First, I think everyone in the world should be in counseling.
That said, I was in counseling the other day.
I’ve made an agreement with myself to always be honest, even if I sound like a…jerk…with him.
Below is a portrait of a conversation we had.
—–
Him: So, if God was saying to you in any circumstance, not just this current issue you’re facing, “Follow me. Trust me. Do this,” what would you say?
Me: Right now? Today? At this moment? I’d say no.
Him: So you’d rebel.
Me: Yeah. I guess I would. At this moment anyway.
Him: Does that scare you?
Me: A little. But right now, I’m kind of at a point where I don’t care. (Waiting for a lightning strike).
Him: Well, I really appreciate your honesty. (Looks up.) “I hear you.” (Probably also waiting for a lightning strike).
—–
Do you just give up sometimes?
Do you knowingly rebel?
Are you more afraid of the work ahead of you and the ways that you could fail than what the consequences of rebelling would be?
Sometimes…do you just not care?
Confession: Sometimes…I don’t.
—-
Epilogue:
The thing I’m supposed to think about now?
If I said yes…my next job is to say to God, “Fine, then.” (Because I’m sarcastic). “Show me how.”
And wait.
Is there an area in your life where you can ask God that question?
Comments
46 responses to “Do You Just Give Up Sometimes?”
Um, yes…to put it mildly.
Only until now I could ignore it. After reading this I feel like you just called me out. I didn’t feel like I’m “rebelling” just “ignoring”. Not sure what the distinction is.
Not obeying is easy. It’s comfortable. I don’t want to be uncomfortable.
YES!
yes, i give up sometimes… yes, sometimes i’m so sarcastic with God
Yes sometimes i swear and tell him just how fed up I am.
And yes… yes I need God to show me how in the world to do things… today, that’s particularly how to love American christians. I seem to have so much trouble…
*sigh
uh i could count a ton of ways i’m struggling to say “Yes God i trust in what I do not see. I believe and praise you for ______ (fill in the blank to painful, confusing, deferred hope, yucka sort of circumstance or miry character flaw emerging) and anticipate your goodness.”
confession: I suck at this.
application: He is forming me in spite of me
I am a new pastor and I am in that exact place. Your words were coming out of my mouth. Thank you for your honesty and your inspiration. God always gives us what we need at the right moment.
I am finding that the more I am honest with myself in those moments the shorter my not caring, give up attitude lasts. When I suppress the feelings I spend a lot of energy trying to live dishonest with myself.
When I am honest about my feelings, I find that those feelings do not fulfill me. I quickly move on from those feelings and get back to my can do attitude and move forward.
just me thinking.
D
My first answer to your question is Yes. Because that’s the ‘right’ answer and for years I trained myself to give the expected answer.
But I’m done with that.
So if I think about it … my answer is maybe … I don’t know … not really.
Right now I’m kinda in a “live and let live” season with God. I don’t ask him for anything, so I assume he’s not asking me for anything. So I’m not really in the place where I will be asking him any questions.
Wonder if my answer means I need to go back to see my counselor again …
I totally get what you’re saying with the Live & Let Live Season. TOTALLY. In fact, that phrase went through my head yesterday when thinking about God. I feel like you’re just totally confirming my own convictions and this whole post if forcing me to look at what I’m doing more closely.
ugh.
O to the wow. I know God is knocking on the door of my heart with a single “to do” note but I’m pretty much like, “You’re kidding, right?”
Anne, you’re not alone. When I don’t give a rip about what God cares about, that’s the place where I ask God to help me care again. He knows and He’s no fool when it comes to what ails us. His grace and patience stun me at moments like this.
Yes and yes! Thanks for your honesty, it’s both encouraging and enlightening.
I wanted to give up before tonight’s great worship service. I have to keep working hard to pay off grad school loans, I need to study for my MCAT, I have to find a new house before I leave town, I have to— quit worrying and trust God.
I have wanted to give up numerous times in the past. Right now, my ministry job, I feel the Lord is saying trust me but I am struggling with not wanting to go crawl into a hole and bury my head in the sand.
