I just woke up an hour ago.
Flooded in my “@” column in Twitter were tweets about an article TIME magazine released about sex offenders attending church, and in some cases, being arrested for it.
No doubt this question is a highly sensitive one, and one most people in churches don’t exactly want to bring up and discuss. Given the topic of my new book Permission to Speak Freely, a few people connected the article to the book.
Interestingly enough, as I share my own story in Permission to Speak Freely, I talk a bit about a time in my life when I was sexually violated by a pastor when I was sixteen years old. So this is a question I have wrestled with for a long, long time.
On one hand, I can logically comprehend how most sex offenders operate. Sometimes, they’re genetically predisposed to their addiction and preying on children (or even adults). However, I’ve also met people who have been legally labeled as sex offenders, who just got caught up in a bad mistake – maybe a guy was 18 and he had sex with his 17 year old girlfriend and she wasn’t old enough to legally consent so her parents pressed charges. There are also people who have committed terrible offenses in their past, but they have been redeemed and restored fully.
Then you throw in the “church” side of things. I couldn’t agree more with what a source in the TIME article says,
“There are serious constitutional problems in banning someone from going to church, not to mention this runs counter to the church’s mission of inclusion, hospitality and redemption.”
Jesus didn’t hang out with the religious people of his time. He spent time with those far from him. When a woman was about to be stoned for committing adultery, he covered her in protective grace which saved her life.
I remember working at a church a few years ago and they were going through their insurance policies. For some churches to get the right kind of coverage and protection from liability, they have rules in place about how and where sex offenders can attend and serve.
Personally, I know where my heart should land on the issue, but I don’t know how that actually plays out in real life scenarios. I know that the person who abused me is still serving within faith based organizations and I pray almost every day that what happened with me was his exception and not the norm. I also know he needs healing and grace and community to live a life that is whole and healed.
What do you guys think? How have you seen this topic addressed in your own communities of faith or in your own life?
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Comments
141 responses to “Should Sex Offenders Be Allowed in Church?”
Anne, I admire your strength in dealing with the awful event in your life. You said it just right, “I know where my heart should land on this issue.” Key word being should. As a father of twin daughters I, too, am torn. There is no doubt Jesus can reconcile men and women who commit these acts. That said, as a daddy, I would struggle to leave my daughters in that presence. Never the less, as the church, we MUST reach out to these people to glorify the name of our Savior!
I’m sorry you had to go through that.
I personally don’t think registered sex offenders should serve in the Church. But since Christ died for all of mankind’s sins, I don’t believe in barring offenders from attending church services. If we do, then it would be saying, “Jesus loves you . . . except for that dirty old man in the back.”
But yeah, it’s a pretty tricky issue, so don’t take my humble opinion as gospel.
.-= Travis Mamone´s last blog ..Hearing the Sacred Echo =-.
I love your post, I do agree, Jesus didn’t have with rightious people. I beleive the church doors should be open to every one.
The is difference between accpetance and Approval. We at church should accept every one, but that does not mean we approve of what wrong doing they did.
That is the difference between the world and christains. We love sinners, not sin.
I also agree with the first comment, they should not serve, but they are welcomed to church.. because serving is a form of approval, unless those offenders repented and changed.
.-= m & j @zcouple.com´s last blog ..Couples: Repent, Simply Repent!! =-.
I was a worship pastor at a church for 6 years, and we found out that a member of our choir was a registered sex offender. The pastor decided to let him attend church, but he was instructed to enter and leave the building from the front entrance and go directly to the sanctuary. He was not allowed back in the choir nor was he allowed to use the bathroom. He chose to never to come back. I was glad that they at least offered to let him stay, but I prob wouldn’t have stayed if I felt like a prisoner either. I think about what Jesus would have done. What if they had found a compassionate man to befriend this man and be Jesus to him? Just my $.02.
A pastor is charged to care for his congregation. The congregation is charged to care for the world, bring the sick to be well. All believers are called to serve. Some will have to deal with consequences of sin. It’s so messy…
It is messy…and i don’t think you can have one blanket rule for this. Thanks for opening the dialogue! Also, thanks for your blog about hopeATL. My husband and I have been heading it up and will continue to do so to try to take some stress off of Shaun. This Saturday is going to be huge!
I am praying for you guys! We were trying to make it down there but were unable to because of a previous commitment we can’t get out of. If you still are doing work in November I will definitely make it down!
I am a victim of sexual abuse within the church myself and I am aware that the Lord wants to bring us out of the situation and closer to him to include the offenders. However, the offenders are expected to completly repent from the sin and have a desire to be close to the Lord and with that being said, “What better place for rehabilitation then within the church?”
Wow, we just discussed this in an elders meeting a couple of months ago. We have someone who has attended our church off and on who was recently arrested on sex charges. There is a huge tension between wanting to be a place of inclusion and healing and needing to protect those who are a part of our church.
We decided if someone recognizes him, he would be welcome but an elder would be notified. The elder would have a brief conversation with them and then “hang out with them” for the duration of their time on campus. I’m not sure that’s the best solution, but that’s what we’re going with for now. We haven’t seen him on campus yet.
I’m interested to hear other churches’ policies.
.-= Paul Steinbrueck´s last blog ..Service Is Not Our Highest Calling =-.
It seems to me that sexual abusers and their victims are exactly the kind of people for whom the church exists. Not only should we permit them, we should want them (and every other broken person) in the church. Is it incredibly complicated trying to be the church for them? Yes. But isn’t it time the church stop trying to make everyone happy and comfortable and start moving each of us (even those of us who are horribly flawed) a little further down the path of our faith walk…even when it is complicated and painful? With as much comapssion as I can muster for those who have been victimized by sex offenders ( and I understand their pain more than some may think) I would say the church really MUST figure out how best to minister to both them AND their abusers.
I agree with you….sometimes there is a lack of care for those who have been abused (and a lot of people stay quiet about it).
My church has a great recovering from sexual abuse course for women, my Snr Pastor was abused for years and she is very open about it, as are others in our world (like Chris Caine). It’s scary to have to talk about it, but something amazing happens when you do I think.
.-= kazzles´s last blog ..This week =-.
Another local church recently took this to a church business meeting, after forming a covenant that was written by church staff in partnership with the ex-offender and his PO. There are limits to his activity (no involvement in children’s ministry, no contact with families), but most telling — each time he is in the church building, an male elder/leader of the church will worship, study and walk with him. Seems like a really healthy way to deal with it (it is a large church, so he won’t be under the watchful eye of the whole church).
.-= Aaron´s last blog ..Darn Yankees. =-.
We had a similar experience at my church in Florida. The offender came and made a plan with the church when he started attending. He partnered with a variable but long-time church member “buddy” each time he was on the campus. This person would accompany him to service, the restroom if necessary, and any other program. The children’s wing was “off-limits.” However, even though the “offender” complied with all of the guidelines, there was still an uproar at the church to the point that the gentleman was asked to find another place to worship. I found that terribly disappointing. As an abuse survivor, I am very protective of children, but when a person is attempting to be honest and repent, it is shameful that the church cannot find a safe way to accommodate.
What kind of congregation violates the founding principles of Christ. If the Offender was asked to leave then any Christian that has any kind of love for god should have left with him! Odd, how Christ had a prostitute washing his feet with her tears and a woman caught in the very act of adultry both sex offenders, yet Christ forgave them. Who are we not to?
There are no easy answers but I like the heart I am seeing from your post and your commenters. I think, like most things in life, this has to be handled on a case by case basis. Like someone said above, the offender may have been 18 and his girlfriend 17. Like you said above, some people with this on their records are innocent. Yet again, some people struggle to remain pure and will repeatedly take victims, even small children.
As much as I find myself pulling away from the institutionalization of the church, there are benefits to having standard procedures all leaders who deal with children must comply with. At a church I used to attend, all children’s workers – anyone in the presence of the children on any kind of official level – have to be screened, interviewed and fingerprinted. Bathroom policies require the adult to take the whole class and stand outside the door of the bathroom. Two adults are required in the presence of the children at all times. These safeguards apply to everyone, so all are treated equally. If anyone has a history of abuse they are not allowed to interact with the kids. The kids’ safety must be prime. Yet again, if someone has no record, they may abuse in the church, but with the other safeguards in place it would be rather difficult to do.
I remember a situation where the security guys at church were really stressed out and hovering around the narthex with big frowns on their faces. I found out later, when it happened again, that they had found out that there was a man there who was a registered sex offender and had made a couple comments to some young women there, and he made a habit of sitting out by the information desk ogling the girls. I’d never noticed him. They tried to keep it a secret, but of course, it doesn’t stay secret, and then it was a big shock to realize that the old man in the magenta sweatpants had actually touched some girls at the church in passing.
I didn’t realize until then how easily it is for someone to come in and do damage to unsuspecting people. When someone joins the band or choir at my church, they run a background check. I know that this is one of the prime concerns, but they run one on everyone, even the women. I think it’s good to know so that we can be prepared. I’ve seen too many situations happen to people who weren’t prepared and then they run to God and ask WHY? when just a little information could have diverted a big mistake.
As a young woman who would rather not wear a shapeless shift to church every time I go (and would it help? probably not. If people are going to have thoughts, they’ll have them regardless of what I do), I want to know that I’m protected. I believe that everyone can repent and be redeemed and fully changed and would never do something like that again, but it’s a long road and I think it’s wise to be cautious. I know how easily men can make comments that hurt women without realizing it, and I’ve actually ran away from a group of men at church crying because they joked about me in a sexual manner. It’s not like I haven’t heard that stuff before, but the difference was that I trusted those people. In church, we should feel protected. We should protect one another. That includes people on both sides of the issue, but it’s an incredibly hard thing to achieve.
Sorry for being long-winded!
I think the article is doing an excellent job at manufacturing controversy.
Sex offenders are not being banned from churches. They are being “restricted from coming within 300 ft of any facility devoted to the use, care or supervision of minors.” This is not all churches. Sex offenders are welcome to attend any home church group, any church that meets in a rented movie theatre or bar, any online church like LifeChurch, New Spring, or North Point Online, any outside services like Easter morning on top of Stone Mountain here in GA, etc.
The law must first and foremost protect law abiding citizens from non-law abiding citizens.
Tribe’s point cannot be overstated, “If the moment you enter a church you don a cloak of immunity from the rule of law, then churches would become sanctuaries for crime.”
Our actions have consequences. I like it this way.
peace | dewde
.-= dewde´s last blog ..How to Get Your Hand Aired on Mtv and Christian Television, Respectively =-.
you’re so smart.
