Every few years, I’ve taken the Meyer’s Brigg personality test. My standard result has been an INFJ (Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging) which essentially means I find energy in solitude, think with my “gut” rather than facts, make decisions based on feelings instead of logic, and process information and events in an organized manner. If you really want to get a good feel for my personality, read this. It pretty much nails it.
When you take the test, you get a number indicating how much you show those characteristics. For instance, I’ve tested as on the line for an introvert/extrovert, but am almost as high as one can go with iNtuitive and Feeling, and then I’m also “low” on the judging side — I can be disorganized when I’m stressed.
Something I’ve learned over the last year is if you don’t know who you truly are, you can’t let a test tell you.
Since the test has said, “you’re an introvert,” I believed it. But then I started getting really confused.
After speaking engagements and interacting with people, I would be so amped up sometimes I couldn’t sleep. That’s not a characteristic of an introvert. I thought back to the week I spent alone in the San Juan islands and how, when I came back, I pretty much cried the whole time – not because I was sad about leaving, but because I was so depleted.
I was having breakfast with a very wise friend the other day and she said, “Maybe you’re not an introvert. Maybe you’re an insecure extrovert and you use your need to be alone when you’re faced with a situation where you aren’t confident or sure of yourself.”
Oh, snap.
For me, I think she was dead on. I thought of a few different social events that I’ve declined because I knew there were these perceived “better than me” people in attendance.? Like faking sick, I called in “introverted” and said I was just trying to be healthy.
Now, that’s just my story. By all means, if I am an extrovert it’s barely there…so, if anything, I am probably riding the line.
My friend Adam McHugh recently released a book called Introverts in the Church, which I had the privlege to endorse. My thoughts on the book:
“For the longest time, I’ve considered my wiring as an introvert a thorn in my side. After spending time engaging with others, I felt so empty and overwhelmed . . . and lonely. With my calling as an author and pastor requiring me to publicly speak and consult, I wondered if I misunderstood my place in this world. In Introverts in the Church, Adam brings a voice to those of us who often trade ours in for a little bit of respite. This is not only a needed resource for introverts; all leaders need to read Introverts in the Church for a better understanding of how introverts can lead, how they follow and how they refresh.”
Adam has given us 10 copies of Introverts in the Church to giveaway. He’ll pick 10 random winners next Wednesday.
All you have to do to enter is leave a comment and tell me if you’re introverted, extroverted, and how you think that affects your relationships in the church. Statistically speaking, introverts are a minority. Does it feel that way to you?
Comments
205 responses to “BOOK GIVEAWAY: Introvert or Extrovert?”
I am by nature an introverted personality but because of my nature I have become extroverted. My wife on the other hand was an extroverted personality who because of my position has become more introverted. Very weird dynamic and I see how I relate to almost all people but connect with very few. I hear the statistic and I believe it to some degree. I believe there are a lot more introverts in the church who feel they must be extroverts to be noticed and used by God. After all how can God use an introvert? (That was asked with sarcasim)
Extroverted for sure. I’m wanting to get involved and meet so many people at church all the time. Hard to say if I feel like introverts are a minority because if it is true then they are but if they are not then since they never get involved then you don’t know they are there.
dj
.-= Darrell Jordan?s last blog ..Tomorrow is never promised. =-.
I always test right along the lines in those tests. I grew up believing I was an introvert until high school. These days, I have to have some kind of human interaction every day. If it’s a day off and I don’t have to go anywhere, I still come up with an errand to run so I’m in public with people for at least a few minutes.
That said, I really identify with the ‘insecure extrovert’ thing. Sounds like we need a new category!
woot, I am an INTP : Introvert yes, Intuitive hmmm, Thinking definitely, Perceiving yes.
But I have to say that the online environment affects people Introveredness in different ways.
Phill
I’m a introvert with a extrovert dieing to get out. I never thought of introverts being in the minority I guess because of the sometimes difficult process to get people involved or participating. Hmm very interresting…
.-= Brett Barner?s last blog ..MMH5 ? What Kind of Christian Thanksgiving Eater Are You? =-.
well, i think that i am at my core an introvert. i like alone…i like silence. it truly does refresh me…but i can fake extrovert like nobodies business. I think my past role and position on staff at a church demanded me to be an extrovert and to talk to 5 million people a day all under the banner of “press the flesh”…meaning talk to people even if it makes you uncomfortable.
But if i have an extended time of needing to be “on” and an extrovert i get to a point where i cant be around people anymore and have to be alone. Even if just for a bit to refuel. I honestly love days when i dont have to go out or talk to anyone in a day.
.-= Lynse Leanne?s last blog ..Paste Jewlery and Sawdust Hotdogs =-.
I’m an extrovert, I get energy from people. So for me, most times I enjoy church (and other) relationships. Having said that … I also enjoy and know that I need time alone to “be still” and to reflect.
.-= Janet?s last blog ..Want a new Story for this Holiday Season? =-.
I tested for years as an ENFJ–very decidedly on the ENF part, but I quite honestly I think I’m a “P” living in a “J” world, if that makes any sense. As a managing editor for a magazine, I must really tap the “J” in my career life. But left to my own devices, I’m more of a P.
(Anne, we NFs stick together, by the way! Ask your friends, you probably have several who are NFs.)
My E tendencies are very helpful in my current ministry as a discussion leader in an interdenominational Bible study because I do thrive on the energy of interacting with people–and there are a whole lot of people and my Mondays are looong days. I’d be completely drained by 9 p.m. if I weren’t an E, I think. But personally, I wonder if those E qualities sometimes make me rely on myself too much though, because when I’m setting up for Bible study discussion, often I’m overwhelmed with the realization that this is something I *cannot* do on my own. My instinct then is to withdraw from everyone and pray and ask God to carry me through the evening’s interactions.
As for my church, I already find it difficult to “plug in” there besides my involvement with the choir, mainly because there just isn’t a group where a single 30-something “fits.” But on a mission team with a church, I thrived as an E in situations with large groups of people we were spending time with in Kenya this summer.
I am a mild introvert (I ride close to the introver/extrovert line). Which means that I like to say yes to a lot of involvement & interaction (the extrovert) and then get completed drained by it (the introvert). I know balance is a struggle for everyone, but for me, being near the line makes it worse.
I am an introvert, and I have thought a lot about how that affects my leadership in the church. I feel like part of my burnout in youth ministry was because of the pressure I felt to be an extrovert. I would really like to read this book because it is a very real issue for me still as I lead a non-profit organization.
Thanks for bringing this topic up!
I am an INTJ… But I’m only 56% Introverted according to the test.
The deal is that EVERYONE around me assumes that I am extremely EXTROVERTED because of the outgoing personality I have.
#1. I’m on stage all the time
#2. I like a good party and I love to entertain.
#3. I’m into theatre, acting, interacting, blah blah blah.
But the truth is, deep down inside I LOOOONG to be alone. I get my energy when I am in solitude and when I am around other people I rapidly deplete my “People Meter”. After church on a Sunday morning, I am at empty which causes me to want to go home and just… be. When my wife goes out of town or has plans with a friend, I look forward to the evening alone with a book, my laptop, a notebook, or just nothing. My friends usually feel obligated to get me to “do something”, (and sometimes I do, and I love to spend time with my friends.) however the opportunity to be alone an “refuel” is something I crave.
So I have officially diagnosed myself as an “Outgoing Introvert”. I will gladly be the life of the party as long as I have had ample time to refuel my “People Tank”.
I too am an introvert, with a lot of time speaking/counceling/ talking in front of people as a wife of a pastor and a person who loves helping others figure out life. Whenever I’m “caught” being introverted people are always shocked that I actually am pretty introverted, deep thinking kind of person. Its been a challenge for me for sure.
I feel that I am introverted. This makes working at a church an issue sometimes because I don’t like being up in front of people and there are days where I don’t want to be around anyone at all. I think I would enjoy this book!
I’m quite extroverted, but I think that is a blessing, working at a church. I encounter so many new faces, that it helps to not be the least bit shy around them.
Alright, another INFJ! *fist bump*
.-= Travis Mamone?s last blog ..Praying for Obama’s Demise? =-.
INFJ here too! My introverted side really makes it tough to get to worship service on a regular basis. I’m usually burned out with seeing people by Sunday.
Growing up moving every 2 years or so my greatest asset was my ability to make friends quickly. It also made me a popularity seeker since there was no time to worry about depth of relationship. I think everyone who knows me would call me an extreme extrovert. I have lived in a Christian community for the last 35 years and welcome others around me. I love what Jean Vanier said about personalities living in community. He said those prone to wanting to be alone need to force themselves to be with others and those who are very social need to force themselves to find time alone. I know I can neglect my prayer life while seeking out others – that’s my tendency. As I have grown I still see those tendencies, but I also feel more balanced. One of the changes in my prayer life has been listening to who God says I am instead of spending so much time telling him who I am. Thanks for sharing, Anne.
I’m sure that alot more of us are introverts than we let on. We’re supposed to be up, happy, outgoing, smiley faces! Always ready to go, right there with a positive word, enthusiastic, sharp, praising the Lord!
But what’s true about many of us in ministry is that inside, we are still and quiet and prefer solitude and our own company. And out of those calm places come the energy we need to minister well when the opportunity arises.
But, truth be told, after many have “touched the hem of our garments,” we can’t wait to crawl back to our havens and regroup and rest and reflect. And it’s those times that recharge us for the next round of ministry … being there for people with all that that entails.
The Gospels speak often of Jesus retreating to quiet places by Himself or with those closest to Him. He set the standard for what it takes to minister effectively.
Let’s rejoice in the way He’s designed us to be! There’s freedom and a sense of great peace in acknowledging who we really are!
.-= Linda Stoll?s last blog ..8 Keys to Healthy Feasting =-.
“Oh Snap!” is right.
The idea that I may be an Insecure Extrovert has left me at my keyboard for five full minutes, unable to get over the thought that maybe, just maybe, I am one too.
The reality is that I rarely test the same way twice on Myers-Briggs type stuff. I always seem to hover around the mid-line of any continuum and just flop over to one side or the other depending on the day. It has always frustrated me. I have often judged myself for it. I thought it was because God made me “beige” in every way.
The possibility that I have simply been afraid to be something magenta, or hunter green, or bright orange is going to stick in my head for days.
Thank you for the sideways thought, and keep hanging out with that wise, wise friend!
Introverted. And it feels that way — most days. I once took a personality test as part of a class at church that was based on the D.I.S.C. model (and included spiritual gifts). It showed us our type for what we think and how others perceive us.
It may take a little more effort to reach out to others since it is more natural for introverts to isolate themselves.
I try to strive for God’s perfect balance in my life.
I always say I’m an extrovert stuck in an introverts body. I love talking to people and being outgoing, but I am often very self-conscious or think I’m not good enough so I tend to clam up and find the nearest corner to flee to. This poses a problem because as a worship leader’s wife I think people expect you to be outgoing. I’ve found the best way to conquer my insecurities is to get out of my comfort corner and dive head first into whatever social situation I may be in. God has shown me that people want authenticity and most of all to feel loved.
i am riding the line as well. introverted, though i have learned how to be extroverted by sheer necessity. this topic is one that i have struggled with often–mostly struggled with extroverted leaders who don’t understand how vital introverts are to the church. the book sounds absolutely fascinating!
I am an INFJ as well. Recently, I was at a leadership conference and we discussed Myers-Briggs along with the 5 church leadership positions that Paul writes about; Pastor, Evangelist, Apostle, Teacher and Prophet. This was really helpful for me, especially being an introvert, I was encouraged in my gifting as an apostle. I am hopeful that the next time God gives me something for the church that I will speak up because of the encouragement that I received at the conference.
