Once again, I’ve found myself so easily wrapped up in doing, that I’ve strayed away from being.
Pray for this person. Counsel this person. Preach on Sunday here and there. Encourage church leaders. Help some friends. Squeeze in some Bible reading. Turn my journal into a check list. Study Ezra backwards and forwards for my book. Go to church. Sing some stuff. Try to focus on the words. Try and make them resonate in my heart. Try not to wonder about what that weird thing is on the floor of the stage. Why is it there? Can we remove it between services? Oh, there’s a typo in that song. Pray with someone else after a service.
Go home.
Take a nap.
A long, long nap.
Hear me out. There is nothing wrong with naps. But when my “spiritual life” becomes exhausting, I think I’m missing out on something.
It starts out small. I feel myself straying, just a little. Knowing I should be spending some time alone, in solititude, in a closet, with the One who restores. Instead, I feel the pressure of a book deadline looming. Of the boxes yet to be unpacked. So I pull a little bit away.
Slowly, I realize I’m far off the pavement. I panic. I need a fix. I look around desperately. Where’s my Jesus? Crap. I lost him. Where is he? Oh, well, I can find him in doing this good thing. In going to church. Pray pray pray. Thumb through my devotional. Has it really been since May since I opened this? Read read read.
Phew.
That was close.
I find myself turning religious activity into a Christian designer drug. I feel guilty, a little empty, and desperate so I opt for the quick fix. The problem? It’s like any other addiction (and trust me, I speak from experience). It only lasts a little while. You develop a tolerance. You need more. More often. It may temporarily kill the craving, but it’s not filling you with the abundant experience you’re intended to have in your faith.
When I wrestled with various addictions, I was erratic. I didn’t think clearly. Addicts are never in their right mind. You simply do what you have to do in order to feel normal again. To feel like everyone else around you.
Again.
In our fast-paced, quick-fix, get-it-now-and-feel-better culture, I fear that many of us have fallen into a pattern of addiction to Christian designer drugs. A 90 minute experience on the weekend. Obligatory service. Routine and mundane “disciplines.” Saying yes to everything around us to fill that hole that only one thing can fill.
Resting in a Redeemer.
It’s not an instant feel good drug. It doesn’t alter your mood. But it provides long-term, growing, sustaining, life giving (to others…) health and energy.
I need to begin recovery. Again. From the things that are, by all outward appearances good…and fall into something that I’ll never be able to tangibly grasp, but that will transform my soul into something lovely and great and generous.
And hopefully I’m not alone. And hopefully, we can do this…together.
Comments
64 responses to “Are You Hooked? The Christian Designer Drug”
Hi, my name is dave and I do Designer Christian Drugs.
Dave… Thankful you are still alive.
Rest.
welcome dave.
you are safe here.
Great post, Anne. I’ve observed the same for years…and been sucked-in myself (and that sucks). Anyway – reminds me of the words – “Some are so busy living they never really live…or serving – they never really serve…” You get the picture. Thanks for reminding that Jesus never ran or rushed anywhere. He lived!
nope. youre not alone.
ive got some serious rehab ahead of me.
tam?s last blog post..have you ever?
Great thoughts and writing.
I didn’t like when life-threatening injuries kept me in a hospital bed for 2 months and on a recliner at home for about a year – but I loved my time to think/ponder/read/pray/being, not doing! I thought I would never go back to a busy, crazy lifestyle – but now 5 years later, I’m identifying with you and missing my “Be still and know that I am God” time.
I can make excuses, blame society, etc – but there’s only one person that can change it – the woman in the mirror.
Thanks for being real, it will help me find my voice again – No. I can’t. Not today. No, thank you. Gosh, would love to, but I can’t. I’m sorry, no.
Janet?s last blog post..Thoughts about expressing sympathy
welcome to the club.
where we’re learning to cling to God like we would a life preserver in a stormy sea.
where we’re learning healthy things grow in its time, not in a rush.
where we’re learning to find our identity in what we do but who Jesus is.
thanks for your transparency mrs. jackson.
I’ve been guilty of this myself (many times) – substituting the artificial in place of the authentic. Thanks for this…
Cindy?s last blog post..Shame On Me For Putting That Off!
GReat post, Anne – in this quick fix society, we want everything immediately – Including Jesus. There was a reason that He was still, that He didn’t need to be on the disciples’ timetable, that He removed himself from the daily hustle and bustle.
That’s why I need Him. He got it right!
Jen@Balancing Beauty and Bedlam?s last blog post..Barbie Cake: A Birthday Delight
It’s about cultivating sometimes…not always creating…I think.