I totally agree with you! There’s just something wrong with people…anyone…being banned from Church. Like you said, Jesus didn’t mingle with just “good” people, he walked with whores and theives. And since he asks us to show love to his people, that doesn’t mean excluding those that need his love and grace “the most” (according to our human standards).
Like you, it’s so easy for me to know where my heart SHOULD be on this issue. And in my head, that’s where it is. Yes, prostitues and sex offenders etc are welcome in the church! But putting it into practice is another issue for me. And that’s MY issue, something I need to work out for myself.
But, it’s another issue entirely that people that have done these deeds should be in leadership roles in the church. It’s fine if they have confronted their issues, asked forgivness etc. (Something I think, should include asking forgiveness from their victims). The pastor that harmed you should not be in a leadership role until he has fully dealt with what he did, and it’s sad to think that his issues could possibly be affecting others like they did you. If this is something that you haven’t brought to light, I would challenge you to do it. I know this is a bit off your subject…
.-= katelynjane´s last blog ..Fall =-.
It has been brought to light once. He was removed from that position and transferred to another organization. Legally I am beyond the statute of limitations to press charges or anything. It’s been a difficult few years. But I am healing and learning and forgiving regardless of his actions and trust that wherever he is serving, they are aware of his past and surround him, and his family, with accountability and care.
I don’t like the notion of anyone being banned from Church. We should believe in forgiveness and healing. More interesting to me, however, is this notion that keeping known sex offenders out of church protects people. There is a sense of safety in knowing and identifying these people, but it still doesn’t eliminate risk.
There is also a very real trust built by people to their pastors. And sometimes, even pastors abuse that trust and abuse. FWIW.
Absolutely. I wasn’t addressing the issue of pastors but rather, individuals attending the church. I don’t believe a known offender should be put in a position of trust. Should the person be allowed to attend services? Absolutely.
I think that the best choice here is that you allow them in church, they need the message of Christs love and redemption just as much as everyone else. BUT…. you have policies and security in place as an organization to protect your members and their kids such as mandatory background checks for anyone(and I mean anyone) who works with kids/young adults. If someone has a questionable thing show up in their past that demonstrates they could be a danger to kids/young adults then you have to just have a policy of “sorry, let’s find a different area for you to serve in.”
Also there should be safeguards/policies in place for workers/volunteers to keep kids safe, such as always having two adults present, camera(if you can afford them), and good check-in/out security.
We need to be inclusive of everyone with in the church, but we should also be safe and secure too. Sad to say but there are people out there who prey on kids and would be willing to use a church to do it. They will be far less likely to choose to do it at a church though if you implement safe and secure policies, and stick to them, to protect kids.
.-= Adam Gregory´s last blog ..Jim Burgin For County Commisioner =-.
Anne, thanks so much for continuing to deal with these hard and controversial issues. We need to do that in the church.
I think in this kind of situation we have to practice grace with wisdom. Certainly, because of this person’s sin, they will experience the consequences of that sin. Specifically, they have earned the distrust of others. That’s on them, not on the church. However, the church should be about lovingly restoring them to a right relationship with Jesus, but not at the expense of our brothers and sisters whom it is the responsibility of the church to shepherd and protect.
So, while I would certainly not ban this person from attending the church, there would certainly be safeguards in place. However, I would not go so far as to not even allow this person to serve in the church. After some efforts towards discipleship, I believe it’s the Father’s heart for this person to have a place in the community. But as a consequence of that particular sin, they would never be allowed to serve in or around a student or children’s ministry.
I think this response would both show love to the person and to the church body.
.-= Gary Humble´s last blog ..Tech Personnel: Volunteer or Paid? =-.
Thank you for opening this up. It’s such a hard thing. I know to many horror stories, from being a PK, and seeing first hand the destruction it can cause, for the church body, the families ( both sides), and those who have been abused. I feel very strongly that the abusers should be allowed to attend church, but not allowed to volunteer . I tried to see where maybe they could volunteer, but it was too hard. Esp, in todays media driven churches. My heart weeps for both the abused and the abuser. I want to see all of them fully restored and healed. I feel that there should be private groups for bot, where mentors, counceling, prayer and healing can happen.
My problem at the moment is dealing with people who have/are abusers starting churches… PISSES ME OFF, I want to scream and yell, call the police. Do I call them out, do I call up the “leadership” they are under, do I butt out, what if they are healed and made new … this is my heartache….
Being someone who has been abused as well by a church leader, I totally understand the difficulty of this topic. But as a Christian who wrestles with his own sinful nature, I also believe that us believers need community, prayer, and a place to worship. And whether a believer’s sinful desires fall in with theft, assault, or sex, our sins affect other people, and often other believers. But Christ does instruct us to forgive and to love. And though it’s hard to do, I believe the church should lead that example. Leadership should of course be held to strict accountability. But they all still wrestle with some sin. We all do. I just pray that they are open about their sin and can use it to encourage others who struggle, in order to come together and pray for healing and strength to overcome.
what a challenging topic, Anne…
how do pastors/leadership of a church receive someone in this situation as Christ would and – at the same time – shepherd the rest of the flock? the approach mentioned above by Aaron seems to be a sound approach to meeting both goals.
you made a great point that there are real consequences to sinful choices. the salvation we have in Christ releases us from the ultimate penalty of our sin – separation from eternal communion with God. it is not a release from the temporal repercussions.
Christ will make new anyone who genuinely seeks to be; we, as the Church, steered by the Holy Spirit, are charged with facilitating that in the way that best serves the entire Body. the phrase “messy spirituality” (late Mike Yaconelli) perhaps applies nowhere better than here.
(hope the editing goes well!)
I find it so strange to hear that churches have to have policies on whether a sex offender can attend their church, coming from a country that we are not required to have public liability insurance. To me the Church should welcome everyone regardless.
In saying that, there is nothing wrong with keeping an eye on people and having some very strict rules around how people interact. The type of church I go to has rules anyway for staff about guys and girls being alone and that sort of thing, which I think is a very good idea. I know of a guy who was living with some friends of mine and involved in youth leadership in another church who was sent to jail for his peadophilia, another guy friend got suspicious that he was acting inappropriately with the girls in the youth group and also searched his computer and reported him to the Police. It always worried me greatly that the church completely trusted him as he should not have been left alone with the young girls like he was anyway. He is out of jail now and I really hope he goes to church, but I hope even more he is never allowed near kids!
I also think that people can get too worked up over the convicted offenders when the are released and not have any sense at all to be cautious of everyone else in their worlds. I personally think that, as most people I know were abused by step fathers, grandfathers, uncles and other close people to them that you need to show caution around everyone. We have extremely high rates of abuse in my country and I know if I had kids I would be educating them as to what is appropriate pretty quickly. I have an uncle who has just served time in jail and he had been abusing for years and years and years and it was only some younger girls that knew it wasn’t right and spoke up, before that they’d all just put up with it.
Which brings me onto the grace, this uncle (who, thank God I didn’t have anything to do with as a child) was also abused when he was very little from what I can gather. So while he has destroyed countless women’s lives, he is also a broken and hurting man on the inside and trying to deal with his own abuse. I would hazard a guess that most sex offenders have similar sorts of damage in their past.
But, the church needs to be good at talking about things that happen, have good rules and accountability and not just assume everyone is lovely and Christian and therefore perfect, which I see in some denominations.
Good on you for talking about this Anne.
.-= kazzles´s last blog ..This week =-.
Honestly I have never even thought about this before. Maybe I am niave or just unaware of this problem, but now that you mention it it is on my mind now. I am reminded of a pastor in the area that was caught with child pornography on his computer. He was arrested and sentenced to jail. I wondered as all of this was going on what would be the churches response now and when he was released. Would they make sure that he never had a job at a church again or would they show grace. I am reminded of what Donald Miller talked about in the first couple chapters of Blue Like Jazz, we are all capable of these horrible things, each and everyone of us.
My heart says that I want to be forgiving and trusting, but my brain says that these people are terrible and should not be allowed anywhere near the church. Oh what sin does to such a beautiful thing like the church.
Thanks for your honesty on this subject.
.-= Kyle Reed´s last blog ..Wanting Anothers Life =-.
I don’t think the article, or even Anne’s post, has much to do with “forgiveness.” When we forgive, we cancel a relational debt between us and the offender for something that has transpired in the past. That’s it.
Some people believe in the “forgive and forget” model, and think that forgiveness must be expressed by treating the offender in a manner that suggests:
1. The offense never happened in the past.
2. The offense will never happen again in the future.
Because of this, people put themselves, and others, in harms way in the name of forgiveness. But to me, this seems foolish and unwise. We can’t go around pretending the offense never happened and remain healthy. Not as victims and not as offenders. If a victim really, truly adopts the mindset that “it’s as if this never happened”, then they ignore the very real truth that it did. The same goes for the offender.
The healthiest situation to be in, is one in which it is accepted and acknowledged that the offense occurred before, it could occur again, the victim forgives the offender, and the offender forgives themself.
Sometimes, the decisions we make in this life have consequences that last a lifetime. I can make decisions today that could disqualify me from every being a spiritual leader. Ever. For a lifetime.
God digs cause and effect. Reaping and sowing. Consequences. After all, he invented a system by which some people will never see Heaven. Their consequences will be eternal.
We can forgive without putting ourselves in a position to be hurt again. Forgiving is not the same as blind trust. It’s just the cancelation of a debt for something that happened in the past.
peace | dewde
.-= dewde´s last blog ..How to Get Your Hand Aired on Mtv and Christian Television, Respectively =-.
LONG COMMENT….HANG IN THERE!
I wrote this a year or so ago….there is a big difference between forgiveness and reconciliation…and trust….so difficult to live out…
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i am not a very trusting person. some of it?s baggage from the past and things over which i had no control. some of it?s because there have been times in my life when i have not been trustworthy. i love observing people. you can learn a lot that way. if someone speaks badly of another person when they?re not around, i usually think that they?ll probably speak badly of me when i?m not around.
a few years ago, i was very hurt by someone who i trusted, a lot. recently, i?ve written about how it still impacts me today. because of this person?s actions, i find myself guarding my innermost dreams and hopes?fearful they?ll be trampled on by another person. and honestly, my heart just can?t take it anymore.
i wrote about that situation in my book, and wrote about how forgiveness is a decision i needed to make?but trust was something that needed to be earned.
and friends? i had to go back after sending my manuscript to my editor and change that.
because i am beginning to believe that trust is not something that needs to be earned.
please hear me?this does not mean that we are allowed to make stupid decisions and be gullible. but when i carefully read and studied on 1 corinthians 13:7, it basically says ?love believes all things.?
in the greek translation, this reference of love is agape love. the kind of love we are filled with when we become believers. the self-sacrificing kind.
agape love believes all things.
so, what does ?believes all things? mean?
believes (greek: pisteuei) literally means this: to think to be true, to be persuaded of, to credit, place confidence in.
and all things (greek: panta) literally means this: each, every, any, all, the whole, everyone, all things, everything.
i had to look even farther for the context here, as at a simple glance it seems that without question, we should believe everything. which doesn?t make sense given all of the wisdom the bible says we?re to pursue.
one commentary i read summed it up beautifully?.
