i’m totally kidding, by the way.? you’re not a peon.
but most of us aren’t senior pastors.? very few of us who read this blog are the big time decision makers.? most of us are support staff.
and in such roles, we often face difficult questions.? our culture of subconscious (or conscious) hierarchies, combined with our sincere respect, and in some cases a fear for our job can leave us wondering what to do if we think our lead pastor (or whoever your mega-leadership-boss-man/woman is) is on an unhealthy road.
boomama asked me this question for last week’s blog blitz, and i think it is a topic seldom addressed, thus my reposting.? even though this is targeted toward assistants, it really applies to anyone who isn’t calling the shots.
Let?s say someone works as an assistant to a senior pastor / executive pastor / high-up-person-on-the-church-leadership-flowchart. And let?s say that someone who works as an assistant notices that his or her boss is stressed, anxious, tired – basically on the verge of burnout. Do you think there are any specific things that assistant could do for his or her supervisor to lighten the load? Or should the assistant just stay out of it?
my response:
To answer your question ? YES. Absolutely YES. How will depend on that person?s relationship with their supervisor and it could take some serious guts?maybe even putting their job on the line in the worst case scenario?.but we have a responsibility to carry each other?s burdens (See Galatians 6).
A few ways the assistant could do this practically:
1. Communicate it directly. Set some time up with the supervisor to specifically address this. Don?t throw it in the mix of another meeting. ?The reason I wanted to meet with you today is because I?m concerned.? Explain the behavior you see that is worrying you.
2. Offer any assistance you can provide. If it?s something obvious like a particular project or area of responsibility, THINK AHEAD. Assistants know better than anyone the details of what?s happening. Make a plan ahead of time of how you can lighten the load and recommend it for the supervisor. Otherwise, you?re giving that person more work trying to figure out what you can do.
3. Encourage them consistently and appropriately. When I see my own boss getting stressed or overwhelmed, or maybe he indicates he?s had a long day, I shoot him a text message or quick email just to say how honored I am to work with him and that his passion for what he does is contagious. Small gifts for his or her family like a dinner out or offering to babysit so they can have time are both practical ways you can also encourage your boss.
4. Lead by example. You may be on support staff but people all around you see what you do. Are you contributing to a 24/7 workaholic, always available culture? Or do you have boundaries that you stick by? As an example, I don?t typically check my work email on the weekend. If I do, I won?t respond until Monday unless it?s a legit emergency. This is the culture on our church staff, but it has to be constantly made intentional. Talk freely about the time you spend with your friends or spouse. Leave on time. When you?re sick, stay home. All these things will communicate what is more important?work? Or health?
5. When all else fails, find someone else to help. It may be another pastor, or an elder, or a leader you know your boss trusts. If it doesn?t seem like your concern is having an impact and your leader is still about to fry, talk to someone else respectfully. Don?t spread rumors or talk about it with everyone?but find one or two key people that you know your supervisor will listen to.
Don?t EVER think ?I?m just an assistant!? Who cares? You?re a believer! There is no hierarchy when it comes to caring for each other.
have you ever had to deal with a situation like this? anything you’ve learned along the way?
because really. caring for each other is the new black.
Comments
14 responses to “for all of you peons who aren’t the lead pastor”
Great advice Anne… in and out of the church.
I think the same applies to volunteers who see their leaders on the path of burnout. But I’m not sure it would be received in the same way. Some see it as criticism from someone who doesn’t know what they are talking about.
As a “senior” pastor in a much smaller church than what most here apparantly work at, I appreciate the concern showed by an assistant. In fact, it should give them more security than less when it’s clear it’s not just a job to them but a relationship.
Anyone have any form of counseling for the senior pastor in their church budget? Just wondering…
i dealt with this…. but i was 19, 20, 21 years old and just really naive. not an excuse, just how it is. i have a lot of regret about not saying things i should have said. i pray that now, i will not make that same mistake if the situation crosses my path again.
I’m currently in a part-time ministry assistant position at my church. I am seeing four out of our six full time staff members being stretched beyond what’s reasonable. I know that their spouses and families consistently feel as though they get the leftovers. However, all of these staff people have such servant’s hearts that they won’t “make an issue of it.”
I’ve reached out to a member of our church’s personnel committee. He was shocked. He said the personnel committee has no idea. He wants me to come share my heart with the personnel committee, and has expressed his desire to make some changes that might help lift the burden.
I’ve done this with a few of my leaders. Some things I learned:
1. Speak out of relationship, not organizational stress
When senior leaders are in a bad place the whole organization feels it. A huge difference between the church and the corporate world is that relationship is at the core of our mission. In this situation, our care and compassion for them as a person comes before our concern for the organization.
