Lately, I’ve been feeling a little stressed, so I go back to the measurement of my time and see what the problem is? – my calendar.
And even with the boundaries I established at the beginning of the year, they weren’t specific enough to really help release me from my demon of overcommitment.
I’ve been away from home (give or take) 31 days this year.
That’s a MONTH.
Using some other tools to analyze my time, I realize I spend an average of 2-3 hours a day on social networking sites (checking Twitter, Facebook, whatever).
That would be almost 40 days SOLID in a YEAR!
And I wonder where my time goes.
The stress comes when the things I value in my heart (mainly my faith) are not getting the time and attention they deserve. There’s a misalignment of values. What I say is important and where I spend my time don’t line up to a degree where it’s healthy.
It’s not that I don’t see spending time online, interacting, praying, caring, sharing, and learning with people as valuable. But when it trumps the things MOST valuable to my heart (faith) is where it gets sticky.
Yesterday at lunch I sat down with my calendar and my thoughts. I had to cancel two speaking engagements, not because they aren’t valuable or important, but because ultimately (due to a variety of circumstances) went away from – and not toward – making my faith stronger. Being gone at these specific times would have impacted those things negatively, thus causing unhealthy stress.
We also talked about my time online, and decided because I NEED STRUCTURE, I will be sticking to the following “boundaries” until the beginning of September, when we’ll evaluate and adjust if necessary. I’m not saying YOU should do this. I’m just putting in writing what is best for my faith and myself right now.
Twitter. Currently, I probably check it 50 times a day. Lord knows how many times I actually tweet. New boundary? I’ll check and update only three times a day – once in the morning, once in the afternoon, and once in the evening. NO notifications, except direct messages, ping me elsewhere.
Facebook. I’m not on it much anyway, but I’ll only log in to Facebook once a week. NO notifications at ALL ping me elsewhere.
Online Sabbath. Once a week (it’s looking like Saturday) I will be completely unplugged. I will not be checking email, Twitter, Facebook, whatever. If my computer is on, the only thing open is Word so I can work on writing. One day a week, completely computer free.
Stat-Ho. I am only going to check my blog stats, Technorati (as if that means much anymore) and Feedburner stats once a month. I can get obsessed by these numbers and sometimes measuring things too much is a bad idea. At least for me.
So…there you have it. A few new rules in the life of Anne Jackson. I think margin is so important and will talk until I’m blue in the face about it, but if I’m not living that life myself, well, I’m just a big fat liar.
Is there anywhere you need to build in margin? What steps can you take to do it? Sometimes it just takes DOING it.
Comments
43 responses to “Becoming the Boundaries & Margin Nazi”
I am finding myself in the same position. I like the idea of an online sabbath. Good Post.
Luke?s last blog post..Bus Lessons
Great idea. It’s always good to assess what’s really going on with how we use our time and then adjust our lives accordingly.
Rodney Olsen?s last blog post..Mad Church Disease
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this! I’m still trying to find “the line” when it comes to technology, as well as most other things in my life.
i love the online sabbath idea!!!
mel?s last blog post..Happy Mom’s Day & Awesome Blog Award
Thanks!
I have been wrestling with these issues and time management myself.
I will use this as an encouragement for myself and may you be richly blessed by finding life unplugged.
Lantz Howard?s last blog post..Thanks Mom…
I love these ideas and I am going to sit down tonight and do figure out just what I need to do, also.
I like to stay offline when I’m writing. It’s not easy, but I do MUCH better when I don’t have any distractions. I keep saying I’m going to take a writing vacation where I go away for a week, alone, and just write. Haven’t made it yet.
Mary?s last blog post..Where?s the Church?
Something I thought about when you said that online time, etc. took away from your faith and marriage, is that when we choose to spend a lot of time (quality time) on those things in our own REAL life, then it makes our interactions and input with our friends/influences online even stronger and more important/relevant. I too like many others feel I have been a bit swept away by my online activities. My main hangup has actually been seminary. I work during the day and do schoolwork in the evenings and on the weekends, and in the meantime, my marriage has been slipping pretty significantly. I had felt it happening but was unable to put my finger on it or change it. Finally my wife and I had a long talk and we have set up boundaries as well. There are certain times/days each week that we have scheduled (I know it sounds weird but it works) time to just be together, with no distractions (including TV – which IS a distraction) and just talk, cuddle, go on a date, etc. Things are getting much better. I posted about it recently here: http://tiny.cc/Fp9cw I think I need some more refining of my boundaries though after reading this post. Thanks for being a good example – stay strong in it!!
