sometimes, i think i’m really smart. i did well in school, i use polysyllabic words, (i can spell polysyllabic), and know not to put metal things in the microwave.
sometimes though, i’m not smart. these moments usually involve two things.
1) choice of shoes (i.e., wearing high heels to run around large arenas for conferences)
2) directions, maps, roads, streets, or anything involving a “point a” and a “point b”
following a tragic day of wearing very high heels, in attempt to check into my hotel and change shoes before the evening events of the first day of catalyst, i fell victim to the street naming system of atlanta.
everything is peachtree road.
for example, my GPS directions to find my hotel included:
Go NW on Peachtree Rd NW
Take a slight left on Peachtree Rd
Turn left at Peachtree Ind Rd
Make an immediate right on NW Peachtree Rd*
after driving around in traffic for an hour and a half, i finally found my hotel, quickly changed my shoes, and at unheavenly rates of speed drove back to gwinnett for the deadly viper session.
arriving a few minutes late, my catalyst friend ben and i managed to find a two empty seats in the very middle, very upper, very back, very highest possible spot. during some of the transition times, we conversed on some catalyst things, some blogging things, some life things, and then he asked the money question:
“have you ever thought of shutting your blog down?”
i might as well have kept my high heels on, because it would have felt much more comfortable for him to have taken one of them off and then punch me repeatedly in my eye than for him to have asked me that question.
there was no good answer. i had thought about shutting my blog down once, but it lasted approximately .0002 seconds.
what would happen if i shut down my blog?
that question has been in my head for the last few days.
i imagined doing it. shutting it down, deleting my facebook account, my twitter account, then disappearing altogether from social networkland.
and after i recovered from hyperventilating, i pushed the thought out of my mind.
far out of my mind.
because there are many good reasons not to stop blogging – the community and the influence and change that this community has brought to issues of poverty and justice and faith.
but there is one reason my social media butterfly self couldn’t vanish.
and i wish i could say it’s valuable or worthwhile or noble. i couldn’t because if i did, i wouldn’t know what to do anymore.
i couldn’t…be.
i wouldn’t know who i am.
and i realize this is all my flawed thinking. my insecurity. my need for affirmation and worth and, dare i say, even attention?
it’s not pretty.
i’m not shutting down my blog. but wow, has that question challenged my motives.
======
*disclosure: GPS directions are represented with slight literary exaggeration
Comments
40 responses to “shutting down my blog”
yep, motive is the foundation of all judgement – for all of us
I appreciate you sharing this. I think it’s so important. If we put anything, even things that are inherently good…….. above God in our lives….. they end up being very bad. When something is above God – it’s an idol. when we unhealthily (spelling?) replace God’s role in our lives.. with these things…. it’s not good.
God will bless our ministries & ‘things’ when they are put in the right priority point….. when they become our idol, it’s time to give it up to God and allow Him to do with it as He wants.
It’s a battle I have been facing and will continue to I’m sure. It’s always a temptation to get our value, significance, appreciation from ‘things’……. it’s always a temptation to give out time to real, tangible, ‘things’ that we can see, feel, touch, experience……… but ultimately the only place we should get our value & significance is God. The devil tries to distract in any way he can…..by bombarding our senses…. but I have quit blogging cold turkey numerous times because of what I felt was happening….. I don’t want idols anymore…. I just want God.
it’s amazing when I give things up to Him when I feel they are becoming an idol and replacing God in anyway — when I give them up to Him… He always gives them back to me sometimes sooner sometimes later — but always in a much more positive, healthy, awesome, God-glorifying way :)
phew – sorry for all that— just feel passionate about this :)
thanks for you
I shut down my blog… For the weekend! LOL nice post Anne!
Since I just found your blog over the last week I would hope to see it still running… but of course, shouldn’t we all examine our motives and check our own ego’s at the door? Almost impossible to do without faith and prayer I think.
I think the things that are harder to control are those we can’t actually identify ourselves that are raised above our faith in importance. The things we focus on, the passions we have, those are easy targets, the things that scare me are those that I am unaware of in my daily walk, and I know they are out there, I just haven’t been able to discern what they are yet. :)
Great post.
