Unfortunately (and if you follow my Twitter account you already know this), I got pretty sick Thursday night. As in wake-up-at-2:30AM-Emergency Room-CT Scan-sick. After it came back all clear for appendicitis and other scary things, I thought I’d just fight through whatever it is and press on to Atlanta.
I picked up my rental car, literally had everything packed up and was heading back into the house to lock up when I was overwhelmed by the contents of my stomach. My temperature is all funky and I can barely move without throwing up. And it has been a long, long time since I’ve thrown up. Like eight years.
Part of me knows this is a spiritual battle and that part of me is second guessing my decision to stay home. What if I was supposed to move along in spite of being sick and I made the wrong choice? Another part of me thinks, “Hey, people get sick. You got sick. It’s out of your control.”
So I’m torn.
No doubt God is in control of all of the circumstances at hand and everyone who has worked so hard to make this weekend happen is being more than gracious and patient and loving.
I’m just having a hard time understanding…knowing I am probably overthinking everything…but I’m struggling, you guys.
Thanks for your prayers and love and encouragement. I know a lot of you have been in situations like this before and I could honestly use your wisdom right now.
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47 responses to “I Can’t Wrap My Mind Around It…”
Well, I’ve got no words of wisdom (sorry) but I’m praying for healing, clarity, and peace! He’s got it all under control.
Momma Mango (Susan)?s last blog post..Hamburger or Turtle?
As someone who has spent the last year of my life with a brain injury I can see that God totally has had his hand on my situation and though I haven’t been healed instantly, the prayers and faith of some amazing people have helped me improve gradually. I haven’t been able to do a lot of the wonderful things I had planned to serve God, but you know I have a feeling it’s all working together for good.
Trust God that He is in control and will have the perfect solution for the place that you were meant to be speaking at this weekend and also healing for you!
I prayed for you when I first read your tweets and I am praying now as for a woman pain in that area can mean a whole lot of stuff could possibly be going on. I am assuming they checked you for ectopic pregnancy?
Praying for you and so sorry for this great disappointment. You did tell the Dr.s that you just got back from India, right?
praying you feel better soon. And honestly, most people would probably rather you stay home than watch you throw up. maybe. :) Anyway, try not to be too hard on yourself and hopefully this will pass quickly. One of my favorite scriptures to chant over and over when I’m feeling icky is Isaiah 58:11. I keep saying the “and will strengthen your frame” portion over and over and then kind of remind God that strengthening my frame means not feeling so sick. :)
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Thanks everyone.
@kazzles – i had an ultrasound yesterday because i started feeling weird earlier in the week. the ultrasound and ct came back clear so they are thinking it could be endometriosis (sp)? which can’t be confirmed unless they go in and look around.
@christine – i did…
@karen – thank you. ironically i was using isaiah 58 as part of my message this weekend. maybe i need to go and pay more attention to it.
I am praying for you Anne!! This is no doubt a spiritual battle and I pray God gives the doctors wisdom, and gives you the guidance you need right now!!
Melody?s last blog post..Asthma is yummy.
it came to mind that maybe if this is a spiritual battle, satan may have gotten this one, but certainly not the war. when i feel like satan is in my ear or on my back and workin hard on me i try to take a note from Christ and repeat to myself “in the name of Christ, get the behind me satan…waaay behind me” and that helps:). peace sister!
pamela?s last blog post..Banana Splits, Bible Studies and Life Changes
Good grief! I definitely agree that there’s probably a spiritual side to this. I have spent the last year or so struggling with panic attacks, and since they really don’t do anything other than of course, make me panic, I’ve pretty much ignored them. My doc offered me meds, but I’m not really a huge med taker. I was listening to something by John Eldredge in the car- I guess it was Captivating, because it was really Stasi talking… but anyway- she was talking about suffering from severe dizzy spells and after all kinds of tests/meds/etc, the thought occurred to her that it may be spiritual attacks. So she started verbally rebuking the dizzy spells in the name of God and they got worse and worse, but then as she persisted, they went away… started doing the same thing with the panic attacks and they’ve really picked up in intensity (like “I’m just going to pull over the car until this passes” intense), but they’re not happening as often. It’s weird….and it sounds so cheesy, but we forget how much is going on in the realm of spiritual warfare.
All that to say- praying for you! Dissappointed you won’t be Oak Leaf- I was looking forward to meeting you, but God knows better than us!
Whit?s last blog post..God?s Chisel
Anne,
You will surely want to fight through, but sometimes, God has a way of slowing us down. Don’t worry…we have backup plans in place for these very things, and we’ll be blessed to host you another weekend.
Rest up.
