I went to a movie by myself the other night. It was the first time I’ve done that in a long, long time.
Intentionally I slid through the doors late, after the movie had started, and was out and in my car before the first credit rolled.
If people saw me alone, what would they think of me?
Friendless?
Unlovable?
Awkward?
Even though now, more than maybe any time in my life, I feel the arms and hearts of friends around me, sometimes I still feel lonely.
My friend Jamie posted this video on Twitter last night. And it helped me realize that sometimes being alone is okay. In fact, it’s more than okay.
Lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless.
Comments
47 responses to “Do You Feel Lonely?”
Love the video!
I get energy from people, but I also need my alone time – and it seems like I want/need more time alone as I get older.
So now when I see people alone, I admire them (unless they look stressed) I see confidence and strength in being comfortable enough with themselves to be out and about alone.
I am the exact same way. People give me tons of energy but I also need my own time as well.
.-= Kyle Reed´s last blog ..Its Your Turn =-.
There seems to be seasons and shades to loneliness. Loneliness can be a gift, like backpacking or being the passing stranger in a new city. And loneliness can turn ugly.
I completely understand what you wrote. I’ve often felt most alone in crowded places. Sometimes by choice, as a sort of modern Kerouac taking notes on the poetry in the world. Sometimes not by choice, feeling ignored, like the odd man out.
My Myers-Briggs type is an INFP. I wonder if loneliness is linked to our personality “wiring”? If certain individuals are more prone/drawn to loneliness?
i am an infj (sometimes an e). that is very interesting because i often feel a lot like you do depending on the season of my life.
.-= mandie´s last blog ..Salvation- unfolding =-.
that was a beautfiul video. it has been a lonely season….even though I am often surrounded by friends and loved ones. i never thought for a second to embrace it.
and I love to go to movies alone….but like you I am afraid of getting caught. of people seeing me and wondering why I am there alone.
.-= michelle´s last blog ..things I dont do =-.
Interesting thought on the personality type — I’m an INFJ (my J can sometimes be a P).
.-= Anne Jackson´s last blog ..Do You Feel Lonely =-.
beautiful video, anne.
thank you for being brave enough to put your words and reflections out there for the world to see.
may we learn from them…
.-= mandie´s last blog ..Salvation- unfolding =-.
As an ENFP, I love people, places and adventure… yet, I adore solitude. I miss seeing movies by myself, I don’t care who sees or what they think. It’s simply the cozy losing of self in an overly air-conditioned place of darkness while engrossed in adventure, narrative and emotion.
There were really dark times in my life when depression ruled and solitude was a vise, an escape, my prison. I was consumed with me. Self-absorbed on my pedestal. At the same time, I transformed from a solitude of selfishness (my depression) to a solitude of sanctification. My time alone empowered me to a place of grace – the ability to do what I could not.
Ultimately, this alone-ness became my time of process as I, little by little, discovered an incredible love God had – just for me. I tapped into an understanding of who I was, who He was in me. My thoughts changed, my heart changed… my reality changed.
Now, I really enjoy my times alone. Yet, those times have become more and more difficult to find with three kids (how that happened so fast is beyond me).
My point is this: perhaps comfort in solitude has less to do with the confidence in ourselves and more to do with our confidence in Him… my two cents.
Wow, I LOVE that video! Thanks so much for sharing it.
Because I’m more the outgoing type I think I sometimes have too much time around other people. I need more time in solitude to collect my thoughts…or watch a good movie by myself. :-) Nothing wrong with that. What movie did you see by the way?
That video was am-az-ing. Loved it. I am TERRIBLE at being alone. I have never even been to a movie alone. Something to work on…she makes it look fun.
.-= Lindsey Nobles´s last blog ..My Terrible Tally =-.
I don’t anything profound to say, but I LOVE Tanya Davis and her music.
From our Father…
It’s not good for mankind to be alone.
Temporary solitude is fine and even refreshing. But longterm uninterrupted loneliness is an awful plight. I know many folks who would do almost anything in their power to not be in constant lonely states.
I love trekking out to movies and other places by myself.
Maybe being SO single for SO long has necessitated it and I have learned to make it OK.
I love this video because it puts words to some of what I think.
Sometimes being alone feels very conspicuous. And those times were just put into a new perspective for me!
:O)
Thanks for sharing.
G
When my son, (he’s 11 now), gets up i want him to view this video. He has a difficult time being an only child. He struggles with loneliness. Thank you. :)
Really so lovely.
Thank you. :)
I remember being on an internship a while back and having no friends there at all practically. I would go to the dollar theater every tuesday by myself. At first it was just awkward and I felt like a loser, but after a while I started to enjoy this time.
I do wander if there is a connection between feeling alone and being alone. Right now I am alone. I am not married and often work by myself, which often because of that I feel alone. Usually I am surrounded by people (family and friends) but usually I feel alone.