I’m sure this will stop stinging after I close the browser tab.
peace|dewde
I don’t have these thoughts?more than once a week. ;-)
My First thought when i saw this On your Status on Facebook was, NOOOOOO! but once i read your Entire post i understand. Its good to have Self Reflection, that way we examine ourselves and our motives. I am Glad you are not shutting this Blog down. I know I don’t participate much on here(I think this the first time i have Commented!) But i really Enjoy reading it, It makes me think about the subjects you blog about.
I’ve thought about shutting mine down a couple of times… The question behind that question, though, came to “why” I blog in the first place.
Asking the “why” question has helped me direct and focus my blog – in ways that make it worth continuing (whether it be for me, or for others)… I would not have made those slight but significant changes if I never stopped to wonder if the blog was worth moving forward.
I think every blogger should stop & ask what would happen if they shut down their blog? And they should ask why they blog in the first place? This could breathe new life into their “bloggy” existence.
WOW! You’re so RAW! Thanks, Anne, for your transparency. It’s funny, but it’s because of posts like this that you shouldn’t shut down your blog.
Anne,
Thanks for the transparency. When I was seeking who I was and trying to find out my identity, one exercise that was eye opening to me was having to write a description about myself without using my job. (My identity was wrapped up in my work). It sounds like you are in the same line of quesitoning. I wish you well on your journey.
per our conversation, i hear ya sister.
Shutting down your blog! Holy Cow! NO!….LOL…As I said before, it’s inspiring, and thought provoking. Keep up the blogging Anne! I’d miss you lots online if you were to completely disappear!
~Shawn~
It’s obvious you are sooooo relevant and transparent, I can honestly say you fill the void, I’m sure, for soooo many of us in all these years of ministry: and for my hubby and I (everyone knows he is the Sr. Pastor) we know without a shadow of doubt your blogs and MCD writings keep us a) prayer for you and b) just care so much to know how you are. Most church members and staffers will hide what they really want to say , but with you – y ou tell it like it is. Plus you get so many chuckles out of us and laughter is the best medicine there is!!!! (Thanks for little me share our thoughts). We love your blogs! To me, you represent limitless opportunities for we females who pursue their dreams with unfailing hope and dogged determiniation!
Anne, whether or not you have a blog does not change who you are. You are who you are regardless of how you express yourself. Blogging is just one way of expressing yourself. God has made us to know Him and others and to be known by Him and others. Your blogging is just one way of letting us know you. I am sure that, if you stopped blogging, then you would find another way to express yourself and be known.
In many ways you are like a diamond. Blogging is just one of your facets. A diamond cutter will add or change facets to create just the right shape to let the brillance of the diamond shine forth. During the process of cutting the diamond, some facets get added, some facets are changed and some are removed all together. The end result though is the perfect cut for that diamond.
So it is with you. God is your diamond cutter. He is adding, changing and removing facets of your life so that His brillance can shine forth. Blogging is just one of those facets. If He removes it from your life you can be sure that, afterwards, you will shine even more brillantly for Him. After all, as William Young would say, “God is very fond of you.”
I tend to be an extremist. You know, the all or nothing mentality? That’s me. Like thinking I must post everyday or not post at all. Healing and recovery for me comes in the form of balance. Finding the balance is hard. But I’m trying.
So could it be that shutting down your blog could actally be a guilt induce sin? It is obvious to me (and I think others) that God has given you a gift. As one who has submitted herself to using that gift for God’s glory and not your own you naturally struggle with he acclaim that this gift has brought. There is a tremendous burden for those in ministry whose gifts bring them a lot of recognition. BUT if you have truly surrendered yourself to God then the acclaim is not your fault and its not your responsibility. I believe that you would blog even if you only had 40 hits a day and you didn’t feel like it was that successful. But you would keep hope that just one person reading might be impacted in a positive way.
What a fantastic struggle God allows us choosing between us or Him.
first: great to hear you did some honest reflection; and,
second: glad you are still with us via the blog :)
Glad to hear that you won’t be shutting down!
I’ve wrestled with the same thing – for me my commitment to my online self sometimes interferes with my physical self. So while I wouldn’t shut down my blog, I am time-stamping and going dark for a day. That helps keep it all in perspective.