LOVE puts the most favourable construction on everything, and is ever ready to believe whatever may tend to the advantage of any one character. And when it can no longer believe well, it hopes whatever may excuse or extenuate the fault which cannot be denied. Where it cannot even excuse, it hopes God will at length give repentance unto life.
do i give people the benefit of the doubt? and when i can?t?do i truly hope the best for them, through christ? or do i dwell on the assumed, or even obvious shortcomings or someone?holding my own agenda close so that i, in my own power, can protect it?
just some thoughts for the weekend?
beautiful
I love that, Anne. I believe it too. When it is between me, my wants, my needs, and my self… and a person that has proven themselves untrustworthy… I need to trust beyond what most consider “wise”. So we both have the opportunity to grow.
What I cannot do, and where I draw my line in the sand, is when my trust puts innocent children at risk. I will expose myself to being hurt or let down or disappointed. But I won’t put someone else in that position. Because in that scenario, the moment I extend blind trust to the offender, I am simultaneously withholding the very love you described from the victim.
peace | dewde
.-= dewde´s last blog ..How to Get Your Hand Aired on Mtv and Christian Television, Respectively =-.
I also want to point out that you speak with more authority in this matter than I do. I have never been wronged in a significant way where I had to choose to forgive someone. So anyone reading my words and trying to discern which is “more right”… it’s probably Anne and not me.
I just don’t have experience here. Just theories.
peace | dewde
.-= dewde´s last blog ..How to Get Your Hand Aired on Mtv and Christian Television, Respectively =-.
Wow, this is a heavy topic. As I was reading the other comments I have to agree and say that although I believe God’s redemption, grace, and mercy are available to everyone. I don’t think a sex offender should be put into a place of leadership in the church where great trust is put, but I believe church doors should be wide open to anyone regardless of mistakes past, present, and future.
.-= Lauren Kelly´s last blog ..Fashion with a little bit of chocolate mixed in! =-.
Mom of four very little girls here.
Lover of Jesus.
Redemption should always be the name of the game.
There is a difference between letting them be a part of the church body and enabling them in their struggles and sin.
Church ‘should’ be THE place a sex offender can come to, openly admit their problems and GET HELP.
Should they work with babies, kids, students? NO!!!!!!!!
Just like someone who is severly in debt probably shouldn’t be allowed to have access to church money.
Should they be ‘in the famliy’? OH YEAH!!! As pointed out in the story of the prostitute.
In the family but truly loved – 1 Cor 13:4-7 kinda love – always protects, always hopes….
Protect them, and others – trust that redemption can happen – give them a place to be redeemed!!
(the dividing line would come when someone is denying they have a sin issue in the first place – then they are only at church for their own personal ‘intrests’ not for redemption….that’s a whole nother ball game!)
When I think about Christianity as a movement, and how it is organized, I think that as a body of people that includes many vulnerable, the leadership must put the rights of potential victims ahead of a convicted criminal at risk to re-offend. Yes, that can be perceived as unloving by the past offender, but they have to understand that there is a responsibility that is borne by leadership to safeguard the flock.
Having said this, I now turn to the Bible and I see Jesus meeting with and eating with all kinds of sinners. Would Jesus have associated with convicted sex offenders? If there was one in Palestine 2000 years ago, I am sure he would not have turned away from that person. Likewise, I believe that individuals in leadership at churches, and likewise Christian laypeople, should reach out to and show Christ’s love and compassion to that person regardless of their past. That is what Jesus did.
I think the question that should be asked could be phrased as, “Would Jesus have brought a convicted sex offender to synagogue?” I think the answer to that would be either no, or yes but he would not have left that offender alone to face temptation and create more victims.
all of the comments above remind me how flawed the church is because it is composed of flawed people. the problem seems to be that we either only see the flaws of others or our own flaws–never the whole picture.
I loved the suggestion that an elder take responsibililty in a godly way for the offender. hopefully this is in a godly way and not a “prison guard escort” kind of way.
we are supposed to be a body of people who edify and protect one another. most often it seems like churches are places to see others and be seen: to feel good because we have been there: to worship in a way that comforts us: to be thankful that we don’t commit the “big” sins. i wish we were people who could speak civily to one another in a public meeting where the topic is discussed. unfortunately those meetings involve screaming holy sounding words.
what a struggle. thanks for the opportunity to confront ourselves.
Obviously complicated…and very personal issue for lots of people. I’m ignoring the legal procedures & restrictions, as Dewde already mentioned them. Things like this are much more complicated when the ‘sin’ is also a ‘crime,’ and we have to look at the two separately. I’m looking at the sin.
I have a 4 year old daughter. To say that having a known sex offender in the church, possibly serving in an area of ministry, or being employed by the church would make me feel uncomfortable is an understatement.
However, personal comfort has very little to do with what is right and what is faithful. If anything, the two are on opposite sides in many cases.
We know there are lots of reasons people could end up on a sex offender registry, but let’s just assume for the sake of argument that we’re dealing with someone who really deserves to be on it. And they have served for their crime through our legal system. They have repented for what happened and have received forgiveness.
Now where do we go from here?
Do we say that God has accepted them back, but we cannot and so keep them out?
Do we say that we can accept them and allow them to attend our church…but they cannot serve?
That both we and God have accepted them, but we cannot use them?
Or that they can’t be used here? We’ll pass the buck and some other church can deal with you?
Do we allow them to serve, but restrict them from serving in certain areas like children ministries?
I don’t know. I think that it would have to depend on the individual. And the discernment of the staff of that particular church.
As for your specific abuse when you were a teenager, I obviously don’t know anything about it, so I can’t speak for the circumstances or for the person who abused you. I can’t say whether he was serial in his abuse and did it to others before you, after you, etc.
But statistically speaking: two-thirds of sex offenders have no prior criminal history, and less than 10% of sexual crime/abuse is done by a stranger.
I know that statistics don’t matter, what matters is the individual. But statistics point to individuals. Individuals that are already known by their victims. And individuals who haven’t done it before. Obviously there are serial offenders, and stranger offenders….but those are in the minority.
So I’m not sure that keeping repentant sexual offenders out of church, or out of living as full of a life in church as others is a defensible position from known studied behaviors or from a faith/forgiveness perspective. To me, it seems to be a position that is grounded in fear and uncertainty.
Sorry for the novel. :)
.-= Danny Bixby´s last blog ..God is not a white man =-.
Statistics are difficult to use in the sexual abuse scenario because MANY vicitims never speak about their abuse, especially if they were children when it began. Don’t make the mistake of assuming that offenders do not repeat their crime once they repent. At the mental health clinic I managed for 10 years we had a program for offenders. Even though most had only been caught once, they had perpetrated their crimes multiple times. But why admit to it if their victims remained silent?
Yeah, I agree, statistics are incredibly difficult in this kind of thing because you’re dealing with an issue where the victim is filled with guilt and shame for being abused.
I completely agree with you on that. But I was trying to talk specifically of those who have already been caught, been rehabilitated, and repented to God for their acts.
The recidivism rate is disproportionately low among previously convicted sex offenders when compared to just about any other major crime.
Yes, those are the ones to whom I’m referring. We had a rehabilitation program for offenders who had been caught. Most of them repeated their offenses, they just got better at hiding it and not getting caught again.
.-= Anonymous´s last blog ..light in the darkness =-.
Someone very close to me arrests sex offenders on a regular basis (50 victims a month and half are children) and teaches the required annual education on sexual assault to other police officers.
One of the statistics he uses shows that the average child sex offender has over 50 victims in his lifetime.
50 victims.
That same person probably did not have any criminal record until the moment he was caught.
He would agree that the majority of these offenses were not committed by strangers, but by people who were trusted.
This is why it is an important issue for the church. We tend to blindly trust people in the church simply because they are members.
I like some of the policies that have been mentioned such as having a buddy or elder, as long as the elder is held accountable to truly be a support system and not a police guard.
I look at this in the same way an alcoholic has designated people to support him and help keep him out of situations that would cause temptation. Someone who is truly repentant would probably welcome this.
One of the main problems, is that “convicted sex offender” is such a broad term, but we automatically think that it means that someone molested children. I agree that anyone who does that should not be allowed near children, ever again. However it could also apply to other relatively minor offenses, like using the bathroom in a public park, or things like that.
On the other hand, anyone who actually molests children; well the church should forgive them, if they repent, but they should also never be allowed near children without supervision.
I think @dewde is right on with his comments. I also agree that this is a very tough topic to address. And to jump off of @holly’s comment above, technically if you restrict the “offender” from serving in certain areas you are really offering them some form of protection as well. Protection of being further accused without merit. If they have “worship buddies” with them at all times then they also have an alibi if a situation were to arise. Still extremely hard to know what is the right thing to do.
.-= Cindy´s last blog ..Child-like Not Child-ish? =-.
Anne –
Thank you for posting. Most of all, thank you for being so stinking real. Often you have taken me places where I was not comfortable but needed to hear and even be heard.
Here is another one of those places. I have in the past and in the present had to address the issue of those who are registered and not registered sex offenders. The church I serve seeks to be a place where anyone can worship and serve. We have taken a personal approach to dealing with this issue. We ask our people to be honest with us, and in turn, we are honest with them. Everyone has a place in the kingdom of God. There is a place for everyone to serve. Most of all, there is grace and huge amounts of it for those who come near to God.
Some of our people are not comfortable at all sitting in the same room as people who have committed such offenses. Frankly, I am not comfortable with people who won’t put their arms around these folks, pray with them and serve with them. As we accept people, we are accepted by God. In so doing more people will meet Jesus. That is a fact. There are precautions that need to be taken and policies that must be followed.
There is great grace to be given. Who will we miss? Who will be turned away? Who needs us to accept them so they can hear and see Jesus? Tough issue. We have a big and loving God.