Jeremy Keegan?s last blog post..Why Do We Bother With Prayer?
awesome!
Crystal Renaud?s last blog post..My Boss Says I Need a Logo?(REVISED)
Anne – great post. I love your honesty and self-awareness. We’re learning margin as well: one of the outcomes of your talk at ReCreate back in February. God Bless you on your journey.
-BP
Bryan Patrick?s last blog post..Twitter Biggest Loser – Week #2 Recap
Good for you! I love the fact that you will be taking the REAL Shabbat off (hehehe) like we do over here. Now I know someone on the other side of the world who is observing Shabbat the same time as I am (well 7 hours later, but still…) Whoo-hoo!
Maureen?s last blog post..Fish on dry land
i love this. so good. so true. online sabbath…a must for me…brilliant.
i’m happy i stumbled across your site. couple reasons, you’re from texas & went to lakepointe. my husband grew up in rockwall/garland & went to lakepointe too. his twin brother joel has been working there for awhile. my husband & i live in nashville and i hear you do too (from our mutal friend Wes Stecker). small world, love it. chuys coming to franklin….it’s a beautiful life!
nice to “meet” you. ;)
vanessa
vanessa warren?s last blog post..Life In Written Form
Well done, Anne. My hubby and I recently had a similar talk. I asked him to slow down on some of his after-work work and he has. Then I realized that having me sitting there in the evening with laptop in lap wasn’t much of a bargain.
I think I need to do some mapping out, too. Who says old dogs can’t learn new tricks from young pups? Now, just ‘splain to me how to handle the laptop DTs….
Faye?s last blog post..lessons
Way to go! I hope this gets you the rest and margin you need.
Anne,
Love this post. I need to see others doing this, because it makes it more present and real for me to do this. I have been in the process of re-thinking these things for about 1 month (ever since I started my own therapy private practice). I have been feeling like I was good at several things, but not really great in any of them. In order to be great (and by that I mean, really listening to God so His work can be done through me), I had to start saying, “If this activity, conference, event, doesn’t go through the funnel and end up making me better in these 1-2 areas….then I have to say no to it.”
Marriage and kids take everything, and I never want my wife or daughter to feel like the computer, technology or social media was first in my life.
Rhett
Rhett Smith?s last blog post..Last Word (from me for now) on Bivocational Pastors/Ministry
Wow, that was powerful and really made me think. I have to say Anne i found myself talking about how you are such an inspiration to me. I sit here thinking I would love to meet you in person. But also I sit here thinking I love how she grows and I look up to you so much. Thank you so much for being a blessing
Great post Anne! I’ve been feeling the somewhat the same about the time I spend online (and on my BB) for a few weeks now. You’ve inspired me to actually do something about it!
Kit Palmer?s last blog post..Seacoast Worship Recap (05/09/09)
This is great, Anne. I struggle with this and I am trying to do the same. I feel self-induced pressure to be more a part of the “bigger” conversation and raising 2 small children and working, I just get discouraged that I can’t read enough, comment enough, and be “in tune” as much. Thanks for sharing your heart on this. I am working on a plan. Thanks!
Cy?s last blog post..Sunday Recap – Mother’s Day
Amen to this Anne!!! I am married to a traveler/amazingly busy person like you…I am constantly checking and re-checking his schedule and reminding him that he has a wife and 6 kids, as well as needs a life for himself!! It is a constant battle! Fortuantely for us, he allows and wants and needs me to help him with his schedule, to help him find the balance, well, somewhat of a balance, to do what he love, love, loves, and to keep in touch and network and then try to have a marriage, family, and a life! Praying that you are able to walk it daily…and allow your husband to remind you and work together to keep you accountable to eachother!!!
