Maybe it’s just vocabulary, and maybe I’ve always been “a blogger” (I did have my own AOL member page when I was sixteen, and purchased my first domain where I journaled in 1998). I officially resigned from blogging in 2010 (but kept a website for essays and poetry). Then, when I needed to work on healing the wounds from my divorce, I went dark everywhere – no Facebook, Twitter, website. All the words I wrote were in journals and scraps of paper in my car when the right word or a picture would capture me. I started writing online again this year, but not with any consistency or purpose.
This weekend, I went to the blogging conference Allume. Not because I wanted to learn about blogging, but because I had the chance to represent one of my favorite organizations, Blood:Water Mission, and in the process, catch up with a lot of friends I haven’t seen in a long, long time. The speakers were phenomenal and didn’t talk much about blogging; instead, they carved out the space around our blogs in which we find the reason and meaning: worship. Writing as a form of art and gratefulness (and therapy)…not how many stats, shares, or likes.
I was reminded over and over again that is why I started blogging.
Not because I had a book deal, or wanted one.
Not because I wanted to build a platform or find people to affirm me or debate me.
Because I love to write about what God has done and is doing in my life.
Have any of the opportunities that emerged from writing online helped me find my purpose in life or quench the red fires that burn inside my soul?
No.
And at times, I gave blogging too much weight, allowing it to define me or brand me or market me. I’ve let those numbers determine how good I feel about myself or why I do what I do.
Blogging was the god I prayed to: What should I write? What do I say to please you?
Instead, it should have been the overflow of my prayers to the One True God: Open my eyes, show me truth. May my words only voice edification, wonder, mystery, love, hope, healing, joy.
“Remember what it was like in the old days?” an old blogging friend asked. “When we wrote about the things that gave us pain and joy. When we were raw because nobody else was, and nobody else cared?”
I do remember those days and how being raw is a norm and I am so proud of and grateful for those who speak from vulnerable places and illuminate into dark corners. I ask myself why…why now? Why speak when everyone else speaks and it feels like nobody will hear?
Because it doesn’t matter who will hear. It only matters that I listen. That I obey. And that I write.
So, here is to another new season. A season where it is not “Anne Marie Miller” (or “Anne Jackson” or “FlowerDust” or whatever moniker you may have known me by at some point in the last ten years).
This is a season to write, to create, and to process here…regardless. To trust that God will move His mighty hand in whatever way He likes, as He always has, and He always will.
Comments
23 responses to “Slaying My Gods of Blogging of Ego”
Thank you. thank you for being you. for growing and learning and changing and staying true to who you are. for me, you are that one voice in the darkness when i can’t see or feel anyone or anything else, that knows exactly what to say and when to reach out and say it. or ask the hard questions. or give me permission to do the hard things. you are my favorite cheerleader and my one of my favorite sisters, ever. thank you for doing what you do!
love, love, love to you,
pamela
Love you. Sorry I haven’t replied to emails – my phone freaked out on the road and this is my first day home.
Love this, Anne.
Thank you, Tony!
Here here! Thanks for these words and reminders.
Thanks, Sam.
I sure do like you.
#NE2016
Love it. Thankx Anne. Seems to be an ongoing necessary reminder for me albeit a lot easier when the audience is smaller and expectation less i guess. Audience of One. Always a good reminder. Strength in Him.
Amen!
So awesome meeting you! Beautiful words, beautiful heart. xoxo
Likewise. Thank you for your session, your words and you!
I am so glad you are writing again and writing publicly because what you say and how you think makes me think about Jesus and we all need a little more Jesus flowing through our minds. It was so fun to see you and hug you and see how radiant you are. Here’s to a new season of you and I’m excited to see what God continues to do and say to you and through you.
Suzie – you are like a little spark plug that just brought so much energy and light whenever I saw you! Thank you for saying hi! And for your kind words.
It’s always awesome to read your blogs!
It’s always awesome to hear your words of encouragement!
This is all an expression of who you are, Anne. You express yourself honestly, authentically, and with gifted eloquence. Even when expressing the times where you’ve sensed that you have sacrificed character to gifting, your gifting is still in play and ministers exactly what God desires to share through you. And even when you’ve laid gifting on the altar of sacrifice for the sake of deeper character, you have only allowed the Holy Spirit to further shape your gifting and skills very appropriately in my opinion. Keep being you, and the very best of what God has done and is doing will be and will expand His Kingdom in and through you. Nuf said.
Wow, thank you Paul! This was very, very encouraging.
This is beautiful! And I’m so bummed I didn’t see you the entire three days. I even stopped by the Blood:Water table THREE times. (And didn’t eat the cookies!)
That is crazy! Well, I certainly saw you. We (the intern from BW and me) adored your talk. You BROUGHT IT. So glad to finally hear you speak. I need to learn how to do the German accent as well as you did, as I too married one…
This was a marvelous blog, “required reading” for any of us who want to write. And – can I confess? – it made me feel that all the prayers we and so many others have sent up for you have come to a beautiful fruition! Keep it up!
Hi Anne Marie –
I found your blog through the Allume link up and have spent the last few days reading so many recaps that really make me wish I had attended this conference (I did not know anything about Allume until a couple of weeks ago). I really hope to attend next year because I long so much for community and fellowship.
Your post really spoke to me because it is something I struggle with, daily. I have caught myself (many times) allowing numbers and the approval of others to dictate what I write or paint and it really just takes the joy out of it. I’m really trying to change that; I want my blog and artwork to glorify only Him.
Anyway. Just wanted to say hello and introduce myself. Nice to meet you. :)
Nice meeting you too! Thanks for the kind words!