doubted her. I questioned her at every turn. I wondered why she just couldn’t “get up, suck it up, and go”. Yea, great husband, I know. I just didn’t “get it”.
Now, over two years and many tears, discussions, and prayers later, I still don’t completely “get it” because I’ll never completely “get it” because I’m not the one who deals with its effects every day. But, I do understand. I do sympathize. I do love her unconditionally and have learned that this is who she is. I refuse to categorize/label/define her as bipolar, because she is so much more than some mental illness. She is a loving, caring, compassionate, encouraging, supportive wife and mother. She’s an incredible wife and mother, actually.
We dealt with the same issues after she was diagnosed with the medications you’ve described. She was on anti-depressants for nearly two years and her medication was always “out of whack”. Now, after a brief time in inpatient care she’s doing amazing! She is back to the way I knew her before all of this started due to the right combination of medication.
The stigma attached to mental illness is so sad and it does nothing but drive those who suffer deeper into despair because they are afraid to talk about it. My wife is still embarrassed by it and not many know that she has been diagnosed as bipolar. I stand by her decision to keep it a private matter, but pray that one day, she’ll be able to encourage others with her story of hope. Thanks for sharing, Anne. You can lead a normal life..God bless you.
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU for writing this. I’ve struggled with depression and I have several family members who have been diagnosed as bipolar. Thank you for helping to fight the stigma attached to it by just being open.
The people who have never felt these things cannot understand. They think it’s like something I can just turn off. I don’t even talk to my friends about it anymore, because they just don’t get it. It’s nice to know you’re not the only Christians in the world struggling with these things.
I’ll be praying for your treatment to go smoothly!
You Rock :)
Thank you. Thank you, Anne. The stigma surrounding mental illness is probably worse in our churches than in society in general.
Even after my son was diagnosed, we heard so many of the same comments that you describe, on top of the “bad parents” comments. Another mom described to me that the response she got from another church member was “We’ll pray against that mental illness demon.”
Hang in there, and bless you for taking this bold step.
?We?ll pray against that mental illness demon.?
Why are our brothers and sisters sometimes so ignorant? Leaves me frustrated.
I hope the new meds help so you FEEL better.
Thank you for talking about it. I am sure your journey through this will resonate with other folks who are struggling through depression.
.-= Lindsey Nobles?s last blog ..Drafting Blueprints, Part 2 =-.
You rock for being brave enough to talk about this stuff.
Thanks so much for posting this. My wife has struggled with depression issues since she was 12 or so (we are 26) and just a year or two discovered that she had been misdiagnosed as you were, and things were indeed worsened by depression meds. In her case, the psychiatrist at the time believed she had Bipolar II, but now thinks it is instead Borderline Personality Disorder (the two have very small differences and respond to the same meds).
In any case, she takes Lamictal, which is apparently a common seizure medication, though can also stabilize moods. It had a few side effects at the beginning, and the dosage had to be adjusted a couple of times, but it has worked nicely.
She’s a seminary student, and has had fellow seminary students tell her that they “don’t like her kind” when she has spoken about the disorder and its effects in class. She does this often, in class and other places, to try to lessen the stigma and to be an authentic person. We have been fortunate in the last couple of years to be part of churches where we don’t have to hide anything, and it has been a source of strength.
It is so important that folks like her, like you, and people in these comments lessen the stigma. People with Bipolar II/BPD that do not get properly diagnosed often simply shut down – personally, professionally, physically, etc. Successfully completing graduate school while working in ministry (in a case like hers), or writing a book/blog/doing a Ride:Well tour/etc (in a case like yours) are seriously almost unprecedented. It’s a powerful life you are living, and we can celebrate with you. Fantastic.
Just look at how much your message is resonating with people struggling with the exact same problem.
Thanks for being brave enough to speak up about it and really open yourself up to criticisms for it.
Hope the meds work for you, and you don’t forget what pizza is called ;)
.-= Danny?s last blog ..Don’t Let Them Leave Confused and Disappointed =-.
THANK YOU and KEEP TALKING.
A number of people I love deeply are bipolar. I have been well beyond frustrated and overwhelmed at how the world and the church react…to the label, to the symptoms, to the treatment…all of it.
Thank you for being a voice of reason on this. May hearts and minds be changed by your willingness to put yourself out there.
Thank you for sharing this. It has occurred to me that I might have bipolar as well (even though I’ve been known to misdiagnose myself from time to time).
Many blessings to you.
.-= Travis Mamone?s last blog ..The Poor Next Door =-.
<3
.-= Crystal Renaud?s last blog ..Caption Please =-.
Anne I will be praying for you as you start this new regiment. I fully believe that God heals in a variety of ways whether that be by touching your mind and balancing out the chemicals or through medicine. Simply praying that you find relief, and that if it is His will that He would supernaturally heal you.
Thank you so much for your post. I have had some difficulty with several areas of life this year and have been taking an anti-depressant. I have family members that were not very supportive and made it really hard. It helps to know about someone else who struggles with the same thing!
I have a very supportive friend who has walked a very similar path and has been a great encouragement to me this year! It has made a tremendous difference in my life.
Christians same dumber things than any other group of people I know! Believe me – being in full time ministry I can say this with authority!! It’s a wonder God can use us at all! How sad our comments must make Him (wonder if He’s ever been sorry He created us?? ha ha)
I have added you to my prayer list and believe this is an area God will use you possibly more powerfully than in all your other areas of talent!
.-= Lori Biddle?s last blog ..my day off =-.
Thank you!
I have been on medication consistently for 8 years. Because of different break downs, I may never be off medication That is unless God decides I should be. And, I am waiting for that delaration, but I am no longer frantic for it.
God allowed many people to go through things that he could have stopped for any number of reasons, but instead he feels/felt this is necessary. I need to trust him and forget the others.
But, I do know that it is difficult.
Thank you so much for speaking up.
I love your transparency, Anne. Isn?t it great that we live in a time when they can diagnosis this kind of stuff and treat it. I think this is a God-thing.
I know there are certain religious people who have a problem with this. I am just thankful I don?t know any personally. ;-)
Here?s praying that this works for you!
.-= Michael Hyatt?s last blog ..What Matters Now: A Free eBook from Seth Godin (and a Few Friends) =-.
I worked for a mental health clinic for over 10 years and was constantly amazed at how many people refused medication for psychological issues but would not hesitate to take it for diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. I am prone to high blood pressure, no matter what I weigh, how much or how little I exercise or if I have a lick of salt. That’s just how my body works. If you have a chemical imbalance, so be it. And even if you don’t have a chemical imbalance and need medication to cope THAT’S OKAY TOO. Life is not easy and all of us cope in different ways. Sometimes God heals us of our ailments (physical and/or emotional), but often he doesn’t, and that is NOT a reflection of our faith or lack of faith. It’s reflection of his sovereignty.
Good for you Anne for talking about this issue. Blessings to you as you find the right treatment.
clapping hands
popping a paxil
loving you
*snickering* Oh, Carlos. You’re a goofball.
….WoW, what an Transparent Example you are, Sweet Girl. You encourage us to not let our secrets strangle us-You encourage transparency-You encourage us to ask “WHY,” and not just conform. Truly, “The world needs your story to be complete.”
Praying for you.
.-= Reese?s last blog ..random Thanks and Reason(s) for my Full Heart =-.
I hope it works, lady!!
Step by step… maybe we can get rid of the stigma.
And even if we don’t, talking about it is a lot better than, well, not talking about it.