Great post Anne, Was just meditating this weekend on Jesus words, “Why do you labor for what is not food.” I think that encompasses most of life, why do we spend our time, life on thing that do no matter in the scope of the gospel, the Kingdom of God, our walk with and mission with God and our family.
I needed to read this today.
Amy (Whimzie)?s last blog post..Not Me! Monday
Anne you are an inspiration in the area of boundaries!
Your book caused me to re-evaluate my own parameters so as to not fall into burnout.
As well I have begun to unplug my computer after 5 pm at least 4 times a week which allows me more time with family and I am not starting off so early in the morning so I can spend more time in the word and with family.
Rick Apperson?s last blog post..One Day At a Time
My friend Cy (a few comments above) wrote exactly my thoughts. I DO feel a self-induced pressure to stay plugged in but I DON’T put that same pressure on myself to stay in tune with the people in my immediate circle. Which is sooooo out of balance. You’ve taken a structured approach to limiting yourself; thank you for that great example!
kim?s last blog post..Are you in this conversation?
Anne,
Great, great- thanks for your leadership in this area. Can you possibly elaborate on what “tools” you are using to specifically track your time?
(I keep trying to do something like that, and get frustrated because I multi-task so much. Example – right now, while I’m waiting on the sermon CD to burn, I’m reading this blog and commenting. As soon as the CD burns, and I export it to Garageband, edit, and export as MP3 – I’ll be doing something else (maybe reading a blog or twitter) while the mp3 is uploading for the podcast.
It’s hard to “track” that time – when you are doing 3 things at once. Any enlightenment would be awesome – maybe a comment reply, email reply, or an entire blog post?
For the Kingdom,
Fred
Fred McKinnon?s last blog post..Monday Muse – How Much is Enough?
One of the most life changing books I have ever read is about Boundaries…and in our life we have to set them. Good for you girl. Will make a note to pray for you and that you are able to keep the boundaries you have set and have those around you who will encourage you to keep those boundaries. Our relationship with our Savior and Spouses are so important. It is hard to keep balance in our lives when we get busy. And busy isn’t necessarily a bad thing! But when it starts to create havoc in our lives (physically, spiritually or whatever) it is always a good thing to remove and rethink some things. Hang in there!
Tiffany?s last blog post..No Belly Pic just yet.
I love your ideas, I spend so much time on my laptop now, but I’m not working so it’s a bit of a lifeline for me at the moment. I know when I start working again I will have to put boundaries in.
kazzakiwi?s last blog post..Can I go back to being bored?
well done, friend. i suspect you will notice positive fruit from these changes very soon. :)
So proud of you, my friend, and you know I hear you on this topic!
I think firm boundaries are very smart in this area. I’ve set some similar ones myself. I’m only checking my stats once a month too, and that’s been huge. Keep thinking I’ll disconnect Twitter entirely, but I haven’t quite taken the plunge, not yet.
You’re brave and wise to this. Press on!
Shannon?s last blog post..Skidamarink
You know, those things are kinda huge. So I don’t know where I need to be, but online sabbath is a pretty awesome idea.
So about 9 months or so ago I was really getting worried about my stats. Not because they were ever really high to begin with, but because I started noticing some of my friends were getting a ton (like a really big increase) on comments. Then I prayed and was feeling sorry for myself and what “we” concluded through prayer (me and God) was that my blog is used as a tool to communicate with peeps back home (if they are interested), to get people involved in feeding some kids, and to have an open forum for people to pray and share their journeys. So if my stats are low or if I don’t get that many comments, then I have to conclude that – that is just the right amount of people that need to be there for that day/week/month. I had to get over myself and when I released it, I felt so much better. Yay.
In other news, if by chance I did have a high traffic blog I think I would get all caught up in the drama of having to maintain it all the time and check and have it all fancylala. Sometimes I get caught up in that now, so who knows what would happen if I got caught up in all that mess. Seriously. We are not here in the middle of SA to blog. We are here work. Focus Kristi. Focus.
Okay then. That’s all for now. Carry on. Carry on.
kristiapplesauce?s last blog post..Growing
We are here to work. Love it Kmott.
