I heard somewhere once that during Billy Graham’s crusades, after he finishes his message, he returns to a chair and closes his eyes and prays. From what I understand, he doesn’t want to see how many people were (or were not) coming forward, and just wanted to pray for the change that was happening.
Granted, I’ve never been to a Billy Graham crusade and I am probably a terrible Christian for even admitting I don’t know that much about them to validate if this actually happens or not.
However, as I’ve had the opportunity to speak at several churches in a variety of services, I’ve noticed how easy it is to get caught up in how people are responding and thinking it has something to do with me.
(Case and point: My Encounter with Church Sleeping Man).
Recently I spoke at a college and young adult service about the freedom that comes with confession; the healing that takes place when we share our brokenness with others (James 5) and at the end, I turned the service over to the pastors and leaders at this church to pray with anyone that needed it.
I walked off the stage, sat in a chair, and buried my head in my hands praying for the people at the service while trying to overcome the temptation to look around.
I assumed that since I was a guest speaker, the people at the service would feel more comfortable praying with the pastors they knew, but a few moments after sitting down, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I sat up, expecting to see a staff member or maybe someone to take my mic but instead was met by the tear-stained face of a beautiful young woman.
Instantly, I leaned over to hold her for a moment and her body began heaving in my arms as she wept. Her tears rolled off her face and landed on my jeans, one by one. I could feel them as they drenched the denim and melted onto my skin.
Pulling back from her, I asked her what her name was and if there was something I could pray for her. Given the story I shared from stage, about the addiction I faced when I was in my teens and twenties, I assumed she needed to confess something about that.
But what came out of her mouth surprised me.
“I just don’t feel like I’ll ever be good enough.”
I had to catch my breath just a little.
I’ve been healthy enough for a few years to talk about addiction but the feeling of insecurity and worthlessness is a chain of mine that I wonder will ever break.
Inhaling deeply, I leaned back in, silently begging for words of truth. Scriptures I don’t even know by memory began to flow out of my mouth and my heart. I felt as if I were praying them not just for her – but for me.
When I confessed the lies she said were in her head (Not good enough, not worthy enough, will never be enough) I discovered I was confessing them for me as well.
The passage in James says, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed.”
Interesting.
I was supposed to be there to help other people confess…to help other people take a step into freedom.
It just goes to show how powerful confession is.
Here I was with a complete stranger, and we were both confessing, praying, and were beginning a path of truth together.
Together, whole and healed.
——-
Comments
63 responses to “Drenched & Whole & Healed”
this was a powerful word and something i sooo needed to hear. thanks so much for sharing.
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing.
.-= Travis Mamone?s last blog ..Why I Am Not Doing National Novel Writing Month =-.
gorgeous picture of the community of faith at work…
Another example of the miracle of the Word of God. As it stays the same forever and ever, it also takes on a multitude of facets that continually surprise us and heal us in ways we could never imagine! Thanks for sharing this.
.-= Cindy?s last blog ..You Little Rascal, You! =-.
I can empathize with how difficult this. We’re such a results-driven culture.
.-= Jeff?s last blog ..How to Finance Your Dreams =-.
After reading this I the last words of the song Hokey Pokey popped into my head. “That’s what it’s all about!” Great story and I can identify some with this experience.
.-= Kenyon?s last blog ..Fall Foliage =-.
your mask scares me!
.-= anne jackson?s last blog ..Drenched & Whole & Healed =-.
This resonated deeply with me. Thank you for sharing!
.-= Becky?s last blog ..A Dream =-.
beautiful
bless you anne jackson
.-= Heidi Reed?s last blog ..Romans 16:17-19 =-.
Anne, this brought tears to my eyes. As a woman who serves alongside her husband with college/young adults….those kinds of confessions I hear every Sunday. And they don’t get easier. I always find myself praying “Lord what can I possibly say that would make her believe Your love.”
Confession is so healing. When we surround ourselves with others believers and lift each other up instead of criticizing every little thing that the church does “wrong”…then just maybe we can see more men and women of Christ confessing to one other and really see God move in the hearts of the others. Really see lives changed. Really see the Holy Spirit move. I am sick of seeing people die inside while they hold onto the lies that Satan tells us. I want God to heal and to move.
Very moving Anne. Thank you.
.-= Tiffany?s last blog ..Etsy Tuesday =-.
powerful comment – thank you…
.-= anne jackson?s last blog ..Drenched & Whole & Healed =-.
It is amazing how a complete stranger can become your support group in 5 minutes. I have found myself doing the same thing with someone I do not even know and just met. Going from a very closed person to confessing my troubles is very healing.
As I was reading this I was wondering who was helping who here? You were obviously helping the girl, but how much was she helping you?