:)
Thanks for being honest Anne, I do not think you are crazy.
My dad is a psychologist, he diagnoses me all the time…
To be honest, I think a lot of people would find out they are bi-polar or struggle with depression if they were clinically diagnosed. You are not alone here.
Maybe through you sharing what you are going through others will get help.
.-= Kyle Reed?s last blog ..Christianese =-.
Thank you SOOOOOOOOO much!!! I was diagnosed with depression for 10 years and then this January my psychiatrist diagnosed me with Bipolar II.
I tried pretty much all of the anti depressants. I would be “good” for awhile then always had an emotional spiral down. I honestly don’t know how I graduated from college (well I do. It’s cuz God got me thru, but you know what I mean).
I was really condemned by Christians when I first became a Christian (over 8 years ago) because I was taking medication. So I stopped taking any medications and of course we all know what happens when we do that.
Anne- just an FYI. I took Topamax (for a couple years) when I had migraines. And I lost a lot of weight on it. It can really suppress your appetite. And it can make certain foods taste really awkward. I didn’t have many problems with forgetfulness!
Thank you for sharing your story! It brings more hope and joy for me along with the Healing God has been doing/continues to do!!
Thank you, Anne. It is GOOD to see you addressing this openly, even addressing it at all. This may sound strange, but I am excited for you to be beginning this journey.
For the past couple of years I dated a man who was finally diagnosed with Bipolar II. Much of that time was spent figuring out what was “wrong”– he was also misdiagnosed with severe depression, fibromyalgia, etc etc. Post-diagnosis, it’s still a journey to find the right medication, the right doctor, the right dosage, but be encouraged that when you do, things can get better very, very quickly.
So much is happening scientifically right now that is helpful for those with the disorder. I think someone already mentioned the drug Lamictal– it’s not approved by the FDA for bipolar yet, but many doctors who prescribe it for that have found succes in treating patients with Bipolar II symptoms. It’s exciting to see so much great and helpful research going on.
I have done a LOT of reading on the subject and thought I would recommend some books that I found really helpful. It’s difficult to find literature on Bipolar II as less is known about it, though that is changing quickly!
First, “An Unquiet Mind” by Kay Redfield Jamison — this is a memoir by a psychiatrist who has Bipolar disorder. She literally wrote the textbook on manic depressive illness. Also, her book “Touched with Fire” is about the relationship between bipolar disorder and the artistic temperment. She’s written a few more– all are very informative.
Next, “Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder” by Julie A. Fast — this was incredibly helpful to me as the person “on the outside” of the disorder who was directly involved in the day-to-day reality of it. It’s especially helpful for learning techniques to prevent downswings rather than living in reaction to them.
Again, thank you. You are breaking down walls, and I am grateful.
Thank you for sharing this! I am a youth leader and have a student who has severe bi-polar (she actually was hospitalised for it) and because of it many of her “friends” have turned their backs on her. Thanks for sharing your experience, the more people here about this the less those experiencing it will be stigmatized.
Thanks so much for posting this.
Depression was a constant presence in my life for many years, and my uncle is bipolar. No one talks about the incredible stigma of these things, and sometimes I think the stigma is worse in the church than without. In the outside world, these are medical problems. In the church there is so much guilt added to those diagnoses. The clearly you’ve failed or God doesn’t love you, or you’re some kind of terrible christian for not being happy all the time guilt. Keep talking about this, and I hope and pray the new treatments really help.
.-= Lisa?s last blog ..Daily 5 – Day 124 =-.
Anne…you once again have exemplified courage – courage to speak of something that most would not. Your courage disarms the stigmatism that wrongly attaches itself to this sort of battle.
Thanks, as always, for your witness and your transparency. :)
I really appreciate your honesty about this. For the last few years Ive realized I do struggle with anxiety and depression. And although I dont take medication for it, I do understand now in a way I never did before that it is a real struggle. Prayer helps. Support helps. GOd helps. But it doesnt make it any less real, and i appreciate you for bringing light to this issue. Blessings!
Anne,
thank you for your transparency and honesty. So many people in the church will push their diagnosis under the rug and hide their hurts from others because of shame. I am glad you have the courage to speak out. I am also thankful that God is using you and your platform to remind us that it is not what other’s think about us that is important. It is about Him and what He is doing in our lives and through us.
you rock!
Thank you so much for being so honest and transparents. I recently stumbled upon your blog and your posts about your struggles with depression and anxiety have been a blessing to me as I also deal with these issues. I pray that this new treatment will work for you. By being honest you will help many others in similar circumstances. There will always be those in and out of the church who do not understand mental illness/ Thankfully, we have come a long way.
I am praying for each of YOU that leave comments. and, Thank YOU for being transparent, also. I wish I could hug you all.
xoxoxoxo
.-= Reese?s last blog ..random Thanks and Reason(s) for my Full Heart =-.
My brother has bi-polar/with schizophenia he is now on meds but it took many many year to get him the help he needed. In and out of the hospitals he is know stable and in a good place. I remember one of my visit to the phyc-ward. How hard it was on him, i can still see the look in his eyes he couldn’t understand why i would let him stay there as he told me he way a spy. I counting my blessed we are not walking that road now. Thank you for you openness YOU are in my throughs and prayers.
Okay, out of all the things I expected … this wasn’t one of them. :) :) :)
Seriously, Anne, God bless you for being transparent. I know that one of the things that encourages me in my own psycho — er, psychological — adventures is knowing how speaking out can help others. Go, girl!
I had done some investigation into bipolar as well. I went to a Christian psychologist, who said that there were just a few things that kept him from a firm diagnosis of bipolar II. (Wikipedia has a good article, by the way, on the subject, as does WebMD.) I believe the big thing was that most bipolar folks need less sleep, while I’ve needed *more* lately (more like a depressive person). He would’ve treated me with the same types of therapies he would’ve for bipolar, but he isn’t on my insurance plan, and I simply couldn’t afford to prepay for even one of his visits. My doctor wasn’t convinced of the diagnosis, but he never got around to sending a list of psychiatrists (who are M.D.’s, who could tell how all the 7-8 meds I’m on for various things are messing with me). After reading /Mad Church Disease/, though, and doing some more research on Wikipedia & WebMD, I think my issue is stress & burnout.
You know, it’s funny. Your blog software has recommended a post, “More Than Who Can Handle?” That’s the last one I did for my blog, Consider ?his! (Yeah, it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything; shame on me.) Could help. :)
.-= Joe Sewell?s last blog ..More Than Who Can Handle? =-.
Oh, the thing looks at your website and gives you your last blog. Duh! Still applies, though. :)
Anne, thanks for this post! I love that you talk about things … I’m on staff at a church whose lead pastor was diagnosed bipolar 2 this year … what a roller coaster we have all been on (especially his family). Things have not worked out happily here, and I think the more people in (and outside) church talk about these things, the better these situations will be handled in the future.
You must know that your transparency improves the lives of other people. Thank you for starting these conversations!
There will be a cacophany of haters, but God speaks wisdom through donkeys, doctors, and depression.
Do what you have to do to glorify God. Medicine and all.
In my prayers daily…
Bianca
.-= Bianca Juarez?s last blog ..working poor… =-.
Hi Anne, Soon after we moved here I worked in our local hospital for five years guarding depressed patients – some bipolars, plus many other types. So I’ve met several hundred – and there’s nothing more wonderful than to see one in a store later, smiling, perfectly normal again.
