The last few days, I’ve been in the Kansas City area for my best friend’s wedding.
I don’t mention it in Mad Church Disease, but Kansas City was the launching pad for the book. The church I reference when I ran 120 mph, didn’t rest, and ended up in the hospital…all here. The question on the back of the book, “Is working in this church interfering with your communion with Christ?” was asked to me here. I was told my dreams were “too big” here. I got in trouble for unwisely expressing my idealistic ideas here.
But the lesson most learned was how to heal after being hurt.
That’s where Chapter 11- the final chapter of Mad Church Disease – comes into play.
If you haven’t read it, you can download it here if you’d like. It’s title is Processing through Pain.
Driving by my old church, my old Starbucks, my old house…all these things brought back so many memories. Every time I’d go somewhere public, my heart would race a little bit. I was afraid of running into the person who hurt me four years ago.
Four years..it seems like a lifetime ago. But the hurt still hasn’t gone away. And it’s still impacts me, my ministry, and my ability to take risks. I don’t assert myself like I normally did. I stay really quiet and don’t speak my?mind as much as?I should. I choose my battles too carefully.
In the chapter, I quote something Penelope Trunk said to me at SXSW08 when I met her after a session. (I also had spinach in my teeth and she told me about it. Nice, Anne Jackson. Nice.)
“People are afraid to be amazing.”
I wish I had it figured out by now. I’ve forgiven, the bitterness usually stays at bay, but that fear of getting crushed again keeps a part of me silenced. I’m afraid to?be amazing -?to live to my full potential?-?because last time I was there, my dreams were shot through the heart.
What about you? I know with as many people read this blog, there have got to be some walking wounded. We are each responsible for our own healing…I’m not as consistent as I’d like to be, but I try taking risks or speaking my mind even when it’s scary. What are some steps that you’re taking to live again and to trust again?
Comments
49 responses to “Are You Afraid to Be Amazing?”
Wow. Powerful thought. True indeed. Being amazing is scary. Often comes with a great deal of scrutiny. Lots of people pushing their views and perspective onto you? many times their perspective being limited to? well, THEIR perspective. No one else sees what you (we) see. God gave each individual a task or tasks based on who they are and how He wants them to proceed. That doesn?t always match up with what others see and that?s hard. I know for me I used to seek validation from others on ideas I had. I learned quickly that I?d get upset or feel shot down if they knocked or even scolded my ideas. But then I realized it wasn?t that they were trying to shoot me down, they just didn?t see what I saw. Being okay with that is liberating. It?s one of the first steps, at least for me, toward becoming amazing.
Note: Not saying we should disregard the advice and opinions of others but we should take it with a grain of salt.
Daniel Decker?s last blog post..Going First – Starting a Movement
love this…
Hi Anne. I live in KC and I’m sorry you got hurt here. I know the place doesn’t matter, but as someone who lives here, it makes me extra sad.
Anyway, the chapter on healing was the most important part of your book, for me. I am definitely walking wounded, from three different situations – and even though I work hard at healing and forgiveness, it still sneaks up on me sometimes. And I’m NOT sure of myself, because in my effort to heal and forgive, I’ve tried to take responsibility for my part in the situations. But then I wonder, just how much was my fault? And do I even trust my memory and perception of what happened?
It’s hard. But as long as we’re trying to let God heal our hearts and move us forward (you know, learn from the mistakes and the pain), then I believe it will happen in time. It just seems to take longer than we’d like!
Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect?s last blog post..And THIS is why I should never throw anything away.
Didn’t know you were in my town at one time. I got really hurt by a church here too! But I just went off and started a house church, I didn’t write and sell a million copies of an awesome book. The best redemption is always success in whatever place God moves you to after the hurt.
Matt @ The Church of No People?s last blog post..Why Go to Heaven When Church is Already So Great?
No doubt I am my own worst enemy. What further complicates the process for me is this sense of guilt I have as I work to “be more amazing”. It seems so self-centered. But I’m learning that its not really me that needs to be amazing. I have in my heart the most amazing of all people living. Jesus Christ. He is what will make me amazing. Maybe I won’t see it fully in this world (again because of myself), but eventually.
Count me among the walking wounded.
