Not the Promise I was Hoping For (Oh, Crap!)

This past weekend I had the chance to hang out with my friends from Women of Faith in Sacramento. I had some extra AAdvantage miles and Nashville had not seen the sun in years days. Just a couple of weeks ago, my doctor said my Vitamin D levels were half of what they should be (it happens every winter) and that I needed to get some sun.

So, off to California I went.

This is my third Women of Faith conference this year, and I typically sit in an area with some of the staff and crew. They’re so hospitable, they let me share in their snack bags they keep around in their section.

Being on my diet, however, led me to a battle.

Do I snack?

Do I have even a little?

I dig through the snack bag, looking for an answer.

And I found one.

Inside, they had SUGAR FREE Dove chocolates! Over the course of the two day event, I probably ate ten of those little guys. They tasted SO good and they’re practically guilt free.

Something that’s whimsical about Dove’s chocolates are their “Promises.” You open up a Dove chocolate and you’re likely to read something like this.

dove-promises

Awww, how precious!

Right?

During one of the breaks, I decided to take a look at the wrappers from my sugar free Dove chocolates. They weren’t packaged like the regular ones, so I wondered if a “Promise” was printed somewhere on the outside.

And indeed, it was.

It was not, however, the promise I was hoping for.

“Excess consumption may have a laxative effect.”

Oh.

Crap.

Comments

46 responses to “Not the Promise I was Hoping For (Oh, Crap!)”

  1. alece Avatar

    awesome! i can just imagine your face when you read that…

    1. Anne Jackson Avatar

      it was something like that twit pic up there }}^

  2. Jeff Avatar

    1. I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to make it to hang out with y’all. It would have been a complete honor. I’m suspecting it may have been a one-shot deal.

    2. Please tell me you did not end this post with the word “crap.” :)

    In any case, yeah, I like keeping those wrappers, too. They’re better than chinese fortune cookie fortunes.

    Unfortunately, I know my camera isn’t going to take as good a picture as yours did. From a tech-geek standpoint, I’m really quite impressed!
    .-= Jeff?s last blog ..Why do I blog? =-.

    1. Anne Jackson Avatar

      Google images. I claim nothing. :)

      1. Jeff Avatar

        Aw, okay.

        You win one point for resourcefulness anyway.

        (*Points redeemable for cash and prizes. Not valid with any other offer. Batteries not included. Protective eyewear required. Management is not responsible for lost items. Tax, lic., & doc. fees extra. Enter at your own risk. Kids, ask your parents. Danger: High voltage. Cash value, 1/20 of 1?.)
        .-= Jeff?s last blog ..Why do I blog? =-.

    2. bondChristian Avatar

      Yes, nice pictures, right? Somehow the resourcefulness/quality makes up for the message/image? Maybe. . . ?

      Marshall Jones Jr.
      .-= bondChristian?s last blog ..The purpose of (bondChristian) life =-.

  3. Christine Smith Avatar

    My daughter had a similar experience after eating a single FIBER ONE bar. Let’s just say, I was required to purchase an entire set of bath towels for her friends family-she was just 6 years old!

    1. Mel Avatar
      Mel

      You must respect the Fiber One brand.

      Hubby ate 3 right before going to bed.. “What? Their just granola bars..”

      Ha.. 9g of fiber each!

  4. Reese Avatar

    …no way.LOL Ummm did your face look anything like your 5th & 6th video [still shot’s w/ green shirt?]..hehe.

  5. Candace Sargent Avatar
    Candace Sargent

    They’re perrrfect!:P And, I thought the lil promise words inside were a nice touch. I got my husband hooked on them..he says “They’re soooo smooth!” hahaaaa We actually seek out the good-for-you foods that are deeelish; it’s a requirement;)

  6. dubdynomite Avatar

    Well, that’s one way to lose weight. ;)
    .-= dubdynomite?s last blog ..From Peanuts to the Press Box ? Eli Gold =-.

