During Lent, I said “until next time…” to some of my online habits, including Facebook.
It’s been a struggle and a season of readjusting since returning.
I’ve been a member of Facebook for a while now – probably close to three years or so. It’s been a great place to reconnect with old friends from former lives, and to interact with people and ideas that were interesting and remarkable.
Over the last several weeks I’ve been seriously debating shutting it down completely. I’ve sat on the idea for a while, consulting friends and my own soul. As I was drawing closer to my conclusion, I never felt convicted by shutting it down…yet I tried every reason I could to justify leaving it open.
As of Sunday, my Facebook account is deleted. Not just deactivated. Deleted. Gone.
And I have no doubt this was the right thing for me to do.
Call me a purist, but I’ve lost my own innocence in it. And as such, I must retreat.
I’ll leave you with these words from Nouwen’s Inner Voice of Love. Words from a meditation in his journal upon which I am reflecting almost every day.
I pray they challenge you in the way they have challenged me. Wherever your old country, or your new country, may be.
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You have an idea of what the new country looks like. Still, you are very much at home, although not truly at peace, in the old country. You know the ways of the old country, its joys and pains, its happy and sad moments. You have spent most of your days there. Even though you know that you have not found there what your heart most desires, you remain quite attached to it. It has become part of your very bones.
Now you have come to realize that you must leave it and enter the new country, where your Beloved dwells. You know that what helped and guided you in the old country no longer works, but what else do you have to go by? You are being asked to trust that you will find what you need in the new country. That requires death of what has become so precious to you: influence, success, yes, even affection and praise.
Trust is so hard, since you have nothing to fall back on . Still, trust is what is essential. The new country is where you are called to go, and the only way to go there is naked and vulnerable.
It seems that you keep crossing and recrossing the border. For a while, you experience a real joy in the new country. But then you feel afraid and start longing again for all you left behind, so you go back to the old country. To your dismay, you discover that the old country has lost its charm. Risk a few more steps into the new country, trusting that each time you enter it, you will feel more comfortable and be able to stay longer.
–Henri Nouwen
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Comments
60 responses to “Saying Goodbye to Facebook”
Good for you!!!! I don’t think you’ll ever regret it.
Hugs,
Fran
Fran?s last blog post..Headin’ to the Ham
well done on having the guts to go against the flow
Joanna?s last blog post..trying another template
I’m so impressed and inspired, Anne. I can’t wait to read about your new country travels. Hoping I’m there someday too.
Your Name alison?s last blog post..
I think most of us saw this coming. . . when does twitter go? :)
Benji?s last blog post..Hotel for Dogs
I don’t know what to do with myself and that quote… talk about hitting my life head on… wow.
thank you thank you thank you.
That quote just broke me.
Chris Hadsell?s last blog post..Leaving the Old Country
@ fran, joanna, alison – thank you
@benji – hopefully i can stay there a while :)
@chris – thanks…the whole book did that for me. i wish i could have posted the whole thing. highly recommend it
As much as I loved writing to & for my network of friends….I said goodbye to twitter on Feb. 23rd. I feel like a bird released from a cage…. I’m FREE!! :)
Good for you! It looks like you are going through a season of great stretching and growth. It’s going to be interesting to see what choices you continue to make. You are a woman of influence with quite a following. Lots of unspoken pressure there …
As you listen to God’s voice and follow His direction and are obedient to Him, you will not only be attending to your own life. You will be impacting many who watch you, who look up to you. You are modeling what it looks like to grow in health and life balance, as well as spiritual leadership.
I’m cheering you on!
Linda Stoll?s last blog post..Transitions Happen
So why did you leave exactly? Did something about it really turn you off?
Rodlie?s last blog post..To Suit Or Not to Suit
And what I would like to know: how did the book affect this decision exactly? What’s with the innocence part…?
Anne, like Remco, I wonder about loss of innocence on FB? If you feel free to share, please tell what you mean. May the Lord continue to bless you, as I know He will. Eph. 1:3.
Lucy Ann Moll?s last blog post..Hope Triumphs. . .Even Now
Crap! Just when I’m starting to feel good about myself and how much I have cut back on FB (down to a couple of times a day), Anne comes along and slays me with more truth!
