It’s been a trip to read a few of the emails I’ve received since shutting down my personal Facebook. If you don’t spell out everything, people make assumptions. Here are a couple of my favorite “Is this really why you shut down Facebook?” questions:
- Were you being tempted to get involved with another man?
- Were you addicted to the games?
- Did you and your loved ones fight about the amount of time you spent on Facebook?
Allow me just a moment to clear the air — NO! None of those. I spent a few minutes one day a week on Facebook. I didn’t play a single game, ever. And um, no…, I’m happy to say I didn’t have any issues with boundaries. :)
Yesterday, we talked about building character…today…
Effort #2
Instead of focusing on building your platform, build relationships.
Online, that’s why I’ve decided to keep blogging and using Twitter and not have a personal Facebook account. The messages, invites, and apps just got overwhelming. With blogging, Twitter, and a “fan” page, I feel like I can actually have conversations with people and interact pretty easily.
I’d rather connect and converse intimately with a handful of people who share the same passion, encouragement, and values than with a bunch of people who I would just be barking to. Sure something may stick now and again, but it’s not as meaningful as it could be.
Offline is just as intentional. There are a handful of people that have been placed in my life to learn from, to grow with, and to also encourage and I want to be open to having these relationships flourish.
Whether online or offline, relationships that give people permission to talk and listen (and know they are being heard) are what help a message solidify and spread.
Your thoughts?
Comments
34 responses to “Don’t Build Your Platform, Build Relationships”
good stuff…the development of rich relationships is weaved throughout all of Scripture. Romans 16 is a great reflection of the fruit that comes from relationship building. :)
(btw, hope your body is being nice to you today!)
It cracks me up that people have to assume that it was something horrible that got you off of FB. I’m glad that I never created an account so that I will never have to worry about falling into “such sins.” :)
Josh?s last blog post..Where the shift begins
I’m in the middle of trying to figure out everything and how all this networking can have a place in my life & build meanigful relationships. Thank you for continuing to address it it’s been a comfort to me in so many ways. I’d like to talk to you about this one on one if you’d be open to it, but no pressure.
Anne: it is for this very reason that I am even struggling with texting. I do not Twitter nor do I currently text but may be “forced” to start. I would prefer to talk to people instead of typing something that could be misunderstood or misread. I do sometimes feel like I am out of the loop but at the same time I feel I have better things to do than carry around my phone and tell people I am going to the bathroom or something else. (That was sarcasm I know. Sorry). But I am realizing to communicate with many of the teens (now that was don’t have a youth pastor) and even my wife who works and is not allowed to use the phone I need to text. Feels like a rock and a hard place. I applaud your discipline and obedience.
bill (cycleguy)?s last blog post..A Pastor?s Speech
Oh yeah…one more thing: I never have FB and don’t plan to. My home is my sanctuary away from all of that.
bill (cycleguy)?s last blog post..A Pastor?s Speech
Thanks for the response and the suggested reading, Anne. I hope you know I mean no disrespect…it’s a brave new world for all of us, for sure! :-)
Rachel H. Evans?s last blog post..Summer Reading, Sex, and Love
Michele Cushatt, the leader of our writer’s group, shared this with us today. I think it hit us all, in a good way. Thanks for the reminder.
Lucille?s last blog post..Codependency
Sad that people always have to look for the “deep-dark, hidden reason” behind things. Even sadder is people would have loved if there was some juicy gossip behind it. Which to me goes back to character.
I agree here that relationships are important. My wife and I have made a decision to work on our relationship with God 1st, then each other, the kids and the world around us. It works though sometimes friends don;t seem to understand why I want to go home and hang with the family instead of doing something else.
Rick Apperson?s last blog post..5 Questions with Tom Morrisey
FB really only works as a relational tool, anyway so your choice is as logical as Spock’s to join Starfleet. It makes sense.
I enjoy FB because as a local pastor, it helps facilitate where blogs and twitter do not help relationships. Often, people do not expect deep things, but want to stay connected if they are away in college, business trip or whatnot.
Rich Kirkpatrick?s last blog post..Doodle of the Week: Tree Trunk and MISSION!
like this.
Hi Anne, I just started following you recently, so you don’t know me, but this post resounds a lot with me.
Recently I’ve been struggling with the concept of “guarding my heart”…does the whole world need to know everything about me, about what God is showing me, etc.? I’ve made my main blog private, and have limited who can see what on Facebook.
I’ve also taken some time off Facebook to focus on studying for an upcoming board exam. Although it can be good for some things, keeping track of my >400 friends can be time consuming, and isn’t really the best way to communicate. The ones who really care know how to get in touch with me.
So, stick with it…and God bless you!