The best advice I can give you is – take the meds the doctor tries on you, and give it time. Lots of time. Be patient.
And sometimes it turns out that the cause – and cure – is something we’d never think of. Several years ago my family lived in an apartment – and I worked in a store – that both turned out to have severe toxic mold problems. My wife got sick from it first, and it especially affected her nervous system (not her lungs). The hospital referred us to a family here with similar problems, who directed us to a specialist 200 miles away, who put her on medicines that finally helped her.
Meantime, my blood pressure had been steadily climbing. My doctor tried four or five things, which would help a little, then it would start up again. Frustrated, he made comments like “well, Scandinavians your age just get higher blood pressure.”
Then I, too, got affected by the toxic mold. My wife’s specialist put me on the same kinds of meds she was on. And, to my total surprise, within days my blood pressure went ALL the way down to normal, WITHOUT using ANY blood pressure meds! Those several years of high blood pressure had been solely due to the mold, nothing else. And it hadn’t occcurred to any of us – the doctor, my wife, or me – that that was even possible. But it was, and those meds worked.
God bless you. Will be praying for you.
You are da gurl wit da most GUTS!!!
Seriously, is there anything you won’t tackle here? I love your transparency. IMHO it’s the main thing lacking in the church world today! You inspire openness and honesty.
Don’t ever doubt (medicated or not) that God uses you to be a blessing to many people!
.-= Cindy Graves?s last blog ..Twelve Days of Christmas?My Version =-.
Anne,
Your honesty continues to inspire. You demonstrate incredible strength to continue to be open about your struggles and the journey to discovering how to live with these battles.
I will be praying for you as you begin this new treatment.
Rob
anne.
love your transparency, and that you’re actually talking about this. i dated a girl for a while who was later diagnosed as bi-polar (not sure which one). i hate to say i was one of those “you need faith” people, and couldn’t understand why God couldn’t/wouldn’t just “fix it”.
i’m very different now, with unexplainable medical probs of my own that God can’t/won’t fix. i will be praying for you, and you husband. i know it’s difficult for him.
.-= Mitch?s last blog ..Think Design from the Start =-.
Anne,
You are leading the way for a generation to be open.
Thank you for your bravery.
Marysol
Thank you for your openess. It takes guts to talk about this stuff. Based on friends that have struggled with this and my dad’s input (he’s a pharmacist and knows alot about the drugs used to treat these disorders), I believe all of these disorders (depression, bipolar, etc.) are based on the physical, the spiritual, and the emotional. Because after all, we are physical, spiritual, and emotional beings. I think some Christians like to point out the spiritual and emotional sides of these things and ignore the physical (taking medication). And they end up asking the questions you mentioned in your post. I supposed the best way to tackle these disorders is to acknowledge all three areas. The physical (that means taking medication), the spiritual, and the emotional.
Thanks for your honesty and transparency.
Since you are exercising you may be interested in reading “Spark” about your brain, science, and the power of exercising.
Hey girl, We can talk more about this later this week, but I appreciate your transparency as always. Bi-polar IS a frightening diagnosis – but it has such a huge and wide range, so all bi-polar is not the same at all. So much more is known now than used to be so there is help, hope and healing. I have epilepsy and I used to be afraid to tell anyone I had it – now that seems so silly, but it was so misunderstood. Believe it or not, I also had Christians tell me that it should be healed through prayer alone, or WORSE, that it was a sign of DEMON POSSESSION. How’s that for encouragement??? :) Now of course, people know more and no one much cares that I have it but me and my mom and husband maybe cause they have to help keep me accountable. And just like me, you need to rest well, take care of yourself, know your triggers, and take those meds like clockwork.
Hope you feel better soon. BTW, Topamax is also used for seizures…..
We are complicated creatures aren’t we???
Praying God’s blessings all over you!
I love it, I love you heart your transparency & your desire whether directly or indirectly to open yourself up & pour it out on the table. It is incredible for me to see how this medium (blog / tweets) is challenging who we are & how we do life. I love how God put in all the pieces that make us just incredibly amazing people. Don’t hold back & continue to push that area of discomfort. I love that we find the calm in the middle of the storm. Praying for you continuously.
Thank you for being so honest about this part of your life. I suffered from a season of depression, made longer by my fear of getting treated and stigmatized. It’s truly scary to let people see the vulnerable parts and know there are hurtful words they might say.
Good luck with this treatment. I hope it helps.
Thank you, Anne, for your openness. I pray that people experiencing the same things that you’re going through will find this page and begin a path of healing. Our little girl, Claire, took topamax for a little while for her seizure control. Hopefully it works out for you. Praying for you, girl.
Anne ~
Glancing through the comments, it’s plain to see that once again, you’ve opened the door and made it safe for ministry leaders to put their hurt/pain/shame/stuff/illness on the table.
We struggle. We conquer. We fall. We arise. And then God gives us opportunity to share with others and offer them hope and encouragement – because we’ve been in the pit ourselves.
Truth be told, many ministry leaders have struggled with anxiety and depression. And the enemy of our souls must love that we don’t speak what’s true about ourselves, keeping it all tucked away in the dark and not allowing God’s light to restore our brokeness.
I am thankful that He specializes in restoring “the years the locusts have eaten” (Joel 2:25-27).
I know. Because I’ve been there, done that.
.-= Linda Stoll?s last blog ..Adoration … or Chaos? =-.
Be encouraged!
From having been a disability claims examiner for social security, I can tell you neither Bipolar Disorder I or II are very rare…or at least not in Tennessee! And in most cases, people are fully functioning.
I believe God heals by way of medicine. I equate the people who refuse meds with the man on his roof during a flood. As boats, planes, and helicopters offered rescue he said, “no, thanks. God will make a way.” After he drowns and arrives in Heaven God asks why he didn’t take the boat, plane, or chopper. That was the help he sent him.
Anne. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, your transparency is admirable and honorable.
I hope, the very act of posting this, brings greater freedom from your own stigmas. This changes nothing for me, and I’m sure I can say the same for many that read your blog. And if it does change something for someone, may your boldness to expose it, change paradigms.
kc
Anne
I continue to be blown away by how real and raw you are with life and your journey. I have been so inspired by you, not only as a writer and speaker but as a human being in a broken world.
Thank you so much for what your story has done for my story!
Matt
.-= Matt Nash?s last blog ..The World of Guinness =-.
Thank you Anne for your transparency.
You are truly paving the way for bloggers and others to be frank, honest and authentic.
I pray that the new medicine works for you and you feel better. I’ve been there.
Love you Anne!!
.-= Tiffany?s last blog ..Snowball. =-.
Hi Anne,
First and foremost, you are not your disease and your legacy is your love/walk for Christ.
Thank you for your courage to speak out. I was misdiagnosed with bipolar, depression, etc. only to find out that it was severe PMDD. I was normal (im not normal, im a Jesus Freak…smiles) 3 wks of the mth and 1 wk i was not so…lol…no medication worked as the antidepressants made me extremely depressed and suicidal…not good! Once, i was at the alter, and i felt the Lord leading me to pray, If I may but touch the hem of his garment and I shall be healed…i have not recd a complete healing but it has been a gradual healing. I am praying the same for you. You are brave! You are a child of God! You are a princess of the most high King! And by his stripes you have been healed, in Jesus name. Much love and peace…Sarah
.-= Sarah?s last blog ..Blogging is kind of like My Space…but diff…maybe. =-.
Thank you again for your transparency and willingness to rip the covers off something the church tries so hard to keep hidden.