Seriously Anne, thank you for being open and honest about your struggle with this. It has both inspired and challenged me to re-evaluate some of my priorities as well.
Just don’t give up blogging! ;)
Kit Palmer?s last blog post..Seacoast Worship Recap (05/23/09)
Anne as I said on FB, good for you!
I saw this coming and it is not a shock at all. After reading Mad Church Disease I also began evaluating my online life and have trimmed quite a few of the “social” and even “ministry” activities I was involved in.
I cut out Twitter, Yahoo Messenger, and saved 11 hours a week by dropping an online counseling ministry I was involved in. This allowed more time for family and my relationship with the Lord. Its not always about doing things but resting in Him!
Rick Apperson?s last blog post..Samaritan’s Purse
good for you, Anne. Please let us know the name of that book. Thanks for giving me pause for serious consideration….
lisa?s last blog post..Most Priceless Treasure!
I felt like a dirty marketer. You can’t have in depth, meaningful relationships with 2500 people. All redundant stuff from my blog. All talk, no interaction and I was using it for those means…not to interact, but to keep an audience. It was selfish, and that, my friends, is how I lost my innocence on it.
@lisa – it is inner voice of love. link is up in the post if you are interested.
I totally understand and very much appreciate your heart on this. I only go to Facebook to respond to people’s emails and sometimes comments, but as a pastor I don’t know that I could or should do what you have done. I have far more connection with people in my church through Facebook than any other means. In a rapidly growing church people feel they actually know me when they only see me once a week. I hate to lose that sense of relationship, even as superficial as it may be.
I do understand the need to guard my heart, however. Good check. Thanks
Ron Edmondson?s last blog post..10 Reasons Why I Love Military Families In Our Church
Anne, I totally support your decision on this. Anything that involves Henri Nouwen in a choice has my vote.
But I’m curious…. I dabbled in FB “friending” people I found interesting but didn’t actually know. And then I decided that Twitter worked for that, and FB would be reserved for actual friends and family. Is that not doable for you? Are you deluged with strangers wanting to be your friend? Is it too hard to unfriend all of the strangers in your list? My guess is this is so. Feel free to correct me if you want :)
Adrienne?s last blog post..Where is the Kingdom of God?
2500 people would be a lot to sort through :)
Well lets just say I am on facebook by coercion becasue it seems the only way people U know want to ‘engage’ is this way. I know that there is no depth to this. At what point do I just stand firm and say I choose to boycott this? I did de-activate for a while but sadly am back on the grid.
thank you, anne : ) this a beautiful encouragement & challenge as I weigh the value of FB in my own life.
Anne,
That quote hit me right where I am. Thank you for your transparency and honesty.
~Deneen
Deneen?s last blog post..Consistency
Way to go, Anne. In my position as communicator for the church & student ministry, I have to keep check there. I have found that I can spend too much time there. I have found that I can end up feeling left out of “friendships” and get depressed over that. It’s like a two-edged sword.
I’m proud of your walk. How I wish that I’d been where you are at your age! Now I hope I can get there at my age!
Looking forward to some face time in July!
Faye?s last blog post..leading isn’t easy – part 2
Your Henri Nouwen quote was so “on target” and timely for my family it sent chills up and down my spine. My wife felt the same way. Thanks for it! We’ll keep praying for you while you move into your “new country, even as, God willing, we move into ours.
I so rarely sign into Facebook this would be relatively easy to do. But good for you…for listening to your heart.
The Inner Voice of Love is one of my favorite books.
Amy @ My Friend Amy?s last blog post..Interview with Logan and Noah Miller
Anne
i do understand why you left FB but still going to miss you but Im glad you still have your blog. Today Im learning that God is putting people on different journeys,so my prayer is that God will bring you blessings in your journey
Andy Depuy?s last blog post..My Review on The Noticer by Andy Andrews
I never have had a FB account, but my husband did. I was just concerned it would be addictive for me, so decided not to even go there in the first place. In the last few months, we have felt like God telling us to start a family blog as we prepare to go to Swaziland soon to serve on a short-term medical missions trip with The Luke Commission. So we do the blog thing! About a month ago my husband came to me and told me he felt like our communication and relating in marriage would be better if he was not communicating with others thorugh FB, so he, like you deleted his account. He is a busy physician, and a very Godly husband and dad, and has always wanted to glorify God with what God has given him. Anyway, he just felt like FB was taking time away from our marriage and family, so I just think it is so cool, that he was willing to give that up and I have really seen God bless our family by him not doing FB anymore. I am certainly not saying anything is wrong at all with FB, but God was telling my husband that giving up FB was the best thing for us. We are not legalistic people, so know that giving up FB is certainly not where God is calling everyone, but it is what he was calling me husband to, and my husband obeyed. I do think for some people God can really use FB in their lives to glorify himself and bring community. It comes down to listening to God, I think!