I spent a year “rebeling”, ignoring what God was telling me I needed to do. Now that I finally listened to him, I’m wondering if I even heard correctly.
For me, it’s not so much that I give up and/or rebel because I don’t want to listen/follow God but rather becuase I don’t trust that I am hearing him correctly, and I don’t want to make the effort to figure it out.
whoo boy… I’m going to have to consider that one… ouch :)
because yes, I do sometimes knowingly rebel because I just don’t care. And I’m definitely at “Fine then. Show me How.” Except I almost don’t want to say that, because the potential of an answer scares me even more than the question itself.
Yes. Definitely yes.
Thankyou so much for this post. I needed it.
Whoa, this is so my life. I’ve been living the Jonah story for the past year and think it’s got so much applicability for seasons like this. I’ve learned more through writing that study about my own resistance and rebellion…
I’d like to say I totally know how to handle it, but I don’t. But what I do know is that we are not alone in feeling like this, and perhaps cycles of obeying, rebelling, obeying again, and resisting are just part of the spiritual life.
One of my friends sent me a facebook message the other day that partially said… “I just happen to be looking at your old photos. Something really moved me. The depth, yikes, I thought something in you that died needs to come forth again, it is time. The depth is still there, but the hope? I was moved by the photos, not sure why” For me sometimes I just get so weary of the circumstances I face that I do sometimes just get overwhelmed, like an overly tired kid who just needs a nap but refuses to sleep. That hopeful part of me does need to be revived. I reach the point sometimes when I do just shut down. I’m gad that God is compassionate towards me when I am at that place. Spurgeon, who struggled with depression his whole life, said ““The strong are not always vigorous, the wise not always ready, the brave not always courageous, and the joyous not always happy.” I’m thankful He sees and understands that.
I’m living there right now. And, I’m painfully aware that I’m the one wrong, NOT God.
When I have the feelings you express about God’s call, I am reminded that the reason some of the great saints of the Bible are great saints is because they were obedient in spite of the fear of failure or the fear of success.
George Muller once said:
There was a day when I died, utterly died. Died to George Muller, his opinions, preferences, tastes and will — died to the world, its approval or censure — died to the approval or blame of even my brethren and friends — and since then I have studied to show myself approved only unto God.
That’s who I want to be. It’s not who I am.
Remind me not to stand too close to you….
Yeah, i’m not always very happy serving God, it can be very frustrating at times. Doesn’t seem fair but perhaps it’s not supposed to be fair?
So, last night I was sitting up in bed thinking about how I think I may be being openly rebellious right now.
I want to care about that, but I’m just not there.
So if you get hit by lightening I suppose I’m next!
Thanks for being so open.
-Gina
I used to be in a place where I didn’t care most of the time. Now, I find it hard not to care. I’m sure which is worse.
I can relate. I think I fought God for so long that I got tired and can’t rebel right now. He always does seem to get His way. I’m not sure which is worse either, one hurts me and I don’t realize it, the other just hurts, and hurts, and hurts because my heart is broken for the things that break his heart.
Yeah…so
the waiting oh the waiting…I wonder IF I just didn’t rebel if I wouldn’t always feel like I am waiting now??
I give up a LOT. In fact most of my spiritual journey seems to consist on deciding to begin again — and each time I give up it seems to take longer to make that decision.
Sometimes I get in the “rebellious” stage as a form of communication. It’s not good communication with God, but it’s communication. It’s like teenaged communication, or bad marriage communication. When a teenager gives up, he’s actually trying to tell his parents something — that he needs something. When a wife refuses to do something for her husband, she is actually trying to communicate something else because she feels he doesn’t hear her.
So, my communication with God can be immature. When I give up, I am challenging him to hear me. (Of course He always hears me.) The parent of the teenager may not be able to figure out the true communication, and the husband of the wife may see only anger and rebellion, but God is different. He’s smarter. He can figure out what I’m trying to say. He can break the code of the behavior and see what I need behind the rebellion. So, I don’t do the work of being clear about what’s going on with me because I depend on His being able to just KNOW.