  7. Lauree Avatar
    Lauree

    everytime we do something because we think we can get away with it we find out we are full of….. well you get the idea.

    it is a good reminder

    1. Anne Jackson Avatar

      Touche, oh, touche.

  8. Mandie Segura Avatar

    Oh my goodness! This is SO funny! :)

  9. patriciazell Avatar

    Flowerdust, live and learn–just like almost thing human, the good is often accompanied by the not-so-good. And, speaking of Dove chocolate, my favorite luxury is the silky smooth dark chocolate individually wrapped bars. The calorie count is okay and the sugar is not extreme. This chocolate is so rich that I can’t eat more than 2/3 of a bar at a time. The chocolate is soooo good! (But, alas no promises and no crap!)

  10. Amy M. Fry Avatar
    Amy M. Fry

    This. Was. Priceless.

    Thanks for sharing. Made my day.

  11. Christina Avatar

    I can imagine the heart-sinking-into-the-pit-of-a-stomach feeling. Ugh.

    It figures. All those annoying little proverbs end up being right, don’t they? “If it’s too good to be true, it probably is.”

  12. Hope Noelle Avatar

    This is one of the best posts I have read in a looooooong while. :)

    1. Anne Jackson Avatar

      What can I say? I’m obviously a woman of profound experiences…. :)

  13. Kelly@Tabithas Team Avatar

    Well we just finished celebrating my daughter’s birthday. The whole family climbed onto the new Wii Fit to create our profiles, the kids laughed at how horribly out of shape we are, then we went downstairs to sing and eat fudgy brownies (she hates cake). Then I logged on to my RSS to find this post. Timely – gives me a reason to appreciate the brownies.

  14. Keith Jennings Avatar

    You’ll have to pardon the literary geek in me for seeing an odd metaphor. But a key theme to your posts and new book project, Permission To Speak Freely, appear to be a sort of laxative for the Church. You seem to serve as a cathartic agent that allows the pent up religious emotions of others to be, umm shall we say, expressed.

    Yes? No? Sorta kinda maybe? Regardless, fantastically funny post!
    .-= Keith Jennings?s last blog ..On Being the Church =-.

  15. Theresa Avatar

    I guess my only comment would be…..

    Thankfully they turned all the Men’s Restrooms into Women’s.

    I enjoyed the event sans Dove Chocolates.

  16. David Knapp Avatar

    When you were talking about eating sugar free candy like they were going out of style I kept thinking, “How did she eat all those without any stomach or other area problems” :)
    .-= David Knapp?s last blog ..More Than One Way To Support David And Amanda Knapp =-.

  17. Stephanie Avatar

    That was perfect! Though a little warning might have been nice…I almost choked on my coffee when I got to the end. So nice to start the morning with a good laugh!
    .-= Stephanie?s last blog ..Unspoken =-.

  18. Kenyon Avatar

    Those airplane restrooms are too small to be doing that crap…
    .-= Kenyon?s last blog ..A Day of Infamy =-.

  19. Lauren Kelly Avatar

    LOL… this cracked me up!!!!!!!!

    And I love Women of Faith, went to my first conference in Atlanta this year!!! :)
    .-= Lauren Kelly?s last blog .."What about me?" =-.

  20. Deana O'Hara Avatar

    too funny Anne! It reminds me of the time I thought I’d get my weight under control by cheating and using those over the counter “diet aides.” got it home and read the small print where they suggest you wear brown pants until you know how the product will effect you. I decided I’d rather be fat —

  21. Jon Smith Avatar

    oh crap. literally.

    this was great!

  22. Rick Apperson Avatar

    ROFL – Now that is funny.

    Sometimes it doesn’t pay to read the labels!

  23. Tiffany Avatar

    heehehe! Really funny!
    .-= Tiffany?s last blog .. =-.

  24. Stacy Avatar
    Stacy

    I needed that laugh… thank you!!