Good luck with the treatment and I’m praying that it works! Stay strong and encouraged…
After having been diagnosed for years as unipolar (since I was a teen), I also was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in November 2006. (If you want to briefly skim my blog post from back then, here it is: http://depressionintrospection.wordpress.com/2006/11/18/bipolar-disorder. You might find it useful and/or encouraging.)
By the way, someone I follow on Twitter tweeted this post and I happened to come upon your blog today. I simply want to encourage you that there is hope for Christians who suffer from bipolar disorder and our main hope and cure is in God–not in the medication given to us.
It seems you have many commenters who are praying for you and sending you kind thoughts. Count me in that group as well. But also if you ever want to inquire about the transition from unipolar treatment to bipolar treatment (from a Christian who’s been there), feel free to email me at the address I provided with this comment. Or find me on Twitter as mama_kass. :)
I’m glad you’re choosing to go public with this and fight it rather than stay hidden in the shadows. We need more fearless Christians like this.
God bless you!
.-= Kass?s last blog ..Quote of the Week =-.
Anne, Buck Up!
Treatment Works! My hubs was undiagnosed BP from age 15-42. When we married, 6 mos after meeting, didn’t know he was full-blown alcoholic; just thot he partied a bit on weekends. Turns out alcohol is self-meds for bipolar. We married in 1981. In 1984, he became suicidal. I got him some resources to call; he ended up @ a University Doctorate Practicum, with prescribed meds & PhD candidate therapist. For a SEMESTER. End.Meds. Bad idea. But, he was done drinking due to the MAO Inhibitors they’d put him on. His cycling got worse, jobs came & went, as did cool toys when he was on a high;.. by feb. 1988 he tried to commit suicide and had to be hospitalized to detox all the stuff out. Was supposed to see therapist 2xweek. Didn’t. I didn’t know. I was only one w/job and we had a 4 yr old.
He was calling the Flagstaff suicide hotline, telling them he had a gun and was going to take himself AND our son out! They figured out who he was by clues he gave them, called his shrink who said, gee, haven’t seen him.
Then I came home for lunch 1 day, and there was a withdrawal slip with all $$ out of savings, saying tell our son I love him, and he’d left. I set up hospitalization with the worthless shrink for when/if he came back. 3 days later he knocked on the door and said, “I think I need to be in a hospital”. I said; got your bagged packed – get in the car. He was in a psych hosp. of TOP QUALITY for one month. Got out on our son’s 5th b’day.
Meds, therapy, and most of all, His FAITH IN THE LORD, has made him a different man.
In 1992, he quit medicating, but was fine until about 4 yrs ago; LUCKILY he was able to say, been feeling old feelings; and got himself to a good shrink and started new meds; The last 20 years have been a different marriage than the first 8. !!! We renewed our vows on our 25th. :)
LOTSA HOPE WITH THIS CHEMICAL IMBALANCE ANNE!!!! LOTS.
My prayers are SO with you. And I think you’re VERY BRAVE.
amy
Anne, thanks for having the guts to post this.
I’ve experience many of the same things you described since I was a teenager, so I can definitely identify.
I’ve muddled through mostly, but now I’m seriously considering seeking some professional guidance.
.-= dubdynomite?s last blog ..Strange But True: The Miracle Cat =-.
Thanks for your transparency and honest and open heart to being willing to share about this!
.-= Katy?s last blog ..Afternoon with Maddy =-.
I’m encouraged just reading over all these comments here. Thank you, everyone above me.
To Anne: I don’t necessarily have much of the same stigma attached to it as you. I didn’t automatically think of straight jackets and all. But as far as the “Don’t you have enough faith to go without medication” stigma, I can understand that. I’d like to think I’m over that part of the stigma, but in truth, my first reaction is skeptical.
Still, I appreciate your sharing about it here. I’m looking forward to the conversation that continues to develop around it. And I’m praying for you. That’s the bestest thing about sharing with other believers, right?
-Marshall Jones Jr.
.-= bondChristian?s last blog ..Why serve others =-.
With sincere hope, may your new diagnosis truly help you to thrive and flourish all the more. I’m in similar shoes with similar diagnosis, so when you need to commiserate, you can drop me a line any time.
I grew up with a mom who is bipolar, a brother who is bipolar, and my best friend in highschool, who also is bipolar, and whose family members are bipolar. Needles to say, I have been around bipolar most of my life, and have studied about it a lot. I feel for you and understand that it is painful. I recommend the book, “An Unquiet Mind,” by Kay Redfield Jamison.
From my experience I have seen that my family members and friends with bipolar have functioned best when they were eating regularly, (protein, vitamin B and D have shown to help the chemical imbalances, especially in my mom) getting excersise, sticking to a routine, and most importantly getting their medications adjusted regularly by a doctor. Because their moods go up and down so much, their meds get off kilter a bunch.
The worst and the craziest they became was when they decided that they didn’t need to take meds anymore, or see a doctor. That is when things would get out of control and they’d end up in the psych ward.
I just mean all of this to be helpful, and to hopefully be encouraging to you that taking the meds is the right thing to do if it is helping you, and seeing a doctor and staying on top of it.
I respect your braveness in your honesty, and appreciate your willingness to put yourself out there!
.-= Kristin?s last blog ..Paper Snow: =-.
Hey girl, thank you for being so brave and sharing this part of your life with us. People can be (and have been by the look of it) so cruel! I pray that God would bring you clarity and peace and that he would give your doctors widom and insight. God bless you!
Michelle
Anne, Thank you so much for your honesty about your struggles. My mother is bipolar and it is showed up once I was born. She was in and out of my life because she would not take hers meds. Needless to say I was not a believer until I was 16, so for a lot of life I blamed myself. If I was not born she would not be depressed or have these cycles of mania where she does crazy things. But through God’s healing I have accepted that it is not my fault. I think this is a subject in the Christian community that is taboo and the perception is asylums or straight jackets. She has been in a group home since I was 12, because she takes her meds. Most people do not understand bipolar disorder and understand that it is common. I have dealt with misconceptions of the disease my entire life, I am 25 now.
But to read this blog really made me happy. You are a great writer and blogger and through your honesty I think it will open many doors for conversation and education. I hope that people will see that taking meds is ok. I hope the best for you through your treatment. Again thank you so much for being so transparent with your life.
You, my dear, seriously ROCK! You are brave and blessed. Looks like God is using you in this too. Prayers and hugs.
Wow. I’m glad you seem to have figured out what’s going on. I’ll say a little prayer for you.
.-= Graham?s last blog ..It?s Only Weather! =-.
Brave and beautiful woman! I don’t think I would have enough courage to lay it out there like you, but I am so glad that you did! I came from a family that strongly believes that meds are a crutch, thankfully I made friends and took courses in college and that made it clear to me that it isn’t the case. I’ve watched dear ones struggle with major depression and bipolar and now I’m waiting for my possible SAD diagnosis. Thank you so much for your honesty and sharing your journey with us. You are touching hearts and opening doors. Praying for you and looking forward to seeing God work in this.
*hugs*
Thanks.
.-= evan blackerby?s last blog ..Being Important vs. Doing Important =-.
i love you.
Dear Anne,
Thanks for sharing this with such honesty and openness. I hope you find your own way to recovery and wellness.
We’ve all heard that argument, “Shouldn’t God be enough to heal you?” Well, God created our biology and our psychology. Not all healing is a touchless whisper of an angel hovering nearby. Sometimes we have to walk the labryinth of our biology and psychology, hand in hand with God, to find the answers, insights, revelations we’re being prepared for.
