I’m happily in isolation on an island that can only be reached by seaplane or ferry. During this week away, I’ve asked several friends to fill in for me this week. Hopefully you’ll meet some new voices of people I admire.
Today’s post comes from Lynse Leanne. I met Lynse when I was visiting Nashville for a conference a few years ago. Somehow I ended up in her wedding and she’s ended up sleeping on my air mattress and we’ve been friends ever since.? Lynse has some serious cajones for being such a young girl. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
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Lost in Church
This is a phrase I have been thinking a lot about lately.? The more I talk to people in church ministry the more I see this common thread throughout those ?ministering.?
I don?t know that these words have been used to explain it, but I think that so many church employees are lost in church.
Now, before you get on your spiritual high horses and ream me for implying that you are not saved let me unpack what I mean.? I don?t mean that you are ?lost? in the term the church uses?.I mean have you lost who you are in the machine of the church?
Let me give you a bit of my story.? I have been employed by a very successful church for about 5 years. It has been enjoyable?.but the longer I was there the more discontent I have felt.? The more I began to hate what I did?.and more than that who I had become.? I was too busy to minister alongside my husband, too busy to connect with my friends out side of the four church walls.? Through much thought I realized that I had lost myself in the machine. And to no fault of the church, I had surrendered myself into the machine and lost me.? I became lost in church.
I personally think that I got so behind the business of what we were doing and forgot who God had called me to be.? Those He had called me to reach.? The calling and dreams he had placed inside of my heart.
I was lost.
No dreams, no vision, and lost in what I was doing as Lynse and not as “Lynse the church employee.”
Because what I had forgotten is that God created me for a reason and to reach people.? Yes, he called me to serve my local church and reach people there, but He also made me with a specific calling and purpose?.and I had lost that.
And for some reason I don?t think that I am the only one who over time has become lost in the church.? Business, tasks and accomplishments is what I was lost to?I had lost the day to day relationships and human contact with those outside of the church.
How can we as ?church leaders? keep from getting lost in church and lost in the machine?
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Comments
29 responses to “Lost in Church”
I am really praying for clarity in this area, I LOVE my church sometimes maybe to much is that possible ? Giving it over to God hoping he will reveal to me all the details cause I can’t figure it out on my own :) Have a blessed day all !
Though I pastor a smaller church than you are a part of, I have let go of several community involvements and narrowed my outside involvements which have helped me gain back my sanity and yet be appropriate connected outside the church. This is learned to do while a staff pastor. Being involved in one’s community as a member of the community not as Pastor or Rev so and so is very helpful..
Learning to say and practice ‘no’ and ‘I am done’ is very helpful as well
Good post. It does get maddening to serve/lead every weekend plus attend meetings during the week and then to do nothing but talk church with your spouse all the time at home. Toss in a few small groups during the week and boom, church becomes nothing more than a drain.
Interestingly enough at our last leadership meeting for ministry team leaders, our lead pastor told us that if we weren’t passionate about the team you were leading or serving on that we should quit and find something you enjoy doing (or at least scale back on how involved you are).
Jim has the best advice, say NO and follow through on it. And who cares what others think of you for having the courage to do so.
I have definitely been “lost” in church. Great post… I really enjoyed reading it and I am seeing the value in saying “no” to things.
well said, Lynse.
i know personally how easy it can be – usually unintentionally – to find yourself one day following a visionary lead pastor more than Him (even equally is a skewed ratio).
some of Jesus’ most resonant words for me come from John 21, as He is speaking to Peter about his concern for John: ?If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me.? (Jn 21:22).
my first and most important commitment is to follow Jesus, not how others are following Jesus.
Very interesting. About a year and a half ago, I resigned from all my church positions for some family reaons that needed all my attention. I did not leave my church. During the first months I felt at a loss being there but not “doing” anything. So I asked God (silly that it took several months to do this) and his answer was so simple. Be Sandy. i had certianly “lost” who she was. I am still in this process, still wrestlying a bit but more often enjoying being Sandy.
Totally relate! This is a GREAT post, asking GREAT questions :) Thanks so much!