As someone on church staff, I needed to read this. Gosh, I was just talking to our middle school pastor about this. Thanks so much.
Chris Moncus?s last blog post..Michael Jackson Tributed on My Desk Today
Thanks again for your honesty Anne. One thing that I always talk about when recommending MCD to others is that we need to take responsibility for our part in the Madness. I too am entering into a time of recovery and praying that I can stick to it! Press on…or should I say, “Rest on”?
something that stuck with me from a Craig Groeschel message (from How to Be Rich series?) is this: how are we doing at creating “margins” in our life? if we do not intentionally (they won’t come by accident) build-in margins in every area of our life, we are almost ensuring that we will miss the best communion with God that He would have us experience.
the lie that we (i have been there) often buy into is that if we are not sacrificing all for church/parachurch ministry, then we are not bearing our cross and living the crucified life. embedding that in your approach to life will – eventually – bring burnout, hurt, and regret.
blessing on you, friend…
I get this.
I’ve been wondering lately, though, if the problem isn’t always the things I’m doing, but the way I’m doing the things. I KNOW I have a tendency to over-work and burn-out; sometimes the only way to break that cycle for me is to STOP.
However, lately I’ve also been able to re-focus while I’m in the middle of all the stuff. I’m learning, I hope, that I’m the only person who can keep myself focused on God instead of on my performance. I’m the only one who can center my mind on Christ when I’m feeling distracted my my kids during the worship service. These are things I”m learning – maybe not what you are talking about at all.
Felicity?s last blog post..from The Message:
In Freedom of Simplicity, Richard Foster talks about the discipline of saying “no.” I cannot tell you how freeing that was for me, to realize that the fix of saying “yes” and being seen as someone reliable (even if it completely exhausted me) was actually a bad, even sinful thing.
Texas in Africa?s last blog post..this is the end
Thanks so much for sharing that. It is something that I have been struggling with myself lately. I was beginning to think that I was alone in it. I think sometimes we feel the need to represent Jesus in us so strongly, that we gloss things over in our lives and put forth a facade of really having it all together. We forget that it is through our struggles, and Him working it out for us, that, that is where He truly shines through.
I was talking to a friend the other day and he said he had to quit working for the church before it cost him his relationship with Jesus. I thought about that for a long time.
I recently left a ministry position to pursue something else that God told me to do…and I feel like I’m in withdrawal. I don’t know what to do with my time if I don’t work/serve 70 hours a week. I’ve been so busy trying to be a ‘good leader’ that i somehow forgot how to live. Tricky business, this ‘life to the full’ stuff.
Love your honest, Anne. Thanks for sharing your guts with us.
Donna Frank?s last blog post..A stroll thru Sodom
Thanks so much for the reminder, Anne! Yes…there have been many times in my life where I used the Christian Designer Drugs to “make it”. Learning now through surrendering my will to Him that I can only do what He asks me to do…no more…no less!
Alison?s last blog post..Survey for Grown Ups!
If you look at Scripture, this is the struggle of every person who has served God. Each person knew that he or she could trust God and just walk with Him, but they each were deceived that they needed to take action & “help” God, especially when He’s not doing it like I think He should. We want to make things happen instead of letting Him do the work in us – which is so much better but so much harder! Great post Anne!
Josh?s last blog post..Toma tomalo
Great post. I know that I have definitely been right in that spot.
Melissa?s last blog post..Rant
Dave stole my line. After reading your blog today, I feel like I should stand up and say, Hi- my name is Amy and I do Christian designer drugs. I am caught up in doing and not caught up in being. I need to just be, be with my Savior, be with my husband, be with me.
Thanks for the reminder.
Wow! Great post! I love your honesty. I battled a severe addiction for 10 years. I desperately sought to fill the void through drugs, relationships, etc. And I confess, I am still at times a service junkie. I think all too often we seek our identity in service, work, etc. We are too busy doing all the time. One of my favorite verses is Isaiah 30:15…”in repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.” I love that God’s word tells us that in returning to God and resting in Him, we find our salvation. Way cool! Love the post! Thanks for sharing!
Chrystie?s last blog post..Much to learn from Mr. Ant
I spent years working at various churches. A lot of times I felt like a mouse on one of those exercise wheels going around and around with professional religious busy work with the focus in the wrong place not getting anywhere.