Sarah?s last blog post..2 New Posts
Another good post. I actually enjoy facebook very much. I stay away from games and all the strange sending stuff to people and focus on connecting or staying up to date with others. I also only add people who I genuinely would love to share a cup of coffee with or chat or bloggers that I admire or would like to sincerely meet. This keeps my friends list down and since I live so far away from many of my friends, I find facebook a great way to stay in touch……
Michelle?s last blog post..My Favorite Non-Profit
I enjoy facebook as well. My extended family uses it to keep in touch so I had no say in the matter, lol. And the emails you received? Honey, please. I wonder if one person’s brutal honesty unsettles the hidden places of others’ own issues. Someone has to ask those hard questions that other emo-cowards avoid.
As for relationships, I see my relationships as something God wants me to steward well for His glory. As long as I see people as gifts from Him, I am less likely to be a jerkette and make it all about me and my wants. The moment we twitterfy our relationship is the moment we lose out on the opportunity to learn from other Christ followers. Iron can’t sharpen iron if the two never touch. Peace.
missional girl?s last blog post..ChurchSpeak That Needs to Die #2: ?Goin? to Church?!?
We’re being pitched the importance of platform. We’re also being pitched the importance of keywords, Adwords, Adsense and nonsense.
But, it’s not our keywords that count; it’s the words of our mouths and the meditations of ours hearts that can really make a difference.
Thanks for sharing yours, Anne.
Oh, I love the last comment. Iron can’t sharpen iron if they never touch. Wow!
I’ve struggled with facebook, too. What I do love about it is the ability to have (at least) a minimal relationship with old school friends and coworkers, who I would have no contact with otherwise.
Rachel?s last blog post..Well, so much for every day, right?
Anne: You set in motion a series of events that proves to me there are no coincidences. You were put in a path for out reason. And you influence us in the Sr. Pastor Ministry. You have incredible wisdom and “right on” with MCD and it (the book) is changing our lives forever! I LOVE your blogs!!!!! So eternity grateful for you!
Carol?s last blog post..Develop Positivity
Great words of wisdom! I can?t tell you how much of a riot it is to see friend?s faces when I tell them that I?ve never opened a Facebook account and don?t plan to. It?s a squished-up-nose, what?s-wrong-with-you kind of expression. Too funny! I just don?t know how people can possibly connect with their personal sphere of influence when they have so many different accounts on all these social networking sites. I can?t imagine what my grandparent?s would have thought about all of the craziness called relationships in our generation. They would have told me to get in the kitchen, prepare a meal and plan a visit with actual face to face conversation involved.
Amy?s last blog post..Reentry
another great word Anne! thanks for challenging all of us who spend a lot of time online to consider the “how” and the “why” of it! good stuff!!
Guy Chmieleski?s last blog post..life on the market – part vii: coming and going
How can you have an intimate relationship with 100 people???? just sayin. ;)
I was on a panel at BookExpo America this past week about blogging and when asked the difference between new media and traditional media, the answer that flew out my mouth is that new media is about relationships. Building trust networks and smaller community oriented websites is certainly not exclusive to Christianity it’s a trend.
Amy @ My Friend Amy?s last blog post..Faith ‘n’ Fiction Saturday: Reader’s Choice Awards!
Anne, I am very new to your blog (seriously, I was ‘introduced’ yesterday, and have been reading through your posts in each minute I can spare). At any rate, it was so validating to read your posts, including this one. I don’t tweet, but I do still use FB. I have about 70 friends, who are all people I know, I’ve met, or, in the case of about 10, are artists whose work I truly admire who asked that we ‘friend’ them. Often I look at people whose profiles boast of more than 500 friends, and I think, ‘how on earth do you keep up with that many people?’. It was so validating of my decision to only link with people I really know to read this. Thank you.
Great great thoughts Anne.
God must be having the same little chat with quite a few of us. I too got sick of facebook and made some drastic changes. Posted a blog(http://tinyurl.com/yga3hsf) this morning about my ongoing adventure regarding relationships not platforms. Thanks for your insight.
.-= MultiChurchDC?s last blog ..?I?ve Got Issues? =-.
I agree that facebook is not suited well towards those in the limelight. But for me, it’s been a great tool for building relationships. My schedule does not allow much time for in-person relationships (I’m a mom with three kids. Who like to talk. And wiggle.) But I deliberately use FB to friend people who I want to friend in real life. Then during the snippets of the day (or after the kids go to bed) I can utilize FB to interact with those people.
Case in point — I’m part of a church plant that includes very diverse people — ones I would not naturally hang out with (that is, if I had gobs of time to “hang out”). But I’ve gotten to know them enough through FB that when I see them on Sunday, we have things to talk about which leads to other things to talk about which leads to a more genuine in-person relationship. One we wouldn’t have had otherwise.
I’m a fan of social media for many reasons–one being when it’s used to build relationships.