Michael
Michael?s last blog post..Coaching Network
As you’ve made the decision to sabbath more and follow after the Lord many things happen. As much as we hate to think this could even be the Lord saying you need to sabbath. I know that doesn’t help. You feel like crap. Regardless of the reason for this illness know that you are loved, and in the hands of a Father who will pour His grace down upon you.
If it wasn’t for the pain and fever I’d ask if you were pregnant. You are in my prayers tonight and this weekend.
Anne, was going to ask if there is a possibility that it could be Endo as well actually ( I have it myself). Though, I think you would have had a lot of other symptoms for a while each month. If you want to email me personally I can give you some advice as you probably don’t want to discuss your menstrual cycle online here ;-) I think the fever is unusual though and not a usual symptom of Endo, vomiting can be though.
Anything in that area they will look at Appendix, Endo, etc… it’s pretty complicated for a woman as could be so many things.
Praying that you figure out it quickly!
My perspective… You got sick. It happens. Take care of yourself and don’t try to push through if your body is saying stop. I believe in faith but I also believe in wisdom. You made the wise choice.
Grace, Anne. Grace. Relax and let you take care of you. Don’t beat yourself up, and trust God to take care of the weekend at the church.
Last week, we had a missions convention at our church. The guest speaker, a missions professor of mine from Southeastern University in Florida, called last minute with bladder stones and had to cancel.
As I prayed about what to do, I was drawn to a nearby pastor who has a huge heart for missions. He agreed to come to our Saturday banquet, and I handled Sunday myself. Both events turned out to be some of the most powerful we have had in a while.
So, take care of whatever is going on with Anne. God’s got this.
You are a blessing, Anne!
I am praying for you to feel better but I agree with Casey – we live in a world where people get sick – it happens – I don’t think it necessarily represents a spiritual battle. I think you made the right choice to stay home and take care of yourself. Again, I pray that it is nothing serious and that you have a speedy recovery.
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I am not a frequent commenter here so you do not know me, but I do feel compelled because of Eph 4:29 (Speak only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear) to speak grace to you. As a conference speaker and writer, I have experienced this very circumstance and I backed out gracefully as my body is not under my control in illness. I submitted to God my options, healing did not come and I had to decline at the last minute. It is okay. It is okay. As a woman I think I sometimes pressure myself more to meet the deadlines and be found faithful because I have oftentimes felt I had to earn my right to fill a particular spot somewhere. But to rest in Him is the better part. I am not there yet so I speak to you as one who is still learning and growing. It is okay. Get well, friend. And rest.
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Praying!
Rick Apperson?s last blog post..Can I Get A Discount With That?
Thinking and praying for you. Get better.
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I recently read a book about this woman who lives in Mexico with her husband & adopted children. She runs an orphanage & ministers to those who have nothing in her community. She was experiencing extreme stomach pain & would get dizzy & all other sorts of crazy symptoms. After doctor’s appointments & tests & still nothing, she was at a loss for what to do. One day, an older gentleman came over & shared with her a dream he had about her condition (he had no idea what was going on, by the way). He said he had a dream that God told him a demon had wrapped himself around her & wasn’t letting go – and to tell her that she was healed.
She didn’t know what to say, and kind of blew him off nicely, but then had someone else confirm the exact same story – someone who wasn’t in contact with the other gentleman. She went back to the doctor for scheduled tests & they couldn’t find anything. Nothing. Not even stressors that were there before.
I say all this is reiterate what everyone else is saying – give yourself some grace, girl. The battle we fight is SO not flesh & blood – so just remind yourself there is something deeper here. Rest in Chris’ arms & our prayers this evening, & know that God has something far more incredible than what you thought previously.
And, I find it no coincidence that you have had an INCREDIBLE past few weeks in terms of God moving & progress with many of your dreams & now you’re hit with this. Whatever it is, God is bigger. And greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world.
Praying for you, sister.
Elora Ramirez?s last blog post..we are giants.
The four of us will be praying for you, Anne.
One thing we’re learning (wish I could say “learned”) is to not try to figure everything out – just to trust that God is in control. i KNOW that’s much easier said than done. Been there. Still am. But God’s led us through some very neat experiences to help assure us. Too long to tell here – but, if they’d help, most are in the manuscript chapter on “loving the sick” at our “sparkle of nature” family website.
As I read your entry I wondered if maybe it is spiritual but not necessarily from the enemy. Perhaps it’s God’s grace because the timing for this kind of opportunity wasn’t right. Or, perhaps it’s his protection from something you will never ever know about. Maybe there is something else he wants to do at the event, something out of the planned agenda. And maybe it’s none of the above but rather an opportunity for God to refine your ability to be still and listen for His voice. What I’m trying to say is that I think there are a lot of possibilities to what is happening and I think focusing solely on the idea that it was an attack from the enemy might cause you to miss what God is doing. I could be way off but I thought I’d throw that out there in hopes that it will take you out of the back and forth on whether you should have gone or not and help you find some comfort in knowing no matter what He is in control. Hope you feel well soon.