Then, about 12 years ago my husband got sick and couldn’t work any more. Suddenly my whole life flipped upside down and I had to repriortize… take care of him… and make enough money to pay for his medical needs. I went from all that busywork to working 60 plus hours a week out of my house teaching music. And while I’m exhausted most of the time and rarely get out of the house to do much of anything, something amazing happened in the process. I had no big bitchin’ thing to “do for God” any more. I had to learn to put one foot in front of the other just to survive. And, I also was desperate for God to meet me there.
The time that I have at night when everything is quiet and I can just sit and be with Him is the sweetst time of my day, and my lifeline to continued hope and sanity. Left to my own devices I would just sink into depression and stay there. What an amazing thing to know that we have a Father who loves us when all we have to offer is our tired love in return. The irony is that I have a much more fruitful ministry here too with all my students than I ever had being a “professional religious person,” even though I loved the people part of the job there too. Thanks for the post… a good reminder to continue with my recovery. Love your blog. :)
Linda B?s last blog post..My Life Is Not Twitteriffic
Anne,
I am relatively new to your blog, but have been blessed, challenged, and encouraged every time that I read what you’ve written. Sometimes it makes me angry until I realize that what I’m really angry with is not what you have written, but that you have the courage to actually write it. Authenticity and honesty is what most in our society crave the most. Unfortunately, it’s the one thing that we are Western Christians have the most problem with in our own lives.
I, too, used to serve on church staff and am suffering “withdrawal.” Even though I didn’t leave under the best of circumstances, I recognize now that it was probably the best thing that could have happened to me. Suffering from 70+ hour work weeks, endless pressure to “do church” right, etc. was taking a toll on my family and ultimately leading me away from true faith. As sad as that sounds, it’s so true.
Thank you for providing an encouraging place for honesty and transparency in the context of not only life, but ministry. You are a blessing.
Hi, my name is Candace and I do Designer Christian Drugs too!
In week 9 of forced rehab at home. Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus! (I love the movie Michael and have watched it numerous times recently) I ordered MCD in week 2. I was so relieved to put a name to what was happening and know I wasn’t the only one.
Anne, thanks for sharing that getting well is a process and not a quick fix.
love it. thanks for the word. and thanks for the tour last week!
Charles Hill?s last blog post..updates…junk…and staff openings
This isn’t about being a leader or mindlessly serving–this is about life. And, life comes from cleaving to God (Deuteronomy 30:20–read KJV, if possible). I carry a “picture” with me all the time–I am sitting on a couch snuggled between my Papa Father and my big brother Jesus Christ. No matter what I am doing or what I am feeling, I am with them and draw my life from them.
patriciazell?s last blog post..#9 THE GREAT FLOOD
So true.
I often ask myself – what is it that I’m trying to avoid feeling by being so busy with good things?
Anne, what I have found most refreshing about reading your blog is that you actually feel guilt and know the ‘busy-ness’ is not right. I come from a church background where your last couple of months would be completely applauded. I don’t think I even really registered that it was a problem. Thanks for this!
The most interesting thing for me since my accident, where I can’t do very much at all is that I’m forced to deal with feelings and ‘stuff’ now. I can’t just make myself busy and avoid it, while I don’t enjoy singleness so much when I’m not busy I think its been good for me to stop.
Excellent. This is the best Christian Living post I have seen in a long, long time.
Thanks, Anne. Just this morning I told God that I was thankful for something but that I was afraid my thankfulness would quickly turn to idolatry. I’m still so prone to getting far too mesmerized with the gift and not realizing that what I need is actually the Giver.
There’s this great book that may help you. It’s called Mad Church … oh wait. ;)
Thanks again for this, Anne. We all need to be constantly reminded.
I once heard someone frame this in the context of the original 12 disciples, and that has helped me tremendously. Would Peter have ever called a time out on the road to somewhere because they were all so worn out they just needed a power nap? Doubt it. They were probably pretty psyched about whatever was about to happen next. Are we ministering in our own strength, or watching Holy Spirit do His thing through us?
Lex?s last blog post..Pro-Life Webcast Tomorrow
Read this in a blog post from John Ortberg:
“It is the glory of a living thing to make something happen. It is the glory of a human being to make great things happen, for God, with God. When circumstances or failures or people beat this quality down we feel dead inside.”
I think that’s it for me. All the striving is an attempt to counteract the “dead feeling” I get when I feel the need to make something happen. I’ve turned a God-given quality into a me-thing. Its hard to shake that need. Thanks for the reminder to rest in Him.
Thanks for posting this. I started reading your book recently, the facts and statistics and story are all really excellent, but what i find is that the real comfort comes in knowing that I’m not alone. this is quite a generic comment for you I’m sure…I wanted to thank you anyway.