BUT — if my relationship with Him is going to get better, I have to stop this immature way of communication and start practicing better ways of telling him what’s hurting. HE knows already, and I’m using the excuse that he’s smart enough to “read” what I’m trying to say as an excuse for me not to grow into a more mature person in the relationship. He is the mature one, but He wants me to grow into someone who can converse in more mature ways with Him and who trusts Him more and who loves Him without expecting things in return. Without my demands that he comfort me. Without my demands that he help me more and let me “feel” his help.
I was just thinking this morning…why am I such at a tug-of-war with God…why am I fighting Him…oh, right…because I don’t want to do this anymore…Yep, I am rebelling right now to.
I think I rebel a lot. Or put conditions on my yes.
There are many times I want to give up, but I can’t let myself. I’m afraid of giving up. If I’m not sure something is from God I just pray and wait. If I am sure God is prompting me…..as difficult as the task or mission might be….. I consider it a requirement. Even when some of the earthly consequences are unpopular. It’s hard. But that’s where I’m at these days.
Not sure what you are challenged with at the moment but I’m praying you won’t rebel. Rebellion is cool when your in high school and your parents are being ridiculous. HA! But today….not so much. Whatever it is….you can do it. You can do it.
Anne, I want to really thank you from the total bottom of my heart and soul. We received “Permission To Speak Freely”….awesome, awesome, awesome! Marvelous, marvelous, marvelous! Your brain has to be taxed; outstanding in a) what you wrote and b) what people wrote on those notes. First class graphic artist work. We couldn’t put the book down even through the Cowboys game. I want to really brag and commend you and tell everyone to purchase your book.
Thank you for sharing your heart today with the Counselor. So many times I dump my not caring right on God, plain and simple. Anyway, back to writing books…my hubby said you need to write a book on “Lies” – he said he totally believes people really are believing their own lies; thought I’d pass that message on.
I’m in a place where I don’t have the desire or energy challenge God. The reason isn’t necessarily noble or spiritual. I know He can hold up to my doubts and rebellion. So I don’t want to waste my time getting sidetracked by my own crap, knowing that I’m only prolong what He is trying to do. I no longer want to waste my energy fighting a fight I’m going to lose in the end… Surrender? Or self-preservation? Either way, I don’t get to control my life and fighting that reality only exhausts my spirit.
This either proves that I need more counseling because I’m not willing to endure the further discomfort of my own questions and doubts (and I’m sure there’s no end to the counseling I still need) or I’m starting to resign myself to the reality that God loves me and that everything He asks me to do is a direct result of that love – whether or not I like it or trust it.
almost daily.
Anne,
I’ve often wondered if God plans for us to rebel. God knows everything, right? And I wonder whether God uses this natural tendency of ours (i.e. to dig in, stomp our feet and run to our rooms with a dramatic door slam) to purge and prepare us. I don’t mean this as an excuse for our behavior, just a search for a real relationship.
(You have a gift for evoking confession. You should write a book on it! You could call it something like Permission to Speak Freely or something like that.)
Anne,
I’m not sure why I refused to follow you. Not sure if it was because you were a girl, or if Flowerdust just seemed out of place in my Google Reader list, but without a doubt you have given me a great gift this week in your sneak peak and now today’s post. Now hopefully you won’t be prideful about being honest or about being rebellious or both. :)
A great gift.
Is it rebellion or lack of faith? I think its important how we define the two. I don’t believe that you are rebelling. I think you are in a position of stretching your faith and your not ready to jump. Past behavior tells me that you are not a rebel. And everyone struggles with faith. And everyone at some point has to make the decision to jump. Rebellion is the nation of Israel purposely pursuing other gods and their own agenda. Lack of faith is a Christian struggling with God’s next move in their life. I’d be careful to put myself in the rebellion camp and I doubt that most of those who have responded belong there as well. Just their commenting is denoting a measure of faith…not rebellion.