Kenyon?s last blog post..My New Mantra
I think people are afraid to do anything that requires stepping out. My husband and I are part of a core group that helped plant a church the end of March. I’m very introverted and the thought of going up to say hi and talk to someone I don’t know makes me want to throw up. It’s been my constant prayer that God would give me courage cause I know that He can do amazing things through me if it weren’t for my personal idiosyncrasies. But He is GOD and can accomplish this in my life.
This is so good. I started following your blog recently on a recommendation from a friend, and God has really used your words to encourage me.
I think the amazing thing I’m afraid of are friendships…or any relationships. I’ve wondered a lot over the past few years why I don’t have close friends. I always thought it’s because I’m so busy or something. I was severely burned, repeatedly, by close friends in my younger years. I’m starting to wonder if it’s something deeper than a long to-do list.
Charity Landis?s last blog post..Wednesday
This is great.
One thing I’m trying to start doing with my team is celebrating our failures. We meet monthly to discuss what’s coming up and brainstorm the future. And I try to remind everyone that we’re going out on a limb to see what God might do. At the end of a new thing, we celebrate – good or bad, “success” or “failure.”
Lex?s last blog post..Storms
I used to walk in that fear of being amazing but not anymore. Mainly because I have realized that being amazing to GOD may not be amazing to everyone else. When I surrendered and really meant it when I said, I will go anywhere, do anything you want, THAT’S when amazing took over.
Like right now, I am at home, I have stopped doing most of the amazing outreaches I did for three years, all were works for God, his kingdom, with beautiful inner city teens, neglected and abused impoverished kids, prostitutes, homeless, sick, needy, all the people I LOVE to be with and serve. BUT 5 months ago we brought home our son Abel from Ethiopia, he’s 7 and his parents died when he was 2 from AIDS. Two years ago his grandmother realized that she could no longer care for him so he became an orphan, now he is our son. Him and my other kids, my husband, all of us have to take this season to become a family, connected, attached, healthy. Abel is a hurt child, adopting an older Orphan is hard and is a commitment like no other. SO SO SO beautifully rewarding but like all things worth doing, it’s hard. SO, right now, being amazing doesn’t consist of doing all the ministry things I love, it consist of making a child feel loved, secure, safe, at home, protected and part of his forever family. I dare not fear being amazing…life is WAY to short.
BE FREAKY AMAZING!!
Carole Turner?s last blog post..From where I sit
Anne – Spinach in your teeth, huh? At least you didn’t have tufts of cat hair in your beard (the store clerk pointed out one in mine yesterday AM, from our loving little Siamese. A good laugh, if embarrassing.)
My wife relates strongly to your hurt. In her case, from her mother. And while I won’t go into details here, it gets steadily worse each year. Yvonne knew her childhood was rough, but she didn’t realize why all till she picked up a book on psychological and emotional abuse to help a friend – and saw her childhood in it. She just has to keep praying for grace to forgive, and that’s much easier said than done.
Being amazing? Yes, we’ve seen some amazing things happen in our lives. Beyond amazing. Just plain impossible! But, you know what? In our case – which will be different from yours – there’ve been several reasons. Some simple. Like, it turned out no one else had tried. No one had looked. No one had “done.”
And in some of the most amazing, it wasn’t that we were amazing people. It was that God was amazing. We tried to be quiet and sensitive, and listen to what he wanted. Then we tried to be strong enough to “do” whatever we thought we heard.
I’ll tell you frankly, I wouldn’t have had the faith to even ask for some of the things to happen that did – to us or to friends like the ones I told you about the other week (Doug and Gerrie). But I, and they, did have enough faith to just start. To try. To put one foot in front of the other.
Small steps. But steps. God did the rest. Unexpected things. Amazing things. Things for His glory.
Our Prayers and best wishes.
Definitely, definitely been there. My greatest lesson was that anyone who thinks they have ALL the answers cannot be right. And they shouldn’t be followed blindly. But in the end, I am still responsible for my response to God; I don’t get to pull someone else up in front of the judgment seat and say, “But it’s HIS fault I didn’t love You more!” I’ve also learned through studying church history that some of the people we celebrate as heroes of the faith were probably not that nice to actually live with. It is important to find way to be thankful even in the midst of yuck.
Felicity?s last blog post..Pets: Our Privilege
@daniel – “But then I realized it wasn?t that they were trying to shoot me down, they just didn?t see what I saw. Being okay with that is liberating. It?s one of the first steps, at least for me, toward becoming amazing. ”
very wise words young man, very, very wise words! blessings to you and keep on amazin’ them all!
you know you have lived in tenn. when you no longer feel the need to wear shoes at a wedding!