I am without question an extrovert. I crave being around people. I like times of solitude but can only handle it for a limited time. I ride my bicycle a lot by myself out of necessity (time) but really enjoy riding with others. As a pastor, that has had both good and bad results. The good results are that I don’t know a stranger, I feel very comfortable one-on-one or with a group and I love being up front. The downside has been I talk too much and listen not enough for one. I am comfortable with my extroverted nature but know it needs corralled at times.
.-= Bill (cycleguy)?s last blog ..Donut holes vs. a Gospel hole =-.
Total Introvert here, but I’ve found that since I’ve been in full-time ministry that I have been able to be able to turn on the Extrovert button when needed. Still, sometimes it can be hard to be “on” when I’d rather be alone curled up with a book or sitting by myself. Sometimes I feel like I am faking it, like maybe I shouldn’t be in church leadership, but it’s at those times I have to remember my call and rest in the fact that I am fearfully and wonderfully made–introverted tendencies and all!
I am an introvert. I think the biggest way this comes out in church is in meeting new people. I do like to meet new people, but am not the person who wants to meet a ton of new people every week – which can be hard for other (extroverts) to understand when they don’t feel like I’m reaching out to newcomers.
I’m fully an introtrovert. I’d say it has affected my relationship with the church by forcing me out of my comfortzone and become very intentional in the relationships I keep. My relationships are deep but few and farbetween. To be honest, sometimes I struggle with being an introvert in the church because it’s about people and Im not a natural people person. Thanks for the question.
Oh gosh, I’m an INFJ and often feel so outside my norm sometimes it’s unreal. In fact, I think I have come closer to the E side since becoming a believer because it’s almost something I’ve been forced to open myself up to.
I am definitely an introvert. Social interaction, esp in very large groups, is so exhausting for me. I attend a “mega-church” and i could literally sleep for days after being there for just a few hrs. I think my introverted-ness does nothing good for me. I’m so frustrated with myself when I withdraw. Its not like I want to be this way. I like what you said about the “insecure extrovert”. I’d be really interested in reading this book so I hope you pick me.
p.s. I’ve recently got involved with the internet service at church. I’m even a leader among volunteers. Yay! Its so much easier for me to interact with ppl online. So at least I’m not completely useless to my church :) but is this really the best thing for me? I feel like I’m hiding instead of trying to get better….
I’ve taken the test many times since a sophomore in HS. And I’ve almost always tested as an INFP. Rare according to the stats and even rarer in men.
For the longest time I treated my I-ness as a handicap not only in the American high school but in the “happy, friendly, evangelical church that cares” that I was attending. I worked extremely hard not to be an I. By the time I was in college I would test on the line of I & E. However, my drive away from I-ness (or nerdiness or geekiness as I perceived it) took me to the point where I sinned often enough, wounded my family and friends, and lost out on many relationships.
I think the last time I took the Myers-Briggs I tested as a Gregarious Introvert, I think that might be Wayne as well reading his comment. What I’ve found in my role as a leader in my church and my multitude of careers (that must be the P or maybe just ADD) is that if there is a void of leadership I will step up to rally the troops and get things going. However, I gladly step aside when someone truly wired that way takes it up as I can not sustain that over the long haul.
I am totally an introvert. I am an INTJ (but I ride the line with the T/F and have showed up as a INFJ too.)
Here is the thing. I have served on the mission field and now serve as a youth minister, and in both roles I felt/feel frustrated as I perceive the work of other more charismatic/dynamic people.
In my heart I know that God made me this way, but I still find it difficult to find my way (or at least my own voice) as I minister. Part of me would be content being the hermit, but I know the total necessity of community too, it’s just difficult for me
I’m introverted. I’m trying to change that in some ways. I decided I’m going to be proactive about seeking interesting relationships with people doing ministry in new/interesting.exciting ways. If I’m not intentional about it…it will never happen. Interesting characters will help my goal of living a better life story.
.-= Andy Pisciotti?s last blog ..Alpha Shoot behind Union Station =-.
I think too often people confuse Shy with Introvert.
Introverts are not necessarily shy or non-social; it’s a question of what gives or takes away energy.
I’m also a Social Introvert – I’m a deacon & love serving people, from teaching to one-on-one, but I need very regular times alone to refresh, while my husband, the extrovert, wants to be with people when he is tired or depleted.
I found your book very helpful in figuring out ways to maintain balance as a leader in the church, and this new one looks good too. Thanks for the recommendation!
Anne, great post! I think I’m an introvert (though your post is causing me to second guess that). Particularly, when I’m tired, frustrated or otherwise out of sorts I like to be by myself or alone with God to work things out and recharge.
However, to use Strengths Finder language I am also an “includer” at heart. I believe to the core of my being that as a Christ follower I need to take the initiative to build relationships with those who don’t know Christ, have spiritual conversations with them, invite people to into my home, to my church, and into my small group.
These two parts of me create a huge internal conflict. Conceptually I a passionate about reaching out and including people. In reality, I’d rather blog or twitter or read a book.
Introverts in the Church sounds like a really interesting read. I’d love to get a copy. But then again, maybe I need to get out of my reading chair and spend more time with others.
I’m definitely an introvert. It feels like there are fewer places in the church for me to serve – or maybe I should say they are less obvious. I volunteer with our junior high ministry, which can be a challenge as an introvert. But I also think it’s good because some of the girls can relate to me in that way. It actually surprises me that introverts are in the minority. I figured a lot of people who appear to be extroverts were really just introverts in disguise. Sounds like a wonderful book!
I am borderline but closer to introverted. Like many things in life if we dont understand it, we don’t like it. Any organization would be more effective to have its leaders become educated in what makes people tick.
I think I’m mostly an introvert. I do realize the need for social interaction (we were made for community, after all) but Ms. Control Freak here (me) thinks she knows best and can function better alone. I don’t necessarily think I’m at an unhealthy level of introvert-ism, (no phobia or anything) but being left alone can make me VERY happy most days. It’s funny though, because I CRAVE interaction and feedback in my writing. ?Is anybody out there? Do you get what I’m saying??
I do value personal relationships but I’ll go with quality time over quantity and keep my alone-time, thank you very much.
.-= Cindy?s last blog ..In Pursuit of Authentic Community =-.
?Maybe you?re not an introvert. Maybe you?re an insecure extrovert and you use your need to be alone when you?re faced with a situation where you aren?t confident or sure of yourself.? – Oh Snap! is so true. I think this is how I am and the way it affects my participation at church is that I am gung-ho until I reach a point where I am uncomfortable – then I’m the quiet mouse. Will definitely consider reading this book even if I don’t win. Thanks for the insight!
I’m definitely an introvert and I’m a leader as well. This combination used to bother me. I thought all leaders were extroverts but I read a book called, “The Introvert Advantage” that really helped me out a lot in this regard. I’ve now come to embrace the way God wired me. I think others still misunderstand the introvert thing but it doesn’t stop me from being an effective leader.
.-= Tony McCollum?s last blog ..Clay =-.
INTP – In other words, I’m an introvert with some odd characteristics that most people don’t understand. But I can be quite extroverted when I’m up for it. Had a great time with 7 close friends and their 6 children last night. That experience really energized me for today even!
Being in ministry in my church as an introvert is really tough sometimes though. I want to bury my head with in-depth Bible study and just do that, but there’s administrative stuff to do, disagreements with others to resolve, and PEOPLE TO TALK TO! Ahhh! (Did I mention that I HATE THE PHONE because you have to talk to people on it?!)
I’ve found that it’s not just solitude that is important for me, personally, but solitude in really lonely places like wilderness parks in the middle of a weekday or riding a bike out into the country all by myself. I’ve even begun my old childhood hobby of making plastic airplane models to recapture some of that silent, calm solitude at home that video games, TV, and DVDs cannot provide.
In summary, no, the Meyer’s-Brigg test cannot tell you who you are, but use it as a tool to help you understand a bit more about who you are so that can use that in service to God more effectively. Now if only I could follow my own advice more than a few times per year, that would be something…
You are what my husband is and HE HATES THE PHONE!!!!
Both times I’ve taken the Myers-Briggs test, my result has been ENFJ. However, my I’s and E’s are close to equal – so I guess I’m just barely an extrovert. I see this in my life, including ministry/church situations, because sometimes I’m “on” (loving to be with people) and other times I’m completely “off” (not wanting to be with anyone at all). For me, that part of my personality makes it hard to know what to expect of myself and hard to know what ministry activities (or any activities, really) I’ll truly and consistently be good at and enjoy.
However, if I win a copy of this book, it will not be for me. I’ll give it to my brother who is an INFJ (also close to half I/half E but falling just on the other side). He’s a worship pastor who loves reading about the church, so I think he’d really get a lot out of this book.
I really don’t know.
I’m extremely visible in my church and my job, but sometimes I prefer being alone. I get energy from being around people, but sometimes it’s just stressful energy.
I don’t like to be alone. But I love being independent and DOING things alone. I actually don’t work well with others. By the same token, I LOVE working with others who are equals, and not better or worse than me at whatever we are doing.
I don’t have a clue.
Can I still win a book?
That test sez I’m clearly an INFJ. Hmmm.
I would LOVE this book! I just attended my son’s 5th grade conference and his teacher had the students in his class take this assessment. It was interesting to look over the results but we found like you that the outcome of one of his results seemed off to us. Your post reinforces the idea that the result may not be the truth but may well be a clue to something else about our personalities. I promise I would devour this book!! So interesting!! We did determine last night that all four of us in our family are introverts. ;)
.-= Michelle Sidles?s last blog ..Friday Confessional: The Return of Cable =-.
Without question, I am an extrovert (ENFJ).
If I am meeting people that day (new faces or old loved ones), that will get me amped up and I usually don’t need coffee. My job description says I could work from home but that usually kills my soul and I get nothing done. Whenever I am contracted out, I will ask, “May I come work at your home/office?” because I need to be around people.
I get energized with being with people. I get hyper if it is a room full of people I don’t know. I’m bouncing off the walls if I am the only believer in the room/neighborhood/workplace.
I unwind by reading and meditating on God and praying to God at night hour(s) before I go to bed.
.-= Joseph Louthan?s last blog ..Romans 8:9a What If I Am? =-.
i, too am an INFJ. in my early 20s i was the classic extrovert, but as i’ve gotten older, i have moved just into the introverted end of the spectrum. because i am so close to the middle, however, i usually never feel completely comfortable. when i’m with people, i wish i was alone. when i am home alone, there is always a small part of me that wishes i was out.
this is especially true at church. i attend and love my large church, but the reality is, when i’m there on a sunday morning, i’m never completely comfortable. to counteract this, i invite people into my home, where in smaller groups i can interact and get to know others… not to mention try out my baking on them! :-)
.-= suzi?s last blog ..remembering =-.
I am definitely an introvert, and yes, that’s affected my relationships in the church. (I have the added bonus of having grown up as a pastor’s kid – it’s hard to be an introvert when everyone is watching you.) Currently though, being an introvert means that in a season where I’ve been trying to find a church to be involved in after a season of pulling back for a while, I go through an excruciating process to drag myself to church, or to bible studies, because I know I need to reconnect to a community of believers, but I also hate the whole process, the attention being on me, the questions, the demands to share my story.
.-= Lisa?s last blog ..Daily 5 – Day 103 =-.
I’m an extreme extrovert (with accompanying insecurity) who moved to a small town where you’re only allowed to be an extrovert if you grew up here. I’m married to an extreme introvert with incredible leadership force who DID grow up here but is struggling with his place in the church.
Very odd combination.
I’m an INFJ too! Introverted with a spasm for people (if that makes any sense). I’m starting to get a feel for my rhythm in life though, learning when I crash and need to getaway to recharge. It affects my relationship with the Church because, well, it affects my ability to “choose” into community.
Sometimes I just want to be by myself when I need to be with people; because I need them and they need me.