I think that the feeling of “I just really really really don’t want to do this!” and being able to honestly say that to God is what allows Him in to do whatever it is He needs to do with that. By being honest and flat out telling Him you’re pissed, you’re hurt, this doesn’t make sense, you’re scared, etc etc etc… it puts it on the table so that it can be dealt with. The longer we hem and haw and put it off and try and keep it in a little box while dragging our feet… the more we’re at risk to become harder.
oh man….this hit me between the eyes today. thank you.
My son Bill asks me to tell you he’s there right now. We took a big step of faith some months ago that required selling our home. But right about then the home market shut down in this area. (Lately it’s started up again, but is still slow. Meantime we’re steadily running out of time and money. We’re not rebelling, but I know we’d appreciate it if those of you who feel so led would pray for God’s moving.)
This is not the first time I/we’ve faced a tough situation. It looked impossible – absolutely! – for me to go to grad school. But God kept providing just enough for each step, and I finished.
Later, after my 5-year-old daughter sweet-talked me into borrowing a library book that didn’t interest me – and I found to my surprise that its contents did – I began saying “Do you suppose…” – “Nah.” “Could we?” – “No, we couldn’t. Impossible!” But God refused to be reasonable. He kept nagging, till I finally said “OK, we’ll try.” (Notice all the enthusiasm in that answer?) We did try. And guess what? We succeeded. And still are.
There is a specific thing in my life I feel like he is calling me to move forward on, and I feel lost and exhausted in thinking what that next step might be.
So, now I’m faced having to ask that question…. “show me how?”
And then the real test comes in honestly asking myself,
Am I ready to ask that question?
And do I really TRUST the Lord with his answer to that question?
Hi Larissa,
Not sure if this is pertinent for you – but when I was debating whether to try the “impossible” idea my then-5-year-old-girl gave me, the question God dropped into my mind that finally made the difference was this: “If you didn’t try, and someone else did, and succeeded, how would that make you feel?”
As to “show me how,” I absolutely needed that too. For me, the answer was (1) read every book in our county library on that subject (which took about a year), and then (2) just go start doing it – and learn from that.
God bless you and may you succeed.
re: Counseling…yes orrrr be in a redemptive deeply connected community…..either one would be GREAT
i “get” this. i’ve been there. and i sooooo appreciate your honesty. thanks for sharing that!
Yes, definitely. But last Spring I did the StrengthFinders book and discovered that “responsibilty” is #3 for me of my top 5. So, suffice it to say, I want to give up tons of times, but never feel like I can. I always feel like I’ve got to stick it out and see it through not matter what. Ultimately, I hang in there, dragging some sort of attitude along (not always a bad one but still) ….
Your assignment is now mine too – if I can get to the point of saying yes.
This makes me sad really because I have so many stories to illustrate how in the natural, giving up seems like all I could do, but when I didn’t give up God met me, held me and next thing I knew I was staring at the blessing of life that I would have missed had I given up. But I know my stories would be lost in the many comments so I will just say, no, don’t give up, don’t even listen to that voice that says give up. Life is too short.
funny…i haven’t been to these parts in a while, yet I just wrote a post on the same topic and then came here to check out what you’re up to & bam, confirmation that honesty is awesome, giving up is normalized, and God likes to make me laugh with His sense of humor.
So, whatever it is that your giving up on…press on, keep digging, keep talking, not saying change your mind, just affirming to keep it real.
have a good one.
… nothing like a few well placed questions to knock us right to the floor …
Don’t you love how God doesn’t send down the lightening bolts every time we doubt, wrestle, or fear?
I bet Jesus wrestled – alot …
I got an email from a student in a youth ministry program at the Christian University down the street. It was a couple of questions that he apparently sent to every youth ministry leader in the area.
I hit Reply to type in some quick answers to his questions. One was, “Do you ever think about quitting ministry to do something else? If so, what?”
I smiled and typed, “Every week. ANYTHING.”
i’m so there. i’m tired of choosing the hard, the right. i’m definitely in that “i don’t care” place. which makes me feel all kinds of guilty…