I often thing that I am helping someone by talking with them, but in all reality they are helping me.
she helped me much…awakening something within…
.-= anne jackson?s last blog ..Drenched & Whole & Healed =-.
Thank you for sharing this and for the encouragement it may be to many to trust God with how we pray with and comfort those around us, rather than worrying about our own inabilities and insecurities. I am nearly deaf and painfully self-conscious. Yet when someone approaches me with a request of prayer, my ability to know what is being said to me is always clear…no matter what sounds/lack of lighting around me should be blocking my ability to be communicated with. I have a weak memory, yet as you described experiencing, verses that I could not recall on my own are brought from my mouth to pray through. The intercession is not by my ability…ever. It is by His will. Thank you for sharing your experience.
“The Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.”
– Romans 8:26
.-= Melinda?s last blog ..I Am Glad That I Was Cornered Into Doing Grand Jury Duty =-.
melinda, no doubt you are an inspiration for me…
.-= anne jackson?s last blog ..Drenched & Whole & Healed =-.
Thank you for sharing that! I can see the entire scene in my life and have lived it at times. The power of confession is amazing.
.-= Michelle Sidles?s last blog ..Halloween: Part Tres =-.
I’m so glad you wrote this. I believe that the ability to be honest about our struggles/issues is vital to the healing process in our lives.
The difficulty lies in finding a place where you feel safe enough to be vulnerable.
I wrote about this same subject recently
http://bit.ly/19SHbk
Apologies if the blog pimping is out-of-line.
.-= dubdynomite?s last blog ..The Search for God and Guinness ? Stephen Mansfield =-.
Pimp away
.-= anne jackson?s last blog ..Drenched & Whole & Healed =-.
Anne– A wonderful post about a powerful moment. This is a powerful statement about confession, honesty, and our need for the body of Christ. Thanks.
.-= Jim Martin?s last blog ..Question: What Do Young Men Need to Know? =-.
This gave me the chills. Thank you for sharing about the God moment you guys had and also for being open about that darn insecurity that just never seems to go away. At least we can fight it.
.-= Shanti?s last blog ..ShantiMedina: Roasted pumpkin turned into puree turned into pumpkin black bean soup. Hello, fall. =-.
“…so that you can live together whole and healed.?
Confession has a way of connecting us to our sin nature, to the forgiveness of God, and to our community of faith – all in one agonizing and beautiful moment. When we confess our brokenness to one another in love, we become little snapshots of the great Redemption story.
Thank you for the beautiful post.
.-= Rachel H. Evans?s last blog ..Jesus and the People of Wal Mart =-.
excellent post!
And it amazes me at the struggle so many of us have with never feeling ‘good enough.’
Why?
You are flowerdust – a person that many people look up to and think that if only they could be like you, they would feel good enough – but then there you are having the same struggle. Wonder if this is just a ‘human condition’ or if its reserved for a particular population – maybe Christian, American, female or etc?
.-= Janet?s last blog ..Winning Wednesday =-.
Incredible, Anne. Inspiring. A third word that starts with I that’s positive in nature.
It’s awe-inspiring to see how God’s working through you. Thank you for sharing it.
.-= Jason?s last blog ..Remember =-.
what a sweet reminder that God works through imperfect , sinful people to reach and heal imperfect, sinful people
I thank God you allow the Spirit of Perfection to work through you!
It’s always so comforting to know we are all fellow strugglers. Is there anyone out there that doesn’t struggle with feelings of insecurity? I’d love to pick your brain and see how you got there!
.-= Jana?s last blog .. =-.
This is powerful . . . It actually makes me rethink some thoughts I’ve had recently on confession.
I need a day to process. I smell a blog post coming on. I’ll give you a shout out when I post.
Great stuff, as always.
.-= Andy?s last blog ..What Is Your Role In Your Church? =-.
Thanks Anne for the insight. My question is… why is it easier to confess and pray with people we don’t really know? Would it be more healing to be vulnerable before people we see regularly? Just a question… You are beautiful.
I think confession is powerful regardless of the person…it’s the body, which knows no names or location or extent of “how well…”
Confession is the first step…not the only. Confession itself doesn’t free, but it’s a millimeter closer in allowing ourselves to embrace grace.
We must continue to walk on that path, and allow people around us to carry us when we’re not strong enough. And then, we carry them.
I think that may be how bonds are formed. Truth has the power to fast forward a relationship more than time.
.-= anne jackson?s last blog ..Drenched & Whole & Healed =-.
Anne,
Awesome post. I came via Jim Martin’s tweet and I’m glad I did.
wow, wow, wow…. there are no words!!!!
