We love stories of restoration. We love being unfettered and passionately full of life.
But before freedom comes oppression; before redemption comes loss. We want to be rescued from our pain, but often prematurely.
Do we know how to die? Are we willing to?
Do we know how to fall soberly on our face and stay in the painful, the most incomplete place where we empty ourselves until we admit our own desires, our own comfort, our own abilities are useless?
Do we truly take on the form of Christ’s sufferings, a suffering even to death?
A friend recently said to me in an email, “This is the Gospel made practical. Everyone wants the power of the Resurrection. Few are willing to endure the crucifixion to get there.”
Think about it.
I played this song (lyrics below) 17 times on repeat a few days ago. I had to keep playing it, because I had to keep breaking down my heart little by little…
“Show me how to die…”
Before writing any blog posts, before any book is published, before any stage I step on or listening to any person I meet. Before I spend my money, before pretending to be perfect – to have it all figured out, before going to church, or calling a friend…
Before any good or bad or noble thing…
“Show me how to die…”
———
You could plant me like a tree beside a river
You could tangle me in soil and let my roots run wild
And I would blossom like a flower in the desert
But for now just let me cry
You could raise me like a banner in a battle
Put victory like a fire behind my shining eyes
And I would drift like falling snow over the embers
But for now just let me lie
Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and breathe me back to life
But not before You show me how to die
Set me like a star before the morning
Like a song that steals the darkness from a world asleep
And I’ll illuminate the path You’ve laid before me
But for now just let me be
Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and breathe me back to life
But not before You show me how to die
Oh, not before You show me how to die
So let me go like a leaf upon the water
Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea
And I will disappear into a deeper beauty
But for now just stay with me
God, for now just stay with me
(“Show Me” – Audrey Assad)
Comments
30 responses to “Show Me How to Die”
Beautiful, Anne. This is the part of the story I don’t like much. But it is necessary. It may even be the most important part.
.-= Michael Hyatt´s last blog ..Social Media and the New Culture of Sharing =-.
These were very timely words for me today Anne. Last Sunday, a little girl was tragically killed in our church parking lot after our morning service. It has been a heart wrenching week but I know God is already using this tragedy to strengthen me and my church.
.-= Kevin M.´s last blog ..Please pray for our church family =-.
That is tragic….I’m so sorry.
thanks for writing this. =]i am currently writing about Lazarus and the importance of dying to our dreams & prayers in order for us to witness God’s resurrection power.
glad to see the Spirit speaks the same way to His children everywhere.
This is so timely for me to Anne. Thank you. I haven’t personally heard that song, YET. I am getting it….that each day I awake I am living more and more for the Kingdom and less and less to this world. Suffering is part of this Christian walk. Letting go of the world…hurts…but it gives new life.
If you think to at all this week I would appreciate your prayers. I’m going to Zimbabwe again and will be ministering to a group of teenaged orphans there who I have visited twice before. I’m going alone again…and just really appreciate prayers for my safety and for the Spirit to be present.
.-= Melissa Irwin´s last blog ..Jasper =-.
Your courage, knowing the journey to where you are…well, is amazing.
Thank you Anne. Love your blog.
.-= Melissa Irwin´s last blog ..Jasper =-.
As one who writes about/ for/ to older adults, I can especially appreciate your words. Death is never far from their minds. Learning to live in the face of death takes spiritual maturity, I think. I recall what Billy Graham once said, “All my life, I’ve been taught how to die. No one ever taught me how to grow old.”
Missy Buchanan
Author, Talking with God in Old Age
This post has me thinking …
Because life is tough and things come our way that we don’t want and don’t have control over, I tend to agree that we need to be willing to die to our own dreams/plans.
But I question exactly what that means – because if Jesus died for us, why do we need to die?
I wonder how life would be different if we focused on being fully alive instead – as St. Irenaeus of Lyons said, “The glory of God is man fully alive.”
