When I was reading about all thing things you should and shouldn’t do in Russia, I took note. My dad went to Russia a few years ago and remember him getting in a little bit of trouble.
I never expected I’d be leaving Russia earlier than I was supposed to.
We left from our week in Moldova and arrived in Moscow last Saturday. It was more of a “down” day to decompress from what we had experienced in Moldova. We did a little sight-seeing, visited a huge mall (where I politely ate my weight in Baskin Robbins – American food, yay!) and went to the theatre. Aside from being a little chilly, I instantly fell in love with Moscow.
Throughout our entire trip, I had been fighting what I thought was a cold. I actually had it on Monday, before we left, but figured with some Zicam and Advil it would be gone in a few days. Unfortunately, each day my symptoms got worse…my body ached more, my sinuses pounded more, and the big nuisance for me – my throat became more swollen and more, well, what burning in the fiery pits of Hades feels like, I’d imagine.
I knew I needed to rest, but I also knew I needed to experience everything. One afternoon earlier in the week, I returned to our dorm early to rest up and I did feel better the next day, but my symptoms continued worsening. After waking up in Moscow, there was a decision to be made.
That night, I kept waking up cold and sweaty. It didn’t matter how many of the 1980’s-style blankets I wrapped up in, I was too hot and too cold at the same time. My t-shirt was drenched in sweat. After the sun came up, I grabbed a mirror and went to the window where the sun was rising and took a good look in the back of my burning throat.
I’m no doctor, but what was back there was not from this world.
My tonsils were swollen and they, along with the rest of my throat, were red, white, and just nasty all over.
I took my temperature. Yep, definitely had a little fever going on.
One of my friends is a doctor, so I texted her, hoping she’d be awake. I gave her my symptoms and told her I had some antibiotics on hand for “just in case you get traveler’s diarrhea” but they were a versatile type that could also help with strep throat – if that is what I had.
She texted me back some suggestions and directions for taking the medicine, but noted if I wasn’t better in a day or so, to call her.
Not just text her — call her.
I began thinking…
If we would have planned to be in Moscow for the rest of the week, I would have decided to stay. There are a few Western-style clinics and hospitals available that would have sufficed. However, our plans had us traveling six to eight hours outside the city in more rural Russia. If whatever I had wasn’t getting better, the trip home would have been a lot longer and a lot more difficult than, well…if I came home.
I started to cry.
Finally, after two months of being emotionally stunted, I started to cry.
I pulled up Skype on my computer and a friend was on. I told him what our friend said and what my throat looked like and where we’d be going for the rest of the week. Without hesitation, he told me I needed to come home.
I didn’t want to hear those words, but I knew it was the best decision.
Fortunately, I was able to get on a flight from Moscow to DC, and then DC to Nashville, so I was home 17 hours after waking up. I went to the doctor yesterday and found out I have some kind of virus – a type of mono – although they aren’t sure what specific type yet as they are having to test my blood twice for some reason…but what I thought was an innocent cold turned out not to be so innocent.
So here I sit in my living room…spring birds chirping, the trees in our backyard budding hourly it seems…eating popsicles and sleeping most of the time. Whenever I wake up from one of my naps I check my phone – I still have it set on Moscow time – and wonder what’s happening on the other side of the world.
Last year, I got sick right before a speaking engagement so I had to cancel and I really wrestled God with “WHY?” Did I fail him in some way being a pansy and not pushing through my pain?
This time, I’m not so upset with myself or wondering if I should have stayed or if I should have come home – I know I made the right decision…but I do feel like I was ripped out of Russia, and part of me is still there.
And that hurts.
Even now, tears are spilling out and down my cheeks because I miss being there. I miss the women I didn’t get a chance to meet, the culture and the food I didn’t get to embrace, the stories of tragedy and redemption that I didn’t get a chance to tell.
But I know…I know that things happen. People get sick. It’s part of life.
I also know that by some “random” mistake at the consulate’s office, I was given a double entry visa instead of a single entry. We talked about how weird that was when we found out, but now that I’m home, I guess it just means there’s a time for me already set aside to return.
And return I will.