  25. Lex Avatar

    “Happy is the (wo)man who finds wisdom …” :)
    .-= Lex?s last blog ..Goodie bags no kid would ever want =-.

  26. Jamie the Very Worst Missionary Avatar

    I’m so sorry! This totally happened to me once, too. Except it was those sugar-free gummi bears that come in like a five pound bag from walmart. I’m not gonna lie…it wasn’t pretty! And then when it was all over, there were still 3 pounds of sugar-free gummi bears tempting me, teasing me, daring me to eat them all at once…
    .-= Jamie the Very Worst Missionary?s last blog ..Ask Jamie How Missionaries Do IT: Toilet floods and pissy neighbors! Calgon take me away… =-.

  27. Unka Avatar
    Unka

    Sorbitol is the ingredient that causes that….

  28. Tamara Avatar

    What to my surprise when I opened up your blog today! I was at the WOF in Sacramento this weekend, too! This was my first and I wasn’t disappointed one little bit. Needless to say, I was totally exhausted when we got back to San Jose Saturday evening, and spent most of Sunday recovering. Too bad we didn’t have much sun to help with your Vit. D levels; hope you were able to find some sunshine before you went back east.

    Thanks for your blog, I always enjoy reading it! Blessings…

  29. Lucy Ann Moll Avatar

    Anne, Anne, Anne:

    Did you not know that that regular Dove dark chocolate (or any dark chocolate) is a bonafide food group, so sayeth Lucy aka Dark Chocolista.

    So stop eating crap. Got it, girl?!

    Send me your snail mail addy (if you dare) and I’ll send you a big bag. :-)

    No guilt!

    Hugz, Lucy
    Lucy@LucyAnnMoll.com

    1. Anne Jackson Avatar

      You are so sweet. My trainer reads my blog though…and my log of food…so….I must publicly and loudly decline this offer (hear that Brandon???) :)

      1. Lucy Ann Moll Avatar

        Brandon does not have all his chocolate facts straight. Poor guy. Does he want a stash of Dove?

        Hugz,
        Lucy

        1. Anne Jackson Avatar

          Oh, the chocolate thing we understand…it is good. And I can have a piece every once in a while (my fave is Voseges Dark Chocolate w/Bacon)…

          It is the carb to protein ratio we are watching. Sigh. :)

          1. Lucy Ann Moll Avatar

            Anne,

            Lots of carbs, low protein, right? Ha ha. Ketosis stinks too. Just ask Brandon the, ahem, chocolate party pooper.

            Sorry, just couldn’t resist.

            More Hugz,
            Lucy
            .-= Lucy Ann Moll?s last blog ..Candy Canes and a Beautiful Girl at Christmas =-.

  30. Erin Merryn Avatar

    Don’t you just love the messages you get in DOVE Chocolate. I don’t like Chocolate I know you probably don’t hear that from many people but I do like chocolate when it has peanut butter inside and so I always go for the DOVE chocolate with peanut butter just so I can read my message for the day.
    .-= Erin Merryn?s last blog ..My Biggest Enemy =-.

  31. L.L. Barkat Avatar

    Oops. (Or whatever rhymes with it. That’d work too. ; – )
    .-= L.L. Barkat?s last blog ..Butterflies and Parties =-.

  32. Lori Zimbardi Avatar

    Ok. Love your posts, loved your book (I work for a church) but this has to be my favorite post this month so far. Is it our fascination with poop and potty humor? Is it cuz my mom always told me crap was a bad word..well she also said crud was a bad word so crap may not count. Not sure. I like funny. This was funny.

    1. Anne Jackson Avatar

      What can I say? My words are profound… :) Hahaha. Poop.

  33. Kristine McGuire Avatar

    I wish Women of Faith would have a conference closer to my home because I’d love to go to one.

    Well, I guess even the sweetest little indulgences can have unfortunate consequences .
    .-= Kristine McGuire?s last blog ..CHRISTMAS ~ A Celebration! =-.

  34. danielle Avatar

    haha! so funny. the humor of everyday life!