Also, this quote helped me during a time of seeking God for what’s next in my life.
“Do not ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” – Dr. Howard Thurman
And I think that is the paradox of the faith – in death we find life, we are buried and raised with Christ to new life. To die to oneself (the human nature) and to be reborn into a mystical, unknown, but and fully abundantly given new life… For us to become alive in the new way that’s intended…we must first die and be reborn.
Thank you so much for these words. I ran away from home and church today because I just couldn’t handle one more person asking me how my mother was. She has pancreatic cancer. The thought that I am watching her die is almost too much to bear….and yet, aren’t we all dieing. She is showing me how to live even more fully now.
.-= Deborah´s last blog ..Drumroll Please!!!! =-.
I’m so sorry. Praying words of comfort and peace for you both.
Dearest Anne, This is one of the truest and most beautiful things I have read in a long time. And terrifying and terribly difficult. How desperately we defend ourselves against the death that brings freedom and helps unearth the person we were meant to be. It is an excruciating process.
Thank you for challenging and inspiring me. Again. And for reminding me that when I persistently dwell in His presence, I am in a safe place for the dying, the dissolving, the breaking away that must happen. He is a good and loving surgeon. He is a tender Father. He desperately wants my good. My deepest good. The good I cannot see yet.
Thank you for your courage and your honesty…for being willing to go to a very hard place…and to stay there…until it is done.
.-= Shelia´s last blog ..And Thereby Hangs a Tale =-.
So true. I’m in that place right now…and I would do about anything to get out of it! But I know it’s going to be used for good, so I can be at least a little bit thankful. : )
This is really random, but I’m looking for some relationship advice from a trust-worthy person. Could I run something by you? If you don’t have the time that’s fine, so don’t worry about it. Sorry about the randomness again.
.-= Lauren´s last blog ..Yes- my blood is Kvlt No- it really is pics included =-.
I am learning that I desperately want death. The choice to actually follow through with that desire is so intimidating. It means unknown. It means being out of control of how much death I think I can endure. But I desperately want intimacy with him. I want to live in the light. I want life to the full. It is clear that apart from him that is impossible.
I also been stuck on the Heb. 12 where it talks about running our race mark out for us with perseverance.Jesus had no easy road. His race led to death. Yet he ran. That was also life. I am trying not to forget that Jesus’ race had hard death as well.
.-= Tracee´s last blog ..Offering Your Miracle =-.
Hi Anne,
Just got here through your twitter entries, and I wanted to say thank you for a very refreshing Christian post. Not many Christians like to talk about the need to fellowship with Christ in his sufferings as well as in His resurrection, but the truth is the word of God clearly tells us they go together and are part of one and the same thing.
Church as it stands today is blind to this truth and because of it, remains ineffective and lacking in power to bring light into this very dark world.
God bless you
Mercedes
.-= Mercedes´s last blog ..Protect your Privacy with Private Domain Registrations =-.
I entered my details wrong on my previous comment and so the post which appears as the last post on my blog is someone else’s. I just wanted to correct that.
Thank you for allowing me to do so.
Mercedes
.-= Mercedes´s last blog ..THE SPIRIT OF THE MIGHTY CHRISTIAN WARRIOR =-.
Anne, this post is incredibly so real and I thank you, thank you! Perfect timing. Since my hubby and I have retired from full-time Sr. Pastoring, (38 yrs) I’ve noticed people call us to ask what to do in their church. Our daughter and son are shouting yea Mom and Dad for the way you have been handling their issues! It took a lot of dying to self and BEING REAL. It dawned on me I didn’t have to “play the role” and couldn’t quite find my comfort zone how to be just me (no title, just me). So, I finally had the courage to tell them to contact their own Pastor and Pastor’s wife or Sunday School teacher because they were members there. I was not rude or disrespectful, just honest. The private life is so refreshing, peaceful, and just being Mom and Dad, Grandma and Grandpa; such a healthy feeling. You mean the world to us, Anne, and we will forever be grateful.