Benjamin?s last blog post..Feeding the Starving Artist.
I know i am jumping in late. but yes…i am there more often than not. dangit! oh how easy it is to lose Jesus. now i must go find Him and spend some time with him.
Anne- your transparency is beautiful!
It’s like what Don quoted by David Wilcox… “Wilcox answered that, when he sits down to write a song, he tries to share something he is afraid to share, something that, to him, might be embarrassing. He does this, he said, because in giving the audience something they can use against him, they create a trusting relationship. It?s as though he is taking his pistol out and handing it to the person across the table.
This my friend is accomplished by you and allows this blog to be that “safe place”.
Busyness is “desire” unmet, it’s the lure of him that keeps us unsatisfied.
being a busy Christian doesn’t make me a strong Christian
Anne,
Been traveling and didn’t get to read this until today; Sat 7/25.
This was a brilliant, insightful post. And I’m so touched you shared with me. And I too, need some serious resting in Him, and cultivating. So many wonderful Comments here; they took all my thoughts and words-besides, it’s midnight and difficult to come up with my own! –
but Natalie hit what I was thinking right on the head. That your blog is a ‘safe place’-as evidenced by you sharing so much of yourself so freely and honestly.
I thought quitting my work outside the home to home-school my son thru his last 3 years of high school would make me less busy. Now he’s done with HS and I’m busier than I’ve ever been.
And I need to learn to put the Lord of my life FIRST, by just “being” with him. Resting in Him. Inviting Him for tea, so-to-speak. Yes, to serve Him always, but to focus on the relationship first, the doing second. I even tell my over-committed friends there’s a little word, it’s called “no”, and then I don’t take my own advice and my relationship with my Best Friend suffers as a result.
THANK YOU ANNE, for bringing it to the forefront again for me.
Blessings,
amy
“Resting in a Redeemer.
It?s not an instant feel good drug. It doesn?t alter your mood. But it provides long-term, growing, sustaining, life giving (to others?) health and energy.”
Resting takes a lot of time. Especially when I’ve gotten restless with activity and trying to “make a difference” to God (now, where did I pick that idea up?).
I’m new to FlowerDust and came across your blog & so glad! I loved this post, Anne, and the phrase “Christian Designer Drug”. Great, thought provoking trigger of a word!
Hi Anne,
Your post both touched and irritated me! Touched because it was a poignant way of expressing our common affliction.
Irritated because it didn’t point even in the general direction of a solution. How do we begin to cope with an addiction to religious experience? What has worked for you? Are there people or objects or disciplines that you turn to when you find yourself doing this?
I feel like all the more of an addict asking these questions, and that makes me even more irritated! :-\
Addictedly,
Paul
@paul
the only thing i mentioned above is this
” Saying yes to everything around us to fill that hole that only one thing can fill.
Resting in a Redeemer.”
i think if we seek first, we discover the rest
.-= anne jackson´s last blog ..Going to New York =-.
this time a year ago I started letting go of several community commitments. It was hard. But it was necessary. Now a year later, I am able to be more focused on my personal life, family life, and as a pastor. Anne, you share something that many of us deal with more than we care to admit to.
.-= Jim Kane?s last blog ..What Did They Sing? =-.
Mind Blown!
“Resting in a Redeemer.”
#1 reason I am this way:
I’m not confident that God’s Word is true in the sense that if I give things up as a pastor they won’t get done! The problem is that if it doesn’t get done it didn’t need done.
.-= Clay Conry?s last blog ..YPClayConry: I’m new at GooReader, there are a few blogs I read every day. I am excited about going through this http://bit.ly/4DbSmZ by @scotmcknight =-.
Here’s the big lesson I got when studying the familiar story of Jesus at Mary & Martha’s house:
The thing that distracts most believers from Christ is “the work of Christ”.
Martha had Jesus Himself sitting in her living room & she was preoccupied with what was going on in the kitchen, but Mary understood that the chips & dip could wait b/c there was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be with Jesus that had to be taken advantage of.
We get so busy worrying about what we’re supposed to DO that we end up neglecting who we’re supposed to BE.
.-= Matt Bowman?s last blog .. =-.
Currently in Rehab.
14 months…no “religious”/church activity
Season of silence and solitude….my Rehab.
this is so off topic and probably inappropriate, but I read “rehab” as “rahab” and that totally changed everything.
I am glad you are rehabbing though :)
Yes…recovering harlot here. That would make 14 months interesting, wouldn’t it?