Michael (James 1:5)
.-= Michael Harrison´s last blog ..courage to step up =-.
Regarding “not comfortable with people who won’t put their arms around these folks, pray with them and serve with them.”
Ouch. That hurts pretty bad.
I absolutely believe that as Christians we should be called to love, pray, and serve with and for them, yes.
But, as a survivor of abuse who still crawls into the closet for hours when a trigger brings up my PTSD, I can relate to those who are still recovering from their own traumas and issues and are not ready to give that kind of love. We pray for Christ to shine the light and to deliver us from our fears, but sometimes the process is slow. Painfully slow.
I’d like to hope that you could be just as accepting of us and have just as much love for us.
Yes, one of the church’s missions is to be inclusive and redemptive, however, I believe it is also the church’s mission to protect the helpless and innocent. I am a pastor and if I were to let a sex offender serve in one on one situations, I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened. I am not opposed to sex offenders attending church (I have one now who comes regularly). I just let the appropriate people know about it, and we keep a close eye on him. I don’t believe this is judging, it’s just being smart. I am also open to letting sex offenders serve, but it will be limited as to what they can serve in. I believe this is no different than someone who struggles with alcohol. I believe God can set free an alcoholic, but I don’t recommend that person spends a lot of his or her time at bars or other places where alcohol is being served.
There’s something we all need to remember about God redemption. Of course he will forgive us, but we often still have to live the consequences of our bad choices.
Agreed, because some of us not only live with the consequences of our own sin, but the severely traumatic consequences of an offender’s sin – for the rest of our lives.
.-= Anonymous´s last blog ..light in the darkness =-.
great thoughts my friend. you are right on. we must be careful to protect our flocks! there are wolves among the sheep….
Thanks for dealing with real/hard issues Anne!
The pastor in me wants to fling the doors of the Church wide open – come one, come all.
The parent in me wants to become a permanent appendage to each one of my children… the part that protects them from all in this world that might try to hurt them.
A hard, hard question… with no good, clear answer.
.-= Guy Chmieleski´s last blog ..Catalyst – Day 2 – Matt Chandler & Running the Race! =-.
Anne,
I admire your openness. Admired is not the right word. Floored by it is better. I can’t imagine your pain and the strength it takes to deal with it daily. Wow . . .
I agree with many of the thoughts and tension expressed by the people who have commented.
Here’s a question: The church has a responsibility to be God;s agents of redemption on this earth. Got it. But what responsibility does the Church have to be a place of refuge from the world? Does the church have a responsibility to “protect” (maybe not the right word) it’s members from someone who could be potentially harmful? Does it boil down to whether or not this person is contrite/penitent/reformed, etc?
Maybe the Church (the People) could play a role in healing and rehabilitation before the individual is welcomed back into the Church (the Building)?
Tough call all the way around.
.-= Andy´s last blog ..How Would You Sum Up Today?s Teenager? =-.
I have a friend who basically had one “slip-up” as a minor (before he was a follower of Christ), but confessed to it years later as an adult (after he had become a Christian). He was prosecuted and sentenced to a few years in prison and released with the label “sex offender” following him wherever he goes. It’s pretty terrible to hear about the kind of prejudice he has to endure — from Christians and non-Christians alike. It makes the whole “new creation” reality a lot harder for him to believe, but hearing him talk about who God is to him is inspiring. I don’t know that I could have such strength or faith, but he does. And it’s amazing. Nonetheless, I find the fact that he’s forced (legally) to announce to future landlords, bosses, and pastors that he’s a sex offender a bit despicable.
.-= Jeff´s last blog ..What Jonathan Edwards Has to Say to Us =-.
woopra is killing your blog speed… and comluv functionality is also slowing you down.
I love them both too much. Everything has a price!! :)
Intense Debate is your friend. At least, it wants to be.
.-= Danny Bixby´s last blog ..God is not a white man =-.
I don’t think anyone should be banned from Church. I do think that there are always consequences to our actions, though, and think that if the leadership needs to place restrictions or boundaries in order to protect the well-being of their congregation (which includes the person with the record) no one should be objecting to that. If you don’t want to have accountability and restriction, well maybe you shouldn’t have violated someone. There is something to be said about being honest with our struggles, dealing with the consequences, and being healed through grace and love.
I love how you stated it – protecting the person with the “record” as well. That’s a good shift in POV.
Amen, Lindsey. I agree!! There is a registry on the streets; there should be a registry when one joins a church.
..not to open a can of .. but, something that I do firmly believe in, is not allowing Sex Offenders to serve, in any capacity. I have a bad taste in my mouth due to several happenings being ignored(when I was younger; growing up as a PK) (by the general board of a church), and then this particular pastor using his so given Power to offend, again.
I am still working to forgive the predator, and the General Board who, in way acted as an enabler.
.-= Reese´s last blog ..Chan, Francis =-.
Wow, Anne, great post!
I have experienced this — my church was small, very small — and a man (who had mental issues anyway) sexually abused the pastor’s daughter and was asked not to return by her dad.
Knowing what I know now, I’m not sure that was right. Or wrong. Or… wow.
I do know, however that that incident has been followed by several more men taking advantage of her and her own unfaithfulness to her husband. It’s SO messy …
And disturbing.
Thanks for letting me think on this.
Considering that only a small percentage of sexual predators are ever convicted and the ones who are have often had other victims without being caught, it’s a pretty sure bet that there are sex offenders in the church. Just because a person has been labeled a sex offender, it doesn’t mean that he’s a predator or a danger to others. Likewise, just because no one in a particular church has been labeled a sex offender, it doesn’t mean that there are none in attendance. I don’t think the focus should be “Should sex offenders be allowed in church?” but rather “How can we protect the flock from known and unknown threats?”
I’m sorry, but I agree with Dewde. I was molested by my dad and grandfather throughout my childhood and they were the most “Christian” churchgoers around. I found out 30 years later I wasn’t the only one. This article doesn’t even address those who are secretly committing sexual abuse and haven’t been caught. Background searches are becoming common in child ministry for the sake of our children. (It may be initiated for the sake of insurance, but the kids benefit.)
The church first has a responsibility to its youngest members who can’t judge or protect themselves. I can’t see that their rights are less important than the right of the sex offender to attend church in any way he sees fit. He can still attend adult Bible study or private counseling.
That said, I agree that each case should be treated individually. Someone who made a youthful mistake (i.e., sex with a minor only 1-2 years younger) vs. a convicted pedophile require completely polar responses.
Has anyone seen the movie The Woodsman with Kevin Bacon? It’s about a convicted sex offender’s life after he is out of prison. It’s a very thought-provoking film. Ransom Fellowship did a review several years ago, along with questions to go with it. It’s not on their site anymore, but I did find it on page 8 here: http://www.ransomfellowship.org/publications/Critique_2005_05.pdf
Extremely tough issue…I see both sides but have trouble of landing on either side of the issue completly.
I do see the example of Jesus hanging out, being with, holding out grace to those who where far off from him but on the other hand, I know that sex offenders expecially pedophiles seek places to meet children and prey on the openess of the church and the children as well. I also see where Jesus gave big warnings to people who caused pain on the innocent.
My own opinion is
1. Not every church is the same so I think it needs to be handled differently at each church and maybe each situation.
2. I do think people need to be spoken to gently but firmly. Leting them know we care, want to help in their struggles BUT that we will also not permitt them to serve in areas that would lead them down the wrong path and that the policies are set up to protect both others and them. I also think it needs to be openly and plainly understood that WE WILL NOT HESITATE TO PROSeCUTE IF IT HAPPENS ON CHURCH SITE AND WE WILL ENCOURAGE THE FAMILY AND INDIVIDUALS TO SEEK PROSECUTION OF THE OFFENDERS. But they need to know that the church cares.
3. If they are not willing to follow the policies that your have set up to protect them as well as others, to me that is a clue that they are not serious about wanting help or to change and they are not welcome to attend your church or any functions that you have.
Again this is just my thoughts and I’m sure I have left out so much and such a difficult issue.
I was at a conference a couple of weeks ago when this topic came up. The pastor of the church was talking about their Celebrate Recovery Program, He told us a long story which I wont write out here, but there was a time that a child offender asked him if he was welcome in his church and the pastor said that he was welcome, but had to be accompanied by another man in the congregation the entire time he was in the building, and the children’s wing was completely off limits. The man was happy to be able to worship and probably was glad to have someone by his side as he was in the church.
We have to protect our kids, but grace has to be in there somewhere for the offenders.
Tough subject.
.-= Tammy Marcelain´s last blog ..P*rn on your iphone/itouch/web access phone and my story. =-.
Anne told me that my perspective “NEEDS to be heard” so I am writing this anonymously. This is a very personal topic to me because I am a sex offender. When I was thirteen years old, I molested a six year old boy that I was baby sitting. The reasons I did it are much more psychological than just wanting to be sexually stimulated and I have never done anything to a child since (nor have I wanted to).
When I became a Christian many years ago, I also had passion to do many great things. After college this led to a job where I needed to open up about my past infraction.
Had I done crack and cocaine on the stage of the church, in front of everybody, I would have had more openings than I did when I opened up about being a sex offender. Besides having a 25 year registration that is not made public, thankfully I was in a church that allowed me to function in the spiritual gifts and the calling that God had put on my life without judging me.
As a sex offender. I feel that they should not be allowed to work with children’s ministries and based on the infraction with high school students. There should also be a review of what exactly the person had done. In my case, it was deemed psychologically that there was no way I was going to reoffend, so there is a lot to be said in that also.
2. There has to be the strictest confidentiality regarding someone who has a sex offense on their name. Even though it is public, church’s are great for gossip. What most people don’t know is that living with this on their record is like wearing a scarlet A around your neck for the rest of your life. If they are at church, they probably want to change their ways and find Jesus. Added persecution can’t make it better.
3. Just because this isn’t a socially acceptable sin, doesn’t make it worse than your own.
If I were to start a church today, would I be disqualified because of my infraction? Because I did something when I was thirteen and have had no desire to do it again? Would I be willing to be open with those I need to be open with and limit my interactions with children, I would hope so.
Unfortunately, I wish I could have you come read my blog but I know that this topic alone would bring greater persecution to me by Christians. It’s unfortunate but it’s also reality. My greatest fear is that this one infraction will be found out publicly and ruin my life. Of course, thankfully, I serve a God who is bigger than that.
There is some food for thought and I will add more as needed.