Sometimes I feel selfish being introverted.
.-= Matthew Snyder?s last blog ..:: Who is Jesus :: =-.
I’m an Introverted(56%)-Sensing(25%)-Thinking(62%)-Judging(100%) person. I would have thought that there would be more introverts than extroverts in the church. I like being an introvert in church. I feel comfortable there. I’m pretty involved with helping in different ministries, but I like that I can help out without drawing a lot of unnecessary attention to myself. Church is one of the few places that I feel like I can do good things and not have to be “recognized” for it.
.-= Elaine?s last blog ..20 Questions =-.
I’ve never taken any of the tests, but if I had to say, it would be introvert. It’s odd though b/c I do have moments when I feel energized after being around people. I’ve done very little public speaking, but when I have, there has been lots of anxiety leading up to it, but I feel great afterwards…like it’s an area that God definitely wants to grow me. The same thing would apply if it’s just a large gathering w/ lots of people I don’t know…lots of anxiety leading up to it, but in the end, I’m okay.
I’ve certainly come out of my shell a bit over the years, but I think it’s okay to be an introvert…we’re all God’s unique creation, some more introspective than others, some just speak less than others. I think the question I had to ask myself is whether or not I was using this as a crutch..was it hindering me from what God created me to do? If so, then the root of it was fear and I must step out of my comfort zone. I’m still very much an introvert, but I’m growing and learning to do things that make me feel a bit uncomfortable for the sake of being obedient…ALWAYS, not just when it’s comfortable.
I am an introvert.
I definitely feel that we introverts are in the minority in the church. I feel that we are misunderstood and extroverts are often trying to “fix” us. I would love to read this book, because I often feel alone in this.
I am an extreme introvert. Apparently, I fake social skills pretty well because people always seem surprised when I say I’m an introvert, but I honestly am completely drained if I have to spend longer than a couple hours in a group.
In the church, this means that while I cognitively and theologically accept the whole “church is the people” and “relationships are important” thing, really I want to worship and serve without having to get into a conversation with anyone.
I am an introvert. Within the church this means that others may perceive me as having an attitude of “here I am” rather than “there you are.”
Small talk is especially challenging as I am more comfy with deep and rich conversation. I want to learn how to make small talk, as I know this is how people may start to feel safe with another person.
I am an introvert in the church and wish to be used of God there.
I’m a complete extrovert, but my wife is definitely an introvert. I’m a youth pastor, and my extroverted nature is a big help, but there are times that I feel like I can’t identify with or minister to some people, because I don’t understand them, and they don’t understand me. Sarah is awesome at ministering to most people I cannot connect well with, because she usually has a lot more in common with them than I do.
.-= Jeff?s last blog ..super chump =-.
Anne, great post. I too am on the fence between introvert and extrovert. In my role in the church, my introvert takes over when it comes to preparing for things. I need time to “live with it” whatever “it” is on my own in quiet. That is when I can be the most mentally productive. My introversion gets in the way when I allow it to keep me from reaching out to people. I can easily lean into extroversion when it comes to leading but in one-on-one situations it’s much easier to excuse myself from the situation.
.-= OrganizedArtist?s last blog ..Getting the word out =-.
I always tested introverted until a couple years ago. I think I’m a confused introvert. I have been testing more extroversion lately. What your friend said to you could probably describe me as well…”insecure extrovert.” Often I just don’t know what to say to people and so I will avoid a situation. I like being alone and seem to draw energy from it but I often find myself ansy in those situations. As a Pastor I do know my job requires me to be “on” and I do typically walk away from Sunday morning drained. So I’m learning to just be me and not let a test tell me who I am. And I’m learning to operate in a way that gives me the most energy. Truth is I need both solitude and conversation. Too much of either is not good. And so is too little of either.
I am 100% an introvert at heart. Working in the church has forced me far outside of that comfort zone. I think at times being introverted an hurt those relationships because when my people energy tank is empty, it’s empty and I have nothing left to pour into other people. I am reenergized by being alone as compared to extroverts who are energized by being around other people. I would agree that introverts are the minority. I think sometimes this leaves introverts being judged as cold or unfriendly because they’re misunderstood by extroverts. It’s something personally I have found I have to work really hard to combat.
I’m also INFJ, though like you not a strong I. I find I need a balance between needing time alone and time with others. My need for others comes from my insatiable desire to feel connected and my longing for God.
I’m an INFJ too :) The book sounds really interesting. I have definitely been guilty of using the introverted classification as a “crutch” when it comes to going to things or socializing, but I too find that I am on the line and do have extroverted tendencies. Speaking engagements and parties can energize me, but I need to maintain that balance. A big thing for me is making sure that I set aside 2-3 hours of strictly alone time with God because that is how I mostly easily connect with Him.
Great post, btw!
.-= Katy?s last blog ..Pray! =-.
I think I’m somewhere in between. The ‘insecure extrovert’ thing makes a lot of sense to me. I’m a youth pastor, but I am definitely not that big crazy personality I think people tend to expect from the person in that role. I am learning to be confident in my role and believe that there’s no one size fits all ideal of what a youth pastor should be… I am the right person for the church and kids that I have, and that is enough. Which I know in my head but am not so sure of in my heart. I’m working on that, though.
.-= brandi?s last blog ..Unexpected benefits. =-.
I am an extrovert, but I am married to an introvert. Our challenge of managing my commitment as the leader of our church’s alternative worship service and college ministry and my wife’s commitment to her job as a county prosecutor specializing in family violence is HUGE! She hits the weekend depleted and I hit it amped and ready for PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE. I think this book would be a good resource for our marriage, along with the volunteers I lead and influence who do not share my personality. I would definitely pass the book around!
I am an introvert. And now I feel I have already said too much. However, I will continue. Once I embraced my introversion, I begin to understand how to be me. Being an introvert does not mean I’m not relational. I know God created me to have relationships. So, I don’t hide from those opportunities. However, it does drain me to be in a large group where the interactions are simply surface interactions. Deep, meaningful conversations don’t drain me but shallow ones do. In ministry, a lot of my time is in the shallow conversations because we have brief encounters on Sundays or at events. So I make myself prepare for that time. It is easy for me to hide in the back to avoid the “social” times but as a leader I know that is a very important time that leads to the more meaningful conversations. Once I understood that I became more engaging in the social conversations. A means to an end.
Do I think introverts are the minority? It feels that way. But it seems that our culture pushes people to be extroverts so I wonder how many closet introverts there really are?
Omigosh! Anne, your post is dead-on. There’s so much that we can learn by learning more about ourselves in this area. I’m an introvert…and a pastor. And it’s my unscientific opinion that the vast majority of pastors (like, 80%?) are introverts who can (or at least try to) function as extroverts much of the time. But that of course depletes us and sometimes depresses us, if we don’t learn who we are and how to work with how God has wired us. So I would LOVE to get this book and read it. It would be a joy to review it on my blog, desperatepastor.blogspot.com, too!
Introverts are in the MAJORITY! According to McHugh, “…50.7 percent of the population” are introverts. I am reading this book now and am recommending it to everyone (http://epiphanylane.blogspot.com/2009/11/introverts-of-word-unite-extroverts-of.html).
McHugh’s insights are valuable both inside and outside the church. As a confirmed introvert who has often “felt stupid” in the midst of noisy extroverts, this book is providing healing, insight, and strategies for fully embracing who God has made me as an introvert.
A favorite quote: “God’s gifts are not conditional on our worthiness for receiving them or our fitness for using them, and they are certainly not conditional on personality type. God does not make sure someone is an extrovert before he bestows a gift of leadership, nor does he give gifts by mistake.”
very interesting. i love studying personalities. i’m an ENFJ. and very much reliant on people for refreshing.
this book is needed. you wrote “i called in introvert”… i’ve often wondered about church leadership and personality.
thanks for sharing about this book.
I am an introvert. I have to work real hard on my relationships, especially as a youth pastor it complicates things, but it also makes the relationships I have go much deeper.
I’m an INFJ, too! I think it makes it hard to join certain ministries where you don’t know a lot of people or would be required to talk a lot with people you don’t know well. I also think being an introvert impacts my witnessing. I’m certainly not confrontational, but I do enjoy building one-on-one relationships with people outside the church… God will find a way to use you, no matter what!
I’m an INFP and so introverted people don’t have to be told. :) On the positive side, I think I’m a bit more okay with solitude and being reflective than I might otherwise be. On the flip side, it’s harder for me to push past loneliness and dive into community (I’ve also used the excuse of “I’m being healthy”) because it requires real effort. Sometimes I need to be around people (so I don’t cave in an overly introspective funk, which happens sometimes), and that’s not my default. It’s also easy for me to not talk about things I perhaps should (like “things we don’t say in church” :)) because I can hide behind being quiet when I am around people. I think that has a major affect on my authenticity as a leader and just on my ability to form “real” friendships, even if I weren’t leading anything (but especially in settings where I lead and am afraid of what others think).
Send me a book. :)
Extrovert to the extreme. Overall this part of my personality has been an advantage in 20+ years of vocational ministry. People feel very comfortable approaching me and telling me their “stuff”. However, a large group of people is like crack for me. Sometimes I don’t listen very well…jump from person-to-person like a fart in a fry pan…work the room, the whole room, and still find myself feeling lonely.
I am an introvert. At church and work I find myself wanting to be behind the scenes and not around a lot of people.
I took the test and came up ISFJ…it’s pretty close to who I am. I have to gear myself up for public events and then once those things are done I have to withdraw from everything to gear up again. When I feel comfortable, I can let myself go a little more than I would otherwise but mostly I just keep to myself. Sunday mornings I’ll stand in the lobby watching Pete or Blake talk to folks and I’ll kind of just stand there without talking to anyone.
.-= Jason?s last blog ..This path changing idea is not going to be easy =-.
I’m an INFP to the core.
But, I love people. I have a lot of friends that I have deep relationships with. I am even considered (though it’s strange to me) outgoing. Like, I won an award in college. Ha. But, I definitely had to learn how to be an introvert well within my context. I would say that lesson really started when I was an RA at my Christian University. I definitely saw my introversion as a strength in some ways, I think it is that which helps me form deep connections with people, but at the same time, I had to always be meeting new people, friendly, talking to people I didn’t know well. I can do it, but it certainly doesn’t feel natural to me.
So, learning boundaries in relationships and getting my extroverted friends to understand that sometimes, I just want to be alone, and that has no bearing on them.
As far as the church goes, I do think there is a misunderstanding. When I’m not super friendly, happy, when I’m more quiet, reserved, inside, I think it comes off as morose or snobbish, maybe even detached. Then it’s very easy to become isolated, and there seems to be limited (I’d use a more extreme word, as is been the case in my actual church experience, but I’ll give the benefit of the doubt) oppurtunities to create intimate one-on-one relationships within the church, and that’s just what’s comfortabel and natural to me. So, I think it does feel a bit like a minority, because I do feel more often expected into extroversion.
But, ultimately, that’s a failure on whatever institution is doing it. I work best when give time and space alone, allowed to develop intimate one-on-one relationships, and generally have a little more limited huge giant group time. Force me into another situation, you don’t get as much out of me.
I’m an INFJ/INTJ borderline. Being an introvert, I’m reminded of the words of Donald Miller when he writes that he needs to spend like a ton of hours alone so he can “charge” up for the few he spends with people. As a worker in the church, you feel like you aren’t getting things done when you are by yourself studying, praying, and being alone. It is a constant guilt feeling of “I need to get out there and be with people!” However, this is a battle I face every day in ministry because people expect you to be extroverted!
.-= John Alexander?s last blog ..The Third Way =-.
Okay, Anne, like you I am confused about what I am. I don’t really feel a need to be social – my best day is being alone with a book… But then I feel like I HAVE to tell someone about it and discuss it.