Take it easy.
I’ll be praying for you.
Rodney Olsen?s last blog post..Moving forward
I am the 1st one to admit that I am a wimp when it comes to sickness. HOWEVER, I do believe (and it’s already been said here) that sometimes God does use sickness to slow us down.
I am praying.
Alice Wassam?s last blog post..I Realized Something This Morning
God’s got your back, Anne. It sucks to feel like this, but He trusts in you.
That said, you do a ton for the Kingdom already. Assess how far you can go, and if you honestly feel maxed out, take a breather. Satan might be trying to burn you out here. If you somehow push through this illness but end up worse on the other side of this, it wouldn’t have been worth it.
Rest up, Anne. You need it.
Praying for you!
Nate?s last blog post..Communications and children?s ministries. . .
I’ve found it’s best not to over-spiritualize anything involving vomit. Maybe I’m a little flippant on these things, but I’ve heard way too many people on tourist-style mission trips say they’re being spiritually attacked when it’s actually a case of not having listened to warnings about not brushing their teeth using tap water. That’s not an attack from forces of evil; that’s doing something absentmindedly and/or dumb.
If you’re sick, you’re sick, and you shouldn’t fight it or feel guilty about taking the time to get better. As someone above pointed out, you won’t be a terribly effective speaker if you’re throwing up during the talks. And talks can be rescheduled. Sleep, feel better, and know that we are thinking of you here.
Texas in Africa?s last blog post..we’re all gonna die someday
I think something to keep in mind, and something we Christians WAY underestimate is the possibility that it might not be Satan keeping you home via being sick, but it might be God. We have a hard time believing God wouldn’t want us to go to a Christian conference or deliver a talk/sermon we worked hard on, but I think it’s irrational to discount the possibility that He not only works to open up opportunities to us, but also to shut them down. WE don’t know what’s best, only He does – and He knows things we couldn’t possibly know about the outcome of events. I recently preached a sermon that went ok, but I tried to do a few ancillary things along with it that just bombed. Sunday afternoon, as I looked back on the days leading up to it – I faced numerous difficulties in pulling those things together and was tempted to give up – but that sounded to me like a Satan win. So, I pushed through and forced it, and they bombed. I realized afterwards it was God trying to help me realize I shouldn’t be implementing those ideas at this time.
All that to say this – it’s not easy to know where influences in our lives come from – but I don’t think we should get in the habit of believing that Satan is the only one who says don’t go – God could be involved in that, for reasons we’ll never know. But Anne, what we need is a healthy you – so do what you need to do to get yourself healthy again. Don’t let this be a situation like Andy Stanley says of “If I don’t, it won’t.” Praying for your health, Jeremy.
Jeremy Keegan?s last blog post..Sermon Prep – In the Trenches
As Forest Gump would say, “It happens.” :) Satan could definitely have a hand in it but God can turn it around and use it for something way greater. Time will tell. Just hoping for your recovery, peace of mind, and healing.
BTW… great insight from Jeremy K as well. I truly believe that too. We can tend to instantly think Satan when it’s a block in “our” plans or something we perceive as negative but it could rightfully be God as well… just not as easy to think that God would block by pain and hospital visits but then again there is the Old Testament :).
Some times the pressing on is being still and knowing that He is God. We think of pressing on being action and being still as not. That is simply not the truth.
No doubt dear one that God is for you and with you whether in sickness or health. He desires the same from us. When I became ill in the fall of 98, I had among many things – a Bible study in our home. I fought and fought to hold onto having it. When I finally released it – greater lessons were learned by all involved than what might have been learned otherwise. When I ended up being in the hospital or having to stay at home for those next 5 years, I fought again with what I thought I was supposed to be doing. Honestly, Anne…. some of the greatest lessons I’ve learned about God’s love came when I was paralyzed from the neck down. Talk about your being still….
I could give you countless examples of ways God’s compassion, mercy, love, grace, forgiveness, and etc… have been learned by this silly woman. Most of them involve physical health issues.
And today as I am in the best health ever of my life at age 41, I pray that I always remember that Spiritual health is far more important. Some times, what happens in times like what you’re facing is about you and your relationship with God. Others it is not. And then again, it could be a combo package!
It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. Or even in woman. And in knowing you’re exactly where you are suppose to be this moment, know He is more than capable of taking care of all. And rest in Him and His promises.