So I wish you well on your journey. And if there’s anything I can do to help, please let me know.
God bless,
Rahim
I’ve been on topamax for more than a year now for migraines. The only drawback I’ve found is that I can no longer drink carbonated beverages. Topomax makes the carbonation taste like bitter nastiness. It doesn’t happen to everyone, and for some people, it doesn’t happen until higher doses.
Here’s hoping you get to keep your sodas!
Your life of authenticity is a gift to all who follow you! Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
Thank you for your openness and honesty.
In my family and circle of friends there are many people who deal with bipolar disorder in all its forms. I’ve seen the stigma that they have had to deal with for ages.
I never understood the stigma until I recieved my own depression diagnosis.
Now my friends with bipolar are my biggest supporters.
LOOK at how very many lives this Disorder has impacted!!! And I’m sure more will pour in.
One more important nutrient I would add to Kris’ recommendations on the B’s, is at least 400IUs of FOLIC ACID. Major neuron transmitter nutrient. Fortunately these days, that amount is in most multi-vitamins for women or you can take it alone. but it’s important. As well as whatever your doc puts you on.
My sis and husband are both on quitieapine (sp). Both are doing well on it. Both started on lithium.
Love ya Anne. Take heart. Life IS good. You’ll see the colors soon.
Amy
You’ll simply be even more amazing than you were before. You’re the best Anne – Jim
Grace and peace to you, Anne – you are so courageous to be open about a condition that, sadly, is so often misunderstood. Over the years I’ve been through numerous diagnoses, both physical and mental, and when depression, PTSD, and ADD got added to the list, it was sometimes the Christians in my life who were the last I wanted to tell. I was blessed to have a few close friends who could “take” my reality and love me through my struggles. Your writing has encouraged me to be more real and more vulnerable, and I thank you for leading by example.
.-= Domine Refugium?s last blog ..And So We Wait =-.
Anne,
Thank you for not being afraid to hide. I have struggled for years with S.A.D. and then went through depression that was related to going through menopause. I am doing better, not currently on meds, but during the last few years went through about 5 different ones trying to keep my head right side up. Body chemistry and hormones are such a tight rope. Praying for you as you continue down this road and for success in finding something that will help.
Karin
Karin,
You’ve got that right re body chemistry and hormones. Why is that word a 4-letter word? :) Change my hormones due to change in insurance benefits and for the first time in MY life went thru horrific depression. After I got back on the old ones, it took 6 full months before I started feeling like my old self. Very strange, for me. I’ve been blessed that way, but married a man with severe bi-polar. See earlier responses to Anne.
God Bless.
Amy
I’ll be praying.
.-= Suraj Reddy?s last blog ..Does the Fire Burn In Your Heart? =-.
Thank you for sharing.
As someone who has known several people who are living through bipolar, I’m glad you have the courage to speak out about it. And since I don’t know what it’s like to go through that, I can only shake my head at some of the comments you’ve received. I pray that God uses the doctor who is helping you, and grows you closer to Him through this challenge.
Hi Anne,
Thank you for speaking out on this. I have 3 friends (all of them Christians) who have Bipolar Disorder. 2 of them are now on medication which has helped them immensely – I honestly would never have known about it if they hadn’t told me about it, the other is still struggling to get the right balance of meds/counselling and so on.
Also, I don’t know if you watch Bones (Fox) but one of the actors who was a regular on that has rapid cycling bipolar disorder and actually did a YouTube video about his journey and experiences (his name is Eric Millegan if you want go find it).
I’ve also struggled with anxiety, depression, self harm & S.A.D. since I was a teenager, and have had a lot of the ‘well, if you pray you should be healed from it’ kind of comments….unhelpful!
Thank you for your courage, and being willing to be open to share with us. Praying for you.
.-= brunettekoala?s last blog ..Something for 2010? =-.
I wish I had the time to respond to each of these comments, but you guys are too much. :) In a good way. Thanks for your support, your prayers, love, and encouragement.
I do need to say that it may seem “brave” or whatever to have written this — know that I was (and it’s fair to say am) still scared to share this. Timid to talk about it, worried about what doors may open because of it. BUT…I continue to think that we must do the opposite of what our fear tells us sometimes, and so I hope and pray that in this fear, this brokenness…people will find hope and courage too.
Much love-
Anne,
You’re AGAIN, stepping out in Faith, and that can only be a good thing!
“In this world you will have trouble but take heart! I have overcome the world” John 16:33
Love,
Amy
I’ve only gotten to know you just a little through your books (and you’ve definitely gotten to know me :) ), but I have to echo a sentiment left by another.
Anne, you are loved. I love you, I know your hubby does, and God most definitely does.
You’re stuck with all of us. :)
Anne,
Thank you so much for sharing so honestly your dilemma and how you are addressing it. Just for you to know, I have had quite a few bipolar-diagnosed people who are in treatment with qualified psychiatrists and also are in my private practice for the counseling part of their treatment. And, interesting phenomenon?they have been some of my very favorite people!
Typically, my bipolar clients are the most alive, vibrant, creative, ?out-of-the-box? people, very intuitive Christians, and extremely honest about themselves. It seems to me that God has incredibly gifted them with talents (see Kay Jamison?s book on creative genius and bipolar, Touched with Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament) that make them such multi-dimensional people (versus one-dimensional, flat-lined, group-think people who like to put God in their box that they can control, and thus often miss the Real God that He is, full of vitality and creativity Himself.)
My bipolar clients seem to have an intuitive understanding of God that is much deeper and more life-changing than most of your just-church-goer, program-following, bland ?religious? people who are pietistic (and often remind me of the legalistic and *life-killing Pharisees who totally missed the point of who God really is, a God of love, and actually who missed the Living God Himself who was standing there in front of their own eyes). {*2 Corinthians 3:6} So please don?t let those kinds of people oppress you in a way that sucks the life out of you. Remember, Jesus said if they treated Him that way, they certainly will treat you, His disciple, that way.
Bipolar is indeed a challenging disorder to walk through, but as many doctors have said, it CAN be managed. Regular night-time sleep, a good diet, omega 3 supplements, good medical management with an excellently-trained psychiatrist, and regular exercise with at least thirty minutes of sunshine daily seem to set the best stage for good management and becoming the most stable AND productive you.
You seem to be an incredible person with so many strengths, so please don?t ever let a diagnosis alone define you. And remember this particular diagnosis is found in many of the brightest, most creative, talented, and spiritually sensitive people in this world. I sometimes wonder if it is just the down side of the multi-talented gifts that some people have been blessed with. Kind of like the thorn Paul had in the midst of the incredible revelations God gave him, that both kept him humble and kept him available to GOD?s amazing power ?tabernacling over? his life. (See Marva Dawn?s concept of 2 Corinthians 12:7-10)
May God bless you and keep you. Keep your eyes on Him?as He says in Isaiah 44:21 (The Message):
?Remember these things?Take it seriously?that you?re My servant. I made you; I shaped you. You are My servant.
Much love in Him,
Angie
.-= Angie Bennett Prince?s last blog ..Tuesday’s Trust – THE DOCTOR IS OUT =-.
Thank you for your usual transparent honesty… which is so refreshing, especially among believers. I need to learn more about the II part of it; from what you’ve written here, it describes a friend of mine. I will do more research and look forward to reading more of your experiences with it.