I agree with your most of your thoughts, but I take issue with the wording in point number 3. “socially acceptable sin” feels like a slam to someone who has been devastated by sexual abuse. It is a very poor word choice and minimizes the damage done to the victim. Maybe the sin is no worse in God’s eyes, but the damamge to the victim, WHO HAS TO LIVE WITH IT FOR THE REST OF HIS/HER LIFE is far worse than that of many other sins.
Forgive me if that sounds harsh because I do see a beautiful picture of grace and redemtion in your story. It’s just that the wording is a bit insensitive to those who have been so deeply wounded and severely traumatized by the sin of an offender.
.-= Anonymous´s last blog ..light in the darkness =-.
I really am sorry that you feel that way. I don’t discredit the feelings of a victim, I really don’t.
The context of the comment was mainly to say, “you don’t know if you haven’t experienced the consequences either way.” It is hard to explain the ignorance that goes into this issue both ways. The media has spouted the lie that once you are a sex offender you can never change. The government has pigeon holed thousands of people to the point that they are living in tents in Georgia because they can’t live anywhere else. The church judges and says “don’t come into our building.”
The suicide rate for sex offenders is huge because they are literally forced into isolation. Where is the church?
I am not attempting to sound insensitive but we would not have the same conversation about someone who murdered another person, the anguish that causes their family; we would not say this about a drug dealer who got someone hopped up on drugs, ruining their life.
My actions were horrible, beyond reproach but yet I have had to come to a point that I am not going to live in that place where my life sucks because I did something horrible. Thankfully, my victim has gone to a great college and seems to be having a great life by all accounts. I don’t deny that the wounds may still be there but my hope is that they were able to get on with their lives also.
I hope that makes sense and I will attempt to clarify any way I can because this is a much bigger topic than this blog can hold alone.
From one Anonymous to Another: Sad that we both feel the need to remain anonymous, but that is the result of our experiences.
First, let me say that I admire your courage more than you know, and as a survivor of sexual abuse I would not shun you if you walked into the doors of my church and announced your past. But, fear has been such a huge part of my life for so many years that it would take time for me to trust you.
This discussion is fantastic because the last thing I want is to be guilty of judging or condemning others. No one should have to live in a place of shame. But what is the solution? I don’t know. I do know that working with offenders showed me that many of them repeated their offenses, but they weren’t convicted because the victims never spoke up. I’m doubtful that there are very many out there that never do it again.
What are some constructive ways we could reach out to this demographic and still protect the children of other potential victims? I really would like your input because it is not a black and white issue for me.
.-= Anonymous´s last blog ..light in the darkness =-.
I think that there has to be a seperation with sex offenders. I don’t believe that having every single one register is being effective. As a thirteen year old, you think a lot differently than you would a sixteen year old. Juveniles should be on a case by case basis, not lumped into the same group as, let’s say adults.
Obviously counseling has to happen and getting to the root is a whole different thing but it would help to more effectively help someone out of it. When you are labeled a sex offender, then I believe that identity takes hold of you; your chances of success in the world suddenly slim down to few and you fall back into the patterns that probably led you to do the crime in the first place.
Admittedly, some people are simply sexual deviants but some people aren’t and that is why it is necessary to go case by case.
I think that churches can privately approach each situation and lay down the ground rules while welcoming people lovingly. Express their desire to walk with them and hear them (but only if a church really can do that). Rejection is what most sex offenders deal with now, the last thing they want is the church to reject them too.
As a man, getting involved with men’s groups and becoming friends with other men has really helped to solidify my identity more. I am lucky because my information is not public but being apart of something really helps you to get past your own past.
I will stand on this all day that the government has hurt the cause for rehabilitating sex offenders more than it has helped it. Simply taking them off the street or publicly registering them does not help. It takes time, patience and effort to counsel people who really can be helped but taxpayers wouldn’t want their money going towards programs like that. Once again, we are fine with helping people that have socially-acceptable disorders but not those who don’t.
Hope that helps.
I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but as an adult survivor of physical abuse and now separated from my husband of 18 years due to physical, emotional and sexual abuse, how can you say that sexual abuse is the most traumatizing? Yes, I would agree that it is degrading, and dehumanizing. I have to endure sex with my husband, any way he wants it, in order to see my son’s right now. I get that. But, vitimization, is just that. Any abuse that makes you feel less than what God created you to be is abuse, and is very personal to the one being abused. God grace and mercy makes us new every day. There is hope in that for the abused and the abuser.
.-= Pamela Hunter´s last blog ..Good Fences Make Good Neighbors (and other words of wisdom I wish someone would have shared with me when I first married my husband) =-.
Pamela, not sure if you were responding to the second Anonymous, but if so…..I never said sexual abuse is THE most traumatizing form of abuse or sin against another. But it IS severely traumatizing, more so than MANY other sins, especially the younger the person is when it begins, who the abuser(s) was/were and how long it lasted. And for those who are uninformed, it’s usually a 3-for-1 deal – sexual, physical AND verbal abuse.
I also never said there isn’t hope for both the victim and the offender, there is and I’ve found it. As a victim whose abuse began at age 3, it completely shaped my young life. I was too young to know who I was and it defined me for a long time. 9 years, 6 different men, photos, molestation, rape, I could go on and on. It was much more devastating to me than the gossip and judgement I’ve encountered in the church (and believe me there has been plenty.) Of course if I hadn’t been abused then I would probably have been more wounded by those things. It’s a matter of perspective AND experience.
Suffering is suffering is suffering, no doubt about it. It’s just that abuse usually involves more severe trauma that other things.
.-= Anonymous´s last blog ..light in the darkness =-.
actually, i was responding to the first and thats where it put my comment was behind the second. so sorry for the confusion.
i completely understand your position. i also am a child of an adult survivor of sexual abuse. my mother is one of nine kids, 2 boys 7 girls, all of whom were abused by their father. a man who was a “pillar of the community” educated at MIT and a member of MENSA. i have seen the effects of what abuse can do. how it can be perpetuated. i have great empathy for you. i know there can be redemption and there is grace. i think it all goes to permission to speak freely. if we are going to give that permission for one “sin” we have to give the grace and freeness to all “sin”. there are sometimes extinuating circumstances, and we are not here to judge, however difficult that may be. peace, love & His LOVE
.-= Pamela Hunter´s last blog ..Good Fences Make Good Neighbors (and other words of wisdom I wish someone would have shared with me when I first married my husband) =-.
I appreciate your willingness to share and I’m sure you are very sorry for what you did as a 13 year old. As someone who had to watch a niece go through being molested by a young boy, I had mixed feelings of wanting to strangle the kid and cry for him at the same time. Our greatest concern as a family was to make sure she felt loved and protected and let her know that in no way it was her fault. He will have to deal with the fact that he hurt someone, potentially scarring them for the rest of their life. I have no doubt he will feel shame and guilt. Reasonable feelings to be had when he did something that hurt someone like that. He will also probably feel frustrated that he is being treated differently for a while because of what he did. I say let him feel frustrated but I’m sure as hell not going to BLINK if I see him around a kid again. That’s not judging the boy. I’ve forgiven him. Truly. I’m just acting and thinking based on the facts handed to me. What other option is there?
I also truly hope the best for this boy. I hope he doesn’t live within the guilt and shame or frustration forever but find true freedom and be released from the bondage he’s held captive by right now. I’m just saying that he needs to work through those things like you have.
Wow. Thanks for sharing from your perspective!! ..I think I just inched a few steps closer to shelling out my “forgiveness.”…to the predator…and Church Board.
Humbled.
.-= Reese´s last blog ..Chan, Francis =-.
I have to thank Anne for encouraging me to share my story. I am thankful that the testimony of Christ’s work in my life can help others.
Thank you for your honesty, though I do think that because you were 13 at the time and not legally an adult that should definitely be taken into account, actually I’m not sure that in my country you would even have a conviction at that age.
I’m not saying to anyone who was the receiving end of abuse from another child that it hurts any less, because I know that is not true, but this is surely one situation where grace should be shown. Like I said in my comment above, inside of every ‘sex offender’ is a broken, hurting person who has probably been abused in some way themselves.
I’m sorry that you live in fear so much and I’m sorry for whatever led you to do it in the first place. Your honesty is to be admired though, thank you for your story.
.-= kazzles´s last blog ..The fast and using up my food =-.
I believe that we (the church) are called to be a healing place for a hurting world. I also believe that, to be a healing place, we have to use the wisdom that God has granted us to make it a safe place for everyone.
I am a sinner, saved by grace. I don’t do the things I used to do, but I don’t expect everyone else to forgive me just because Jesus did. Sin has consequences, and we have to learn to live with them. When David repented and asked God to forgive his sin with Bathsheba, God really did forgive him. But the baby still died. The sin was forgiven but the consequence remained.
I would like every sex offender in the world to come to church, get saved and live a redeemed life. However, I think that can happen without letting the pre-Christ pedophiles work the nursery. We need to set everyone up for success, myself included. Just my opinion…
.-= Donna Frank´s last blog ..Just me and Donkey =-.
This truly is a difficult thing to discuss. As a pastor primarily for college students and young adults, I recently had to make one of these difficult decisions when one student had been having a dangerous and sexually abusive relationship with one of our girls.
As a pastor responsible for “shepherding this flock”, how am I to allow a wolf to linger among the group the entire time?
The idea of keeping the doors open to everyone makes absolute sense to me. God is capable of redeeming the worst of sinners, of which I am a part. It is not my responsibility or capability to redeem anyone. Grace is certainly offered to the repentant. But what do we do when an individual makes the environment unsafe?
We offered counseling services free of charge to the offender and I offered to meet with him individually on a regular basis (neither option which was taken), but in the safety of the other girls in our group (and my “flock”), it meant a very difficult decision to ask him not to be on church grounds. (SIDENOTE: which is still private property in most cases.)
Most days, I see the girls who attend our services on Sundays and I am at ease with our decision. But God’s grace and mercy haunt my heart each day, making me second guess our decision from time to time.
It is not easy.
.-= PC´s last blog ..Coffee House Empires (Blog Archive) =-.
Those girls were in danger… it’s ok.
I understand you position, but it sounds like an issue of more than one person. So often the guy pays the price and is seen as the wolf. I’m a straight male hairstylist. Women are not the clueless innocent damsels we would like them to be. Often things are turned around backwards. One thing is true and that is dynamics. Address the dynamics of a challenge and you’ll find more answers of inclusions rather than exclusions. Jesus had a way of cutting straight to the matter of things as he did with the young rich ruler. To exclude a brother due to appearance is wrong. The best way to have handled this is tell him he’s welcomed to come but encourage him to build relationships with the men in the group as well.