This was exactly what I needed to read today. I am in my late 30s, and I have been a Christian for several years. On paper, I look good: I am well-educated, I have overcome some serious obstacles, I am fairly attractive, and I have several very close friends who care deeply for me (who would actually do anything for me). However, I struggle very seriously with low self-esteem. Your words, “… the feeling of insecurity and worthlessness is a chain of mine that I wonder will ever break,” really struck a chord with me.
I have been in therapy for some time now–and I have come to a point where things are not moving forward. I have finally realized after my first few years as a Christian, my utter dependence on God. I have finally started praying in earnest to Him to help heal me of this disordered thinking. I do still believe that therapy is beneficial as are my wonderful friends who tell me how worth it I am when I begin to despair, but I know that only God will fully heal me. And I am also aware that I may not undergo a full transformation in this life, yet I will still ask God for His help.
Thank you for this post, Anne. I have read your blog for a while, and I truly appreciate your honesty.
The word picture you crafted is beautiful. Thank you for sharing the power of community!
.-= Bianca Juarez?s last blog ..revelations to revolutions… =-.
I needed to hear this today.
What a gift with words you have Anne! Thanks for your stories, lived then written.
.-= Wally Harrison?s last blog ..The Depth of Doing (Or Exercising Jesus) =-.
Oh. Sweet Anne. You Rock!!
Praying for you, and all who comment. Be Strong and Lean in Him.
love.
Reese
.-= Reese?s last blog ..lovely =-.
This “a word” I needed to hear. It’s so easy to get caught up in the numbers. Sometimes I feel like the lack of response means I’m not touching anyone…meaning I’m trying to be God. Your post showed me just how much I need to step back and let God be God.
And by the way, we all struggle with insecurities. I know that some of the most precious moments in my life are the moments when I share my testimony and talk to someone who feels exactly the same way I feel…in that moment.
Thanks for sharing. :)
~Alexis
.-= Alexis?s last blog ..Day Seventy-Nine: Turn It Around =-.
Anne,
Awesome story of confession & how the body can minister to one another, even if we have never met before.
The story about Billy Graham is powerful too. I’ve also heard he won’t take the stage until he feels the presence of God on him & his message. He will literally put everything on hold b/c he understands that he’s nothing apart from the blessing of God on him.
Good stuff
This blog entry touched the deepest part of my soul.
Healing for me over this issue began this year. It’s still pretty raw and we’re still uncovering the roots but I believe with everything in me that we can overcome this lie that seems to have been sown deep within so many people. I AM…WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH! Oh that this truth would be so deeply embedded in me…in us.
Thank you for being open & vulnerable Anne.
Just Sunday one of our pastors reminded all of us before we opened the doors that we need to be good listeners…because we never know how our lives might be spoken to by simply not assuming that we have the answers…and assume they’re the ones with the problems. There are two great equalizers in life (in my opinion): time and grace. Everyone needs grace. Period. Acknowledging our roles as vessels of the grace of God goes a long, long way in realizing that it’s not about us.
You’re a continual inspiration…and it was nice meeting you in Chicago. :)
thanks, Anne… i really like you! i confess, i have not read your book yet… but i am really excited about what you’re up to.
Thanks for posting that Anne. Something I needed to hear today. As a teacher, I’m always wondering if I’m getting through to my students- not just the information needed to pass a test, but the real essence of the subject matter (in my case, literature). The times I do, great. The times I don’t, I berate myself over and over on how I’m not doing a good enough job, that I’ll never be the teacher “X” is, etc. It’s exhausting, and I feel it probably breaks God’s heart sometimes to see me at it like this.
Again, thanks. And thanks for being there for that woman, for letting her tears flow onto you. Very Christ-like. I think the cross is like that too- a reservoir for tears. Zora Neale Hurston, a famous African-American writer (Their Eyes Were Watching God) has a great description of one of her characters when she says the character “swelled up like pine lumber after a rain.” We can drench God as well, and the cross just soaks it up.
.-= Greg?s last blog ..Thoughts on Tradition? =-.
Beautiful post…keep up the great work
Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for being so transparent.
.-= almost an M?s last blog ..Sequitur =-.
that is such my core struggle, too.
and i can imagine how freeing and strengthening it would feel to have someone embrace me, cry with me, and pray with me through our deepest heart wounds.
.-= alece?s last blog ..my scarlet letter =-.
First, I love Billy Graham. I “came” to the Lord way back in 1964 while watching one of his crusades on television, so he has a special place in my heart.
One of the biggest shifts in our thinking that we as believers should consider is that who or what we are is so much less important than who God is. He knows exactly what we have suffered and who we are, and nothing about us will ever change His love for us. God’s love is absolute–it’s perfect, complete, and real.
.-= patriciazell?s last blog ..Another Pause in Posts =-.