In church, if people are talking about “girl stuff” and getting together and shopping I am a total outcast and don’t feel like I care, but if we start talking about a theological issue, I can’t shut up.
So am I a “selective extrovert?” Does this just mean I’m a snob? I don’t mean to be; I’m just horribly inept at casual social converstations.
Maybe this book will figure me out…
I’m most definitely an introvert, and I think that in the church (and in general), it can cause me to misrepresent myself as someone who does not care much for others. For me, at least, it’s insecurity that leads me to keep to myself in most situations, unless my husband or close friend is nearby. I know that I do not enjoy new situations without the ‘comfort’ of a close friend who is more extroverted than I, and I have definitely ‘called in’ on more than one social event that I was uncomfortable with going to alone.
I have taken the MBTI at least 30 times in the past 30 years. I still get conflicting results, but have started to test more and more consistently INTP. However, I am still pretty confused about my personality type.
The best method for finding “me” I have found is to work on finding my center by solitude, prayer, and relaxation breathing- for hours at a time. Basically, becoming a recluse until people seek me out – It even is my best approach when i go out shopping, etc..
Has anyone ever written on this?
Ideally my extrovert and introvert choice would be to get clositered at home and stay in, working on getting centered, and then when people come to my door looking for me for social activities, go out and do what they want to do if I am in a good place center wise. This is very hard to do, but the few times I have been able to do it, it works very well. It seems like if people come to me, i do well with them, but if i go looking for socialization uncentered- it is a mess, and both myself and the other person get frustrated.
So, as far as church and job- I have none- i haven’t been able to get this approach perfected enough to deal with those two areas. However, this is far from ideal.
So, am i shy extrovert with socialization problems, or am I an introvert. My gut reaction is to say “both”- though that doesn’t make much sense.
Unless I am centered- none of it matters- socialization and isolation are both equally painful.
We need a better conceptual model for introversion/extroversion and personality.
Has anyone ever written on this?
Like you, I have taken this test several times. I always come up with ISFJ or INFJ. I ride that line between sensing and judging pretty well. As for the I/E line, I always rate 90-100% introverted. Always. It doesn’t make sense though because I can be extroverted when I need to be. But I always retreat back to my introverted ways when I’m done. It just took somebody noticing my abilities and encouraging me to step outside my comfort zone and I was able take on leading a Bible study group on my own. Not something I was comfortable with at first, but something I’ve come to love and have learned so much from.
I am an introvert in an extroverts body! I hate public speaking and putting myself “out there” yet it seems like I always have to do just that.
As a pastor of a church people seem surprised that I hate public speaking. I recognize I am good at it but I always get the butterflies in my stomach when I go to speak.
Interestingly our church is filled with mostly introverts!
I know I am an introvert and Meyers Briggs has confirmed it. People don’t see this in me as I can be quit out going, relational, majorly involved. I tend to lead from the middle. I have started many ministries and because of my introvertedness listening to God is easier. I am a very creative person. God has and continues to use me and so I have learned to embrace this personally trait as a true gift from God.
I am introvert by nature, but because we are in ministry I have learned to force myself to be extroverted in ministry situations.
Oh, gosh, can I relate to being an insecure extrovert! I really do need time alone to replenish and process my day. But I also get “amped” up like you do when I am around other people who I love and enjoy being with. It is just that I have such a hard time when I think I am going to have to be around those people whom I perceive to be better than I am. Then I totally turn into an introvert and decide I need to stay at home and read. I already have so many wonderful friends, but this makes it harder to find someone to date.
Plus the fact that I am always trying to perceive how deep a person is (i.e. what is this person’s capacity to deal with pain and sadness because I struggle with these emotions a lot, and I wrongly assume that if someone appears happy and with it in public, he or she does not have the capability to deal with these difficulties).
I’m an ISTJ, and my pastor-husband is an ENFP. Makes for good times. :)
My introversion most definitely affects ministry. My Sunday afternoons are most often spent rocking in a fetal position.
Looks like a great book.-Thanks for the chance!
Amy Storms
I generally test INFP, but I too am close to the line in the E/I area. I’m an introvert, but a fairly social one (which is good, cuz I’m a speaker, too). I was on staff at a church for a time that totally valued the more extraverted-type leader, and I often found myself paying the price for the sides of my temperament that were seen as “wrong” rather than a whole different set of assets. *sigh* Do I feel like a minority? Yes, often. But not usually in a bad way. I rather like the benefits I (and my friends) gain from my introverted side.
I am right in the middle of an E/I, but lean towards being an introvert. In my role as Director of Children & Youth Ministry, sometimes it’s difficult to be more of an introvert. People expect you to be outgoing and always wanting to be around people. I become more extroverted the more comfortable I become with my surroundings and neighboring individuals, but I actually hate mixing and mingling to meet new people! I prefer small group encounters much more.
I am an extrovert, so some of church life is definitely easier for me. But I’m an extrovert who grew up with introverts, in the country so I need quiet time just as much. That balance has been hard for me to get right at times and before I burnt out in my old church I know I wasn’t being allowed to have enough time for me. Since my accident I’ve become a lot more introverted as I get tired from too much people contact and I love being at home alone during the day, which is something I never thought I’d say. But I’m also more creative than I’ve been in years as well.
I am an introvert, but less and less the more I grow spiritually. I recognize that God created me introverted: at the end of the day, I’m much happier with a book or computer in my rocking chair at home than out at some social function.
I also recognize that God placed me where I am on purpose. I’m married to a man who can easily cross that I/E line multiple times a day. In order to minister by my husband’s side, I’ve had to learn to be situationally extroverted.
Someone else made the comment that because they are introverted it seems to make it easier to hear God. I think I agree with that. Because my core longs for quiet, it’s much easier to look forward to meeting God there, than for me to have to try and find Him in all the noise and chaos of life.
I think introverts tend to get overlooked, but we definitely have a contribution to make.
(I’m working on getting our church leadership to acknowledge and learn from our introverted members.)
This is a great post – I’m enjoying reading the comments to see what other people think about this.
Thanks Anne!
.-= Jen C?s last blog ..Finished a video today =-.
Introvert/Extrovert – According to the tests I’m an introvert but the real question is what do we do with what God has given us to work with? I find that you need to just be yourself – the terrific person God intentionally made a very unique way. He’s got plenty of use and plans for you if you simply “trust in Him who He has sent”. Inner strength/peace does not come from being alone or with others – it comes from God. Perhaps we see being “slow to speak” as being an introvert when that’s just Biblical wisdom :).
I ride the line, too, but my parents pushed hard on the extrovert side growing up (public speaking, chorus) so I know how to use those parts of me. I’d be stoked to find out how to harness my introvert-self in service to God. It sometimes seems like there’s no place for that in church world–at least protestant church world.
Sometimes I wish I were Catholic so I could be a nun and pray and read and write and think about stuff and make people food all day. Hard as I might try to convince them, my church won’t feed and house me.
Jennifer: I think you are on to something. I am praying that you can find ways to live a monastic-servant lifestyle without becoming Catholic and in the framework of your present church. I really think you are on to something.
I am an introvert that can be an extrovert
I took this same quiz nearly a year ago. I was INFJ, 69 on Introverted. Today, I?m INFP and 56 on Introverted. Why… because today I?m not the same person I was a year ago.
A year ago I worried about what other people thought of me. I worried that I wasn?t good enough, that I had to do everything perfectly. I served at every request, meet every need that came my way.
I crashed and burned.
And my loving Father came, held me in His arms, and loved me just as He made me.
It?s not how I see myself that defines who I am. It?s knowing how God sees me that makes me who I am.
Will I always be more introverted, probably. Will I continue to grow, expectantly. Will is always see through rose-colored glasses, definitely.
I?m looking forward to reading Adam?s thoughts on introverts in the church. There are a lot of us :)
i am more of an introvert in the church and its hard sometimes to make connections and establish new friendships!
I am an ISFJ, but my E/I line is usually around 45/55%. I think that many of my extraverted tendencies are the result of nurture (from two very outgoing parents) rather than nature, though. As a child, I was scolded for reading a book in my room while we had company. My dad taught me that people are more important than books and [accidentally implied] that I need to take every opportunity to spend time with people. Now I lead a college ministry and love spending time with the students, though the right amount for now seems to be less than my dad would think, but more than is comfortable for me. I keep stretching and don’t want to use my intraversion to avoid that quality time, but I do have a weekly night that I turn off all phones, computers, electronics, etc, and spend the time quietly recharging with God.
.-= Abby?s last blog ..How to Be Successful ? Follow-up =-.
My Myers-Briggs result is almost always INTJ, with strong, high scores for the I, T, and J components.
I generally describe myself as an “exhausted introvert.” I always come up as an introvert on personality tests, but on other tests I come up as a “people person” (which is not the same as the Introvert/Extrovert scale). Thus, I generally enjoy being around people and need people in my life, but I definitely do not draw my energy from being around them.
The things is, I don’t really feel like this affects my relationships, in the church or otherwise. I am still called to be a part of the community of the church and surround myself with people to love on, and this is the same for all personalities. Yes, I do need time to myself every now and then to “recharge” but it doesn’t mean I get a “get-out-of-social-event” free card either.
The statistical minority? Who knows. Introverts can be just as active in their social community. We just need a bit of down time outside it too.
I am an introvert. . . INFJ actually. I am married to an extrovert however. I think I’ve become a bit more used to extroverted behavior of my own in the course of being married, but also more in touch with introverts around me and recognizing introverts and their behavior fairly quicky.
Thank you for the opportunity to get a copy of the book.
I am an introvert INTJ the Rational Portrait of a Mastermind, haha. But, I would rather sit by myself at church and I have no problem doing that. But when it is time to greet people, I have actually started going up to people I don’t know simply to get out of that comfort zone. Good blog, as always, would love the book.
Hope things are going well!
.-= Ben?s last blog ..Workout Prayers #3: What Can I Pray For You About? =-.
I am an ISTJ. Here’s the breakdown:
Introverted (I) 82%
Sensing (S) 50%
Thinking (T) 65%
Judging (J) 59%
Despite the I part, I am involved in leadership roles at church. I would love to ‘read more about it’ – both to understand my wiring better and to be more effective in/for the Kingdom.
If I’m chosen, I would also be happy to post a review on my newly created blog, andrealschultz.blogspot.com!
Have a happy Thanksgiving, a blessed Christmas, and a safe and healthy New Year!
I am am introvert with a splash of extrovert 1/2 & 1/2 INFJ
I prefer to be backstage vs. the stage. The Shadows vs. the Lime Light. I love interacting w/ people, in the trenches, Quietly. So, I would say the test is accurate in the introvert vs. extrovert scale. Thank God for grace-My Judging scale is 78. oy. Maybe, that is my analytical side-I believe everything/everyone can be analyzed. I am working on this one. :-)
.-= Reese?s last blog ..Got Humility? =-.
1 more thing… I think some Extroverts should embrace their Introvert a little more frequently… I say this, in general, not to be directed at anyone here-but, sometimes in Church, generally.
ok, that’s all…
Thx.
.-= Reese?s last blog ..Got Humility? =-.
I have debated for years if I’m an introvert or extrovert. I lean introvert.
In Africa, being an introvert is seen sometimes as a weakness or not being “communal” minded. Sometimes I’m accused of not loving people or reaching out, when all I need is some time to recharge BECAUSE I love them and want to spend time with them.
This book looks fascinating. I sent this link to all my introvert friends :)
Anne, you said that introverts are a minority, but it doesn’t look that way from a quick glance at the comments. This looks like an introvert-coming-out party.