When does a sex offender stop paying his/her debt to society? Is it when he/she gets out of prison,When they complete counseling, When enough time has passed?? When should they be trusted? When should they be believed in? When should they be forgiven? Should other sins keep people from being able to go to church, or serve in the church? Are any of us worthy enough to feel like we are better than someone else who has made a terrible mistake? Is church just a big business and unwilling to take the risk because of insurance coverage? I don’t know.
im kinda late with replying seeing that so many people have given their “2 cents” (or more) already.
my one cent… sex offenders should be welcome in church….BUT not serve in children’s church. just because children cannot defend themselves…
that’s it.
There is a program called “Safe Sanctuary” you can institute in your congregation that does backround checks as well as teaches appropriate ways to interact with kids in church. I absolutely believe that there is a place in the church for all Gods children, including registered sex offenders. However, there has to be some type of accountability, whether it is walking/studying with an elder, or a mature christian woman, whichever is appropriate for the situation. I have 2 son’s that have been molested in my own home by my oldest son’s best friend. My perspective is that you never know where, when, how or by who, something like that can happen, and you never really know who you are trusting. Things happen for a reason, sometimes, and we have to trust GOD.
.-= Pamela Hunter´s last blog ..Good Fences Make Good Neighbors (and other words of wisdom I wish someone would have shared with me when I first married my husband) =-.
Ok, clearly I am not an expert.
However, I think that there is a tendency to “what-if” ourselves into a hole because we treat some sins differently than others. (Like, why drug addiction is treated so differently in the church than alcohol addiction or even gossip addiction baffles me sometimes.)
So, my two cents.
No one who is not an active and engaged part of the community of a church, including accountability, should be in leadership or working unsupervised in areas of ministry. That’s just logical. If a person has agreed to covenant and accountability, then there is a clearly laid-out solution.
We confront them. If they refuse to accept that, we confront them with “witnesses” (an intervention, basically). If they still refuse to accept correction, church leadership gets involved, and they may eventually be asked to leave the community, not because they are not loved or valuable, but because they are choosing to behave in a way that’s destructive and participate in a healthy way.
If at any point they admit and repent, then it IS grace to limit contact with those they may victimize, hold them accountable and place them under more stringent accountability in the area of this hurtful behavior. It stops them from continuing in a sin that they don’t want to repeat. I helps stop them from multiplying suffering through injuring others while they take the time to reset into healthy community and relationship under the guidance and leadership of people that (should) know that we are all valuable to the body of Christ, and it’s a tragedy when anyone is cut off because of sin, whether it is by or against them.
It seems like sometimes it’s portrayed as though placing any limitations is picking on someone for their struggles. In reality, it is an act of grace to bolster and protect someone in their weak places while protecting others from the harm that could be caused by that force in their heart and life.
It hurts all of us when sin becomes the benchmark for someone’s value. It forces us all into a place of hiding and fear. But, it’s just as hurtful when such things are totally ignored or swept under the rug. Christ fights for the sinner while never marginalizing the victim.
What she said. You’ve put this much more eloquently than I could have, Annie!
Yeah, Yeah, what Lindsey said about what Annie said!
.-= Pamela Hunter´s last blog ..Good Fences Make Good Neighbors (and other words of wisdom I wish someone would have shared with me when I first married my husband) =-.
That was exceptionally well put. Thank you for sharing!
peace | dewde
.-= dewde´s last blog ..How to Get Your Hand Aired on Mtv and Christian Television, Respectively =-.
You said it better than I ever could. Well done, Annie!
Thank you so much Annie! Outrageously well put!
.-= PC´s last blog ..Stavesacre Soothes =-.
An Open Letter to the Church and Ministers – A Home Missions Project
http://tinyurl.com/ylg2gvp
What Annie said.
I believe in redemption, and I believe that the church’s main task is to be in the business of helping people find redemption, reconciliation, and resurrection. There’s a way to do that. It’s just a matter of being willing to try, and being reasonable about the limits placed on a person.
Obviously there are legal issues with allowing a registered sex offender to serve in a youth or children’s ministry. But the choir? The choir is full of sinners who are being redeemed, and if someone is genuinely committed to the path of redemption (or, as Anne points out, is caught up in the ridiculousness of our sex offender registration laws that treat 18-year-olds having sex with 17-year-olds when both are in high school as though it’s somehow the same thing as raping a small child) and accountability, I don’t see a solid Biblical reason why not.
And on another rabbit trail, since when is church supposed to be a place where we all feel comfortable and safe?
.-= Texas in Africa´s last blog ..great news =-.
Comfortable, no. Safe from predators, absolutely.
“And on another rabbit trail, since when is church supposed to be a place where we all feel comfortable and safe?”
I believe that there is only one place where we can feel a complete sense of comfort and safety, and that place is Heaven.
To be honest, I am less afraid of registered sex offenders that are publicly known, than I am of the dangerous offenders who have not yet been convicted.
I *was* a victim of abuse by my father for 18 long and brutal years. People would look at our ideal, “perfect”, church going family, and didn’t realize the horrors that went on while the world wasn’t looking. He was brilliant at keeping the abuse hidden from the world. I reported him a total of 4 times, the third ended in a conviction and jail term. It’s people like him that make the world an uncomfortable and unsafe place, but it’s the God we serve who redeems even the most impossible situations, if we’d move out of His way and let Him work through us.
With the estimated statistics of abuse victims being as high was 1 in 2 girls, that’s without taking into consideration the ones that do not report the abuse, imagine how many abusers are prowling the world, waiting for opportunity? There is no greater chance to find them at church than to find them anywhere.
You may be worried about the one offender serving in the church, but your own husband, neighbor, teacher, childcare provider, brother, anyone could be doing this to your child. There is no guarantee of safety anywhere.
The best we can do is to arm ourselves with information, keep the communication lines open with our children, work towards putting an end to this brutality, and be vigilant in all places, at all times.
As for offenders attending church services, we are all broken, to varying degrees. The church is the body of Christ, who are we to deny another from that? I know that my father needs Jesus just as much as I do, and I would welcome him to my church. Uncomfortable? Yes, absolutely. To me, it is not as uncomfortable as the ones I don’t know about.
I refuse to be his victim anymore, I have reached out to him in forgiveness, and I am determined to show him the love of Christ and see him come to the cross. It has nothing to do with the fact that he is my “father”, he never was in the sense that counted… it has to do with the fact that Jesus loves ALL of us, we are all God’s children. Period. Our Father doesn’t love one of us more than the other. It’s a long, difficult journey, but there is NOTHING God can not redeem.
Peace,
JD
Okay I wasn’t able to read through all the comments because of shortness of time, but I want to in the near future. Working in KidzWorld I am glad we background check workers. It gives parents a security they sometimes need. But they could be working and never have been caught, which does scare me. I wish I could be as open as you about my past horrible experiences, but I’m working through them myself. Hopefully I will be able to soon.
Do we allow ex-cons in church? Yes. Murderers? Yes. So we can’t keep sex offenders out. But we can keep restrictions on where they can safely serve. I agree with a few comments I glanced at. The church does need to step up and help those that are victims as well. If offenders need help, victims need much more!
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..My Grandma =-.
I disagree! Victims have help and support from families, communities, churches, civic groups, social groups, courts, police and any/every-where! A sex offenders lack that they are truly the new leapers in society, family and friends abandon and run from them. Lord thank you for the few people that are like you. Rare, but on occasion you can catch a real christian that’s actually open to seeing as the Lord does and that’s with compassion beyond society’s hatred. Issues? Yes we all have them, but us christians are commanded to look beyond them. The only real way to do that is to look at the Lord and through loving him as he loved us we can love others in his name because doing so makes us grow more and more like him. Look at Jesus and your issues won’t seem so big or hard. You can never be uglier than the Lord is beautiful, you can never be meaner than he is good. Hey, it’s a love thing! Looking at him you don’t look so bad…not even if you’re a sex offender! There was a prostitute that washed the Lords feet with her tears and a woman caught in the very act of adultry. They both were sex offenders did he not forgive them? Who are you not to do the same? Me, I’m a sex offender hairstylist My misdemeanor offense(not involving a child) was over ten years ago, but I still register as a sex offender. I’ve been blessed to be about to give to the community and in so doing have learned there is more to people than what labels are put on them. Love is a strong ally, you people should try it sometime. You just might find God there with his arms gently around you and a smile of grace that’ll warm your heart with peace regardless of the world and the situation. I do. Christ forgiven sex offender, in the Lord.
Here is the deal, I am not a sex offender BUT I am an offender or EX offender who truth be told would make most Christians run for the door and hide. my rap sheet is as long as a bed sheet at the holiday inn. but that is the past. I have been clean and sober for 13 years now. Christ has been first in my life for the last 6 years and I serve at a great church. IF we as the church start separating SINNERS from the regular people in the church ALL of us would be outside, and if we say we should not be we are lying and only hurting ourselves. Where do we put smokers? cheaters? fornicators? drinkers? slanders? in no way do sexual offenders belong in the kids ministry NO WAY, but they belong in church and they belong serving so that they can get the healing they need and through serving Christ and losing self is where the ultimate healing comes from. in no way should the members of a church be told there is a sexual offender in the church unless part of your serving is protecting the house then by all means you should know. They need to know the ground rules, but placing a sign on their back is the same as asking them to leave. Would you wear the sign that says I coveted my neighbors car? or I committed whatever sin? come on lets protect the kids who can’t protect themselves and let people get healing.
What about sex offenders who violate adults? Sometimes it’s not as clear cut as keeping them away from the kids, you know?
(I’m with ya, BTW…just looking for elaboration).
.-= anne jackson´s last blog ..Should Sex Offenders Be Allowed in Church? =-.
I feel like my earlier response would apply any person who struggled with any kind of sexual sin, right?
I mean, if a wpman struggles with porn and wants to overcome that, you’re going to set up systems that protect her in that.
If a man struggles with being sexually aggressive toward women, you aren’t going to send them off on a bus full of women for a missions trip.
That’s showing immense mercy, in my mind, to protect them from the sins that they are repentant of in the same way we would take a struggling alcoholic to a liquor store.
Honestly, I wish more people took more sins that seriously. I think gossip can do immense damage that it can take a lifetime to recover from, and is something that Christians often not only overlook, but justify as concern.
I absolutely agree.
