I’ve been frantically dutifully writing, deleting, loving, hating, closing my computer, eating too much ice cream and crying because I’m a terrible writer, opening my computer, eating too much ice cream to celebrate because I’m an awesome writer, delete, wait, what? crafting my new book.
Here’s one of the essays that will be in Permission to Speak Freely – Essays & Art on Fear, Confession & Mercy (The website is launching soon!). I’m sure it will take on a million different shapes between now and then, but for now, I hope you enjoy and would love any feedback you might have.
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Meet Fear
Fear has always been the antagonist in my life, and most of the time, I welcomed him to some extent.
Ironically, he felt safe enough and I would allow him to tag along as I walked through my day. I guess I?d liken him in some regard to my little brother (no offense, Paul), always following one step behind.
Sometimes, he annoyed me a bit, getting in the way when I needed him to leave me alone. On other occasions, he?d embarrass me at the least opportune times. I couldn?t always hide him and it was obvious to everyone around that Fear was with me.
And then, in my weakest moments, I?d let his presence overshadow me. That?s when it would get really ugly.? A moment in time would pass when I knew I should say something, do something, offer something, or be something to someone else but with his strong arms wrapped around my own will, I gave in to Fear.
Too easily. Not even putting up a fight.
Fear won.
After thirty years of letting Fear bully me, I decided enough was enough. It?s time to fight back. Fear may still exist and hide in the corners of my heart and my mind, but I refuse to allow him to have the control he once had.
Well, at least I?m attempting to try.
I realize Fear isn?t only affecting me but humankind as well. As I look around today, I see him latching on to most people I encounter.? Their hearts are on fire for their dreams, yet Fear tells them those dreams are impossible.
These people want to have a family, go back to school, quit their job and move to Africa, volunteer at a shelter, stand up for justice, ask a question, right a wrong, or even say hi to their neighbor, but Fear soaks into their bloodstream and prevents them from taking a step in the beautiful, wonderful, difficult life that lays in front of them.
Fear wants to stop our stories.
And with the pain and brokenness and hurt in this world, we simply can?t let it. The human race needs a hope and faith and light now more than ever.
The Scriptures say through the love of Christ, we are to be that hope. That light. Burning brightly on a hill.
Not hidden in the darkness of a shadow by a nemesis named Fear.
Yet, we can?t fight it by ourselves.
I think that?s why so many of us get so close to crossing over the line?
From darkness into light.
From Fear into boldness.
We know that once we take a step into that which illuminates, we?ll be exposed.
Naked.
Ashamed.
Broken.
Possibly alone, and desperately longing to go into hiding again.
And so we stay?
Silent.
We know what it?s like to have Fear screaming in our heads.
The way our minds tell us to run, our hearts palpitate, our hands sweat, our voices tremble, our bodies toss and turn in an ocean of confining sheets as the ceiling moves in closer and closer.
Fear?s voice is loud.
Earthshatteringly loud.
But our voices are louder.
Yet most of us don?t believe that.
We don?t know the power we have when we fight Fear back.
Fear isn?t strong. He?s derived from something ultimately weak and powerless.
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Have you noticed how we?re often impressed by people who appear to be fearless? The ones who fly to the moon. Chase tornadoes. Enter dangerous war zones. Skydive. Speak in front of thousands of people. Stand up to cancer. Raise money and adopt a child that isn?t their flesh and blood?
Why are we so inspired by them?
Because deep down, we are them.
We all share those characteristics. They?re divinely human.
Just like us.
Something subconsciously in us begins to glow when we see people overcome Fear. Their actions push us to find that divine piece (or is it peace?) within ourselves in order that we may also overcome Fear.
A majority of people in the world live with some kind of baggage.
A shame.
A weight.
A burden.
A question.
And Fear continues to tell us that we?re alone.
And that we can?t speak freely.
But Fear is wrong.
We are not alone.
Regardless of what shame, what question, what trepidation, what history, what anxiety, whatever you are carrying deep inside, you are not alone.
And you can speak freely.
Comments
25 responses to “An Essay from Permission to Speak Freely”
If I can get the tears held back here……..ok. Thank You.
Wow, Anne. This is exactly what I needed today. Thank you.
Wow! Thank you…
great stuff Anne! i’m really excited about this project of yours!! i hope the stache had something to do with this great work! :)
“From Fear into boldness. However we know that once we take that step into that which illuminates, we?ll be exposed.”
So true. We often hear the “be bold” cheer from the sidelines, but that is rather simplistic. Almost unkind because it sets up this step1-step2 scenario to freeing ourselves from fear. It’s more like a journey through a shadowy tunnel, with the light waiting at the end. And when you’ve crawled through, you’re kinda dirty.
You’re right. It takes someone there to cover us up, someone to expose the process and say “It is good”, when what the light sheds is not-so-good.
Anne beautiful!
I can’t wait to read… and the website… YAAAAYYYYY…. I want to share a bit… I could mail it in… I will do one…
“Fear wants to stop our stories”… (love this)
Yes he does… But he won’t! Because we have a BIGGER bully, one who is READY TO FIGHT him>
I heard the other day someone say that, “passion ALWAYS overrides fear”…. and it will for us, in our lives… to accomplish indefinitely more than we can ask or imagine”… It’s JUST PLAIN EXCITING>>>> Now we just gotta be about it and not talk about it!