I’m an introvert and a pastor, and I rely on God’s Holy Spirit to make me extroverted every Sunday morning. I’m married to an extrovert. She likes to show up early to a party and stay late. I like to show up late and leave early. She can talk to a crowd at a gathering; I mingle in the corner with 1 or 2 and hop from 1 or 2 for the duration. She processes her thoughts out loud. I keep them to myself until they’re baked and ready to go. I totally get the guy who doesn’t like the phone because it demands off-the-cuff conversation.
My introversion made more sense when a psychologist drew a little tent on a piece of paper and surrounded it with several stick people. She told me that extroverts live outside the tent and get their energy that way. Introverts come out from the tent to interact but go back in for energy.
I’d be more curious as well about the “N” portion of the test against the “S” portion. I’ve heard that “S” is the majority in the population. Give me directions with how many .tenths of a mile before what kind of turn instead of “turn at the red house, by the water tower after the green field.”
Thanks for the post!
I’m an ENFJ. With an emphasis on “F”. But I’m a different type of extrovert. I’m not the life of the party or always out in front. But I do get my energy off of people. And love to be around them. However, I need time alone with God frequently to focus on God or otherwise I’d be all over the place. On a funny note, the way I scored on this test had one person look at me and tell me I was an enigma. I scored high on the “F” and high on the “J”. Not usually how people score. I guess that makes me unique ;) I’ll take that.
I’m an introvert who’s been lucky enough to marry an extrovert. She’s taught me a thing or two…
I would find it hard to believe that introverts are the minority in terms of statistics. The self-proclaimed “extroverts” totally feel like that’s what they have to say. :)
.-= Josh?s last blog ..God is huge =-.
INFP here. Extreme INFP. Almost 90% introvert.
Surprisingly, attending a charismatic church where everyone jumps and screams at the top of their lungs.
I’m usually quiet and shy, so I tend to runaway from social interactions in church. I got asked a lot, “Why are you so quiet?” or “You’re alone?” and it makes me feel totally abnormal.
I think introverts are a minority everywhere. There are definitely more extroverts out there and also, they are more likely to be noticed.
And yeah, the book ;)
I also am INFJ! with borderline Introvert/Extrovert.
Funny thing is, although I’m an INFJ, I am a scientist/engineer by profession, and I think I am constantly battling between going with making decisions with heart/feeling and calculation/logic.
My serving experience at church has been great! …meeting lots good people, being everywhere and practically involved with everything church-related. I definitely don’t exert the Introvert characteristics while serving at church, however I do need my own space to re-energize.
I also think perhaps being an INFJ helped me see a lot of “lackings” at church. So sad…
The I/E thing is interesting. I walk the line too…often explained as functioning as an ‘e’ cuz that’s what’s necessary, but needing ‘i’time too. Though I’ve noticed I need less ‘i’ time than in the past. Anyway…the book sounds worth reading–thanks for posting.
I get the same results on Myers-Briggs, and right now am I feeling it! I am a pastor. Ministry can be lonely and frustrating. Sometimes I do indeed feel empty, like I have nothing left to give. I sometimes think an extrovert would be a much better fit for the congregation I currently serve.
I am glad, however, not to be alone … there are others like us in the church. Even Jesus needed some time for rest, to be away from the crowds. And there is a loving God who overflows with goodness and mercy for all who turn to him … whatever we score on the Myers-Briggs!
I’m an Introvert with a capital “I”. I have no idea why God called me into the very public ministry of preaching and teaching, but He did. For the first few years (and still every now and again) I got sick like crazy before every service, and still want to go and climb into a dark room after service!
It’s quite tough to balance it out, though by God’s grace I’m getting better at it.
I’m a definite introvert. I can be around people, but only with a good deal of alone time before and after. I work at a kids camp during the summer, and always said that the reason i was able to do that was because i spent the next nine months not talking to anyone…
School… I avoid cafeterias and anything that would have me around groups of people.
Yet, get me on a train and I’ll gladly find some little kid to play jacks with, or a homeless man to befriend, or a person to chat with for hours.
I think i’m terrified of failing expectations, so in places where i have some sort of expectation, i proclaim that i’m an introvert. but when everyone leaves me alone and no one’s watching me, i can step out and be a timid extrovert. on my own terms.
i’m a youth ministry major.
how in the world this is going to work is beyond me…
I am an introvert who tries so hard to be an extrovert.
Or maybe I am the opposite.
I am a person who has ideas, but doesn’t believe in them enough to risk failing alongside them. So I give them away. Yet when they turn into something I get mad that someone else went running with “my” idea.
So maybe I am with you. Maybe I am simply an “insecure extrovert.”
.-= Steven?s last blog ..Untitled =-.
I’m an ISFJ. I’ve definitely felt restricted sometimes in terms of leadership, because when you don’t talk much, people don’t expect you to be a leader, and it’s hard to change your reputation as ‘the quiet one.’ I’ve actually been struggling with this issue for the past few weeks, so I’m curious as to what Adam McHugh has to say.
I’m an ISFJ, too, but have had the opposite experience. Early in my college ministry experience, there were a few friends who pushed me out of my comfort zone and didn’t expect me to be “quiet” all the time. I have noticed, though, that labels rarely change within a group. (I’ve been the responsible, homemaker-ish one since high school!)
I’m an extrovert — love people and am supercharged after spending time with a group.
However I am fine with being alone and need some alone time to think and reflect with the Lord.
Within the church I find myself in front of people — a lot. That may be part extrovert and the other part ham.
.-= Mary R Snyder?s last blog ..Defying Gravity =-.
I am both, an introvert and extrovert . . . usually pretty happy if I have a balance. My husband is an extreme introvert, and he was a pastor and it created no shortage of stress. It’s one of the big reasons he’s chosen to leave full-time ministry, I’d love for him to get to read this book!
Each time I take the test, I swap between E & I, and I thought it was a fluke, but it really does ring true of me and it’s been fun trying to integrate those two sides of the same coin.
I love seeing how diverse introverts can be, as well as extroverts. It’s a stereotype that people who are I are quiet and contemplative and cautious, and people who are E are loud and lead the charge, but that just isn’t true! Putting people in the church into these boxes or even putting ourselves in these boxes can be so limiting and also comforting.
I completely connect with the comment your friend made about your introversion and insecurities. I do have introversion tendencies, but I can use them to get out of situations that are uncomfortable or intimidating by using my introversion. I appreciate you sharing that because it’s been a recurring theme in my life to see how I’ve used my “nature” to hide and sulk in insecurities.
I am an ISFJ and our teachering pastor tell us all the time how introverted he is. I think that my introvertness affects the church because it takes me a while to warm up to people and become comfortable with them. I don’t share a lot with other people for till I get to know them better. I think that I then could miss out on opportunities to share Jesus with someone. I am not suprised that there are not more introverts in the church due to all the calling out that we do. However, my husband who is an extrovert is not as comfortable with outreaches as I am. I do feel that it makes me feel that way sometimes being on the outside because it takes me so long to warm up and be open with people.
I can’t wait to read the book and see what Adam has to say. I will also have my husband read it and get his persective too. I am sure it will bring out good discussion.
Anne, I certainly started out an introvert. But not as badly so as my great-great-grandfather, one of the Mormons who pioneered southern Utah. First, he was too bashful to propose to his first wife – got his parents to ask her parents to ask her for him (she said yes). Then, as a good Mormon who believed in polygamy, he finally met the woman he felt would be his perfect second wife. Trouble was, he was still too bashful to ask. Want to guess what he did? Oh, yes! He asked his first wife to propose for him. Again, everyone said “yes.” Believe it or not!
Maybe I was never that bad. But close. I was painfully shy, until I met my present wife. She drew me out – and then some! Since then I’ve been known to go up to a pastor’s wife (and good friend) and tell her “you know, if I was a woman, I DON’T think I’d wear a T-shirt like yours that says “Bum Equipment” across my chest!” (Next time we met she was still wearing a T-shirt, but this one said “Old Navy.”
So how would you class me now?. Best suggestion? Don’t even try. If I finally figure it out, I’ll let you know.
I am definitely an introvert and yes, I often feel like we are the minority. As for my role in the church, I feel right at home behind the scenes. I enjoy creating an atmosphere for our extroverts to shine.
.-= Tara?s last blog ..Wedding Bells =-.
I loved this post. I am a speaker.writer.pastor and I have come to identify myself as an outgoing introvert. I can be in ‘go-mode’ when I need to be, and I certainly enjoy being with people but it does drain me. I have to have my introverted, introspective, alone time in order to recharge.
That book sounds super interesting to me. ;)
.-= PC?s last blog ..Simple Coffee =-.
I’m certainly an introvert. I get recharged by being alone and having some silence.
It affects relationships more than I’d like. Ministry is all about relationships, right? Well it seems like it takes more out of me when I’m being social and investing into people’s lives. I have to be more intentional about it than other people I think.
It’s draining, but it also makes it easier to take care of my own spiritual needs.
I’d LOVE a copy of the book to learn more about how I function!
.-= Jeremy Anderberg?s last blog ..The Wisdom of Brother Lawrence =-.
i am an introvert. because of this the sunday school class i teach is a matter of obedience and the hands-on praying God calls me to do is not always easy. i use my need for solitude as an excuse for disobedience occasionally. i have failed to keep members of visiting choirs in my house even though i have room. i have not stopped to pray for a senior adult who i know needs my time and touch and have written a note instead.
I am an introvert. It affects my relationships in the church because I don’t often feel free to share my thoughts with a large group…but in a small group, I thrive.
Ooh, I totally understand this. I’m definitely an introvert, because I have to have plenty of alone time to recharge. However, I’ve grown to love more interactions with people and they energize me because they give me more fodder for thinking in my time alone. In the church, I’d much rather serve with one-on-one communication or behind the scenes.
.-= Kayla?s last blog ..I Can?t Just Follow Christ Anymore =-.
Extreme introvert here. I’ve always felt it was more of a hindrance than not but as I’ve grown to appreciate how God made me I can appreciate my gifts. I’m a very good listener and intimate friendships are important to me. As a clergy wife this can be an asset! Just don’t expect me to take on multiple leadership roles – way too exhausting for me.
.-= Amy?s last blog ..Escaping into Advent =-.
I’m an introvert, and that’s definitely made it harder in some churches. Interestingly enough, the years I was in the Catholic Church were the easiest. I think it’s because it’s more difficult to find volunteers in the Catholic Church so anyone who does volunteer is enthusiastically welcomed.
I’ve found it far more difficult to volunteer lately and also more difficult to reach out to people. No matter how much I push myself to interact (within the bounds of politeness, of course, since I’m an INFJ and don’t want to be pushy), things often don’t seem to “click.” I actually love having intense conversations about faith, and I’ve enjoyed the ministries best where that’s what’s needed.
.-= M Light?s last blog ..Things I wish I hadn’t learned =-.
I am certainly an introvert who has been working full time with a youth focused parachurch organization that hires almost all extroverts. I have been doing it for 5+ years and am at the point where I feel as if the drain of being the up front and relational guy is a real drain.
Many
Oops hit enter accidentally!
Many of the resources I have read sort of suggest that I am simply burned out and need to refocus and get my priorities back in shape and not to quit.
This could be true.
It also could be that I need to change the job up a bit and surround myself with others who are more extroverted in an attempt to give myself more time to recharge and have time reading etc.
It’s a tricky balance.
This post actually resonated a lot with me. I feel that most of the time I’m an introvert, but at the same time, there are quite a few times that I get very energized by being around people. It’s really weird and I’ve had to question myself on who I really am when it comes to recharging and what works best for me.
I think when it comes to the church, I am definitely more of an introvert. I feel that many people are better than me, and so I sit back a lot and wait for people to ask me about serving, rather than rush in full force and say “I want to do this, this, and this.” I struggle to feel qualified, and then the introvert in me tends to foster that. I’m pretty sure that’s not a good thing, but since introverts are the minority, it makes sense that most others I work with are so outgoing.