Reminds me of what Seth Godin wrote in The Dip: “Be exceptional or quit.” Trying to implement this; quitting is hard and freeing, scary and exciting.
Michael Raburn?s last blog post..What third graders have to do with prison planning
Just going back to church was a huge step for me. Disciplining myself to be there week in and week out was really hard, but over time, it’s gotten easier. Running into the person who hurt me is another story entirely.
Texas in Africa?s last blog post..this & that
A few things I’ve learned along the way:
1. It’s hard to be a woman in ministry. Many men, many churches, still don’t quite know what to do with us. They may acknowledge our giftedness, but still, there’s a lingering doubt … or fear.
2. Sometimes we need to stay and fight for what is right. And sometimes we need to move on and literally wipe the dust from our feet.
3. We need to enter the process of forgiveness, but we also need to acknowledge that some people are simply not safe to be around. We need to create boundaries against those who are harmful to us, even as we are pursuing forgiveness.
4. We need to surround ourselves with people that love and care and encourage us in ministry – not “yes men,” but people who always speak with hearts and motives of love and grace.
5. We need to ask God if there’s anything that we need to learn from those hurtful experiences and if there’s any grain of truth left that needs to be discovered.
6. From time to time, we will go back. Either literally or figuratively. But God is able to protect our soul, and reminds us that even though we remember things that could have destroyed us, those memories, those people, don’t call the shots in our lives any more.
Jesus does. He is the Wounded Healer. And the Protector of Our Souls.
Linda Stoll?s last blog post..Fresh Starts
One of my favorite scriptures is the story where people have picked up rocks to stone Jesus and they’re telling Him he’s crazy and possessed. His response was to leave the temple.
Yep, rock-throwing, name-calling Christians.
Friendly fire always hurts the worst. Not only do we end up wounded, but it messes with our trust levels…it affects how we see people; and how we think they see us.
Boo to rock-throwers!!!
Donna Frank?s last blog post..baseball bats and God
Thanks so much for sharing this ! I think often when this happens you feel like you are the only one that could ever be that hurt. I know exactly how you felt and actually Crosspoint is where I am learning to be who God made me to be ,and not limited by what others have done or said to me. Great post
lisa gardiner?s last blog post..Happy in the rain?
I am sorry I wasn’t there with you this weekend. Crazy the path we have been on. But I am super thankful for this journey and your ability to share it. You have become an incredible communicator and I am thankful for that as well. I don’t pretend to understand all the everythings you and Chris have been through, but I do understand healing and the need for it and I will continue to pray for you as you go back home and sift through it all – knowing that you were made “for this stuff”. How incredible – being on this side of things….don’t you think?
kristiapplesauce?s last blog post..Mandisa
As a pastor still processing some burnout and not yet back to my previous levels of confidence and courage I hesitate to even comment. And I’m taking your book slowly so I haven’t got to the last chapter yet! But one thing I’ve found that helps not just now, but over the last few years; and it’s some people we’ve ministered to is getting a real handle on the ‘releasing’ part of forgiveness.
Jesus talked (Matt 18) of forgiveness in terms of a guy settling accounts – so there’s a similarity, if we want to get out of the imprisonment side of being wounded, and stop looking at certain areas of life from behind bars. Every time we are wounded a debt is incurred. Jesus also talked about forgiving debts. Something, not neccessarily financial, though it may be if we are robbed or lose a job or career prospect etc, is always taken from us when we are wounded. It may be self esteem, confidence, success, friendship, whatever. That is a debt we are owed. Whatever happened that robbed us in some way is now a debt. It’s not just forgiving the act therefore, bit releasing the debt that helps heal. We sometimes write out an invoice. “What does this person owe me? How would my life be different right now if the event hadn’t happened?” (Cos that’s what I’m owed). Write it out clearly – the person, the exact debt. Then preferrably with a good Christian friend there in agreement with you, tell God you’re releasing this person and writing off their debt. Sometimes it helps to imagine the person’s face and ‘speak to them’ (“You did this, and you shouldn’t have, and as a result…. but today I release you, I let you go… I write off your debt, and say you owe me nothing… I put your sin on the cross where it belongs..etc”). Then tear up the invoice, or burn it. Get the person with you to pray for the divine Restorer to give you back what the locusts have eaten… the good shepherd restores your soul.