Being alone is one of the hardest things to do I think.
.-= Kyle Reed´s last blog ..Its Your Turn =-.
Gosh I never feel alone when I go to movies or coffee shops, solo. Heck, I’m in an airport right now going to Africa alone. I love love love my children, family and friends……but I appreciate my solo time too.
I wonder if feeling “lonely” has less to do with the amount of people around us and more to do with where we may be in life. I am a people person but need quiet down time by myself alot as well. I enjoy roaming by myself most of the time. But when I am sad, this is harder and I find myself working to avoid it. When I am going through a difficult time, I am less apt to want to be alone with only my own thoughts for company. They are weightier and darker during these times. They do not need room to grow, but instead need the balance and perspective of the company of a friend to keep them in check.
And sometimes our circumstances really alter how we see “alone”. What was felt – at one point in my life as a young worship leading, youth pastor mother of three – as a sacred break and a chance to catch my breath and have the teeniest moment of privacy, can now – as an empty nester without a true church home and a husband that travels – be felt as abandoned, unloved, and scary.
Loved the video. Thanks for sharing. I’m sending it to my daughter today.
i LOVE LOVE LOVE my alone time. being a single mom, i need all the alone time i can get. i wish i could afford to take myself out on date more. (like she said with watching movies and eating out). it’s a splurge to take myself out to starbucks once every 2 months so i can spend alone time there. when im there..i enjoy very minute i have.
Maybe it’s my introvert coming out, but I love going to the movies alone sometimes. Or dinner. The first time someone tried to empathize by telling me she hates eating out alone I was totally confused.
I don’t have to wait for anyone. Or pay for anyone. Or hurry for anyone. Or compromise on concessions purchases. Or share dessert. Or steer conversation away from high school woes and whining. Or stimulate good conversation.
Alone is so relaxing.
One more thought….perhaps we feel more alone when we feel like our circumstances are different than others are. This might be one reason community is so important – to dispel that myth.
i have felt more lonely than ever lately. and while at times being alone is good and as an introvert i thrive in isolation … the actual feeling of being lonely… is not a welcomed feeling for me.
Very cool video!
I think we can some time confuse independence and aloneness (is that a word?). I like my independence and enjoy the times where I can do for me, but honestly I don’t like being alone. Being single and living alone I get way too much of it, and while I make the most of it and refuel being alone (I am an INFJ), I was made to be in relationship with others. I am very comfortable being alone and doing things without others, but relationally I want close and meaningful relationships. They make life better. I am in a season where I am more connected with loads of acquaintances than ever before, but there are no real friends living near me who know me. Even in community I often feel alone due to lack of depth. I can have a great time being with people but still feel alone because noone knows or understands my heart.
I liked that video so very much. It almost made my sad, lonely heart feel better about its solitary condition. Almost.
Ok. I’m gonna go watch it again, now. :)
LOVE the video. A few years ago I would’ve said I hated being along – really more feared than hated. It was like I wasn’t complete without other people – I didn’t know how to “be” if I was by myself.
Now, I wouldn’t say that. Now, I crave moments of solitude. Now…I have a two year old. Maybe that has something to do with it, maybe it’s just growing up.
I went to a movie by myself for the first time about 6 months ago. I was nervous at first – wondering if people would think I was some kind of freak for sitting by myself at a movie. It turned out to be a wonderful, relaxing experience with no one crying or pulling on my leg.
I guess it took motherhood to teach me to value my “alone time”. Too bad I didn’t figure it out sooner when “alone time” could be found more often.
Anne,
Thank you. God led me to this post at a dark moment tonight. I posted about it on my blog and gave your blog credit.
Thank you.
http://mikeismessedup.blogspot.com/2010/08/alone.html
love this, anne. i saw this video on twitter yesterday and LOVED it. i can completely relate to the feeling of “crowded loneliness.” i wonder sometimes if it’s my own pride that makes me feel that way…if it’s a frivolous search for something other than God to complete me…I don’t know the answer to that yet. but, for me the challenge in being alone is letting myself sink into that lonely place. when i think of loneliness i think of a place where i begin to get wrapped up in myself…where i begin to lose hope because i honestly become self-absorbed. as an introvert i cherish moments of being alone. however, God has also taught me enough about myself over the last year to recognize when being alone is detrimental…when the enemy is starting to use being alone to foster self-doubt & pity.
An encouragement. I am going to a few friends’ weddings alone and I will now dance like no one is watching!
My life is cram packed with people coming in and out of my home each with to do their music lessons… probably at least 200 with family members etc. By nature I really like my alone time. I’m an introvert and appreciate a chance to recharge without people. But the reality is that with all those people, and my husband not working there is no time except for late at night for me to be alone. I’ve found that it’s worth me staying up late to be able to spend some time alone with God and time being creative by myself. I can tell when I don’t have enough alone time because I get crabby. There is a difference in that and when I find myself wanting to isolate. Depression or stress will make me want to pull away FROM everyone which is different that wanting to step away to be WITH God or alone with my own thoughts. I loved the video too.