My wife would like this idea for me. We were in the car yesterday for about a 75 minute trip. I was having a conversation w/ her while having a few conversations over text messages with friends. She finally asked me to put it away. I did. And it was tough. I’d feel or hear it vibrate and think I had to get it and reply or else those friends would think I was being rude….but didn’t consider it was being rude to my wife if I DID keep texting.
Blake?s last blog post..My 10K Documentary :: Double Decker 09
That’s so good. Way to be strong (and brave). I gasp to think about going unplugged for a whole day…so maybe that means I should.
When I feel myself “needing” my computer more than I should I limit my time. Usually just three times a day (morning, lunch and before bed) instead of all day long. Or I’ll just close my computer instead of leaving it open. You boundaries are very good…measureable.
Thanks for sharing.
danielle?s last blog post..300
i respect your conviction and obedience. i’ve missed seeing you around and am continuing to pray for you in this busy season. hope you guys enjoyed your time in knox.
nevertheless, did i get bumped? :o)
My husband and I shared a similar conversation about 6 weeks ago. A hard conversation for me to have, but necessary. I’ve since set many of the same boundaries, though your post convicts me to be more diligent about holding firm to them. Thanks for this.
Michele?s last blog post..Seven4Seven: Week 26
Another great post Anne! Thanks so much for your thoughts on margin and boundaries.
Robbie?s last blog post..What did we learn from this?
Online Sabbath….Definitely going to start that this weekend. Leaning towards Saturdays. Good day to pick up old technology like a book (non-kindle version.)
Enjoy a more open calendar!
I need the unplugging day…once a week?? I can do Saturday. I think. I need to start somewhere.
Fran?s last blog post..Who am I?
Among other things, the online world led to a part of my downfall last September. Through it, I realized how attached to being noticed I was becoming.
To me, comments and feedback equalled popularity. In the course of it, I lost my identity and almost lost everything that means anything to me.
Now. I don’t Twitter. At all.
Or Facebook. At all.
I have a blog. But no comments. And no stats. I don’t know who (if anyone) reads it. And it is better that way. At least for me.
Am I faulting those that Facebook or Twitter? No. Not at all. I am simply saying that the internet is being overrun with people who value their popularity and acceptance on how many friends, followers, or comments they get. And in the process they are losing themselves.
I’ve had this post open all day, Anne, even though I had no words to comment.
I think it’s just conviction, plain and simple. And it’s not your doing; it’s the Holy Spirit. But the idea of setting boundaries and realigning priorities with real life activities resonates with me.
Kelly @ Love Well?s last blog post..The Missing Shoes
Great stuff Anne. Proud of you for setting boundaries and limits. I will keep praying for you and Chris. Excited to see how these new moves can strengthen you marriage and your ability to serve.
Benji?s last blog post..Part 3 – Church Media Design TV
i really needed to hear this, thanks for getting under my skin, Anne…lol
Jim?s last blog post..Ben Arment Whiteboard Conference Interview
EVERYONE in my life is talking about Margin right now…a skill I have yet to master. I enjoyed knowing someone else MUST sit down with their calendar and duke it out. canceling unnecessary plans…thanks.
Amanda?s last blog post..
I am a Soul Sculptor (aka stay-at-home mom) and it is easy for me to be distracted and spend too much time on the computer. After reading this post, a change I have decided to make is to read blogs after I have finished my work. Reading blogs will be my reward!
One way that I have built in “margin” in my life is ignoring my blog stats. When I started my blog in January, I felt like God was telling me to not to check my stats. If no one was reading my blog I might be sad; if many people were reading it I might be prideful. I am not saying that this should be true for anyone else and I may check my stats at some point. This is just something that has helped me.
Sara Ross?s last blog post..give them something
When I was in school, and actually had to write (rather than type), we were always taught to keep the margins clear.
I remember when I finally discovered that you CAN actually write in the margins. It was liberating at first, but in time, you discover that just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. On paper, margins protect us from unnecessary clutter and overkill. In life, margins do the same thing. I needed the reminder!
Great post. Thanks for the insight… Looking forward to reading how the boundary experiment went when September rolls around!
Thayer Stamper?s last blog post..Weekend Impressions