I don’t always have time to follow your blog, but when I do, I love what you are about and allowing us to be part of the process God is taking you through while He is molding you. The journey God is taking you on inspires me to keep my eyes on Him, and my ears open to his voice! I so appreciate how you are simplifying your lives! We are trying (?) to do the same and want more simplicity, if it will glorify God. I just got done reading a book about how to live simply and love extravagantly, Small Footprint, Big Handprint, by Tri Robinson. I think what I am realizing is that we desire a simple life, not weighed down with anything, so that God can just better use us to love him and each other.
Blessings to you!
Wendy Ingram
Colorado Springs, Colorado
While I applaud your right to do what you feel is best…I do agree with what Pastor Ron Edmondson said. For me, a church with NO office, it is another way people can stay in touch with me…AND…get to know me better. Truly, I wish everyone was on Twitter…but that’s not gonna happen.
So, I wish you the best in whatever way you choose to connect with people. Like Ron, I think what you’re doing is a good “heart check” for us.
Let us not allow Twitter/Facebook run us…let us run Twitter/Facebook for all the right reasons!
Blessings!
“I felt like a dirty marketer. You can?t have in depth, meaningful relationships with 2500 people. All redundant stuff from my blog. All talk, no interaction and I was using it for those means?not to interact, but to keep an audience. It was selfish, and that, my friends, is how I lost my innocence on it.”
So do you manage to have a meaningful relationship with multiple thousand followers on Twitter? (I know I don’t and I ‘only’ have just under 500). Or how, perhaps, do you see that as a different medium?
Is self-promotion an acceptable part of life if the focus/cause is noble? Would the message of your book and life touch as many people without ‘keeping an audience’?
Obviously, you know what in your heart what you need to do. I’m just interested in how you (and anyone else here) wrestle with these questions.
Sam.?s last blog post..#StrengthsWednesday: An Introduction
down with facebook!
@sam – I made the mistake (for me) of accepting every friend request that came my way. That allowed me the freedom to use those channels.
With Twitter, I only follow a few people. Nouwen also writes about not becoming “public property.”
If a large amount of people follow me, I am honored and won’t abuse that. And if they feel like they have been marketed to, they can unfollow me a lot easier than it is to stop being someone’s friend on FB.
I’m trying to be more intentional with Twitter – both in the messages I send, and the ones I receive.
It’s my prayer that the message will supercede technology, and I’m attempting to sacrifice my need for control over it. For me, it’s a trust thing. Technology is a tool to be used to spread a message…but I want it spread because it touches people’s hearts…not because I bring it up 24/7.
Thanks Anne, that’s helpful. I appreciate the fact that you’re wrestling openly and honestly about all this. I’m learning from you, so thank you.
Sam.?s last blog post..#StrengthsWednesday: An Introduction
i applaud you. I’ve been having a similar debate with myself over the same thing, for a few different reasons. though I have considerably less than 2500 friends, i feel like it’s time for me to give up facebook altogether. in saying that, i support you.
From your post alone, I didn’t get why you were shutting it down. Then, I saw you comment:
“I felt like a dirty marketer. You can?t have in depth, meaningful relationships with 2500 people. All redundant stuff from my blog. All talk, no interaction and I was using it for those means?not to interact, but to keep an audience. It was selfish, and that, my friends, is how I lost my innocence on it.”
I guess you’re more popular than I knew. Here, I thought you were just some random person who’s blog I had stumbled upon and it turns out I have to throw you into my “minor-Christian celebrity” club.
Kudos to you for realizing and acting on what you felt was the right thing to do for you. It’s interesting to me how many other people claim to be struggling with this same issue. I wonder how many of them are promoting their books.