Comments
53 responses to “Why I Got Kicked Out of Russia”
Oh Anne, I’m so sorry. I hope you begin feeling better soon.
hey, for what its worth, it doesn’t sound like you failed.
Peace and get well soon
So sorry you got sick. This is so strange because when I saw you were going to Russia I wondered to myself if it was not too soon after your trip to Haiti. Don’t know why but it just came to me like a concern for you. Pray you will be well soon.
Totally praying for you, my friend! I love your heart and that you give it totally away to things that you are passionate about. REST!!
Such a tough decision to make but I’m confident you made the right one. Lisa and I are praying for you – not just for your full recovery physically but also for the continued work that God will have you do with human trafficking. Your task isn’t over yet. Be encouraged and rest up.
I’m amazed at all you were able to share and bring to light while you were there and feeling so terrible. Thanks for your heart that is so passionate about things that matter. I pray for soul encouragement for you today.
Thanks for sharing this with us, Anne. We can all relate to times when the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. It’s easy to get mad at God or to feel like He’s abandoned. I’m encouraged and inspired by how well you are handling your understandable disappointment, and I pray you will feel better soon, friend!
.-= Rachel H. Evans?s last blog ..Students are the real victims of Waltke?s resignation =-.
Anne, this is truly a beautiful story…one full of God’s love and His control. Sometimes we don’t understand the things He uses to cause us to grow or change or release our hold. I went back and watched your video confession about not crying…maybe this sickness is God’s way of easing you through this stage. You’ve cried, you’ve moved on. And, you’ve already got an open door to go back to Russia. Just beautiful.
I pray you recover quickly!
.-= Chrystal?s last blog ..These knees were made for running… =-.
Hmm…a double Visa entry? Definitely does sound like you’ll be back. It’s good that you came home to get rest though. Hugs to you. I know mono (or anything else like it) isn’t fun.
.-= Elaina?s last blog ..Today… =-.
I’ve been praying for you last night and this morning. Now I’ll add encouragement. My first response to my husband was talk about an attack. Whether it is the enemy trying to attack you or just plain old Mono I know God is near you right at this very minute. I know that He is still using the men that are still in Russia to minister to these women. He is NOT allowing the enemy to get the last word in.
I’m praying strong and interceding for you. Praying for encouragement, rest, and healing as I know you are supposed to start traveling again soon and have Catalyst West.
Loves & hugs.
.-= Prudence?s last blog ..Defining Steadfastness =-.
I’m sorry girl, was/am praying for you and maybe the Lord just knew you could fight better (this time) from here. I’m with Brad though- I really don’t think it’s over and it’s just the beginning. I do not think the Lord has placed this burden on your heart in vain. I have no doubt He’s going to use it and is using it to do some serious damage in the darkness.
Sending a big hug from a few blocks over.
-Mel
.-= Melanie McGaughey?s last blog ..Need a Better Story =-.
I admire your obedience. Thanks. My wife was a human trafficking case worker and advocate around our state for a period of time. ANYTHING to make this issue less distant and more real. Appreciate it.
.-= Evan Blackerby?s last blog ..Silence Seems To Be The Hardest Word =-.
So sorry Anne… You are making a HUGE difference. Like every other blog I’ve landed on in the past several days has had links to your posts last week.
“Did I fail him in some way”
No. No. a thousand times NO. It is because you were making SUCH an impact that perhaps you became a threat to the “principalities and powers” it sounds like that have reigned there so powerfully for so long.
Never doubt that your words are making an eternal difference. If what you have shared saves even ONE of these young women from stepping into this horror… then you have done far and above the call of duty.
Keep writing. Keep seeking God. Keep believing in that fire that is in your heart to make a difference… and know that you are making waves alllll across the blogosphere with this topic… you are making a difference.
.-= Jenny?s last blog ..Will They Laugh if I Call You Daddy? Growing Up With a Gay Father: Day 2 =-.
hope you are all healed-up soon! :)
I’m so sorry Anne. You didn’t let God down by coming home. Not at all. Get well soon.
.-= Jason´s last blog ..The blind eye =-.
I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well – hope the popsicles help.