I remember the first time I had the opportunity to share my testimony as a former witch in front of a church group I spent hours in prayer asking God to use whatever He could to plant seeds in people’s hearts.
Afterward, a mother came forward and poured her heart out about her concern for her daughter’s interest in the occult. I had the opportunity to pray with that mom and it was so powerful and is the reason why every day…before I write a single word…I pray God somehow work through the words. Thank you for sharing this powerful reminder of the importance of being real.
.-= Kristine McGuire?s last blog ..Love Almost Lost =-.
That is an amazing testimony in so many ways. Creating opportunities and environments for people to take down their “pretending to be perfect or have it all together” facade is something we need more of. I just hope and pray that all of us, instead of just recognizing the beauty of this story when told so eloquently by Anne, can also use it and apply it in our own lives, churches and situations? encouraging others to do the same. It breaks my heart when I hear stories where someone finally confessed to a pain, an insecurity, a trouble or a hang up only to then have the people they opened up to treat them differently… to almost condemn them even in subtle ways. We have to embrace each other?s struggles and help, not use someone else?s vulnerability and trust against them via gossip, judgment, or a device to hold against them in some way. Grace is best served mutually.
I can so relate to this, both from your position and that young lady’s. I am constantly around folks riddled with guilt and shame, as I work at a Christian treatment center for men and women struggling with eating disorders. The message of the cross and of grace is ever-present, as is the shame.
In a world of such criticism and trends, it’s really hard to feel accepted….not to mention our own self-doubt. But Jesus says that he has white garments to clothe our shame…so undeserved, but so so so good.
great post, Anne.
.-= Josh?s last blog ..5 ways to fight human trafficking =-.
God, give us your eyes
To see ourselves as you do
More than conquerors
Rom 8:37, 1 John 3:1, 1 John 4:4…
Wow…..a little choked up here.
This was beautiful, humbling yet empowering to read. Thank you for sharing this, it is exactly what I needed to read in the season I am in.
Peace~
*~Michelle~*
.-= ~*Michelle*~?s last blog ..Are you there God? It’s me….Nev =-.
My first visit..powerful moment beautifully communicated. And your site design is fabulous! :)
.-= Lisa @ The Preacher’s Wife?s last blog ..What Time Is It? =-.
amazing, yet so true. I have had those experiences where God just works in crazy ways and knits people together for just that moment. It is really amazing.
.-= Lynse Leanne?s last blog ..the spelling of my name =-.
If I respond, does it defeat the spirit of the post?
Thanks for the gift of a piece of your heart, Anne.
.-= Mikey?s last blog ..Church is Family =-.
This reminded me so much of one thing that happened while I was working at the local hospital as a guard for suicidal patients. One of my patients – a lovely but depressed and suicidal young woman – told me, ?In all the years I attended church, I never once saw any love! The only thing my church ever did for me was to make me feel as if I could never be good enough!?
Genuine love frees us to be able to confess when we need it. Without that love, it’s very hard.
Here I am commenting for the first time on your blog.
It was a blessing meeting you and hearing your heart this weekend at the conference in Dallas.
I look forward to your new book and reading about how God continues to work in your life.
Grace and peace.
I have the privilege of loving and big-sistering college students and hear this over and over. I’m a people-pleaser and perfectionist by nature, so it is something I’m working on, too!
And the Truth shall set us free. And then we will be free indeed. And then wholeness’ beauty will sweep us away into a life that has been unknown to us up to that point.
Confessions are the scariest thing to me. It’s like guts coming up through my mouth. I guess in essence that is what it is truly; the gross and yuck making it’s way out and allowing the healing to begin.
Help us all to get better by making us sick.
.-= Natalie?s last blog ..She?s got her ticket. =-.
It is so much easier said than done. Why do we wrestle so fiercely?
very awesome.
.-= Graham?s last blog ..Some Call This Home =-.
billy graham – heard a story about him long ago. he would have one of his male assistants walk with him into his hotel room and make sure there were no groupies hiding inside. he always had another person (usually male) with him so he would never be alone with another woman. pretty sure the story was about billy graham.
a man of integrity.
i know the post wasn’t along this line but it was just one of those wise words i will always remember.
I stumbled upon this blog when someone asked if I’d heard of your new book I decided to google it.
I truly believe through sharing and confession we allow light and grace to enter even the darkest parts. How beautiful is our God. Thank you for sharing. I am that girl and it’s such breath to hear of healing.
You go girl!
My wife has been that woman before! Praise God for healing!
.-= Zack?s last blog ..I Look Forward to Seeing This =-.
I loved this post Anne, in fact I am really enjoying your blog. It’s been a safe haven for me as a ministers wife. I am slowly working my way through your older entries and they have been equally as touching.