.-= Jeremy?s last blog ..A Million Miles in a Thousand Years =-.
Totally introverted and it stinks when your husband is a pastor. Everybody knows who he is and I’d rather hide at home and not live under the microscope. Everyone seems to think I have a lot to offer–and maybe I do, but I’d much rather do it from my blog as a writer than from the front of a stage as a speaker. I CAN do public speaking, just not my preference. Curious to see what the book says…
.-= Nates5bs?s last blog ..Praying for Your Children =-.
Extrovert. This can be a blessing and a curse if it isn’t kept under the leading of the Holy Spirit. In college, I was over committed myself to several ministries, which in turn truly weakened my effectiveness with any of them. I later resigned my position with two and focused on two. I was able to focus in and saw a great deal of fruit after I let Him lead and guide me. I love to be around people.
.-= Jonathan ?s last blog ..Intentionality. =-.
I think i would say introverted, in the sense that I have opinions about various things in church, but don’t really air my views, for fear that I am totally cut down, because I am not as theologically well read…
.-= connormcc?s last blog ..Photo of the Week? =-.
I find myself to be energized after spending time with people…but it’s a matter of whether or not I let my hair down to be authentic around people for it to really be considered a true interaction that will touch the base of my being and thus be able to energize me
I am an INFP, but am also drawn to leadership (gift of governments?). I am not on our front lines of meeting and greeting, and it takes me a long while to get to know people at my church. I have been involved in women’s ministry leadership, which is very dependent upon forging those relationships, and I tend to hang back on this. One-on-one and small group conversations are very successful–when I feel like interacting.
I also feel like God is testing me in my self-concept by asking me to step out and interact more than I would naturally. He still needs to do what he’s gonna do through me….
I think I am an extrovert, but like Adam, seem to enjoy “talking things out.” I had the privilege to know Adam as we share the same alma mater, but more importantly, he mentored my campus IV group. His introspection was very powerful and the entire experience of being in a great Christian group in college gave me more courage to stand up and defend my faith. Yes, some folks in law school were hostile to my beliefs and some were welcoming. But life since undergrad (law school and beyond!) has taught me to be more radically defensive for God. Not necessarily challenging others gratuitiously, but more so finding good solid arguments, as any good lawyer would, to defend beliefs and why I hold them. I can credit my undergraduate and law school education for this too, but without a strong faith made stronger by some great mentors in IV christian fellowship, it would have been more daunting for me to present the arguments for my faith to hostile opinions. I have always been extroverted enough to enjoy “talking things out” (even to myself if no one else is listening!) but the courage to speak up when necessary has helped a lot.
I’m an INFJ also, but I’m highly introverted. I definitely feel exhausted after a ladies retreat or something where I have to be around a lot of people. I do a lot of behind the scenes tasks at church and with our Sunday School class.
.-= Amy?s last blog ..For my Daddy: Breaking News Update from Home =-.
I have always considered myself an introvert, but recently have been wondering if I’m really more extroverted when it comes to ministry. I’ve been in leadership positions for the past few years and have had to give several talks in front of large groups. People keep telling me that I have a gift for public speaking, and I am surprising myself with how much I love it. I know exactly what you mean about getting amped up from speaking! I feel awesome afterward! Sometimes I really do get exhausted from interacting with people so much though, so I feel like I’m still an introvert. I think I can just learn to be extroverted when it comes to ministry.
i’m an introvert. an isfj to be more precise. i don’t know if i’ve really noticed whether or not it’s a minority in the church. i am on staff with a large college ministry though, and introverts are definitely a minority there. the main difference i notice is that some parts of the job are more difficult for me, or at least more exhausting for me. but i’ve learned how to compensate somewhat. this sounds like an interesting book. sometimes i feel like i’m putting on a mask when i’m interacting with people, even though i understand why i need to initiate and interact with them.
INTJ – need/crave time alone! Give me tasks with non-human resources like computers, phone systems, workroom equipment – don’t make me stop my logical thinking process to interact with a person… :)
I would say a very moderate extrovert that really likes quiet time.
.-= Adam S?s last blog ..Eye of the Storm by John Ringo =-.
I’m not exactly sure if I’m an introvert or an extrovert. Having taken the Meyers Briggs and other similar test of several occasions I have gotten different opinions, never one so dominate over the other.
I’m an edge-of-the-crowd, small groups kinda guy. But I am willing to step up and lead when I see the need or when my role dictates.
However, I would love to know how to minister to those who share the introverts aspects I feel sometimes. Maybe this book would help.
I’m an introvert.
And yes, the world (and church!!!) makes extroverts look SO much better than introverts.
Especially in ministry. I mean, you can’t do ministry if you don’t like people, right? And if you’re an introvert, you can’t like people because you’re locked away in your room with the curtains closed all the time. Right?
Haha. RIGHT.
I am introverted in public but extroverted in private. I am quite in groups of 5 or more but get with my closest five friends I can’t shut up.
I am tagged as an ENFP, but I think I am floating close to the center between introvert & extrovert. I find solace in moments of solitude, but miss being a part of community at times. I find strength in having a few really close friends.
I think there is a place for both introverts & extroverts, especially in a church and I think the introverts at times are not given a fair shake because at times they are preceived as being closed off.
I would love a copy as a way to better understand the church flock so that I can minister to them better.
.-= Dave Anthold?s last blog ..Creator?s Tool Palette =-.
This is probably way more than you wanted but it is something that has been on my mind a lot recently.
I took my first Myers-Briggs test in April 1982 while in the Navy. I was an ENFP. I maxed out on the Extrovert side. However, as the years have gone on, I have drifted closer and closer to the introvert side of the scale.
Recently I had a revelation. I am by nature an Introvert. The Navy and being “free” to do my own thing for the first time in my life all those years ago, brought an exaggerated extroversion that has lasted most of my life. I thought I had to be “out there” in order to fit in and be accepted. However, I was always more comfortable by myself (in the quiet) with the company of a book, computer, puzzle, game or with a few very close friends.
As an “extrovert,” I have worked in ministry at my church in hospitality and with our children and youth. However, as time went on, it became emotionally draining and I could not see a way out. Eventually stepped down from these ministries.
For now, I am recharging. I am becoming more balanced in what God intended for me. He designed me to encourage people – one on one or in small group settings.
.-= Deb K?s last blog .. =-.
I am an introvert and a leader… how did I get here?
.-= Daniel?s last blog ..Floor Sleepings and Other Activities =-.
I’m an INFJ too!
Actually, I scored ENFJ as well. Like you, Ann, I ride that line between introvert and extrovert. I’ve always thought I was an introvert, and I do think I’m naturally a little bit more introverted. But the fact that I scored equally introverted an extroverted was kind of cool to me.
For the past two years I’ve helped staff a missions trip to Juneau, Alaska, with Campus Crusade. It’s an awesome experience for college-aged guys. We do some evangelism, go camping and fishing, and hang out for the Fourth of July in a Native Alaskan village. Well this coming summer, I’m leading the trip. I’m the one calling all the shots. And it’s kind of intimidating. I almost turned down the opportunity because I didn’t think my introverted personality fit the job. But part of me really thought I could do it. And I felt God pushing me to take this step. Now I realize a personality test, even one as respected and widely used as the Myers-Briggs, isn’t necessarily indicative of God’s leading in your life. But my scoring both INFJ and ENFJ, made me feel like God was confirming in me the fact that He has equipped me to lead the trip this coming summer. Now, rather than being a little worried, I’m really excited.
Thanks for this post, Ann!
-mj
I’m an introvert whom everyone thinks is an extrovert. My husband is a pastor and sometimes it takes everything in me to make myself walk into church on Sunday morning. In social situations, I feel the responsibility to speak to those who are new or standing alone simply because of my PW role, not always because I want to. I speak in front because of my position, I counsel because of my position, etc….. Because I do these things, people assume I am a secure extrovert, but none of it is what I want to do and it drains me.
I am a inntrovert who works at a church and lives with a family of extroverts. Ministry wise I make big boundaries and do not over commit my week nights or weekends. I make sure I am not busy all the time. In the past I did not realize I was introverted and actually thought I was a extrovert. I was always doing something at church or with people from church. Until March of 2005 my dad died and with all those commitments I burned out. I stepped away from ministry for a while and focused on myself and alone time. Over time I was renewed an realized I have to make time for me, especially now that I work at a church.
I’m INTP. For me, sometimes when I tell people I’m an introvert they are surprised. I’ve taught myself to engage with people in an extroverted manner for at least some of the time. I’ve found this wears off after about 2 hours, at that point strangely the solution isn’t for me to crawl into a book or something similar but to have deep conversation with a friend, to be authentic with each other. I would still call myself an introvert, I recharge alone and enjoy being alone.
i’m an introvert. Sometimes it’s harder for me to go out of my way to meet new people b/c of the fear of “running out of things to talk about”… and then the awkward silence. Sometimes i feel like a party-pooper for having to leave an event early or not go… and sometimes it doesn’t help when people tease me about it “oh, you’re such a party-pooper”… :\ I just can’t “have fun” with people all the time! And sometimes I risk being misunderstood as “not using my gifts” or “not serving enough” by needing so much alone time.
I am also an INFJ and in the church..its interesting.
My church is small one, so we are close and family and it really almost seems like we all know each other’s business.
But although I’m an introvert, I’m one of those people that works in multiple ministries. Im still quiet about it though. To me its more-God called me to do this so its my job now and i will do it happily and for him.
Being introverted affects my relationships more so when people thank me and tell me what a good job im doing. Its hard to open up, say thank you for the compliment.
introverts dont feel like a minority to me, but I have a large group of friends who are also introverts.
Definitely an introvert (also INFJ). I love my friends at church and being at church, but I have to come home and escape for a bit to my room alone (not easy with 4 kids).
I do find that so often my introvert spirituality is DEFINITELY mis-read at church or church events. I don’t like being thrust into small groups with people I don’t know well to “share”, and sometimes this is mis-read. I’m also not one to throw my hands up in the air in worship (I’d rather kneel), and I often hear that when I am “freed in Christ” I’ll feel comfortable to put my hands up. I dislike that attitude. I used to feel bad about it and try to be something I’m not. But now I don’t care. People who take the time to know me are the only ones whose opinions I really care about.
I’m an introvert. It doesn’t mean that I can’t speak to a group of people, take part in a discussion, or lead a group. It just means that I have to be selective about my week and intentionally build in some time to recharge. Statistically introverts are a small part of the population, but I’m not convinced that they are proportionately small in the church. I think there may be more of them attracted by the passionate inner life that the faith offers.
.-= Ian Eastman?s last blog ..My Visit to the North Pole & The End of the World =-.
I’m an extrovert. (I’m ESTJ in the Myers-Briggs assessment.) This means that I really enjoy spending time with people getting to know them and chatting about life with them, and I am able to connect well with people of all ages/life stages/experiences. This is a positive thing in church ministry.
But I do struggle to set aside blocks of time to do the work of thinking and planning that requires one to be alone and quiet, which is more often the domain of introverts. As the saying goes, our greatest strengths are usually also our greatest weaknesses.
I am definately an introvert. I love to spend time alone or with one person at a time. I don’t enjoy crowds. I enjoy serving behind the scenes at church. I know there are other introverts at church, but I do feel in the minority. I have to force myself to attend fellowships.
People wear me out. After being around people for a while, I crave time alone and quiet. It is hard to be an introvert at church. I have to make myself interact with people at times. My introversion does hinder me from reaching out to others. I would love to read the book.
Wow. I tell myself I am an introvert. I like being at home, love it when I am there alone, I cringe when the phone rings, I love getting lost in the crowds in a big city where no one knows me. But maybe, just maybe, I am an insecure extrovert. I love the idea of being in a crowd. I love to laugh, and when around certain people, I am indeed extroverted. I crack jokes, start conversations, give my opinion. But all of those are with people outside of the church, people I feel completely safe with. Wow. So now I am struggling with that. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?