God is using you every day.
Praying for you,
Shari
Anne I will definitely be praying for you. There is much that is misunderstood about mental health and much that is judged about in the church. Thank you for so courageously sharing your story. Your transparency and honesty is bringing God glory in ways you may never fully understand. In my prayers for sure. Sending some love your way (from a stranger no less but still sending you the love – smile)
I don’t use the word bipolar disorder. It is too stigmatic for me since I have it. I use the word bipolar depression type II. And even a better use of the word I think is to not call it any of that, but to break it down to actual symptoms. insomnia, moderate hyperness, fluctuating moodiness,etc.. — and then along with this include the physical symptoms one has– all of them- the whole list- even the small stuff. Then find a doc smart enough who hasn’t been brainwashed by the drug companies to put the whole picture together.
Like modern medicine distinguishing between an internist and a dentist- i think the dividion between physiological medicine and psychological medicne is man made artificial. The body is all wired togetehre intricately.
One book if you can find a MD that will read it and work with you on it is called: The Ultramind Solution by Dr.Mark Hyman, MD. I don’t suggest reading it unless you can find a provider that will read it with you. But it may save you years of toil. And again, it might not. I have still to find a doc that I feel comfortable with talking about it with. But, his main premise in the book is that one fixes the body, the brain will improve on its own. I am not saying he has all the answers, but I really don’t think this billiant book should be ignored for those with symptoms like ours.
Pray for me that I can find a doc to work with that is as smart as the author of that book
I was diagnosed with bipolar II 12 years ago. God has never left me.
Anne- I am praying for you-
Great comments above. Its interesting that so many are affected by this. The only person I know for sure that is bipolar, is my sis in law.
I remember how shocked I was when I found out. She is one of the smartest, wittiest, and most talented people I have ever known. I mean, she can do ANYTHING. I guess that was my education on the subject. That it was a chemical imbalance that could be treated with medication. And had nothing to do with that person’s mental capabilities, intelligence or really anything else.
Great courage in sharing Anne. And Godspeed in dealing with it.
God bless you Ann. I just found you here on the interweb, but I am blessed to be a witness to your process. Thank you for your ministry. Be blessed, be encouraged, and know that God has all things – great and small – in the palm of his hand. Selah.
~bloom
.-= bloominglater?s last blog ..Give Your Life the Middle Finger =-.
Anne… I admire you for the fact that you write, and authored a book (and soon another one to come!) even when you’re feeling “eh.”
I know how that must take a lot of sheer faith and guts to keep producing when you feel down. Thanks for sharing so transparently. Others are encouraged by that.
Trusting God with you that the new medication will be the right fit!
I just love that you are so willing to share your situations so that others can have the freedom to know they are not alone and perhaps can follow as you lead. Great stuff Anne Jackson. Prayers for your treatment to work but if all else fails… maybe your hubby can have a good laugh if you forget words. :)
Anne,
As you know, I think that not shying away from the “tough” subjects is one of the most powerful ways to shed the shame attached with these kinds of issues… whether it be depression, abuse, porn addiction or whatever else is in the dark corners of our lives.
If we’re not willing to shed the light into the darkest corners of the world, via our own experiences, then who will? God will use what you’ve shared and help many… and He’ll help you too. Thank you for being willing to freefall beautifully into His arms.
Much love,
JD
Dearly loved one, you are one of the most courageous people I have ever known. Thanks for once again giving so many “permission to speak freely”. :)
.-= Shelia?s last blog ..Incarnation of The Beloved…In Two Voices =-.
Anne, thanks for sharing. Please continue to share your journey with us.
I want to be honest with you for one second. My gut reaction to your post was, “Well look at how ‘brave’ and ‘heroic’ she is. It’s the ‘famous’ people that get all the love.”
But then I thought of you on the other side of the screen typing this post. Knowing how freaked out you must feel and all the doubts and second guessing you’re doing to yourself. I know – I’ve been there.
I was diagnosed bipolar II about 2 1/2 years ago. I’ve been where you are. It still scares me to tell some people.
I don’t know if you want any advice or suggestions or anything. I do know that I am willing to share my journey with you if you need it. You’ve already gotten some good books to read and prayers and support. All I wanted to offer a shared journey. For those moments when you’re second guessing yourself again over something that seems so simple, like what kind of sandwich to make. Or when you feel like even the people who know you best and love you most still don’t understand.
I’ve been there.
I’m still there.
Email me if you ever need anything.
Lifting you up to the arms of the Father,
Jen
.-= Jen C?s last blog ..Wow. =-.
Anne,
Thank you so much for sharing your life with us. I also struggle with anxiety, and the stigma is hard to overcome. I appreciate your candor in this new matter as well. I know that whatever the affliction, you will glorify God throughout it. Thank you for your blog, and your willingness to start a dialogue that is long overdue.
Praying for you through this season,
Matt
.-= Matt?s last blog ..Developing Principles =-.
Anne…thank you for speaking out on this. Thank you for being willing to possibly endure crap from people so that other people can talk about their suffering. I will be keeping you in prayer through this.
.-= Jason?s last blog ..Mission Bellevue Ridge Fire Update Dec. 16 8am =-.
Thank you. I’m coming up on two years of treatment for anxiety disorder, but I haven’t been brave enough to share my story with anyone except my closest friends and family. Yep, definitely “things we’re afraid to talk about in church.”
Bless you, Anne. May may the Blood of Jesus reconcile that medication to your body and bring about the desired results, without unwanted side effects.
.-= Niki?s last blog ..Merry Greetings! Season’s Holidays! Happy Christmas! =-.
Anne!
Excellent post. I can relate on many many levels and you gave me something I need to go back and ask my husband about. He has always hated it when I was on anti-depression meds and I need to ask him why… he never thought they worked.. hmmm… I need to talk to him again. (I’ve been off meds for 2 years, but am still “moody.”)
Thank you for sharing. ((HUGS))
Anne!
Excellent post. I can relate on many many levels.
Thank you for sharing. ((HUGS))
Anne….you are so brave and courageous and….still..the same loving Anne and brilliant writer that reaches thousands. Especially the Mad Church Disease book…I cannot even begin to tell you how it has helped us. We love you so much! You are truly a winner and the most caring person in the Universe!!!
Thank you for being so humble and transparent!
.-= Carol?s last blog ..JOY =-.
Thank God for a (hopefully) accurate diagnosis!
When cars are broken we take them to mechanics. When bones are broken we limp to the doctors. When neurons need help, thank God he also provided a profession to help us there, too.
If anyone gives you crap, remind them that the only stigmas involved here are those of ignorance and denial.
You dealt with your denial. What’s their excuse?
BlogRodent
.-= Rich Tatum?s last blog ..Links for 2008-10-27 [del.icio.us] =-.
I’m so grateful for this post. The man I love was just diagnosed with this.
Anne,
The God we love is amazing and with you, in this as he has been in all things – and we love you too…
Thank you for tearing down so many of the walls that have been surrounding our churches, our homes, and our very selves. I can’t imagine being brave enough …. so thank you for being that person…
In the words of U2, I wish you a hopeful Christmas, and a BRAVE NEW YEAR!
Keep talking, Walk Strong – Lanelle
Anne:
It blesses me greatly that you are being transparent about your journey with your health issues. I gained much courage from your posts and have started speaking up in my own blog about my journey also.
If I could give you one word of advice…be gentle with yourself…the trick with getting bipolar disorder is that everyone is different and it takes time to figure out what meds are gonna work for you. It took me 3 years to get my combination right.