2. Use questions and observations
Don’t use statements of facts. Almost always we don’t know even half of the story. I always lead with “How are you doing?” and then follow with “I’ve noticed [these things] and just wanted to let you know I care about you.”
3. Protect confidence
Every now and then you’ll may get disclosure about a personal matter they are wrestling with, depending on the level of relationship you have together. This seems like a no brainer but keep anything shared to yourself. It’s so easy in church life, especially staff life, to share casual confidences justified with notions of expanding a prayer network or “providing clarity” to others feeling the same org stress you do.
But just like any other relationship, and perhaps even more so in this situation, protecting confidences, no matter how small a revelation, not only builds trust between you and your leader but is a real gift for those who live more public lives than us.
And sometimes you just have to accept the fact that they won’t accept it. That’s when you pray harder (cause I’m assuming you’ve prayed before you even went to the person). And it’s also important that you don’t go around telling others or gossiping. We Christians so often veil gossping by saying we’re “concerned” or by “sharing a prayer request.” Let’s face it, we’re gossiping. HOWEVER, if they are in danger of hurting themselves or others physically then YOU MUST go to someone. Someone in authority over them and get them (and at this time, probably yourself) help. But whatever you do, don’t get frustrated and don’t give up on them and don’t abandon them.
great question! and great answers in the comments so far! but, here’s my follow up question: what do you do if the leader under which you work is obviously annointed, called, and making the “right moves,” and you end up disagreeing with him/her? is it ok to disagree or does that mean that one of you obviously isn’t listening to God? is the leader the only one who can know the right and wrong? i mean, he/she is the only one feeling the pressures, knowing ALL the consequences…just wondering…
GV – It’s okay to disagree, but if your values don’t align with the church’s values overall you might consider going to a place where your values align. I talked a bit about this in my book as it was something I came face to face with at one point. I stayed too long and it only caused tension.
Something I am learning right now in the season I’m in is learning to ask “is this worth it?”
I think if we asked ourselves that before getting frustrated or during the process of being frustrated/stressed out, it helps calm our heads and really focus on the end result of the conversation that needs to be had, the endless tasks we have to do….etc
If the end result is just us “succeeding” then really we haven’t really succeeded. Right? Sometimes I need someone to talk to me and say, Hey, is this worth it Lisa? And when I really am open to that thought, most times I think…no, it’s not worth it.
It doesn’t mean im not still passionate, but we don’t always have to win/succeed/battle/fight against all things. This for me is a hard lesson to learn as a leader.!
In my last position as Youth Minister, I tried to lead by example, talk directly and offer help but yet my senior minister still thought that I was wrong. It seemed like everyone around me was leading out of control lives and displayed workaholic tendencies. Whenever I mentioned it, people would ignore me and saw this as issue. They also believed that I over communicated my boundaries and that made me non approachable. So even if you try some of these items, they may not work. I ended up leaving because there was such a disagreement of what healthy boundaries look. I probably didn’t do it as well as I should but I felt I was constantly looked down on because I looking at long term health over short term burnout.
“It doesn?t mean im not still passionate, but we don?t always have to win/succeed/battle/fight against all things.” a wiswe person said this (Lisa)
how much energy do we expend trying to ‘fix’ people to ‘make’ them ‘see’ ‘our’ side of things – hhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmm, maybe if we prayed as much as we try to force people into our boxes we would get something done around here – just a thought :)
Something worth remembering, and I thought of this when I read getvision’s question: Paul, in Acts, was marching towards inprisonment in Rome. Godly men and women prayed and pleaded with him to change his course, believing the prophecies they were being given to be warnings that Paul might avoid what was coming (instead of perhaps warnings to prepare Paul for the hardships he would face for Christ).
While it’s true that very few of us will ever face chains for the gospel, that very few of us will ever face the challenges Paul faced, we have to remember that there are times that the same message means two very very different things to different people, and we need to be very sensitive to what the Lord would tell us and our leaders.
That said, I still think there is great wisdom in going to our leaders in love and expressing our concern for them and our desire to share their burden in ways that we protect them from burnout… so long as we don’t overburden ourselves in the process.
Is it possible that the many facets of God are revealed in type thru male female consumation? For example, one of God’s named is ‘many breasted one’ signifying His ample supply to us. That name reveals a trait revealed in nature best in a woman’s anatomy. And conversely the many masculine names of God are revealed in man.
Therefore when a man and a woman unite they are a portrait of the whole of God revealing His entire nature through one union.
A Jewish tradition suggests that God’s glory is tangibly evident at consumation between male and female. The shekinah glory. But not so when two same types of Gods manifold nature come together for it’s an aberation of intended design.
Could that be possible? Does that even make sense?
That’s my theory.