Getting sick sucks – especially when traveling. Though it was hard to come home, I think you made the right call. Since this isn’t heaven, our bodies can get sick and then they need rest – it’s simply good logic.
.-= Janet oberholtzer?s last blog ..The Importance of Story in my Life =-.
Praying the Lord will restore, replenish, and renew you. This trip was just one step along a long journey, and you completed your part well. Keep up the voice, the battle, and the heart! You have and I know you will continue to make a difference. Thank you!
.-= Sherie?s last blog ..t =-.
I imagine its difficult, but I think you definitely made the right decision, and your trip was not in vain. Praying you feel better soon….all the way around.
So sorry you got sick, but in my opinion, you getting a double entry visa was not a mistake, not a mistake at all. God had a plan for you getting sick, and I believe the next time you get to go back, you will more than make up for missing this part of this trip. It was God.
I am so sorry… and yet can relate much more then I wish I could. 10 days before supposing to leave for INdia, on one of those trips of a lifetime, I got the sickest I have ever been, and ended up in bed for 2 weeks with pneumonia.
The physical sickness is no fun, but the emotional and spiritual wrestling is almost worst. Wondering why the Lord would allow this to happen, and yet knowing that He has his reasons, even if you dont ever know. Hang in there… and know there are people praying for God’s wlil to be done!
So sorry you both got sick and had to come home early. Getting a double entry visa was no mistake. That was a plan directly from God. you will be going back my friend. Hope you get well soon.
Praying that God will heal you quick-like and already looking forward to your return trip.
.-= cool dad / eric?s last blog ..An epic pictorial post explaining the strange musical Cool Duplex Tour =-.
praying you feel better.
.-= patricia?s last blog ..4.11.10 victory. =-.
I have to be honest, when I read the title of this blog post, I thought you and your group had been threatened or something!
I hope you feel better soon, and that you’ll make a return to Russia.
.-= Charlotte?s last blog ..I’m starting to think there’s a trekkie inside me that’s been hiding for 24 years. =-.
Anne, please know that you have brought an awareness! I knew that this was going on, but had not researched into it enough to feel such an overwhelming sadness for these girls, as I do now. Thank you for letting us into such a sad world. As I watched Good Morning America this morning and saw the news clip over fashion freedom in Russia, with lots of wealthy women coming forward with a new voice, and an expensive wardrobe, I knew there was so much that was NOT being said. Now I know the whole story. Thank you! I hope you are better soon, and keep going!
Your trip was definitely not in vain. I mean, the posts from this past week affected me deeply – and I know I’m not the only one. Can’t wait to hear the stories yet to be told when you return.
Feel better – and get some rest.
.-= Elora?s last blog ..prone to wander =-.
I had mono in 10th grade…sickest I’ve evern been to this date. It took years before my immune system fully recovered. I believe I set a record for watching Forrest Gump 4 times a day during that illness. Dang.
You definitely made the right call by going home to recover.
God’s made the right call, too. You’ll be back.
Praying for you.
.-= Josh?s last blog ..Question? =-.
Yeah. Mono is miserable and can set you back for a long time. My son has contracted two different strains and if someone looks at him funny he gets sick again.
People don’t realize how miserable and evil Mono can be until they have dealt with it.
I understand how you feel…completely. I faced the onset of mono days into a trip to Ethiopia. The 20ish hour flight back was miiiserable. Be sure to really rest Anne, I know how you go-getter’s are. Take a break from speaking, travel, etc. You can knock out mono quickly (a few weeks). I also recommend spending a day on the couch watching the entire Band of Brothers series on DVD. I’m sure that helped me a lot! : )
.-= Marcus?s last blog .. =-.
(((Hugs))) Praying you’ll feel better soon! And it’s great to know that you have a Divine appointment to go back!
What you’re doing is amazing…rest now…action later!
.-= Tammy Cannon?s last blog ..F.A.T. Faith =-.
Feel better. Use this small setback to make the next trip bigger and better than this once could have been.