Sorry if that went on a long time. But I’ve REALLY found this process if we can do it from our hearts and not just a method brings change. Maybe it will help somebody reading.
Bless you loads. We love MCD and your blogs Anne!
Wes B?s last blog post.."HELP!" Bleats The Sheep …and CAPTION CONTEST
Hey just found you, Anne. I am always looking for blogs that matter–addressing topics that give life and lift. I spend a lot of time talking, praying, and even crying with people who have been crushed by churches and ministries. These blows open up cracks in our hearts and souls where the enemy can worm his way in leaving bitterness behind. Leaning to forgive from the heart is a must. My favorite part? Seeing how our loving Father will do his re-creative work by turning the crushing blow into Christ-like character. It does not happen over night (darn it!) but it will, given time. Great post!
http://graceandguts.net
Barbara’s last post…”Worth the Wait”
Anne, Thanks so much for joining the group project. It was an amazing time reading and drawing close to others who deal with similar battles.
Walking Wounded. That’s me so often. You’re right though. We’re responsible for our own healing. God doesn’t want us walking wounded.
It is so COOL to have a community of encouragers online to walk with me.
Andy Darnell?s last blog post..North Point Online
I believe many Christians focus too much on what other people say and do rather than on the absolute love that God has for each and every human being. People are people–they are going to be hurtful at times. We have got to stop being victims of our perception of what others are “doing” to us. Listen, Christ died on that cross, forgave all who did not understand, and knocked out that wall that stood between God and the human race. We have the ability through Jesus to love those who offend us and to be kind to them. Pray God’s blessings upon those people who have hurt you. Ask and expect God to work good out of the hurtful situations in your life. Even better, as I have learned over the 45 years I’ve walked with God, refuse to be hurt by other people and choose to love everyone. And, just as important, ask for God’s protection and watchcare on a daily basis. Proverbs 16:7 says “When a man’s ways are pleasing to the Lord, (He) makes even his enemies live at peace with him.” Loving God with everything we have and loving those people who are in our lives is surely pleasing unto God.
and we are the distibutor of hurt , also. but we tend to forget that and assume others hurt us, only. that’s because we live in a little bitty self centered box too much of the time
Thanks for writing this book Anne! The biggest thing that impacted me from the book was the emphasis on taking responsibility for where we are in life. It wasn’t until I faced this truth that I was able to move on from my burnout. It is a good truth to be continually reminded of!
Kevin M.?s last blog post..Sermon Synopsis 6/21 – God is … Father
I chime in to say VERY NICELY PUT on the WHY I LEFT FACEBOOK piece. I especially liked the “a small part of my brain relaxed” bit. I had a similar experience on a family trip whn internet access was scarce. you’re helping me to look at these issues in my own life more honestly.
Much thanks,
jdd
David Dark?s last blog post..Democracy to Come
I’m trying to shake the dust off my feet and move on.
I guess, in a lot of ways, I’m completely starting life over this weekend.
Moving to a new city (granted, its only 90 minutes from my old city) where I have very few solid friendships.
Looking for a new church to slide into the background of for a while to heal and be fed…develop some real relationships with people.
Leaving my hometown in the past for the time being, as it was there that my confidence in ministry was shot to pieces.
It feels so freeing.
But I’m so completely terrified…
Wow, this article spoke right to my heart because I have been there, done that. 22 years ago, I was a young, idealistic Christian who had dreams of “being amazing” only to be crushed by people I respected and looked up to. It has only been over the past 5-6 months that I have gotten my voice back. I have learned that it is ok to be different. It is ok to be mis-understood. It is ok to march to a different drummer. God created each of us to be totally unique and we should be so good with that. I know I am. The frustrating part is how long it has taken me to learn this lesson.
Thom Cole?s last blog post..Random Thoughts
Anne- Read the chapter 11. This happened almost word for word to my sister in ministry. What you wrote was honest and powerful. And what you say about healing is exactly what she told me. I think I’m going to have get your book now!!!
I don’t know if I understand all of what you are saying here, but I do know that thinking outside the box is a popular catch-phrase, but not a popular concept. If people really have a radical way of thinking and living, they often experience great pain as a result.