I did that a while back for a weekend internet fast (very hard). Since then, I haven’t blogged a whole lot, really only when I get something really good to bog about. Many people have told me that I really should either shut it down or go back to regular blogging, but I am fairly content. Great post!
This is a question I have been wrestling with for quite some time. Now, I dare say, I do NOT have anywhere CLOSE to the following/impact that you have, but it still makes me wonder. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the matter. Being a bit of a “social butterfly” myself. I could totally relate. For now, I’ll keep on keepin’ on. Blessings to you…
Yeah…I totally think it (our whole lives if one is a follower in Christ) comes down to obedience and surrender. If your blog doesn’t fit into those two categories…then what are you doing it for?
Please do not shut down your blog. I like the dose of sanity.
Peace
Marquis
K, scratch that….I am thinking that if any of whatever any of us are doing doesn’t fit into either of those two categories (again if we are Christ followers) then what are we doing?
Lol. Thank you Anne. There is a bit of an internal struggle whenever we do things for God’s glory… we still want people to see our glory in it. But that’s not even a realistic struggle, since everything I have is from him. Take a fast, do what you need to do, but I am glad you are not shutting down. You shine some nice light on some personal and social issues. :) I have a bad history with the internet, so it’s easy for me to be negative about internet addiction or even being on everyday, but I keep trucking because I know it can be a good network and a tremendous encouragement- you are part of that!
I am curious what Ben’s motivation was to ask you that question?
Benji – he was being a good friend. :)
I’m hyperventilating on the thought that you might one day disappear from social networking. Nightmares! Oh the nightmares that would cause!!
I need a valium. {pants into the kitchen with shaking hands rummaging through the medicine cabinet}
LOL!!
you can’t shut your blog down cause I would miss you……and your great insights.
Scared me there….but again i say…toooooo deep for me these days!
Re: my comment #13: That sentence was supposed to be: Thanks for letting me express my feelings about your wonderful blogs. Sorry for the blooper.
Anne,
As much as I jabbed you before….don’t shut down the blog!!!
What will I read then???
Sincerely.
please don’t…ever…please…
thanks for the openness and honesty…also for the challenge in the midst of a great story!!!
i think that this goes right in line with a conversation i’ve been having with a lot of people. basically, we can do a lot of “radical” things that God didn’t tell us to do. like selling our houses, moving to the inner city, or, God forbid, shutting down our blogs. and while i dream of doing some of that stuff, because i think it’d make me a better christian and afford me some luxuries to take even more shots at the church, i believe that in my heart, such a decision for it to be a true act of worship would have to be initiated by the holy spirit. i have a friend in business who every few years gets sick of it and asks God, “NOW, do you want to go into full-time ministry?” Every time he does this, he spends a few days praying and even sometimes fasting, and God just brings him back to why he is where he is, doing what he’s doing. and he stays. maybe we all should just be asking God every once in awhile if he wants us to give up something and see what his answer is.
I just wanted to say I hope it’s not because of tony and me (or just tony).
i think a lot of us are asking that question.
the pressure to maintain.
the affirmation we get from social media is often misplaced and misguided, etc.
lots of bloggers, etc. have been going on extended blogging sabbaticals.
i’m re-thinking my own boundaries these days as well.
rhett
I think that is a question the Holy Spirit ask of us all…..repeatedly
He probes our heart.
Why do we do what we do?
I personally battled the same thing and it led me to a blog fast.
It was hard to let go….but one of the greatest things I have experienced…I have since committed to a once a year blog fast as a spiritual discipline.
Thanks for asking the tough questions!
I began my blog as a request from our chief of staff/pastor to the whole staff. We are currently completely redesigning our website. Staff blogs are part of that whole creation. So right now they are kind of behind the scenes…just starting to build an audience that we can in some way be helpful to.
What has come as a complete shock are the people that have told me they had no idea how deeply I think or that I can write. I move fast, and get bored easily, so I guess my blog made me stop and sit down. So, in my case it has been a very spiritual though intentional experience to blog. Not that every post is deep – very few are, but they’re me and what I am experiencing and how God affects all things.
I agree with others who commented – the motive for blogging, if a bad one, would be the only reason to quit Anne. You are awesome!
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