On my first trip to Moscow in the mid-90’s I got sick, passed out, and cracked my head on the side of the bathtub. Finding a dr who spoke english in those years was tough but in the rural areas it is crazy…plus no antibiotics or sterile conditions…The double entry visa is wonderful. i am so smiling at God. once you’ve had a taste of Eastern European women, you have to return
Aaaw. That bites – Hope you feel better soon! Glad you accepted the good advice of your husband and got on a plane. And I LOVE that God has already made way for a future trip.
I hope the reappearance of tears brings along the comfort and healing that can accompany a good cry. :)
.-= Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary?s last blog ..Pretty sure Moldova is stalking me. =-.
I’m so sorry. Praying you will feel better soon. And I have confidence that you’ll be back there very soon!
.-= Carrie?s last blog ..Change =-.
Having been on short term mission trips while not feeling well, I know exactly what you are describing.
I am Michael Hyatt’s Mom, I have been following your Twitter for a few months. So sorry you got really sick & couldn’t stay. I pray God will heal your body quickly.
Totally feel ur pain, had to cut a year long missions trip 4 months short cos of sickness & it is soooo depressing at the time…especially when u feel sick. rest up & remember that God has diff timing 4 things than us :) thanks for sharing
I believe you met with and loved exactly the people you were met to meet and love. No more, no less.
.-= kristiapplesauce´s last blog ..Trash day =-.
I’m sorry your sick and had to come home early (praying you feel better soon) but am glad you’ll have the opportunity to go back. Knowing you it will be sooner rather than later :) what a blessing to be able to travel and see the world, something many of us may never have the chance to do. Thanks for all the stories you share about your experiences and the opportunity to see and hear the people from the other side of the world.
.-= Kristine McGuire´s last blog ..Did I Mention I Hate To Clean?? =-.
sometimes when i experience something i don’t understand (which is very often), i’ve changed the question from “why did you let this happen, God?” to “what are you doing in the midst of this, God?” not sure if that will help you, but it tweaks my perspective enough sometimes to accept what is and let go of the rest.
get a lot of rest and hope you are feeling better soon.
It’s amazing (and awful sometimes) how God sometimes answers our prayers in ways we would reject if we knew ahead of time. And it’s amazing that pain is the best way to learn trust – it seems so contrary, but it’s true.
And at the same time it’s amazing how He does it all without denying the cry in our hearts.
.-= Lex´s last blog ..My Day Saturday =-.
Anne, our prayers are answered that you made it home safely. I know you have passion and purpose and am so grateful resting for now is needed and that you will give you marvelous health!
.-= Carol´s last blog ..A Calling To Contentment =-.
Anne – I don’t believe in coincidences; I’m pretty sure you don’t either. There was a reason you were to leave at the time you did. Maybe someday God will let you know why.
Shari
Anne, my husband and I have traveled to Russian twice to adopt chidlren. My greatest fear while traveling: getting sick. Believe me, you really don’t want to be at a Russian hospital, though there are some excellent doctors there.
I pray that you will have an awesome ministry — and fun — on your next trip to this great country, minus illness.
Blessings, Lucy
.-= Lucy Ann Moll´s last blog ..Be Content Again in Marriage! =-.
how are things today?
.-= Josh´s last blog ..What’s Your Passion? =-.
Sooner or later those tears were going to come ….
There’ve been times when I was so glad when my husband would tell me what I needed to do. And I have to admit, I was so thankful to be taken under his protective wing.
Rest well in knowing that you were obedient to what God gave you to do during the time that He gave you to do it.
.-= Linda Stoll´s last blog ..The Endless Void =-.
Ann, I’m so sorry things worked out the way they did for you, but it sounds like God definitely wants you to go back. I’m excited to hear what His will is for you there.
Glad you are taking care of yourself. It is important. Your work for Russia can (and will I’m sure) continue from Franklin.
.-= Lindsey Nobles´s last blog ..You Ask. I Answer: Balancing Personal and Professional Lives =-.
Can’t wait to hear how that double entry visa works out. God has plans too awesome to describe :) Feel better.
.-= Reading Rosie´s last blog ..Two Sweet Women =-.
Oh, Anne… I’m so sorry. I hope you are feeling better. Praying for you in Indiana. Can’t wait to hear about another future Russia trip!
.-= Rachel Richard´s last blog ..Sexual violence touches nearly every family — including yours. =-.