These words of Jesus keep slapping me in the face, “I’m here to invite outsiders, not coddle insiders” (The Message, Matthew 9:13).
the situation you describe is so true – and so saddening. it would be so easy to just say ‘if you no longer have the passion and if it’s just a job, then get out’
but, we all know it’s not so simple as that. God’s servants feel great pain when they are in this season of ministry – you may question your calling or feel guilty about your feelings. but, we are human indeed. i honestly believe that Jesus felt like his ministry was a ‘job’ at times and He even dreaded His calling of dying on the cross – as in ‘take this cup from me’. but, He did it anyway to save the world.
that said – you may feel lost in the church due to situations and circumstances, but you are not lost w/ Him – He’ll take you to a new plane I’m sure – blessings to you
I am currently taking a capstone course at the seminary I attend. It’s entitled “The Soul of Ministry.” Dr. York’s sole purpose is to bring us face to face with who we are what we have been called to do. He says this is a huge part of avoiding burnout (which is an appropriate subject on this blog!) and remaining faithful. I’ll let you know what we discover together about getting lost in the stuff of church.
Great job Lynse (and great post)!
Is there a long term solution to stop this? or is it an individual journey?
Christians can be unkind. I came to this church 6 years ago, believing I was lead by God. The leadership of the church we left slammed the doors on us despite our sincere desire to follow the voice of God. We were willing to let go of everything to follow God.
The church we are at now is wonderful in many ways. I feel relationships have long been established by its members of similar age (35-45 on) and we haven’t really built any. Our family has been invited over to dinner TWICE in 6 years by ONE family.
I feel terribly lonely. Those who could mentor, influence, help me seem to be too cool for words to stoop to my level. It’s hard to follow pastors and those in leadership when you feel like you are nothing to them. Guess I got what I wanted. I am here for GOD to speak to me and change me. He is my only friend.
Christine, I am so sad to hear that. People can be so so unkind. I really am hurt for you. Church should be a place of true community and a place where the scripture is true in life where Jesus says that the other should know us by our love for one another.
I am burdened for you because of this. I will pray for you to have the community and connection where you are.
I must confess though, i have been guilty of being on the other side as well. I have brushed people off because i thought i was better than them or they would hurt my reputation…and honestly it was the darkest stage in my life. I believe that as you start to devalue people your light and hope in yourself falls away.
Thank you, Lynse. I appreciate your words, honesty and thankfully welcome your prayers. This is a challenging season to say the least. In our previous church of 10 yrs, we were considered leaders and felt very connected there (with people more than with God at times). We felt God led us to the church we are currently at and that our decision to go was a decision to follow His voice. God’s voice mattered most.
In some ways, this nearly friendless journey has connected me to God more than anything. I know God is teaching me…changing me…hopefully preparing and maturing me. I have a hard time believing God would want this for me. Hopefully just a season to use and grow from…
Sure hope it’s almost over, too.
Why do we as committed believers still live as if we think the ‘job won’t get done’ unless WE do it!???
I am SO caught in the trap of working WAY too much! Scripture makes it clear we need to rest and we certainly need to be affective in the world around us…aaaauuuu how to balance ministry work and life….
Lori – seriously….that is the question of the century for me….how to balance and what is the balance. Working with very “driven” people it is hard to make personal boundaries because of how it is looked upon.
But i have found that when i take a day to rest and recoop i feel more satisfied in what i am doing…i think God knew what He was talking about when He said that…
Very thought provoking post… I can definitely say those thoughts have been some of my own at times on my almost 10-year journey on a church staff.
But I have to say that when I get to that place in my thinking, God gently brings my thoughts back to HIS purposes and not my own. Some verses to ponder:
Colossians 3:3 (NIV) – For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.
(also check it out in The Message)
Colossisans 1:24 (NIV) – Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church.
For me, the challenge is to stay close to Christ, so that I can discern when those feelings are Him nudging me to explore a unique aspect of my calling, or when it is just my flesh that has grown up in our very independent and self-centered generation.
This is good stuff to discuss! Thanks for the thoughts.
i sat in last week on The Idea Camp online and if you want to have your view of ministry changed…that was it for me…i’m a lot more contemporary than a lot of my family(including my wife)
I grew up in the church, went to church my young adult life, married a pastor and that was my life for the first 14 years of our marriage. And I can totally relate to this post. I don’t know how to stay inside the building/walls and not get caught up in all this, at least not yet. My husband moved on to another career 14 months ago, and I have been to a church service about 5 times in the last year. For me, life is better right now outside a walled church. The whole program driven machine feel just turns me off. I like what Lori said above about relaxing. Right now I’m more about letting God bring people and things into my path, not franticallly searching for things to do for God, and just being aware of what He’s bringing and going with it. I find He gently brings things and people along, and has a much more relaxed pass then I do for myself.