I am happy to be a blog friend with you and have been encouraged by your writing…
Will
.-= Will Pershing?s last blog ..Prayer Request =-.
Anne,
My dad was diagnosed as manic-depressive in mid-70s. This is what they called it back then.
It was/is a stigma. Especially among Christians. Sad to say. Christ showed compassion. Shouldn’t we?
As a biblical counselor, I’ve met countless women afraid that taking medication is a sin. It’s not. I’m glad you know this. Your post will give courage to others who have a diagnosed mental disorder.
God bless you abundantly.
Hugz, Lucy
P.S. If one Rx doesn’t work or has untoward side effects, tell your MD and try another med. If you need more info or real encouragement, check out my website: http://lucyannmoll.com and my e-counseling.
.-= Lucy Ann Moll?s last blog ..A Dead Marriage Lives? =-.
Thank you!!!! I could have written your post myself. I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety and was put on a couple of different meds and it totally made me worse. My doctor had a suspicion that I had a mood disorder and prescribed Lamictal. It was working well until I decided to finally get medical help for infertility…you can’t be on those drugs while pregnant.
Two years later I am still not pregnant and not on the only meds that have helped me. Ugh.
Leigh,
How are you now without the Rx? My heart goes out to you. (I also am an adoptive mom of 3.)
Hugz, Lucy
.-= Lucy Ann Moll?s last blog ..A Dead Marriage Lives? =-.
Thank you for your concern. :) It’s been quite a journey, to be sure. The infertility has exacerbated the depression and some days I feel like I can’t even breathe. Other days aren’t quite so bad, thankfully. I just take it one day at a time and lean on Jesus.
Thank you for stepping up to the podium on this. Our church has been folding in opportunities to share testimony about battling mental health issues, while growing in a walk with Christ. It is liberating to have this out in the open.
My adult daughter has struggled with this and, as you have described, had various evoloving diagnoses. She has been quite public about this, intentionally. The ministry team that she is involved with (worship and creative arts) have walked with her, unwaveringly and supportively. This has been invaluable in helping her finding the strength to cope and in seeing Jesus through their tender, loving care.
.-= Melinda L Groth?s last blog ..Deceptive =-.
Love you.
Talk on. With the influence God has given you, your story will play a part in another’s (or many anothers’) healing. It will lead them to take one step out of darkness and madness.
Being depressed and under treatment myself, I am grateful for the care I’ve been given. One of your blog posts about depression several years ago was one of the first I read of yours and what drew me to keep reading. It lifted me and opened my spirit. You truly do rock.
.-= Joni Ruhs?s last blog ..I Can?t Sleep =-.
Anne, Thanks so much for being so open and transparent about your struggles and what’s going on in your life. I can tell, by the sheer number of comments, that you have already allowed God to receive so much glory through you in this.
A note of encouragement: I take Topomax for migraines.
40% of women who take Topomax LOSE weight (that’s a side effect)!!! This doesn’t come about because of nausea, loss of appetite, all that other unfunness… it just happens.
BONUS!!!
Oh… and take it with dinner… otherwise you won’t want to wake up in the mornings. At all.
Anne–
Thanks a lot for speaking up about this. My wife and I have 3 bio kids and we recently adopted a set of twins. Last October and December (2008), we had to hospitalize each of them as they experienced psychotic breaks. They both are diagnosed with BPD II, just like you. Theirs is more extreme, with psychoses and delusions involved.
Thanks to God’s grace and to the good use of His gift of creativity by doctors and pharmaceutical companies, the twins are thriving, stable, happy and back in college full time. What a wonderful thing it is for them to have accepted their diagnosis and worked to bring it under control. They are amazing young women and God will use them mightily in the future.
Bless you as you head down this path. I admire you. Please keep blogging about it!! As my twins were in the hospital and aftercare, I blogged and emailed my church body a number of times to let them know what was happening. I was determined to not have our little church plant be a place where mental illness is swept under the rug.
We’ve seen people open up about mental illness, past sexual abuse and a host of other things as a result of us sharing our journey with bipolar.
Brian Stevens
Planter of The Journey at Rush Creek
I’m coming late to the comments again, but I wanted to comment anyway and say another huge THANK YOU. We need people like you who will courageously speak up about the struggles of mental illness etc, who will challenge the status quo. And who will make it ok for us to share our struggles too.
I can’t wait until the day that Adult ADD is accepted. When I was on treatment my doctor always made me feel like somebody who is addicted to drugs. I always left his office with a script but I felt 2 feet tall.
I quit seeing him and tried another doctor but the same thing happened. I quit treatment because I would rather have a lack of drive and focus than feel less than human.
I think when I was on treatment I was actually able to serve God better. Having a mental illness has nothing to do with how close I am to God. Some people unfortunately just don’t understand.
PS: I am moving to Germany where treatment for adult add is near impossible. Most don’t believe it even exists and that it is something that Americans made up.
I thank God for little pills. And for Doctors who are smart enough to know what to give.
.-= mandythompson?s last blog ..My Trippin? Tweets ~~~~~~~>> =-.
I just found your blog today. Maybe it was meant to be. For years I suffered from “depression” only to learn that I actually had Mixed State Bipolar II Disorder. Several years later I’m finally on a good dose of medication, keeps me from going under most days. Maybe the rest of the days are what normal looks like although, I wouldn’t know the difference.
Keep the faith. Keep with the medication. It may take more than one try and a few tongue twisters to help you heal. My prayers are with you.
And thank you for being so honest about your journey. One that I still hide from behind my desk, the pulpit, everywhere at church here.
Anne,
My mom has been diagnosed as being bipolar. According to my sister, who is older than I, she has suffered emotional/depressive breakdowns about every 9 years. I only remember a couple of them and was in third grade during one and in college during the second. I never really understood, but was diagnosed, myself, with ADHD in 2006 at the age of 45. While researching ADHD, I found that these “disorders” are really differences in the way our brains work. They are physical/neurological differences. Actually, their are also gifts associated with these brain structural differences. I am learning to enjoy my creative brain and trust God’s design. In so doing, I must also look at my mother, and view her behavior in the same manner… with grace. I truly believe that God is the only one capable of understanding the choices each person makes. He is the only one that sees into the our genetic make-up and neurological/DNA structure to understand why we act in certain ways. It’s wonderful that God’s assessments are formulated in grace. As we draw nearer to Him, I believe he helps us work around our weaknesses, or better yet, come to him in them AND draw near to our brothers and sisters in Christ. But, we must understand each other even when we don’t really understand. We must choose to let love and grace lead us in our relationships. For too long, we cut off the spiritual arm or leg which is part of the Body of Christ, rather than care for it and bandage its wounds.
Thanks for sharing your struggle… for being open about it. We all can learn and relate.
Grace to you, Sister.
Thanks for your witness through words Anne. It means the world to lots of folks!
Thank you for talking about this, Anne…
I take meds. My mother takes meds. My sisters need to take meds.
You’re not alone, friend. Not alone.
I have NO DOUBT that God wants you healed! :) No answers for HOW he will do that, but your health and the glory that comes from it will be amazing! I’m believing for you! I’m believing for those who’s care you will be under and for a full redemption of your body!
man, I can’t wait until we all get to heaven and this %*&$ will be NO MORE!!!
We love you. And we love our Risperdal. Enjoy!
.-= Nicole Wick?s last blog ..Ronald McDonald House Charities =-.