My mother told me never to sit on the fence. So even though for years, on this debate I felt like a fence sitter, I recently made myself choose. (Attending a seminar with Nancy Beach helped in this process) Introvert vs. Extrovert. I am an extrovert, just over the line and off the fence so to speak. My myers briggs is ENFJ. I love people and am energized by them and by conversations but I do love time on my own, quiet and solitude. So I’ve named it and claimed it. I am an extrovert, and since really claiming this reality I’ve been able to step out into my God given gifts that much more! Feel’s good.
Hi everyone,
I’m really enjoying reading all these comments – please keep them coming! I won’t be picking winners for another few days.
A few quick thoughts:
The best surveys these days do show that introverts are 50.7% of the population. Numbers are always skewed but it’s a starting point.
There was a Barna study that said 25% of Protestant senior pastors are introverts – so quite a bit less than the general population.
Being an introvert does not mean that you are incapable of, or don’t enjoy, social interaction. If you put me in a group of my closest friends, I’ll come across as quite extroverted, even the center of the party for a little while. If you put me in a room with strangers…not so much.
Introversion and extroversion are actually two forces within EACH person. Introversion moves us inward, extroversion moves us outwards. Most of us have a PREFERENCE towards one or the other – one of them gives us more energy than the other. I think a lot of people say they’re right in the middle because they are experience these two forces at work. But the majority of people do have a preference towards introversion or extroversion.
Another way to gauge your preference is to think about how you process information. Do you talk and think simultaneously, or do you go into yourself and reflect and formulate your thoughts before you speak?
Just a few thoughts. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am an introvert, which means i have very little relationships at church.
Like other i find it very hard to get to church and to be involved. I hardly know any one by name nor do i remember people.
My wife on the other hand is a former pastors child and has all the same problems at church that i do but hers is because she knows what church is and how people act.
ISTJ
For me, in a church setting, being an introvert means that I will take a long time to get to know you. I am the type of person that has a few close relationships. I have to warm up to people and I don’t always make a good first impression.
.-= Chad?s last blog ..The Hard Work of Creativity =-.
I’ve been trying to figure out what I am for the last year.
Also an INFJ on Meyers Briggs tests, I always came out strongly as an introvert…but I was also ridiculously shy and insecure and therefore found social situations stressful and tiring.
This year I went to Guatemala to do volunteer work for 8 months; for some reason my confidence drastically grew and I found I was able to form some brilliant, rewarding and close friendships. I couldn’t stand to be alone over there and wanted to spend all my time with people; I was the loudest in my group of friends and most likely to initiate things.
Since returning home I’ve found some of the old insecurities returned, am finding a lot of friendships distant because of the time apart and finding social outings tiring because of chronic illness.
SO am I an introvert who has learned to turn extrovert on? Or an extrovert who is just sick and insecure?
I wish I knew. Glad I’m not the only confused one.
.-= Gemma Freeman?s last blog ..Home. =-.
I would LOVE to read this book! I am a missionary in Asia… and a fellow missionary friend sent me the link to your blog. I have discussed this topic many times with different people in ministry, but I am always left with the feeling that the way I’ve been created is a hindrance to the Kingdom of God.
In Asian culture– relationship is key, without it, it is impossible to do ministry. This is true. Jesus loved so that we will love, and to pass that on we need to be connected and involved in peoples lives. My struggles come from the fact that I am a huge introvert. I can only have so many one on one meetings, so many meals, or spend so much time with people. People literally exhaust me. And it is a continual challenge to spend my free time building relationships with non-believers. Like I said– relationship is key… and people here (in Asia) come to know and love Christ through relationship with others.
For a long time I have compared my self with ‘extroverted’ missionaries, and I have often prayed that God would make me more extroverted so I can bring more people to know him.
Last year, during a day alone, I felt God challenge me, that it was the time I spent alone with him (my introverted-ness) that made me strong. But I still wrestle everyday. How much alone time is a good boundary, how much is just me being selfish and staying in my comfort zone… how can I effectively build the kingdom of God and bring others to Christ when I need to work in a medium (being extroverted and people orientated)that I most struggle with.
Yes, this sounds like an interesting book… I hope it offers a lot of practical advise for the introverts… and I also hope it can challenge us to continue to step out in ministry!
Adam’s book is great. I’m reading it now, so no need for a free one. I love the excerpt that was in Christian Century.
I am an INTP. But I think Myers-Briggs is only useful as a tool to understanding ourselves rather than a straightjacket; none of us operate in only one way in every situation. Anyway, I can relate to the being an insecure extrovert thing. At times I totally buzz of being around other people and get depressed if I’m alone too much. Actually I think it’s unhealthy for anyone to be alone too much, I think we were made to be with other people. For me perhaps the distinction comes from which people I’m around. I find meeting a lot of new people to be very draining and so the pressure in church sometimes to always be welcoming and meeting new people can at times feel like a curse (although if I’m feeling well rested and full of energy I can enjoy this). But if I’m with good friends and people I know well they energize me and I can spend a lot of time and never be depleted around those people I have an established relationship with.
.-= Kamsin?s last blog ..Lines are blurring? =-.
i used to be about 99% extrovert. i couldn’t be alone.. i needed people. if not physicle people, telephone, tv or radio. if that wasn’t possible, i dreamt up people.
and now i am confused. i’m a missionary, so being around people is part of the job.. except i find myself needing time alone. being out with friends and leaving to watch a dvd alone or something.
maybe my personality has changed.. maybe it’s just burnout. i don’t really feel like me. and i don’t really feel like i fit in as a part of the church- especially in ministry, if i want to be home so much.
.-= xate?s last blog ..thanksgiving came early =-.
I’m most definitely an introvert (Meyers-Briggs: INFP). I have to mentally prepare myself to be around people. I don’t like being the center of attention (which makes the fact that I sing solos at church incredibly strange). Sometimes I avoid the “greet your neighbors” portion of the church service, because I’m not feeling talking to people that day. So I’ll pretend to do something technical. And I go to a small church, and am the lay leader…so this does present challenges.
At work, I prefer email to talking on the phone. I don’t like people standing over my shoulder while I’m trying to work. We have cubicles, near where the sales team cubicles are…most of them are clearly extroverts, so there are certain times of the day where there’s a good amount of chatter, which can be annoying sometimes. At the end of the day if I’ve had to interact with a good number of people, I’m spent.
If I’m not getting enough alone time, I become irritable. I recognize that, and I’ve learned to adapt, but it’s still an issue for me. I make it a priority to have me time so I don’t turn into a mega-cranky mean woman.
As a 100% introverted ISTJ(actually, I am almost even placed between ISTJ and INTJ, but my Sensing seems usually to be stronger), I can certainly relate to introverts being in the Church.
I was lamenting to an internet friend (We are both MAJOR MBTI nerds) of how agonizing it is to be in church, since I am so introverted and am beyond uncomfortable when thrust into social situations (Read: Situations an extrovert would hardly call socializing). He promptly sent me a link to this website and I must say, I am rather impressed and thrilled to find a website and a book dedicated to this very topic… And people that feel the way I do!
I am an introvert. I can be around people but can get burnt out really quickly…exsp. if it is a big group. I recharge from quite alone time.
In the church I get called a lot to listen to people. I am constantly told I am a good listener, but I find that very few people really know me. I don’t talk a lot, and almost never open up about myself. I think this comes from being an introvert.
I am interested in reading this book.
INTJ – really feel the introvert/extrovert difference in what energizes and what drains me. Large groups full of surface socializing sap me dry in no time. need to be alone to recharge. Like conversations with people I have gotten to know, where I know the conversation will be deeper in nature. Fluffy small talk is worse than giving blood. Looking forward to the new book.
According to the Myers-Briggs assessment, I fall right in the middle of extrovert and introvert; however, experience has shown that I tend to need time alone to recuperate after switching careers into ministry. Prior to my ministry experience, I would seek out interaction with others. This was important given that I principally worked out of my home. Since the switch to full-time ministry, the tables have turned and I must strategically set aside time to refocus and re-energize. The demands of ministry, specifically sharing burdens of hurting people, no doubt contribute to the need for solitude.
“All you have to do to enter is leave a comment and tell me if you?re introverted, extroverted, and how you think that affects your relationships in the church. Statistically speaking, introverts are a minority. Does it feel that way to you?”
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Definitely introverted.
I attend a large church with approximately 700 members. In one way, I like it because when I am not in a mood to speak, it is actually very easy to hide away in the midst of all these people and be introspective while they act cheerful and respond to the question of how they are doing with the generic response of ‘fine’.
In another way, it really does affect relationships within the church because it appears that the church really sees introverted people in a negative light as either ‘too analytical’, ‘loner’, or potential silent practitioner of ‘secret sins’ that needs to be constantly observed.
If that was not bad enough, the “persecution / culture war” mindset that is propagated in many evangelical churches is a breeding ground for flashy and extroverted people that have loud voices and charismatic/dynamic personalities that will either
(1): Be the ‘voice’ of influence and affluence that will tip the scales of the culture war, smooth out the news media, and be the weight that would guarantee future votes from city council to vote for their specific agendas (land zoning, etc).
or (2): Be the ones that portray church as the ‘hip’ place to be on Sunday mornings.
I burn out when many people try to simultaneously communicate with me at once and have to get away and re-charge and am very uncomfortable in social situations especially when attention is directly aimed towards me. I have realized that it is not the quantity of friendships I have, but the quality of the relationships I have within the few friendships I have. I rather have authenticity with a few people than be another statistic, demographic, or target market of the many.
I’m an introvert. As one of the leaders/helpers in my church’s youthgroup I find the need to be able to connect with the kids who have a hard time fitting in, perhaps because they’re introverts too. Our goal is to make all the youth feel welcome and loved, but I fear that some feel excluded or left out simply because there’s too many people…”lost in a sea of faces” is how I described myself when I was in their place. I hope to help people like myself.
I am definitley an introvert. I’m the guy who looks down at his shoes when talking to people. I get very self conscious when interacting with others because I have cebral palsy, and so I always feel as if i’m being looked at differently from everyone else. In church I always feel guilty because introverts are maligned for not being good witnesses, when in my heart I want to share the gospel, but it’s so difficult because I don’t even know how to strike up a regular conversation most of the time. I feel God may be leading me to a future in ministry one day but have always felt I wan not sociable enough to be any use..but perhaps i am wrong. I hope so.
I am an INFJ, and score very highly as an introvert. I currently work on staff at a church, and there are plenty of times when I feel as if being introverted is a handicap. Isn’t being Christian all about being relational? Then why is it so hard to go and make small talk with 3 or 4 others I barely know? The post-service buzz always exhausts me and sometimes make my ears ring. And then there’s the staff meetings – my brain freezes and I never feel like I have anything to contribute, whereas lots of stuff buzzes in my head at the times I’m alone. And sometimes it feels as if I’m the only one who feels like that.
It’s a struggle, but I’m trying to learn to be content with how God has made me, and to use his gifts for his glory. Relational? I seem to excel at one-to-one work and at listening. I seem to better at spotting those who are alone or marginalised; I’ve been surprised at the warm welcome afforded me by some of those I spotted in my old youth group. I can happily sit at a desk for a few hours trying to understand that Bible passage and how to teach it well. And though it doesn’t seem like it, I know there are Christian introverts out there – yes, even those who are in ministry.
The church needs all parts of the body: introverts and extroverts. And I’m learning to appreciate my extrovert brothers and sisters, even as I long that the church better recognises the unique giftings introverts bring to the table.
Grace.
.-= BK?s last blog ..A pastoral question on a beatitude =-.