Much love & dangerous prayers dear one!
cameyg?s last blog post..Taught Backwards; Living Forward
hi, friend…
so, so sorry for this. pretty rotten timing, huh? know that you are being prayed for in KY. :)
wise words have already been said, so i will simply concur with those that have encouraged you to allow grace in with this; i also was thinking – as others were above – that this might be a reflection of God’s great creative design with our body, that the physical you needed some sustained rest.
two of the hardest words even for long-time Christians: Trust Him.
lotsa love from KY…
so i don’t sound like a prophet or doctor, i’ll just say a prayer for your physical and spiritual healing. i’m so sorry that your physical state is impacting your spiritual being – blessings, grace, peace, and healing to you
as a great prophet once said…”dad gum it girl, hope you get well soon!”
Praying for you!
Remember that there’s a reason Jesus disappeared into the mountains sometimes. You’ve got to take care of you, so you can fully and authentically be there for others.
Rest well. May grace, peace and healing abound.
Michelle?s last blog post..Cultivated Neutrality
Anne,
No doubt you’re familiar the James verse: “Submit yourself, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you.”
Whatever your health problems, whomever is trying to derail you, God loves you, Beautiful One. He loves you bunches. : )
Lucy Ann Moll?s last blog post..Your Heart?s Passion?
Stay home. Do you want to get there and throw up on everybody in the front row?
Praying for you Anne… praying you feel better and overcome this soon.
Suzie Lind?s last blog post..Seeking Him
I’m praying for you Anne, as I do the entire Cross Point staff each day.
I’ve been struggling with a medical malady for the past 6 months. I really had a pity party to begin with, but it has been incredicle what God has been able to teach me since I had to slow down.
Now, I’m not even suggesting that’s what is happening in this case. But, God teaches us life’s greatest lessons when all when can do is say, “God help me.”
There will always be another Atlanta, but those times when God has our total attention are priceless and cannot be replaced.
See you at church, but I’m going to give you a distant wave, just in case it’s carching.
Tommy Sircy?s last blog post..The Stage Is Set
thank you so much everyone. i’ve been resting…breathing…learning.
and @tommy – i seriously doubt you can catch what i have. unless you have ovaries. :)
Anne: You have my empathy and sympathy. I’m glad you are taking care and resting. I’m so sorry you don’t feel well. So sorry. No traveling would be my answer. Hopefully they’ll have a video to show of you until the feeling well Anne goes to their church.
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I’m getting to know your blog, Anne, and am enjoying it. I tend to think on the brighter side of God being in ultimate control, and that He has a plan in this. He is our saviour, deliverer and healer, and He’s at work in your life even in this. And, God has a plan for that church as well…He’s in control. Praying you have rest and peace as you journey on the road to healing.
Michelle Higgins?s last blog post..Staying Centered on the Gospel | TheResurgence
Dear friend,
I’m so sorry you feel so badly and have had such a hard time. PRESS IN to Him; and hold on, because when you DO get to do this presentation, it’s going to be even more impacting that what it was going to be! Use this time to rest…physically, rest in Him…be still and know….KNOW…that you are God’s princess, and He’s so proud of you. He’s preparing you for the next step, and it’s going to be awesome! I’m praying for you very hard, and am here for you in any way you need me.
Love and blessings,
Lisa
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Praying, praying then praying some more…. Love ya, girl!
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Anne, I hope you’ve been able to rest well these past couple of days! – and not just your body, but your mind & spirit as well. Continuing to pray for you and Chris as you recover… and with hope, learn the cause of your pain. loves.
No matter what the CAUSE is, “we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28) :)
Lex?s last blog post..Smooth green grass snake
I do think it is wise to at least consider that God may be allowing a wall to come up to prevent us from moving forward in a situation that isn’t in His timing or in His will at all.. And I also believe that Satan can and does interfere at times. And I also believe that we can get sick at times that are extremely inconvenient. But it is all known to God.
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i love you…
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Anne,
Sorry to be so late in responding. Did they check your gallbladder? The CT Scan will show if there are stones, slug and other stuff in there. There is another test that is similar to the CT but includes dye that checks to see if the gallbladder is actually still working. Your symptoms are similar to both my sister and oldest daughter who had to have the gallbladder removed. If you think besides being partially spiritual, this might be endo related keep a calendar of your cycle. Endo usually starts tuning up about the time you ovulate, then should begin to sit down and shut up the last two days of your period. It’s PMS on steroids. I am praying and believing that God was just trying to get you to slow down and take care of you. You pour so much of yourself out on others, that sometimes God has to take some rather “drastic” measures to get us to take care of ourselves.
Sallye
@Sallye – I had my GB out in 2006 so I’m hoping it’s not that :) They do believe it’s endo and I am having a laproscopy on July 17 to know for certain and to laser it away if indeed it is.
Thanks for dropping by!
You gotta take care of you… didn’t you write a book on this? :)
No worries on not hanging out at NewSpring together… we’ll meet up somewhere in the future again I’m sure.
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