Shannon Smith?s last blog post..Making Donations
@shannon…thanks…i think :)
can i get a pass on the club? :)
im just a girl living in nashville trying to write books and love people :)
anne jackson?s last blog post..FREE Mad Church Disease Video Series
I’m only said that I have one less “friend” on FB and my count dropped. :) It’s going to take me at least the rest of the day to recover.
Seriously, good for you. I find myself addicted to all of this “noise” and have to choose quite frequently to intentionally put it down so I can focus on the important. Thx.
DanisLinus?s last blog post..What’s your “go to” on your iPod or iTunes?
Beautiful post. Although Facebook became popular while I was in college and its target audience, I’m still resisting and have yet to join. It has much to do with the reasons you gave- I can’t have authentic relationships with hundreds of people. My face-to-face relationships would suffer. I need to give my energy toward more important things away from the screen. I figure, if someone truly cares and wanst a relationship with me, they’ll make the effort to pursue it offline (or at least off-Facebook). Way to go!
joanna?s last blog post..Mary Poppins Wisdom
BTW… here’s an incredible article on internetmonk on just what you’re talking about here.
http://tinyurl.com/pj563a
DanisLinus?s last blog post..What’s your "go to" on your iPod or iTunes?
You have officially opted out of your minor, Chirstian celebrity status. From now on, when someone asks who you are I’ll tell them you’re “a girl living in Nashville trying to write books and love people.”
When you meet new people and they identifiably ask “So, what do you do?” Do you respond that way?
When I meet new people and they ask that question, I’ve started responding with, “Are you asking how I make money, or what I really try to DO? Because those may be two completely different answers. For money, I work at blah, but what I do is an ‘try to make the world a little better place’.” This leads to great conversations most of the time.
FYI… The minor, Christian celebrity label isn’t meant to be derogatory. You’re in good company, e.g. your buddy Carlos, Matt Chandler, Rob Bell, etc.. When I bring up someone who wrote something I read in a book or on a blog or something heard on a podcast to friends who do not travel in “Christian” circles, they often ask, “who’s that”. My response is often, “they’re a minor, Christian celebrity”. I apologize if that offends you, like I said in the beginning, now, you’re “a girl living in Nashville trying to write books and love people.”
Shannon Smith?s last blog post..Making Donations
FB is an interesting beast. I am involved in some online church community stuff so it is a tremendous blessing for connecting with people and keeping in touch with them and I have moved a wee bit in my life so I wouldn’t want to take my profile off. I do find though it presents a rose tinted view of people’s lives through their updates and photos and sometimes that can effect me quite a lot – I can feel that everyone else has a much better life than me and I can get quite down. Also I’ve found it most difficult with people who live in my own city – I get to see what those who say they’ve got no time to visit me are up to since my accident and that is not a good thing as it’s obvious they have time for other people and not me. I have made the move of deleting a few people recently and probably will go through and cull more soon. Real life friendships with those who actually spend time with you are so much more important!
kazzles?s last blog post..Funny (and not so funny) moments in the mental health ward
@danis thanks for that link
@shannon – it cracks me up…but doesn’t offend. no worries. thx for letting me opt out
@kazzles – i am so sorry to hear about that :(
I’ve been thinking about this all day… I think for me and my stay-at-home mom friends, FB is just a really great tool to not feel isolated all day long. You know? We get out and see each other, but the reality is that we’re here alone a lot with small kids. FB and blogging allow us to communicate without having to hear each other’s kids in the background. I’ve been amazed at how much closer I feel to a lot of my friends. Granted, I can’t say that for ALL of my FB friends, but it does serve a purpose in my life right now. Have I thought about giving it up? Absolutely. But in the last year, I’ve seen it do more good than harm. I can definitely see a day when it takes a far back seat though.
Angie?s last blog post..There’s 104 days of summer vacation…
Do the things you love. Love the things you do. Don’t start what you can’t maintain. Easier said than done (spoken from experience.) Glad you’re finding joy in your committments and pace. Enjoy your freedom!
Sheila?s last blog post..God is
I am not to the place where I want to shut down my Facebook, but I am getting to the place where I think I need to stop with the games on Facebook. They are taking up far too much of my time.
Angel?s last blog post..Feeling Better & Worse
Way to go! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!