I’m a classic extrovert. It is easy for me to get to know people and work with them. I lead the host ministry at my church and find my personality well suited for it. However, the drawback I see to my personality is that my relationships are a “mile wide and an inch deep”. I have a lot of acquaintances but few really true deep friendships.
I’m an introvert. Sometimes people think this is a flaw or a weakness. I don’t like it when people try to change me. God made me this way.
Small group Bible study is more difficult than church because I’m stressed when I’m with people and need to talk. And I hate small talk.
I find it difficult or impossible to worship in a corporate setting and I feel kind of guilty about that.
Jeff
Ann
First time I took the full MBTI I came out ENT/FJ That was 27 years ago!
I recently took a short version and I came out ISFJ. I think that I have gotten introverted over the years. I could also just be better aware of people’s personalities and comfort zones and be respectful.
As a pastor I definitely pastor an introverted church that I believe are very artistic. It is hard to pastor them sometimes, but I realize that they have a rich interior life and when they speak they have something to say.
I think many people, pastors, and churches who are more introverted often feel put to shame because they are not the growing (and, I believe) extroverted church down the street.
.-= Jim Kane?s last blog ..Climbing Into The Manger =-.
I am introverted but becoming more extroverted. Given that I’m in a leadership position in the church, that makes it very hard- but i’m workin on it :)
Introvert… I love getting up early and staying up late because it is a time when I am the only one awake in my house! My quiet, re-charging time causes me some serious lack of sleep. That being said, I am learning to be more of an extrovert – not bubbly and talkative so much, because that is not me. But I want to care about people, look them in the eye, compliment them or ask questions. I also am learning not to freak out when handed a microphone.
I am a extremely introverted and one of my five children, a daughter was so introverted she did not speak one word during preschool and kindergarten. I had to reassure the teachers that she did indeed speak at home and she certainly paid attention because she was passing their tests. I have a hard time wanting to go and getting to church events and friends’ gatherings, but once there I tend to enjoy them. I also love to be up before anyone else and be alone every day as much as possible.
I’m certainly introverted with a bit of extrovert. I am certainly ruled by my feelings which I consider both a blessing and a curse at times. I’m not one for small talk or “weather talk” as I like to call it, but I do like a good fun or intelligent conversation.
Before I gave my life to Christ I was probably half intro/extroverted. But I would have to say most of my extroverted side was a result of trying to be funny and alcohol. LOL…
Now I love to learn more about Christ and His word. I’ve never been much of a church goer. I actually am so introverted I go to church online… sad, i know. But I’ve yet to feel as home in Church. I like going there to worship, and I learn from a good sermon, but I avoid the people because I just don’t feel comfortable and most of the conversation is predictable. It’s always the weather or family. Good conversation starters but after a while it gets old… I wish I was more outgoing! I can’t say it’s the peoples fault so it has to be me I’m sure.
I am very motivated by the word of God but I don’t know what to do with it being an introvert.
I’m an introvert, yet I’m also a leader of a young adults group. For a while this seemed like a contradiction because I tended to associate being an introvert with not being extremely sociable, when really that’s not the case. I love to socialize, but unlike an extrovert that’s where I spend my energy, not where I recharge. It doesn’t mean I can’t lead a group of people, but it does mean that I have to have my times of solitude or I will burn out.
I am profoundly introverted, but a very “good” functional extrovert, and I have found this combination to be quite difficult in the church. During a period of leadership during grad school, it was assumed that I was an extrovert (an assumption I, to be quite honest, did nothing to dissuade), so when I desperately needed to recharge, folks were perplexed and irritated.
But, by the grace of God, I am what I am, and His grace to me – to all of us – is not in vain. So, I continue searching for the right God-crafted “hole” into which this very square, very introverted peg fits in the Body of Christ.
I’m definitely an introvert, and it’s definitely affected how I participate in church. Even in the small-town church I grew up in, I feel shy and hesitant to take on anything that might make me stand out. I know I’ve got gifts I should be using, but it’s hard sometimes to find a way to serve in a way that makes a difference while still keeping me out of the limelight.
Glad to hear about this book – I’ll be interested in reading it!
I am an introvert (ISFP). Here in America I think I have a difficult time just speaking to people. I am bad at small talk. So when it is time to turn around and shake somebody’s hand at church I have nothing to say. Also that activity feels a bit superficial because I am telling somebody Hello with a plastered smile on my face (I say plastered because sometimes I don’t feel like smiling). I haven’t seen them all week and the church I attend is big so more than likely I haven’t seen them before.
In Germany at the small church we have/are going to serve at is different. We say hello before the service starts. After the service we have coffee and cake and talk together again. We meet together during the week to share life again. They are our family and introverts around family are very talkative (at least in my case).
Introverts are the minority. We are accused of being in a shell. I am not in a shell I just respond differently in life than extroverts. I know it is normal for extroverts to talk excessively but I thank God that he has created some to speak a lot and some to think a lot :)
.-= David Knapp?s last blog ..How To Have Lasting Happiness =-.
I ride the line between introvert and extrovert. I work with the children at church and find it very easy to be extroverted and relaxed when I am in “my” element there.
I also shut down when I am around others in the church. I have diagnosed myself with “alter-phobia” as I find it really hard to take myself to the alter for the fear of judgement.
Introvert ! Nervous stomach when in large crowds at church it does affect my attendance at times especially now when I’m wanting to attend a church which is more local to me hard to take that first step !
yeah, im fairly certain “insecure extrovert” would be the best way to describe me.
.-= Brandi?s last blog ..so close. =-.
So I’m late to the conversation but I am – I think – a “highly functioning introvert”. I do need my alone time, but I also need people. I’m certainly on the line, but I process like an introvert…
I also am an INFJ. DISC, I’m an S I.
How it affects me in church relationships? I find it hard to be myself until I know people well and feel safe. I can feel myself holding back although I don’t want to. New groups are hard for me so I probably interact awkwardly. We’re looking for a new church home right now so this has made it even harder. It’s not new and exciting for me, it’s torture.
.-= Jan Owen?s last blog ..What I’m Thinking as I Visit Your Church =-.
Forever and ever I would say that I am or have been an extrovert, but now that we have been here for what? Almost 3 years, it seems that I am moving towards the introvert side of things and for us, it affects our relationships “within the church” in weird and funky ways. Like usually I am very comfortable within a big group of people and sometimes I still am. But since we have been out of community for so long, I fear that I becoming that weird-o missionary lady with long hair and 20 kids on her hip that can’t manage a normal conversation. Dang it. I know that those are “my” insecurities that make me whatever, but I get all funky about being social now because well, for a really long time, it’s just been us – so I don’t know how to act anymore (not like I ever really did) and so it is difficult sometimes. I know it always boils down to surrender and trust but it also is all about relating to other people and I fear that I don’t know how to do that with American’s anymore. Dang.
I am an extrovert.
I am pastor at Fellowship Downtown an outpost of Fellowship Memphis. I have a few introverts on my staff and many in my church. We are big fans of personality testing and understanding who we are and who others are.
We currently lean heavily into Your Unique Design. It is a test out of Little Rock that was adapted from the NASA flight team assessment test.
.-= John Carroll?s last blog ..Ashleigh?s New Moon Review =-.
I test right along the lines you do. The struggle for me as I lead ( I am the sr. pastor) is to get in front. To realize I need to communicate what is inside of me to help others follow. I enjoy being around people but larde crowds of strangers overwhelm. I get strength thru periods of solitude where God fills me up to move among people. I have to remind myself on many occasions it is OK to be who I am but in order to lead I have to put myself out front.
Bill
I have always viewed myself as an introvert. I LOVE solitude and alone time, which I rarely get. I think how I handled this part of my personality may be part of the reason I left ministry. I loved serving, and had some great moments. I may need this book. Since the 10 copies are likely gone, I will look it up on Amazon.
We have the same Myers-Briggs type :)
I recently got into a conversation with a friend about this and said that I am an introvert and he looked at me in disbelief, rolled his eyes and said “Ok, baaaaaarelyyyy…”
I totally fit the descriptions of INFJs. I love being around people, but I reach a certain threshold and have to be alone. It has hurt my relationships when I’m not careful to make sure it doesn’t seem like I’m avoiding or rejecting others by retreating to solitude.
On the upside, practicing solitude (and being good to myself by making it a priority) has done amazing things for my relationship with God, and it makes me a better friend, leader, teacher, etc. I feel it when I go without.
Anyway, thanks for this. I look forward to reading this book!
I’m definitely an introvert. People exhaust me. As a person who is studying to become a pastor, it has become apparent that pastors are expected to be extroverts. I think that much of the expectations (or lack thereof) of introverts is a misunderstanding of what it means to be an introvert.
I love church service, but that many people drive me nuts very quickly. As try as I might to be friendly and outgoing, it is definitely a struggle, and thus I am often viewed as stand-off-ish, because I don’t meet expectations.
Mercifully, our senior pastor has been working on explaining differences in personalities, and I am the poster child of the introvert (and melancholy) that he uses.
.-= Ian Kirk?s last blog ..Even Religious People Have Different Views? =-.
I don’t even know if you have time to read all the comments that pack your blog from day to day, but I just had to share that you’re not alone in the whole “introvert/extrovert” confusion thing.
I’m an “INTJ” – but the older (read: more emotionally healthy and mature) I get, the closer that “I” creeps to the middle. Heading straight for “E.”
Sometimes people look at me like I’m crazy when I tell them I’m an introvert. I qualify by saying I’m just a well-adjusted introvert. But, maybe it’s the flipside. Like you said, maybe I’m a messed-up, insecure, scared extrovert.
Or maybe – MAYBE – I’m both. Maybe the “artist” in me needs time to think – to let my creative soul simmer – breathe – inhale and exhale. Then, maybe the “minister” in me needs people – needs to connect – needs to share – needs community.
I get the feeling that you’re a creative minister as well… If so, I’m glad to know I’m not alone in my weirdness.
.-= mandythompson?s last blog ..T-minus 16 days and counting =-.
Weird girls unite! Or untie. See? Weird.
I’m INFP, and sometimes I feel like people judge me as unfriendly…but too much interaction can be overwhelming! I’d much rather hang out with someone one on one or in a small group than socialize with a large group.
i’m an INTP… which means… i’m flipping weird…. lol. basically, i find myself in a ginormous church, terrified of “getting involved” because of the whole ‘I’ thing… but still longing to be a part of the bigger picture… i definitely haven’t figured out the right words to express exactly what i’m trying to say…. (*see INTP… ;-) )
I’m an introvert. I have a hard time mingling after church and tend to avoid “small group” (which, most of the time, end up being rather large).
I am still confused about where I fit with the I/E stuff and MBTI in general. Would appreciate prayers for this and for my difficulties in being a INTP- if that is truly what i am???? I presently don’t have much direction, not many friends, no church and am battling one of the chronic fatigue thing syndromes.
I feel like I need lots of alone time, but also quality time with close friends who will follow me cognitively and accept me. This seems to come, but only when I immerse myself in private worship, prayer, bible study, and relaxation in private. But the lonliness and the fear of loneliness messes all that up.
It seems like if I get centered in the Lord and in myself- friends come- but if i don’t nothing works interpersonally until i get centered with myself and with the Lord Jesus.
I guess that makes me an I, but I yearn for times of close affiliation with others- but rarely find it unless I am really in a good place.
My hubs is an INTP and shares your feelings. And as an IN, I can relate to some extent too!
Thanks for participating, everyone. I really enjoyed reading your comments. I have chosen my 10 winners and you will be notified soon. If you want to keep up the discussion, I blog over at http://www.introvertedchurch.com and there you can find a couple of book excerpts. You can buy Introverts in the Church on Amazon and elsewhere. And thanks to Anne for doing this! Peace.