Little confession….I’ve been living overseas for nearly three years and guess what….I don’t miss the church. I miss some of my friends but the rat-race, the inward focus, the constant hype of how great we are when all we do is tithe so we can entertain ourselves…I don’t miss it. I don’t miss being in churches where they sing about the greatness of God and yet have no heart for the nations.
Good post! I think leaders are too into running churches like businesses and organizations and this fuels burnout and a disconnectedness from God and each other.
One solution I’ve found is to have the church join a local Chamber of Commerce. By networking at the events and participating at the Chamber it gives you a chance to get outside those walls, meet the unchurched and churched alike and still do it on behalf of the church.
This is a tricky issue. I am an admin at my church, working a part-time position, but doing almost full-time work. I also know that often if I decline to do something, it will go to someone else whose plate may be even fuller than mine. This works the other way around as well. For example, we have a monthly teaching ministry that we committed to as a church at a local homeless shelter. I run the logistics and recruiting for it simply out of necessity, but I would love to hand it over to someone else. Unfortunately, everyone has happily declined, so I continue to do it. Another example. Our worship deacon stepped down suddenly citing the need to spend more time with family (work had increased dramatically for him). Again it fell to me and the one worship leader to take over his duties. Needless to say, both of us were already overburdened with our own responsibilities, but we have done it out of necessity. I don’t blame anyone for assessing the need to simplify their lives and attend to those things that are higher priority, especially, when their relationship with God is at stake. In fact I applaud their boldness and decisiveness. I just feel sometimes servants walk away from responsibilities not realizing that it doesn’t mean the responsibility disappears into the ether. Someone else has to take it on, and if no one new steps up, it goes to those (that remaining 20%) already serving the other 80%.
Shout out to Rosalie, we have very similar stories. My “on the bench” season was for 3 years. I purposefully went to a large church where I could float in and out anonymously. This summer I started praying about 1 tiny ministry involvement and I am now volunteering weekly in it. It has been very sweet to watch God restore my energy and joy back for it (ministry, albeit volunteer). All that to say, Trust God. He does give you seasons of rest & recuperation. There is therefore no condemnation for the burned-out. Rest in Him and Trust Him. He will reveal His timing and His steps back into the game. Bench warmers are not losers. They just need some Divine resuscitating.
Lynse, thanks for the post. Would like to add that it is not just the “church leaders” that are lost in church. I spoke with a minister in your fine city just this week that said he has asked many in their church about their lost friends. The normal response he reported was that they did not have any lost friends. Having lived overseas on the “mission” field, I am sad to report that I have known several “missionaries” who did not have friendships or relationships with lost nationals. Fulfilling the Great Commission without interacting with lost people will be difficult at best. I pray that we will re-evaluate our lives and our priorities so that we may be “Found in Christ” and be able to show Him to others as we live life together.
I totally hear ya on this one. I’ve also been working in my church for 5+ years. It’s hard for me to “have a life” too far outside the church. Every time I go on a vacation that falls over a weekend… a Sunday I’m not “working”… I feel liberated. To that end… I feel more in touch with the needs of others when I’m able to find a random 15 hours that I’m not walking through the halls of our campuses. I’m literally always there… if I’m not home… money says I’m at church… work.
This post hits home. Nicely done.
Graham – i obviously can totally relate to that. sadly, the end of the story is that i chose that i could not continue to be employed by my church and not lose me. So i totally understand that. My marriage, myself, my life was more important to me than the church…and the machine. I still love and will continue to love this church and will come here each Sunday…but to follow God i had to leave.
I am so so so so excited about the next journey in front of me. Thank you for your kind words.
This happens to me fairly often, and I think it has less to do with the church and more about my personal desire to work on a project and get it finished. Things that interrupt that process are a frustration to me.
For example, yesterday I was working on a website project and running out of time to get my list of things done when one of the Assistants here in the office asked me if I would be willing to go to someone’s home and pray over a person who probably has less than a couple of days to live.
My first reaction was frustration at the distraction, but now, looking back, it will probably be a highlight of my week – seeing their love for their family member and getting to minister to a family and helping them find hope in the middle of their pain.
.-= Kyle Gilbert´s last blog ..Biggest Struggle? =-.