Just in case you think I have it all figured out (which I pray you don’t) I’m just going to be honest here and tell you what’s in my head. It may not be the most uplifting, call to action post you’ve ever experienced, but it’s me. And it’s what I’m experiencing right now on this trip, which is what I’m supposed to be writing about.
=====
Tonight, I laid back on the bed in the quiet, with the sound of dripping water outside my window and soft music flowing in my ears. Throughout the evening, I had texted and emailed a few friends, asking them for prayer.
The darkness was getting too much for me.
The phrase from scripture “He is near to the brokenhearted” kept coming to mind. Over and over and over and over again.
Brokenhearted?
Yeah, a little.
Or maybe a lot.
I’m still not sure.
So many questions…if I am brokenhearted over the things I saw today, is God near me? If he is…why don’t I sense him? How brokenhearted could I truly be, lying in my plush blankets after seeing babies sleep alone on cardboard cots? How do I think my life is really dark when I know millions of families are going to bed tonight without getting a drop of clean water? Is God near to them? Where is he?
In spite of the questions, I still see God near. I see him in the eyes of the children we’ve met. The unconditional smiles and hand-holding. The beautiful voices, the excitement, the hope.
He’s more than near…he’s here.
Comments
23 responses to “Near to the Brokenhearted”
Amen! God is close to the broken hearted! Praying for you..
darla?s last blog post..My Blog Needs a SPIRITUAL Nap
Keep trusting, Anne. You’re not alone… not in the darkness and not in your feelings.
Faye?s last blog post..staying young
those are the best kinds of questions, i think. asking those forces us to look for Him. and He shows up in the unlikely. thanks for sharing your heart with us… continuing to pray for you on this journey.
feel free to text/email me, too.
honored to stand in the gap for you.
Crystal Renaud?s last blog post..Please Say Hello to Renuka
those are the best kinds of questions, i think. asking those forces us to look for Him. and He shows up in the unlikely. thanks for sharing your heart with us? continuing to pray for you on this journey.
feel free to text/email me, too.
honored to stand in the gap for you.
Thank you for your honest words. I am so blessed by reading everyones beautiful post, but thoughts you just mentioned are things I would wonder about also. I keep thinking could I do a trip like and and still see God in the way I do? Probably not, God would be bigger and my heart more raw. May my heart continue to break for things that break his heart. Praying for you and you are not alone in your feelings. This post touched me deeply.
So I’m new to Cross Point…only attended twice so far. And I was looking for a welcoming, Godly, bible-based church that not only served as a meeting place once a week for myself to grow as a believer, but as a place that reached out and really made a difference in the world. I am absolutley amazed by the passion of you guys, and I’m really enjoying reading about this trip. God Bless you, and I hope to meet you all someday soon. Take care!
Jeffrey East?s last blog post..The Voice…
my hope, anne, is that you will be able to resist any desire to navigate this brokenheartedness alone while in India. i know that could be a “default” for me. i am confident that some true buoying of your spirit would come from inviting others into this now while you are still in the midst of it.
continuing to pray, friend.
As you are in the midst of darkness you are also in our prayers.
You are bringing forth a great message of hope and love and Christ.
Just like in Deuteronomy 1 our God has gone before you.
We know He is greater than all the darkness and sadness.
It feels trite to type this while sitting in my air conditioned office — but my heart is with you right now.
Persevere, dear sister!
Father, I pray you touch my sister in a way that provides refreshment & courage to her. Encourage her as only You can, my Lord.
you are breaking my heart too…
Sarah Markley?s last blog post..Bats and Butterflies
“In spite of the questions, I still see God near. I see him in the eyes of the children we?ve met. The unconditional smiles and hand-holding. The beautiful voices, the excitement, the hope. He?s more than near?he?s here.”
-i LOVE this. you are an amazing writer. i just wanted you to know that. He speaks to me through you. thank you for being a vessel.
i am praying that you will continue to experience God in a deeper way during this trip.
patricia?s last blog post..these are the days.