Puts a whole new twist on solitude.
.-= Jessica McGuire?s last blog ..Choirs & Music =-.
Nope, you’re not alone.
I need this therapy for this often. Pastor even mentioned to our staff today to not get so busy “doing” that we forget “being”.
.-= Faye?s last blog ..?Looking for Goliath? kicked my butt =-.
I’m so glad I took some time out of my “work” schedule to read this. Here lately I haven’t been spiritually satisfied (and what does that even mean?) and I’ve felt numb. I’ve been asking myself over and over about why I feel the way I do lately. Honestly I think it’s because I’ve surrounded myself with so much that I just need to break down and go back to the basics.
For me my big problem is prayer. Some times I sit in amazement at myself about how I can sing to God in worship, read my Bible, read tons of christian living books.. and yet the one thing that I need to do the most and that is the easiest, I neglect. I think that’s what God has been teaching me lately and why I feel unfilled by sticking to my routine. All I need is my Bible and a good conversation with God and yet that’s the hardest.
I know my comments might not have been directly related to the topic of the blog post, but reading it made me realize what my problem could be. Thanks!
Jesus’s biggest point he kept trying to drive home was that one cannot have relationship with God through religious practice. It’s sad to see that the church has missed so much of his point, when it couldn’t be made any more clear.
Karl Marx said, “Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people.”
I’ve been clean for two years now. And my relationship with God and my fellowship with others has only gotten better and better.
wow. um. dang. i think i needed to read this today. thank you!
.-= christina joy?s last blog ..psalms … =-.
No, you are not alone- as has been made obvious throughout the other comments.
This is one sneaky addiction because it is disguised so well. A true wolf is SHEEP’S clothing. Thanks again for carrying around that flashlight-and for your willingness to shine it first in yourself.
.-= sherri?s last blog ..White Space =-.
Be still and know that I am God.
Be still and know that I am.
Be still and know.
Be still.
Be.
~Richard Rohr (Paraphrase of Psalm 46:10)
Thanks, Anne, for once again giving voice to that which we don’t even know we need to say until you say it for us. For much of my life I chose this drug because without it I didn’t know who I was. Letting go was terrifying. Letting go is terrifying. Still.
You are so very present to those you are with. A conversation with you is a gift. I know God loves curling up in a chair with you for a little one on one. I pray for you many sweet moments of being with your Father. Nothing to prove. Just being present. You are very good at that.
Love you.
.-= Shelia?s last blog ..Disney Marathon 2010 =-.
You are lovely! I miss you.
I needed to read this today too. I feel so overwhelmed with projects and I don’t even officially start “work” until HOPEFULLY sometime next week. I’m already feeling overwhelmed and exhausted and overloaded and have already started telling people to “throw their project on the pile” and “I’ll get to it when I can.” I needed a reminder today to just sit and have a quiet time. Too many jobs…too much work…too much church. Not enough Jesus.
There. I am there right now. I’m glad I read this, because I don’t think I even realized that this is what has been bugging me lately. It’s definitely time to be still and to truly reconnect with God.
Praying your time w/Him is sweet.
Quit talking about me.
That made me laugh out loud. Not at you. :)
I’ve been ‘clean’ for over 3 years now! Just walking in the Garden with my Beloved.
.-= Rocco?s last blog ..Rain… =-.
Just talked to a friend about “shoulds.”
This topic reminds me of the scene in What About Bob … “I need, I need. Gimme, gimme, gimme!”
You are right. Nothing can fill the void only He can fill. Lord help me believe that!
Me too. it’s been so exhausting. last year i was straying away four times (with 4 different subjects of addictions, actors, dramas, which led to a lot more, urgh) and everytime i came back, trying to come back, i keep on pressuring myself to ‘consume’ more religious activity, with the wrong heart attitude. and yes, i avoided coming up to God and just be with Him. instead i do all the things, read bible–even i don’t feel like it or understand it a bit, forcing myself to the church, ministering. but it’s empty, and i’m exhausted. and i’m still in my recovery time right now. argh. still being avoidance toward God. but cutting off myself from ‘the addiction’, but still craving it, argh, why is it so hard…. T.T
wishing for partners to strengthen me in this journey…
But it hurts to pull away. I just did. And now the church people have left my side. I can see it after having pulled away since mid-December. Like I am the leper. And it hurts. Makes me feel very sad. I know God loves me wherever I am and I will meet him anywhere, but I feel alone right now.
I’ll be blogging on this relationship thing next week….you are not alone!