.-= Carol´s last blog ..Are You A Positive Person =-.
Wow. Awesome tune. Awesome post.
.-= Doug Young´s last blog ..Guest Post at The Preacher’s Pen =-.
My cousin is currently dying of cancer at St. Jude’s in Memphis. He was declared cancer free earlier this year, and then in April the said the cancer was back and growing. It has spread to his pelvis, legs, arms, shoulders, skull, and bone marrow (and this is all in the last 3-4 weeks…)
A few weeks ago they stopped doing chemo in Johnson City, and he is now at St. Jude’s doing a Phase 1 drug trial. He is in a ton of pain and the basically have him drugged to numb the pain so much that he can barely talk…
His family was able to go to Hawaii for his make-a-wish and I was able to see them when they got back from the airport.
It will probably be the last time I see him (unless I can get to Memphis in the next few weeks).
It is hard to watch your 17 year old cousin suffer, but I know God is good even when I am unsure.
who are we if not first surrendered… that is where i have been sitting lately. if i am not fully surrendered, not fully died to self, then who am i to do anything at all? thank you for this.
.-= Crystal Renaud´s last blog ..“Come Stand in the Light…” =-.
Sobering thoughts there. Thanks for sharing.
Anne,Flowerdust,Angel…I love who you are from your twitter..You are the most tender hearted, compassionate, caring, precious woman! Let me share this with you – Its the pain and hurt we feel for others, and for ourselves, that we want to die to…But the truth is..we don’t need to die… because somebody died for us! This crazy life is a gift..and no matter how bad it gets, or has gotten to be, if we are alive, it is because GOD has willed for us to be. It is by His grace that we can live each day to the fullest, in this knowledge: HE LOVES YOU! So we commit the pain to Him, and in time, His healing rain comes..And when it does finally come time for us to go, its that very same grace that was ours in life, that will show us how to die.. Believe, Trust, Hope, Dream, Live :)
I love your friend’s quote. I’m currently writing a thesis paper on Suffering…could I use that quote in my paper?
Another thing I read recently for my paper is that you can’t see the stars unless it is against the backdrop of darkness.
.-= Mindy´s last blog ..Lest I Forget =-.
Thank you, oh thank you! I am walking in that place where it is so much easier to hold on, than to let go…yet I can’t receive when my hands are already full. I guess I don’t want “easier” any longer. May we learn to let go of self, our way, agendas, plans, expectations. May we stay until it is done.
.-= Sherie´s last blog ..Mission-minded or Missional =-.
Guh. This is such a hard lesson. I’m glad I’m not the only one learning it right now. Somehow, that makes it easier.
I just wanted to thank you for introducing me to Audrey Assad, and to that song especially. I’d never come across her work before… Necessary words, like Psalm 119:67, 71 – “Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word… It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees…” The wonder of his mercy in the darkest place, in our own dissolution. The glory of the cross, I guess.
Anne, I want to you know two things.
1) You constantly inspire me. As a writer, as a leader, as a network-er, as a Christ-follower. I am enlightened and encouraged every time I come here.
2) You have the absolute BEST taste in music. Seriously.
thanks anne. just when i started to think, ah life! jesus invites me into more death, a more deeply hidden life, and regardless of outcome or anyone seeing or taking notice, the invitation remains to live a life of loving Him.
have a great time away. praying you’ll be comforted and your cup will runneth over as Jesus loves you through your friends
Thanks so much for writing this post, Anne. I had never heard of Audrey Assad before, and the song captivated me. I just downloaded the whole album. :-)
I’ve been thinking on this very same subject for the past year. At first, I found myself longing to die. God had taken me along a path that made me long to share in his suffering. But the reality of that has been hard, and he and I have fought much over this in the past year. It’s good to meet another pilgrim in this place.
xoxo,
Christianne