At least you have medicinal reasons for forgetting… what was that? And for being student, err studious, err.. whatever that was.
You’re so brave. God’s using you in some amazing ways. Thank you.
.-= Faye?s last blog ..Silent Hallelujahs =-.
YOU.
ARE.
AMAZING.
i don’t care what you have. you are amazing!!!
thank you for your courage in writing about this.
.-= Jenni Clayville?s last blog ..Chance: SAVED =-.
I’ve been there.
I took anti-depressants for a year. Then I attempted suicide. At the psych ward they told my I had bipolar II. I tried for a second opinion and eventually a third. I’ve accepted it now and I suppose it’s not all bad so long as I stay on my meds.
Strangely, this diagnosis brought me closer to God.
I’m proud of you and your readers for your brave honesty. I too deal with mental issues, in my case depression mostly.
As a social worker I used to tell my clients that taking meds for depression, etc. was just like taking insulin if you’re diabetic. Then I was diagnosed myself.
There are no easy answers, meds are part of the answer, therapy is another, having a support system is huge, and honesty (I believe)is the most important piece. Honesty with yourself, others, and God about your strengths and limitations.
From what I see and read about you, you will not only survive in spite of all this, you will thrive because of it.
.-= Joe?s last blog ..Win of the Week ? December 16, 2009 =-.
As a counselor that works within a Christian setting I thank you for stepping up and being authentic and vulnerable about this. It has frustrated me for 4 years the close-mindedness a great deal of Christians have about mental health issues. They are real. They are devastating to those who have them and are not understood. But they are very treatable!
I am praying this treatment works for you.
i am cheering over this terrific post – now all i want to do is make you cupcakes <3
Anne,
Thanks for sharing this. It takes a lot to be vulnerable and to risk what others think. I think that “Permission to Speak Freely” is starting early for you and I am glad. More people need to hear that they can still “function” and that bipolar disorder is not the end of the world.
Thanks
Rick Apperson
I still cant say the words outloud. I stumble around for a minute and end with, “whatever it is that i have.”
Im a grad student with a beautiful family and life and mental problems. See? I cant even write it, although I’ve been diagnosed with it. I refused the medicine to treat it, but compromised when my doctor gave me a med that treats deppression, bipolar, or psychosis disorders. That way I can convince myself that it may not be bipolar.
I lost my financial aid my first year as a grad student bc when I appealed the boards decision to revoke my financial aid, I was too worried about the stigma of the disease and couldnt admit to the board just how severe my mental collapse that semester had been and wouldnt admit to them the diagnosis of the disease. This time I expect to disclose all of the information and hope they will see the person behind the petition and not the disease.
Self-disclosure is a little-know leadership technique that packs a powerful punch. Sure, it brings out the high and mighty among us who like to teach us, correct us, or just generally poise themselves over us when we open up about our struggles, but those folks are the minority. I applaud your openness. Such bald honesty has served me well as a leader and in that vein, I recently shut down my own blog to take an honest look at where God is taking me as a female speaker and writer. I love honesty. Don’t stop being who you are…
You are a brave woman, Ms. Jackson. I know God will bless you for your willingness to face this head on. We all know secrets make us sick, yet somehow we are still prone to keep them. Thanks for opening up the dialogue. Your candor and transparency are truly inspirational. Hoping this new treatment leaves you feeling loved and not anxious, well-rested and joyful. God Bless, Another Ms. Jackson
.-= Kristie Jackson?s last blog ..Biblically Beautiful Feet =-.
May I say something to all you wonderful people who have commented on this blog (not just to you, Anne)?
I have been absolutely amazed to see the response to this topic – and to realize how many of you have experienced it.
For five years I worked with people who were bipolar -like you and your loved ones – in our local hospital. And please hear me: one thing I NEVER sensed – not from doctors, not from nurses or CNA’s, not from other guards like me – was any stigma. It just wasn’t there. Perhaps because those people were real. Human. Like us. We saw them. Heard them. Saw their smiles.
But, whatever the reasons, we DIDN’T feel stigma. And I want all of you to know that. And to reject that feeling as much as you’re able to.
I KNOW that’s easier to say than to do. Years ago I went through a divorce. My pastor invited me to lunch and to chat. He told me that, even if the divorce became final, I should never feel any less worthwhile as a person.
Intellectually I knew his advice was on target. But emotionally, it took me three years to really begin to do what he said – and, even then, only could because I finally met someone else who loved me – my present wife.
So I know my advice may be easy to believe, hard to do. But, please believe me, God sees no stigma. He just loves. He cares for each of you. No reservations. Please try to hold to that, the best you can.
Thank you Anne for your willingness to share this with; it breaks my heart that we can’t be so open like this in church. Can’t wait to read your upcoming book! Be brave!
.-= Matt B.?s last blog ..Community =-.
Depression, bipolar disorder, etc. – it’s all taboo at the church. Thank you for your honesty. Many people come to church with their happy face on and they are bleeding inside. Thank you
Thank you, Anne, for your openness and honesty. As a child psychologist and a fellow struggler, I am often frustrated when good Christian parents, who would otherwise do anything for their child, refuse to even consider medication that is proven to help address their child?s mental health. Please keep speaking freely! I thank God for you.
.-= Monte?s last blog ..A Wise Way to Change Your ?Whys? to ?Whats? =-.
i’ve learned so much from you over the past few years. primarily because of your consistent transparency and authenticity. i’m really grateful for that. for you.
i hope/trust/pray that the meds are a help.
.-= alece?s last blog ..more painful than adultery =-.
Only thing I’ll say is that I hope your doctor is a psychiatrist? You don’t make that clear. A psychiatrist should diagnose and treat this, not a regular doctor, such as a GP or internist. Do not mean to sound dogmatic here.
.-= Leisa Hammett?s last blog ..December Views: The Stream of Life =-.
I’m on a foreverlong waiting list to see a psychopharmacologist. In the mean time, had a psychologist diagnose me and then just told my doctor what my psychologist (friend) recommended. :)
I took all the anti-depressants to no avail as well and when I finally got on one medication, Seroquel, http://www.drugs.com/seroquel.html worked for me so well that I dropped 6 others as well as replaceed tghe anti depressant that wasn’t working. I slept great and took it for about a year and one day I set it on the table to take and forgot to, got to sleep any way and never took it since.
Great insight.
I agree… good for you for talking about this. I am not sure what living with bipolar is like, however I was able to get a good idea from reading a great memoir titled, “bipolar bare,” written by Carlton Davis. The complex interweaving of stories, viewpoints, images, and diagnoses make the disorder very realistic and understandable. I am so much more aware of the struggles that my nephew goes through, who has been diagnosed with this disorder.
.-= Becky?s last blog ..beckybooks: Had a fabulous Christmas with family and friends. Am looking forward to starting a fabulous new year! =-.
Anne, I hope everything goes well for you. Without sounding pejorative while making this comment, I’m not so sure that drugs are the answer either. I know that it is easy for someone to arrogantly proclaim to “Just trust in God” but aside from the lack of character and tone, I would have to say there truly is value in this. Unfortunately, what the church has called “life-giving” in the form of God is only a carbon copy of the original. I think this can be traced back to when the depression originally came in. It was at that moment that the attachment was made. Writing over the internet only allows for a very bland and sometimes insincere form of expression. I sincerely hope that you find God at the end of the struggle. Bryan
.-= Bryan´s last blog ..Identifying the Reasons for Lust Pt.1 =-.