I do also think (and know from experience) that the trauma a victim of abuse experiences needs to be protected. Coddled into pity? No. But protected and poured into to be whole and heal as well.
There is nothing more I fear in this life – NOTHING – than seeing the person who abused me face to face again. Not because he makes me angry. He doesn’t. Not because I would hate him or even fear HIM. But the way my mental and emotional self would respond, even with as much therapy I have and the massive dosages of pills I still take to process and function.
I have met other offenders in real life before and haven’t had a traumatic reaction – yet. But there is so much emotional scarring that comes from being violated to the core of your soul that really messes a person up.
I realize these are my issues and I continue to deal with them but I know it will be a life long process of healing. I don’t think it’s me judging levels of “sin” rather a process my heart needs to go through and the care I need as a victim, just as much as my offender needs to heal.
.-= anne jackson´s last blog ..Should Sex Offenders Be Allowed in Church? =-.
Well, I think that in protecting a victim, it can be very possible that the offender needs to be permanently removed. That’s not necessarily, but an acknowledgement that total restoration doesn’t always happen in this life and sometimes has to wait until all things are redeemed. However, I also think it can be an act of love for a recovering offender. As a victim, or someone who knows or loves a victim, they will always be an offender. Just as that situation isn’t healthy for the victim, it can be equally unhealthy for someone who is being redeemed from their sin. No one wants to be perpetually defined by their worst moments and darkest sins, and sometimes the best thing, even for the offender, is to move to a place where that isn’t the case.
I meant to say that it’s not necessarily punishment. It’s a consequence.
And, of course, I am speaking of people who are admitting and repenting of their destructive behavior.
I’m the same way you are- I don’t ever want to see the persons that harmed me- not because of hatred (although I am still trying to get over that), but because of the emotional and physical response they would illicit. One person that hurt me still lives in my home town and when I plan on going home and out with friends I do check his myspace to see where he is working now to avoid that place. Just seeing his picture makes me sick to my stomach. I think seeing those people that harmed you makes you have that exposed feeling again. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been.
I say “touche” to this entire line between the “Annies”. This has been the most helpful and insightful.
.-= PC´s last blog ..Stavesacre Soothes =-.
i would agree it is not always children. I am part of the team that looks into these situations with a strong leader that looks to the whole before the individual, he has given me a lot of wisdom in this area. we have to look to protect the house and the people before trying to meet a single persons needs. although, I do believe there is no one policy covers all. it has to be an on a individual basis. make since? if a person has just been released from his debt, no place for him to serve, just like a baby Christian walks away from the alter into the pulpit, not going to happen right? We all need to make sure our hearts and our motives are pure, intent right, then and only then do we have a place in leadership. I believe a blanket policy that frowns on sex offenders in the church is wrong and if they do that we all have to leave. sit with then, love them, watch em leave is fine until they prove their motives. just like you would with a thief at your house, or a drunk guy or a adulterer. We do bar outreaches at my church, LOVE the people who do it, I have never been, never. to scared and I have not touched a drink in 13 years!!! I know my heart, I know me. If a sex offender is really there to get right with God, he/she is not going to want to do anything that will hinder that. Or at least I would hope not. So in the end, NO CLEAR ANSWER FROM ME. GOD be the glory. God be the judge.
Case by case, move with grace.
I once prayed with a guy who was about to go to prison for child pornography. Part of me wanted to kill him. Part wanted to see him revolutionized by Jesus. The Jesus part won out.
He served his time, got in community, counseling, and a Christian step program. He surrounds himself with people who love Jesus. Today he’s a worship leader.
Freedom in Christ is for all. But they gotta choose it.
Jay
.-= Jay Brock´s last blog ..Church for Sale =-.
So OK, Anne. I read ALL your comments now and come to one decision, you are a very smart lady. Lucky I met you. You teach in a way that opens eyes and better yet opens communication. Smart. talented and gifted. Thanks. What the church needs is more concern for all sin, probably won’t happen as humans we like to point and say hey, my sin is not as bad as his sin so I must be OK. Very dangerous for that to be happening. SIN IS SIN and in God’s eyes there all the same right? only one is unforgivable. Pain people feel is real. Hurting people hurt people. If an offender is not well he should not be able to hurt people, never should be in a place to have access to people to hurt. We should watch them and love them. That’s why it is important for all leaders of the church and all members of the church to be clean in spirit and clean in motives so that they can have clear communication with the Holy Spirit who will lead you to what THAT offender or sinful person needs. If we are full of sin, we will never hear the whisper of the spirit prompt us of a situation that could save many people from being hurt.
.-= eric doucet´s last blog ..Domestic violence is real =-.
I definitely believe sex offenders should not serve in the church with children or leadership. However, this does not bar a person from attending or becoming a member of a church. The church should not close it’s doors to anyone. Certainly it is a difficult question, but there has to be room for grace and redemption for everyone or the church has lost it’s purpose…to be the body of Christ.
Sex offenders are sinners too. Obviously, keeping them from serving in any children’s ministry is a good idea but barring the church door from a repentant sinner is simply hypocritical. Anne, I think your article forces us into other controversial areas. Is the Sunday morning service for the believer or unbeliever? How active should elders and deacons be in getting to know their members?
A very thought stirring post.
.-= Soul Crushed´s last blog ..Brokenness =-.
Protect the children. Protect the adults. Let the law punish criminals to the harshest degree, if they choose. And let’s let ministry get messy.
Let’s “allow” Jesus to start taking hold of lives that perhaps we, church people, want to keep far away from Him. Which, by the way, in addition to being disobedient, is for our safety, not His glory.
This makes me think … getting involved with prison ministries before offenders even step out of jail to start their rescue….
Getting involved in Prison Ministries is a terrific idea! I’m penpals with a sex offender in prison right now. I send him letters and books to read. If anyone wants to write and encourage him, let me know. I’m sure he would love the conversation.
Some backstory:
An Unconscionable Addiction
http://bit.ly/3nDUd
peace | dewde
.-= dewde´s last blog ..How to Get Your Hand Aired on Mtv and Christian Television, Respectively =-.
Exactly. I love how proactive it is! I guess prison is sometimes the only way to minister to someone.
I wonder if there are actually some Christ-followers who are willing to make the sacrifice of ministering to these people or if this is just a “good-for-someone-else-but-not-me” ideas?
.-= evan blackerby´s last blog ..I judge people. =-.
Interesting. We had just about this same conversation in LifeGroup this week. Why is it when Jesus fully forgives and restores a repentant believer, that we… the ‘stone-holders’ have such a hard time restoring and accepting them in the body? We DO categorize sin… and we shouldn’t. God help us to extend the mercy and grace that we have so freely received.
Now, in regards to where an ‘offender’ serves. That does get sticky. I agree with you that we are all called to serve, and there are places that a restored offender can serve (hospitality, greeting, tech, creative etc.) however, we have a responsibility to protect our children as best we can. For us, that means background checks for ALL workers in Student/Kids ministries. If someone has an ‘offense’ in their past, that will disqualify from serving with kiddos. Sin still has consequences, even when forgiven and restored.
.-= Kendra´s last blog ..Blah Busters =-.
Sex offender here(repentant and forgive). My take is straight forward. Most offenses are from NEW OFFENDERS not priorly convicted offenders and most aren’t involving children. SO aren’t interested is childcare. Why? Well, they go through years of therapy, probation, jail time and after having to register as a sex offender the likelihood of one wanting to watch kids is outrageous! What are you people thinking? My offense wasn’t against a child and it was a misdemeanor over 10 years ago but to be around kids? No joke, WE really aren’t interested! The Lord forgave sex offenders and even took a prostitute as a follower (Mary).
Kids are safe from SO’s. It’s the people without a record that will stand to violate little Sally and Johnny not the guy that’s been through the grind of therapy and registration. If the guy is a member of your church as a sex offender he should be commended for seeking God and not harassed. The worse thing is to isolate people. We are meant for communion with one another. It reminds me of the leapers in the times of Jesus. They were out cast, hey and they didn’t even do anything wrong!
i knew if i read these someone would say what i was thinking, in a better way than i ever would.
agree with holly – “There is a difference between letting them be a part of the church body and enabling them in their struggles and sin.”
we should allow all sinners into the church, like me for instance
but the church should not provide vodka to an alchoholic, internet to a porn addict, credit card to a compulsive spender, fodder to a gossiper, prostitutes to an adulterer, heroin to a drug addict, cash to a thief…..nor chldren and/or women to a sexual predator.
My husband (a Pastor) and I discussed this subject at length. We believe there should be a completely separate building where someone that is definitely the right person to lead a ministry to sex offenders. Some mega churches have separate places where pregnant teen girls have their own building and a professional counselor who counsels these teens because they do not want to have an abortion. Before we went into full-time Pastorate, we were on staff and the Pastor got up one Wednesday night and read a letter from a sex offender who said he was getting out of prison and would be coming to church. Half the congregation left and we were one of them. It was the public way it was handled with the Pastor’s attitude like “I’m going to let him come to church whether you like it or not.” We tried to talk him out of it. (With serious counseling for the Sex Offender and the Pastor wouldn’t hear to that!) The Church in just a few weeks dissolved because they didn’t have enough people to keep the doors open. Thanks, Anne, for letting us comment.
.-= Carol´s last blog ..Others =-.
A church is not a building rather it is a body of believers. The paster did the right thing allowing the sex offender to come to the church.
I’m sadden that people without a heart for those that wish to come to the Lord. Are you and your husband so righteous to disallow a sinner a place of worship?
Even our court system states separate is not equal under the law(during segregation). Although with sex offenders the law ISN’T actually JUST at least God’s church should be.
The reason that church failed was due to the hard hearts of the congregation that left. Not due to those that stayed.
While crying a black man said of a certain church to the Lord, “father they won’t let in” the Lord replied, “my child they won’t let me in either!”
Which is better, to have a church of unwelcoming people or not to have a church at all? It’s best not to have a church at all. I wish I met that wonderful paster!
Anne,
There are so many comments here I am likely to be repeating things written.
Sex abuse is becoming far more common in our society than many of us care to realize, and as the church we do have an honest responsibility to offer a place of hope and healing… The biggest challenge I see is that people are afraid of sex offenders, and that fear keeps them from seeking good, individual responses to them. Each offender is different, as you mention above, yet each is a sinner, just like me, and is capable of being redeemed, just like me.
I am a survivor of various types of sex abuse. While none of my abuse occurred in the church, as a christian I have had to walk that road of forgiveness and healing and identify how to process through each circumstance. Seeking GOD and his hand in each step has been the only “free” way to walk… it is hard, but it is the best way.