Wow Anne I needed that! It’s like in one of the sermons in this past series one of the speakers asked “Who told you. . . ” talking about lies the world tells us. Sorry my brain is fried so I can’t think of the details! I like it the way it is so no editing! HAHA!
Wow great! speechless, definitely needed to read this. No more fear.
I knew fear was a dude.
Good piece. I can relate. Wise friend told me to view it this way: FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real
“Fear wants to stop our stories.”
Love that.
Looks like I’m not the only one either. : )
I also thoroughly enjoy paragraphs like the first one. I feel like we might be friends if we ever met in real life.
i’m hoping this is the opening or prologue for the book ? amazing, profound, hopeful, comforting…all of the things a good book and a good friend should be ? peace sister…you rock ?
Anne,
This was beautifully written. I’m still so deep in thought “beautifully” is the only adjective I have at the moment.
I agreed a lot with Mela, about Fear stopping me from doing things; things like commenting, blogging, even original Tweets. So I’m motivated today and into tomorrow, to take it to the Lord, and get with Him to start (again) dealing with Fear, and removing him. I’m sick of him. (and I too, knew Fear was a guy!).
Thank you for sharing Anne.
amy
Great stuff. Looking forward to more ice cream manifested brilliance in the months to come!
The older I get the more accustomed I become to traveling this life with the companion Fear…sad but true. I’m just learning to launch out on my own, without Fear, once in a while…good stuff Anne
I lived most of my life looking over my shoulder. There was no way I was going to come out. Fear was a great companion.
Great title for the new book and I am looking very forward to reading it and referring it. Thanks, Anne.
Fear has been stopping me for a while now, and this was the kick I needed to remind me that I can not let it control me or the decisions I am going to make. Thank you for sharing.
Love. It.
I can’t wait for the rest of the book!
When I am afraid, I will call upon the Lord. So much in our world promotes fear and it’s practically impossible to live without fear. Yet, Christ kept telling us to fear not. Perhaps he knew the only way we can fear not is to call upon our Father for help.
wow. can’t wait for the rest. fear can disable us. i’ve been so fearful of not doing something “good enough” or “perfectly” that i’m afraid to even try. looking forward to the book.
I’m there right now – facing the fear down, hoping to conquer it before I am conquered. It paralyses, and steals, masquerades as a friend.
Yet I know that there is more. This is and will not be the end. There is hope in the darkness even when I can’t seem to find the light switch. I will stand up and fight with tears rolling down my cheeks, my heart beating in my chest and a smile on my face because I know it’s going to be alright… somehow.
I would have lost hope, had I not believed I would yet see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wow. Favorite line is : “Fear wants to stop our stories.”
Line that I identify the most with: “Their hearts are on fire for their dreams, yet Fear tells them those dreams are impossible.”
Can’t wait till the website is up.. and the book comes out!
Fear, quite simply, is the opposite of faith. Think about it. You can read my “inspirational” entries on the above mentioned blog under the category “Lest We Forget”. There are quite a few up there and I’ve written books on Christianity. One I am marketing now- for ten years now- is titled In Spirit and In Truth. Good to see a fellow writer doing good!
The Castle Lady ; )
Good to hear I am not alone. The past few months I have been fighting this battle with fear. Here is what I did:
Walked over to my scary neighbor and was friendly and talked about everything I could think of, and asked questions that required more than a “yes” or “no.”
Took my kids to a street mission to see who lives there. People like you and me, most of which took a couple of wrong turns. Hard to believe there are war heros, ex-professionals, people who hold masters degrees, moms, dads and untold others. The lessons are amazing, if you can get past the smell.
Volunteered to paint an elderly man’s house. Our church redid his house just before it got condemned. I painted it, and talked to his sister about Christ.
Opened my home and was a friend to my daughter’s best friend. She just went through a divorce with a violent bent, and had no place to go. She is a Morman, but now goes to church with us. She just started volunteering in the nursery, and loves those babies.
Made my son work at our church with the janitor. They had some great talks, and learned some lessons.
Forgave my sister for stealing $20k from my mom. Invited her to Christmas this last year with the rest of the family, from which she had been banished for more than five years.
Taught my kids how important it is to be themselves, regardless of what other think. They don’t need GAP clothes, or to be the star of their sports team for me to love them. Just like God, I love them unconditionally. Even when they have to go to court for skipping school. I would have preferred to spank / ground them into submission. But God’s direction is always the best path.
Keep the faith Anne, and all you other fear-beaters out there.
“Have you noticed how we?re often impressed by people who appear to be fearless? The ones who fly to the moon. Chase tornadoes. Enter dangerous war zones. Skydive. Speak in front of thousands of people. Stand up to cancer. Raise money and adopt a child that isn?t their flesh and blood?
Why are we so inspired by them?
Because deep down, we are them.
We all share those characteristics. They?re divinely human.
Just like us.”
I loved reading this essay. The words you wrote really opened my eyes, but I think the above paragraph said the most. We know deep down we COULD do the things we dream to do, but we don’t because of fear. Instead we would rather watch other people accomplish their goals and dreams and only THINK about how great it would be to be like them and have that courage. It’s easier that way.
You helped me to remember that we all posses the ability to do the things we want to do in life. With God working through us, anyting is possible. Anything at all. That’s a good feeling :)