Hey, Anne –
Sounds like “reality shock” was hitting you today, like it did David Kuo on your Uganda trip last year. And if it was hitting you, I imagine it was hitting some of your “first timers” even more. Don’t know if you read what David said about it on his blog, but I hope it may help someone in your group, if not you.
David said that after he saw the suffering in the kids’ cancer center in Mulago, he was ?virtually unable to pray.? But later, during a round of chemotherapy for his own brain tumor, he found himself talking to God again. ?I asked God why it happened. Why he let it happen. Whether it was worth even talking to him. I asked him how he could allow that suffering.?
And David says that God answered:
?I don?t. You do.?
That sobered David. He thought it over. Finally he wrote, ?How much money do we make? How much do we spend each year on, oh, coffee? Clothes? Computers? Cars? How much do we spend to become fatter than we should? We have the resources to change the world. We just use those resources on ourselves and curse God for allowing suffering.? (his blog, ?J-Walking,? March 12, 2008.)
Right now you may be thinking like Mother Teresa: “I know God promises not to give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn’t trust me so much.”
May God help you all to handle it. And to use it the way he wants. May he work what HE wants to in your lives, and in us your readers, on this trip.
God bless you, Pete/Sparkle of Nature0
keep asking the questions Anne. As you wrestle, share it. LEt us in on the conversations you’re having with God. Wrestle well my friend.
I’m reminded of Robby Seay’s lyric “Find Him dining with the poor….” That line has always haunted me.
Much love. Can’t wait to hear how God’s speaking to you. I would love to get together with you and with Jenni soon to hear all about the work of God in your life.
The question of people who have, by all appearances and for all practical purposes, been forsaken by God is one that haunts me. The only comfort I get in that is that Jesus knew what it was to be in their shoes.
Texas in Africa?s last blog post..some moments are priceless
I am so so thankful for this trip. Reading about the stories this week absolutely broke my heart and I have realized so many things about myself this week. Tonight I went to the Compassion site and went to the children who had been waiting for 6 months or longer. There was one little boy there who is from South America and has my Dad’s name and has a birthday 4 days after my Mom.
Is that a God thing or what?
There was absolutely no way I could leave that web-site and that little boy is forever a part of my life now.
I can’t say thank you enough for opening up my eyes through your posts about giving.
Mia?s last blog post..That’s Who I Am
I’ll be praying for you Anne – that God would be there with you as you process all this.
Made me remember something from one of Craig’s messages on How to be rich – he was talking about how we ARE RICH – we have houses for our cars…
Suraj Reddy?s last blog post..Blogging Challenge Update
This is my favorite post of yours on this trip. So open, honest, and sooooo very true! :)
Maureen?s last blog post..Birthday Bamboo
Beautiful, Anne. Your heart, that child, God. All of it.
I’m praying for all of you.
Jesus is those kids. He is them. And they are waiting for someone to care for them, to take them in their arms, and love them.
And Jesus is waiting too, for you to take him in your arms and care for, love. He is waiting for clothing, he is dying in Africa, because of the lack of clean water, he is the little baby sleeping in the cold of the night and crying in the heat of the day.
And the reason these people are not taken care of yet, is because the Church has yet to find who Jesus truly is today.
We are the vessels, we are the hands and feet of Christ!
He is all this to us, and should be. And that burden, it was in Paul, and John, and Peter, and all the disciples. It was even in Mary and Martha, and the crowds that heard him speak.
Jesus is all around us, we just can’t seem to see him that well.
“When you’ve done it to one of the least of these, you’ve done it unto me.”
Stephen
Stephen Stonestreet?s last blog post..Profound Words by Jon Foreman
You are a tremendous writer, an incredible poet. I have several friends who are involved with Compassion — but you’re beyond “involved”. You’re called. Great example of what we all should do to change the world. You honor Christ’s compassion with your own. Thanks for the pause.
Amy Pierson?s last blog post..Oh God, please?