That being said, I’m in full agreement that background checks are essential for people who work in people related ministries of any kind. That includes kids, elderly, women, men, one on one prayer counsel, missions work, or anything else. Standard rules that apply to everyone are beneficial in the protection and care of our people.
The tricky issue is, a background check is going to reveal alot of things. As is clear and plain, we are sinners, all of us, and God is able to redeem any person from their sin. There are fruits of a walk with God, which help those who “know” and are called to walk hand in hand with a former offender (of any kind) where a person is at in their journey, where they are weak, and what steps may or may not need to be taken.
As much as I would love to control the world, if one of my former offenders walked in the door of my church, I would have to take an honest look deep in my heart, swallow my fear, pray, and pray and pray, and be ready (and alert) to whatever God is doing. I would tell my husband, pastor, and our staff counselor, but unless they have to wear a beacon for some other sin, their sin is not public knowledge.. You wouldn’t know it walking with them in life, any more than you know mine.
PS – I wanted to add something… I picked up applications for bible colleges a couple years ago, and some very clearly asked if “I had been a victim of sexual abuse” – I have been told that there are certain ministries that would not be okay for me because of my history (even though the hand of God is amazing and his work in my life has brought freedom)
It isn’t just offenders who walk with this issue all the days of their life… Fear… So often I(we) walk in fear instead of Romans 8, 1 Peter 3, 1 John 4
I am not talking about foolish risk…
.-= Lanelle´s last blog ..Psalm 46 =-.
Tony said it best. Letting a repentant murderer attend church is not likely to tempt him to kill again. Letting a convicted pedophile (a crime with an extremely high recidivism rate…http://www.atsa.com/ppPedophiles.html), is placing temptation in the face of someone who may not be rehabilitated.
In most churches, parents let down their guard and feel safe to let their children mix among adults, walk to the bathroom alone and talk to strangers in a way they never would in a non-church setting.
Christ offers grace to these offenders, but also some of the harshest words…Mark 9:42. I understand the privacy issue for most sexual offenders, but if a convicted child molester attends the church, parents must be told or he must be 100% supervised at all times. We must protect the kids first.
Anne, I can’t agree more with Time’s quote.
With that said, our churches need to be wise in having systems in place to protect our congregations from spiritual, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse! What does that look like? I’m not sure, but it doesn’t include the banning of people we’re uncomfortable with.
We live in a fallen world and the church isn’t excluded from fallen nature. While we wait for the eschaton, we should do our best to be a picture of the redemption offered to humanity. A redemption that is so all-inclusive that even the greatest of sinners is covered if he/she chooses.
I don’t know, but those are just my thoughts. Take ’em or leave ’em.
Thanks, Anne, for such a courageous post and for moderating so graciously such a heated discussion. If anyone is interested in more insight into how adult survivors of sexual abuse are often revictimized (within and outside the church), check out the four part series I did on predators on my blog several months ago, starting with this one: http://amysorrells.wordpress.com/2009/03/02/the-problem-of-rosy-spectacles/ Maybe it will help someone, too. Forgiveness, INDEED. Forgetting, NEVER. Wess Stafford, of Compassion International, speaks eloquently to this point. We fail our brothers and sisters in Christ if we fail to hold them accountable for their actions. We fail them further if we don’t help them realize that reconciliation this side of Heaven is often a healthy and safe IMpossibility. Sin does that. Sin has long-lasting consequences. A sad fact, but sadness is not an excuse to excuse. Often, as you mention in your book, moving on–for everyone involved–is the wisest choice. Shaking the dust from the feet of those on both sides of the hurt and just moving on . . . to heal.
.-= Amy ´s last blog ..This week?s column =-.
We always want to use the example of Christ talking with prostitutes, beggars, people possessed, blind people, murderers, adulterers and all that. I don’t see many examples of Christ talking to these people “in church.” He always went out to talk to them. Check the gospels, he’s talking to these types of people on a road, by a lake, at a well, in a house, in a tree, by a pool, etc.
I think these people need to be in church but are we letting them serve and are we letting them continue in their lifestyle withouit telling them they need to change and just making sure they are comfortable and of course NOT OFFENDED by our preaching the word?
Anne if you seem to always need to get away from your posting on this blog because of the not so nice responses…maybe you shouldn’t bring up such controversial topics. Either expect this or go with the norm and talk about other things.
Well that is a little uncalled for, don’t ya think Tom? Even in controversy, we are allowed to take a break from it. Anne simply is putting herself out there and putting a topic out there that isn’t talked about at all.
At least be a little more tactful.
.-= Ben´s last blog ..Christian Language Detox =-.
Seriously?
.-= evan blackerby´s last blog ..I judge people. =-.
Actually – didn’t get offline because of the conversation here. I find these comments extremely grace filled and after the heart of the Father.
A friend of mine was getting ripped apart on another blog, and I had a lot to do yesterday. Perhaps we shouldn’t assume things about others! :)
quite frankly, anne can do whatever she wants to do, whether anyone likes it or not.
My dad is a registered sex offender and when he got out of prison a few years ago, he had a lot of trouble finding a church which would allow him to attend. Many told him he wasn’t welcome to even come to the service.
Thankfully, one of his neighbors is a state judge and an elder at local church, and he told my dad he was welcome there. It was a huge answer to our prayers, and one of those little moments were I was reasonably certain that God was at work in the details of our lives.
.-= John Dyer´s last blog ..Running Without All The Noise =-.
That is really cool. I’m glad you shared that.
peace | dewde
.-= dewde´s last blog ..How to Get Your Hand Aired on Mtv and Christian Television, Respectively =-.
Our church was forced to deal with this some time ago. While I don’t know all of the details of the situation, a teenage boy in the church was accused of some sort of sexual crime against a teenage girl from the youth group. The incident apparently happened somewhere outside of the church, at school I think, but of course they knew each other from church.
The eventual decision was that the boy could continue to attend church but was to stay with one of his parents at all times. This forced his mother to step down from the worship team because she couldn’t properly supervise him and do that at the same time. He was not allowed to go to youth group events without his mom, had to say in the main worship service for the sermon rather than going with the rest of the youth for their separate meeting, etc etc.
After several months of good behavior the boy was slowly given his privileges back and is now free to go with the youth for their activities. His mom is back on the worship team and the family is fully integrated back into the church. However, the entire event caused some problems and I know of at least one couple who left the church because they didn’t agree with the way things were handled.
I don’t even know if the kid was convicted or not. I know there was a court case/hearing/something about it but I don’t know the result other than it costing his parents a bunch of dough in lawyer fees. Apparently the pastor and elders discussed everything and felt like their solution was the best for this particular situation.
Unfortunately this is an issue that hits pretty close to home for me. My stepbrother is a registered sex offender – after being convicted for raping my sister. It makes family holidays awfully complicated. He spent several years in prison for it and I truly believe he’s past that point in his life, but my wife and I have questioned what precautions we might have to take if we end up with a daughter some day. I don’t have an answer for that yet.
Wow, I admire the men and women who posted their honest replies in here. This is not an easy issue to deal with. I don’t even know what to “officially” say although like you, I know where my heart stands on this one. I think it’s the balance between mercy and justice. God himself was faced with the same choice. I guess it’s just harder for us humans.
.-= Jojo Agot´s last blog ..ON THE EDGE OF YOUR SEAT =-.
My wife was physically abused as a young girl by the people who were to watch over her and keep her safe at mission school while her parents were in the field serving. It wasn’t church but this along with other events that have taken place in her adult life at the hands of trusted christian friends and leaders, has lead to her not wanting to get involved whatsoever at church. Trust is very difficult for her now.
As far as sex offenders in the church. Of course they need to be there but not serving until there has been change and healing.
I come at this subject from several different angles at once. My grandfather was a pedophile, never convicted, molested all 6 of his daughters repeatedly.
My mother chose to forgive and stay in a relationship with him until he passed away. We would visit, we often stayed the night, we were NEVER alone with grandpa. She had a series of safe guards that she would rehearse with us on the drive to their house. “If grandpa asks you to go somewhere with him say no. Tell me and I”ll come with you. If grandpa wants to show you something stay in where everyone else is and let him bring it out. etc.” She slept in the same room as us. She was vigilant. She successfully protected us from him while allowing us, and him, to have a relationship. Thanks to that I know more about the man than that he was an unrepentant molester. I know he had a beautiful voice, was extremely funny, drank too much, and loved, imperfectly. He was human, just like all of us.
I’m amazed that my mom was able to do that.
The other angle is this. When my daughter was 3 she was watching a show with her brother and his friend, (5 and 4) at my neighbors house. I was there as well, the door was ajar. We heard her screaming so my neighbor got up to see what was wrong. His son was blowing raspberries on my daughter’s naked butt. He was stopped. It could have been innocent, but he had been exposed to abuse at his grandma’s house. We chose to be vigilant. Later that year I intercepted him as we was trying to get my daughter to lay down with him and have a nap. I told him girls and boys don’t nap together unless they are married. His response was, “But I want to pretend I am married to her.”
S many children are abused by other children. Parents tend to forget these facts and assume it’s only adults they have to worry about. Little boys rape little girls.
Perhaps because of my background I have, since my children were young maintained watchfulness. I love my children completely, I believe the best of them. I also believe it’s possible for one of them to abuse the other. I protect them all by making sure that can’t happen.
I think this relates to the discussion because the church is the family of God. We are all God’s children, he loves us all completely. He wants to protect us all, both from the hurt and shame of abuse, and the guilt and shame of abusing. If I have two children, whom I love dearly, and I know it’s possible that one might hurt the other, I don’t kick that one out of our family. But I do up my level of vigilance. I take steps to make sure it’s not possible for anything damaging to happen. For both of their sakes.
For the church to do anything less for each other, sex offenders included, isn’t love.
I appreciate you bringing your perspective to this conversation. Thanks.
peace | dewde
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I have two little girls — ages 4 and 6. We go to a very secure church where very thorough background checks are done on all childcare workers and where you absolutely cannot pick up your child without a matching ID tag (I lost mine once during the service — what a fiasco it was trying to pick up my kids afterward). Despite the security of our children’s program, if I knew that there were a registered sex offender freely walking the halls of my church (and there probably are, as it is a large church), I don’t know that I could focus during worship.
I want sex offenders to be present at my church for their benefit — I want them to be healed. But I would support restrictions on where and when they are allowed to be in the church, even if it causes them to feel alienated. My kids’ safety is my first priority.
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