Suraj Reddy?s last blog post..A Tribute to Ms. Plachta
Anne actually friended me on fb, and seriously that made me feel pretty darn special!!! :)
I don’t have my own blog, so my facebook is my outlet for now.
Hi Anne. I’m just getting caught up here after not reading blogs for a while. I noticed my friend count dropped on Sunday (actually I noticed on MOnday) and I had no idea who disappeared. Now, I know. HA!
How does it feel? Are you having any withdrawls?
I hope you are completely blessed by your honesty in this decision. Wishing you blessings!
Melissa?s last blog post..Processing
You inspired me! It’s something I’ve been feeling like God telling me to do, and thanks for being a vessel for Him to get it done in my life!!! I blogged about it here…
tonyasnext30.blogspot.com
Tonya?s last blog post..Deleted!
Kazzles,
Just wanted to say I totally understand where you’re coming from. I’ve been there myself. There will be others who will put you as second to last priority, but there will be others who appreciate your company.
Wish you the best!
Anne, I can understand why you would delete your Facebook profile if you were accepting friend requests from everyone and basically using it as another channel for promoting your books, causes, and thoughts.
While I’m obviously not as well known as you, I’ve been intentional about not accepting Facebook friend requests from people I don’t know, even if they are clients, prospective clients, or good people to network with.
I also think it’s great that you limit the people you follow on Twitter so you an actually read their tweets and interact with them. So may people think they have to follow everyone that follows them lest they offend them.
Paul Steinbrueck?s last blog post..One Last Shot
Thanks Paul. It was kinda funny to observe this weekend when I was sick – the people who sent the well wishes were the people who don’t follow tons of people on Twitter…but even some of my closest friends missed my tweets because they follow so many.
Counterpoint: I see why you did it, and I suppose others will follow. Christianity is all about knowing when to engage and when to disengage culture.
I would hope that just as many would chose to join facebook, in order that the light of Jesus might be proclaimed to the millions of people who are there. If non-Christians were seeking out your blog, then facebook is redundant, but they will not go there. For me facebook is my best front door into my blog.
You had 2,500 friends. Who were they? Why did they connect with you? What did you bring to the facebook table that will now be missing.
@mark – most of them were people who read my blog :)
i wish i could be worried about what will be missing…but all i can do is be obedient. :)
I Though that I was the only one with that kind of thoughts (“Purist” ??) regarding facebook. I wrote a post about same, few months ago (Sorry , version only in spanish) :
http://aquientrenos-online.com/2009/07/13/dejo-facebook/
Great for you Anne, sometimes with have to make decisions and get our priority’s right, i have being a lot of thinking, since i joined fb 2 years ago part of my life was out in the open and sometimes we just need privacy i need my life back, and the other things that i realize is who where my true friends and the wannabes, just iget back in touch with that i haven’t saw in almost 20 years and maybe that was one of the reasons that i joined to be in touch with them at least one time. but my time has come to shut down my fb i just the time 2 do it, b/c all the things that i want 4 my future i need my time and also i think fb is overrated. Thank you.
Weird…I started reading that quote and said to myself….this sounds like Henry Nouwen…and then I got to the bottom. hmmm….I love his book The Prodigal…
.-= jana?s last blog ..Please Celebrate with Us =-.
Well done i really liked your blog, i feel great knowing i am not the only one that has decided to get rid of facebook for good.
As of December 25, 2009 i too have deleted my fb account. I have not been using fb for 6 days now. I feel so much better. I feel that i am at peace with more time for myself.
Hi Anne, just came across your blog ironically through Facebook. I’m not sure if this has been mentioned before (too many comments to search through). How does you deleting your personal FB account differ from having a fan page? I’m contemplating taking a temporary break (or maybe even permanent) from FB because its become a huge distraction for me. I just deleted the app from my phone because I’m constantly going to it before bed, as I wake up, causing my first and last thoughts of the day to be less and less on Christ. Can you fill me in on the difference and if you don’t mind on how you’re getting on since you made this decision?
Many thanks.
Abe
The fan page is great because I use someone else’s log in to manage it – I have no friends, no inbox, no app invites, nothing. I just interact with the page. :) Having the inbox and deciding who to accept as “friends” were two big issues I had with the regular profile.
Thanks for the response Anne, it makes sense. (I just saw it now). :)