The following is a revised excerpt from my first book, Mad Church Disease: Overcoming the Burnout Epidemic. I’m in the process of updating the book and expanding it with study guides, team workbooks, coaching, and custom plans to stay healthy (emotionally, relationally, physically and spiritually). I’ll be self-publishing it in the next few months. If you’d like to be notified when it’s available for pre-order (and get some freebies), you can sign up here.
When a Code Blue is issued in a hospital, any available medical personnel run to the room of the person who’s coding. It’s a matter of life and death. Milliseconds count. Politics, personal beliefs, hang-ups, grudges, and pride are put aside as the life of a fellow human lies in their hands.
It’s an emergency.
Since the beginning of time, mankind has been facing a life-and-death emergency. We are separated from our Creator. All he wants is for us to be reconciled to him. He sent his own flesh and blood down to earth to restore us. And we?re to help guide others to that restoration.
The greatest commandments are what? To love God and to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. I can’t (and don’t) question our love for God. The passion and intensity with which we go about our lives are small indicators of our love. But we are guilty of not loving ourselves.
The statistics on burnout and stress, – not only in America, but specifically in the church – don’t lie. And even if they did, I’m sure you could conclude from your own experience that, quite frankly, we’re pretty terrible at loving ourselves. I know I am.
Here’s my question to you. If we can’t love ourselves fully, can we love others wholly?
We can care for others and can want the best for them, but to love them in the godliest ways is impossible until we can obey this great commandment.
We are in the midst of a crisis that needs our full devotion of mind, body, and spirit.
In Mark 12:30, Jesus declares, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.”
Notice Jesus doesn’t say “love others with all your strength”; he says to “love the Lord your God.”
By loving God, we’re faithful to his commandments. When we’re obedient, God carries out his work through us. I once heard a pastor say the Holy Spirit will always accomplish his work in us, but why do we make him work so hard to do so?
Satan is out to annihilate hope and light, both in our world and in us, the body of Christ. He’s well aware of the crisis of the human race, and he will do anything and everything in his power to obliterate our efforts.
As the church, we need to take a good, hard look around and ask ourselves if we are ready to fight; to fight for our own love relationship with God through Christ, and for the world around us as well.
Comments
6 responses to “Can We Love Others Without Loving Ourselves?”
So… now what? :)
How do we love ourselves without becoming self-ish/-obsessed/-pitying? For so long in the church we’ve emphasized dying to ourselves and selflessness that we have lost the art of healthy confidence and are left unequipped to combat self-hatred/-criticism that sneaks in. I ask because I know you’ve had to go through a lot of situations that require some self-care where you couldn’t be a martyr for the sake of others. How do you get healthy inside when the church says it’s selfish to love/care for ourselves?
(Or maybe I just need to read the book. haha)
I think that all leans into the gospel; into spiritual health first. Into knowing we are found in Christ and not in others and not even His church. Tomorrow I think I’m writing about how the church has become an idol to some…and we’ve forgotten Jesus.
For me, I’ve had to learn to let the church think what it wants. My jesus, my husband, and my family help to make sure I am taking care of my self in spite of others… <3
Loving ourselves is such a great concept to ponder and if we take time to consider it, it really makes a lot of sense. God loves us, afterall. If He thinks I am worth loving, shouldn’t I give myself a chance? Just because you love yourself doesn’t have to mean that you think you are better than anyone else – but just to love who God is creating you to be and then to be her or be him. Sure, some people go to far and idolize themselves – and that is not what you are talking about, clearly. If I try to look at myself the way I look at my children (I have 3) – the bottom line is that I love them as deeply as possible even though they are humanly flawed including defiance, disobedience and ungratefulness – yet my love for them doesn’t waver. If I can love them in their imperfections – I should be able to love myself with mine. For my kids – I have hope that they will be love. That is all I hope for them. I hope the same for me – that I be love. How can I be love (the love of Christ in me?) if I cannot love myself. For the past year I have started to notice that I love myself more and more, in that I am finding a great deal of acceptance in not only who I am, but who I am not. Love is liberating. I’m rambling. Great post.
Wise wise words sweet Melissa
Thanks, Anne. :)
It helps me to use a different word. Could the definition of love Jesus is talking about here be that of taking care of our basic needs of eating, staying away from danger, (it might be fun to play in traffic, but we usually don’t) getting under shelter when it is raining, and reacting when someone shouts fire. The text assumes we love ourselves in these basic ways. It helps me if I ask the question, “Do I respect myself?” Respect does not have to come from performance, but from the knowledge revelation in Scripture that we are the pinnacle of creation that cost the precious blood of Jesus Christ. Could Jesus have meant that kind of love also? We are wired biologically to take care of our basic needs, but Jesus demonstrated through his actions our true value to him which makes ALL humanity worthy of respect. If we first learn to respect ourselves because of God’s love for us, we will have the heart of respect/love for others as well. Somehow using the word “respect” opens it up for me. This word hasn’t been drug through the gutter as much as the word “love” has. Thank you, Aretha.