i’m guilty of name dropping.
i’m guilty of only feeling confident when (insert important person’s name here) tells me i have value.
i’m guilty of saying one thing and doing another.
i’m guilty of not following through.
i’m guilty of being so self absorbed, i make you think i care…but i only care because i’m getting something out of it too.
i’m guilty of saying i’m going to pray for you and i don’t.
i’m guilty of pretending i don’t know the answer, when in reality, i just don’t want to help you.
all this to say, i’m guilty of being selfish.
a lot.
and it kind of hit me today, when pete was talking about whoever is the least…
i know i can get caught up in the junk of caring about who i’m associated with.
because the right people take you to the right places.
and those right places will leave you satisfied.
which is a load of bull.
and i think of who jesus associated himself with…
failures. sinners. the outcasts. the sick.
the untouchables.
nobody that would ever win a popularity contest.
or help him win a popularity contest.
but that’s why he was here.
that’s why we are here.
to be
and to be with
the least.
Comments
29 responses to “I’m Guilty”
Are you reading my mail? This sounds exactly like what God’s been smacking me with this weekend. I will SAY that Galatians 1:10 is me, my life verse, but DANG, it’s hard to stop being that people-pleasing woman I’ve grown accustomed to.
I’m guilty, too.
Wow. This is my heart at the moment. Funny how that goes.
Your honesty is more refreshing than the heartbreaking truth of your selfishness. . . but don’t beat yourself up, because right now. . . me too.
Ouch. I’m guilty too.
Thanks for the confession…and the challenge.
I read this & I want to feel sorry for myself because of where I am in life. I feel like one of the failures, sinners, outcasts, sick. But I don’t always/often feel God’s presence these days. Then I remember Matthew 5 & a song that Jason Gray wrote & sings. “Lovely Losers” http://www.jasongraymusic.com/content/jukebox.php I don’t understand why God wants me broken, except to keep me coming back to HIM.
correction: the Jason Gray CD title is “All the Lovely Losers”; song I am referring to is “Blessed Be” ;^)
So what does one do about this? I’m sincerely asking…not just trying to pontificate. I read Shaun Groves’ post (is this name dropping?) and I am convicted about this issue as well.
Excellent post! Straight to my heart. Words of truth as sharp as a dagger.
You’re
Starting to write
like
Rob
Bell.
I’ve been writing like him before he wrote like him! :) But now that he’s a bit more published than I…I’ll let him take this one. But I may soon demand a 1994 journal throw down. :)
So profound! I’m guilty too and I’m so thankful for God’s grace (at least when I’m not guilty of not being thankful).
p.s. Your blog (and therefore mind) totally rock! You really make me think about the deep stuff.
Thank you for sharing that. I have woken in the middle of the night tonight with restless thoughts of life, truth, my father’s passing, and what life really means. I watched the clock for 3 hours before I could not stand laying there anymore. I thought being in ministry and being around the “staff” gave me a feeling of worth. It did not. Then, as I have ministered alone to the least, as you have mentioned, I feel so alone. I feel I give and rarely receive. Today will be a day of endless thoughts with few answers.
I too have struggled with what “validates” me – a struggle and journey that seems to never ever end. Two steps forward fighting through the brush of my own desires, my own insecurities, my own fears, and then three sad steps back. It keeps me humble.
I will agree with Joey. For me, part of the issue is loneliness in ministry. Words of affirmation make me feel loved, and to be honest ministry has been very lonely and at times extremely difficult for me so I grasp at moments when I do not feel so alone and feel some modicum of success.
Pete’s sermon hit me hard last night as well. Am I wanting ministry to fill some need for significance in my life? I know that’s wrong.
I was thinking last night as I was sitting in church that I have to surrender my expectations and simply serve without reservation.
But I need friends too……..
So I have questions.
OH WOW!
This is something God has laid on my heart lately.( BIG TIME!) and keeps confirming and going back to it over and over. My pastor Preaches a Sermon, ( or 10) about it, I hear about it in my ladies group, A visitor comes and his Message is about Going down into the Pit and helping those out of the Pit ( being Jesus with flesh on)and then letting Jesus deal with them and their Issues! I am SO totally Guilty of ALL of these Issues in myself. But, in Christ, I am who he wants me to Be, Who he calls me to be! Thank God for His Grace! This is Why I LOVE your Blog! You are SO Open and Authentic! That is what I want to be, What i am Becoming:)
Thank you…
Good stuff.
In Latin that would be:
Mea culpa,
Mea culpa,
Mea maxima culpa.
(Please excuse any spelling errors)
awareness of sin, repentance of that sin, mixed in a bowl of humble gumbo = growth, victory and brings God glory… thanks for sharing… this really encouraged me…
I’m guilty of all this and more.
Thanks for your transparency.
God’s grace be with us all … thank you for your transparent post … all I can say past that is … sadly I am guilty too.
Guilty as charged….I want to be recognized. No, wait, I cry out to be recognized. I am selfish. Lord help me focus on you and not on me. Thanks Annie
oops I meant Anne
Yep!…Me too!…Thanks!…
As painful as it can be, the obligatory smack to the ego is vital to growth.
Thanks for the honesty and the humility.
I am guilty as well. This puts everything into perspective though. I love the rawness of this post, the unadulterated honesty.
Yep.
You
Got
Me.
I haven’t commented here before, but, yeah… I’m guilty. Although it would seem that, with all the Bible reading I do, none of this would come as a surprise to me, I realised things about myself that I had learned to ignore. I can’t believe how many of my faults I’ve blinded myself to. Thanks for the eye-opener.
Guilty as charged! It is good to know we are all human but we serve a God who loves us in spite of us!
Seriously, thank you for this post…but I laughed when I was reading this though because I name drop you all the time…here, I will do it as an ie. “yeah, I know Anne Jackson…I used to work with her in the youth group…she is writing this book…” So fun. Do it all the time. Sad. I totally do it with you. Oh, and that one time I saw Red Hot Chili Peppers in concert. I do it with them too because that concert rocked.