If you have a cat you are never alone
amen
I’ve gone to the movies several times alone, I even went to Universal Studios alone for the day once (my husband thought I was crazy) I have zero issue with doing stuff alone. I will eat alone, shop alone, whatever. I love people, love to be around people but I like to just do what I want to do sometimes (like watch Return of the King for the 11th time without someone talking to me)
I’m an ENTJ.Not sure what that has to do with it though :-)
Thanks for sharing that video. I’m a young woman who lives alone in a big city. It can be really lonely sometimes. It’s good to be reminded of all the things I can enjoy doing alone.
I need alone time in my days.
I first went to a movie by myself about two years ago. I thought it would be weird, but I found it somewhat relaxing. Then this summer, I took a road trip to Colorado by myself. Though I did stay with my aunt and uncle, I would go off on my own most of the time. I sat in coffee shops. I went hiking. I sat by rivers and streams. All by myself. I talked with more strangers than I think I have in my whole entire life. It was amazing to me how many conversations were randomly struck up with those around me.
I loved the line from the video… “Lonely is healing if you make it.” I’m finding this to be so true. I think we fight loneliness too often sometimes. It has its time and place in our lives.
This video puts into words how I feel when I’m alone. Eating at a nice restaurant by yourself is the most awesome feeling. You can concentrate on the meal and not entertaining your partner, you don’t have to worry if there is something caught in your teeth, and I always garner extra attention from the waiters (bonus)!
I worry about people who always travel in an entourage. When do they listen to God or just decompress? Different strokes for different folks, I guess.
Thanks for sharing this Anne. Just now turning 40 and I look forward to the lonely times where it is just me and God. I love a crowd but like being alone with Him!
Great video. Thanks for sharing, Anne (and Jamie). I find that for me, solitude and community are two sides of the same coin. If I pursue one to an extreme, though, it ultimately bodes poorly for me.
Too much solitude can lead to an unhealthy level of introspection, loneliness, and even mild depression. For me, it can also be a temptation.
Conversely, too much community can leave me feeling tired, worn-out, and even a little short with people.
I need both on a weekly basis in order to feel healthy.
I never feel lonely when I’m at a movie, at the store, or in a library. Those are times (at least for me) when it makes sense to be solitary or quiet. Alone in a crowd. Those are times I value.
The times when I feel truly “lonely” are when I’m in a crowd at a party, in a class, at church. Events where the intention is “connection” with other people and for some reason I don’t seem to be able to “break in”. Yet even those times can be valuable because it’s made me much more aware of those others who seem to be “alone in a crowd” and make an effort to reach out.
Good point Kristine. I’m really comfortable mentioning all the things you did. I’m an introvert by nature. Even though I spent years working at churches, when my husband reached the point where he just couldn’t stand going any more, I aways feel a profound lonliness when I go there. It seems like so many churches are really not oriented in a way that fosters community on Sunday mornings. Those times have made me more sensitive to others too. I tend to always look for the ones who are alone and look like they are feeling out of place.
Grew up alone (no mother, no father for many years, no brothers or sisters, few neighbors). So to me being alone just felt “normal.” Did make it a lot harder for me to learn to relate to other people later, though. Left me super-shy and insecure (and my heredity added to that). Changing that took work. Hard work. Very slow work. Lots of patience. But it did gradually “come.”
I LOVED THAT!
Thanks so much for posting.
God speaks to all of us differently. To me specifically, He whispers in quiet beauty wrapped in art or nature – whimsy and humor, often when I am alone. Then rejoined later into the community full of life and Him.
What a gift you have shared today.
Most of the time I can cope being by myself (note I didn’t say I’m ok…), but it just bugs me to see lovey-dovey couples doing their PDAs (no I ain’t talking about their iPhones or Droids)…either at the movies or worse…at the church during sermon. Makes you wanna sprinkle some holy water on them!
I love my wife but when I am not around her I love being alone.
I am introvert. Last Sunday I was around people all day and thought I was going to go insane.
Thank you for sharing this video! As a mom of two young children I rarely get to be alone. But being lonely is something I struggle with…and sometimes I think its because I need to hang out with myself again more. :)
I go to the movies alone about once a month…in fact, I seldom ever go to the movies with another person. I don’t find it to be a social event, plus, I really don’t have anyone to go with…
I will even sit in a restaurant and eat by myself. People think this is weird but what are you supposed to do if you are single and no friends are available? Never go out to eat or see a movie?!
I don’t mind being alone, but it’s the lack of meaningful connections, being understood by others and emotional and physical intimacy that kills me in my loneliness