Being “amazing” often means upsetting the comfort-level of those around us. That can be seen as a threat, and therefore result in attack or marginalization. One way or the other, we can’t let that stop us.
Thanks for the thoughts.
Abounding?s last blog post..Abounding Media: Almost Ready for Launch
Thanks, Anne, I’ll be chewing on this for a while.
This is a great post. What you said about being hurt is really honest and really close to home for me. Thanks!
John Felkins?s last blog post..When is the best time to innovate? When times are toughest.
Anne!!! Where have you been all my life?!:) I so am going to read your book tomorrow! God and I started dreaming when I was 14years old. We still are. I too have been told that my dreams are just “too big” one too many times. The after shock that I am copying with right now is that my church people made a mockary of God’s dreams time and time again. Of course they label it “ministry”, encouragement or call gossip, sharing if you will. I stopped writing in my blog because of the disrespect shown towards God’s dreams and the way He has chosen to communicate them. They come up with the most absurd assumptions like God stop speaking to you or you are afraid to write what God told you to etc…And what saddens my heart the most is that they STILL don’t get it…you can’t mentor, encourage someone when you don’t respect them…Nonetheless, I would take all the pain and hurt all over again, because it has made my personal relationship with Jesus UNFATHOMLY UNDENIABLE!!!! He is my rock! Sometimes I wonder how I am able to survive the blows. I have said WOW to the Lord so many times. Because only HE could carry me like this. I have always been strong but literally His Strength is now mine. I “get” Him and He “gets” me in ways I can’t really explain. I would give up any dream for ministry or fame just to be with my Jesus like this…it’s Heaven on earth really…
Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
-Marianne Williamson
This is a wonderful quote because it runs so counterintuitive to how we tell ourselves that we are not capable and that we cannot accomplish great things.
Question of the day?
“What would my life look like if I was not judgmental
of myself.”
Sara Ross?s last blog post..my body
i just stumbled across your block via a tweet from Don Miller. As I’m making my way through, I’m intrigued. Then I saw this post. Four years ago, I quit a “marketing/writing” job at my old church. I lost myself in that job and have spent the past four years dodging certain coffee shops, stores, etc- knowing that I’ll run into one of them. And by “them” I mean some of the pastors/office peeps still living in that dysfunctional joint.
I’ve been attending a new church – completely “not plugged in” or serving in any capacity. Just quietly sitting. Observing. Not wanting to know what goes on behind the scenes. Afraid if I do, the progress I’ve made in rediscovering who God is will be obliterated.
It was my choice. I gave all of myself to that place instead of God. It felt like good work. The right work. It wasn’t. It was self-serving. I was part of something. A country-club, really. I have a great job with an amazing non-profit organization. I think I can say today – that God totally plucked me out of that church job and placed me in a safe environment to heal.
I miss who God used to be. In my mind only, maybe. The bigness of serving. Being part of something I felt could change the world. That I was important to.
In the end, I was nothing. Disposable. Not worth an email or verbal sendoff, even. I own my part.
I just thought it was safer than that. That I was more important to the people who were supposed to be Christ. But they were just human. And some of them, just posers.
If it weren’t for my daughter, I don’t think I’d go to church anymore. Yet, I miss it when I’m not there.
This in-between place is strange and lonely. The words from your blog post cause me to think you might understand. Just a little.
Anne:
The title of your book captured my attention the first time I saw it. Unfortunately I have not had an opportunity to read it. The link to the free download of Chapter 11 is not currently working.
I’ve been in ministry for almost 20 years now. “Chapter 11” is an adequate way to describe my current state. That is without even being able to read a single word of your book. It’s a long story, as most are, with far more questions than answers.
Several years ago I began squeezing the life out of my dreams. It could date as far back as a decade ago. Hard to tell as I’ve lost track. Even after finishing a Masters & Doctorate degree in ministry and Biblical counseling I find myself purposely overwhelmed and underwhelmed, at the same time, in order to do nothing amazing. I did not realize it until I read this post.
Thank you for sharing. It brings comfort by letting me know I am not alone. Obviously there is healing in Jesus’ name. Without Christ I am nothing but with Him all things are possible.
I so want the amazing God Who lives inside of me to be seen by others for Who He is. In short I want to do amazing things for Him. Perhaps 2010 will bring CHANGE.
God bless you for being real!
.-= Melinda Lancaster?s last blog ..When The Manger Is Empty =-.