last week, i mentioned something chris had said about living in america but not living an american lifestyle. over the last few months, we have made some drastic changes that have helped us look at needs vs. wants vs. reality differently.
in oklahoma city, we lived in a brand new luxury apartment in downtown. when we moved to nashville, we could have moved into a cottage in the famous downtown franklin (read: trendy and expensive) or into a 1970’s townhome in older west nashville, sight unseen.
we chose the townhome. it’s a few hundred dollars a month cheaper. and it has wood paneling. which i have grown to love.
yet i am still tempted. i am still plagued. with the speaking engagements, and inevitable public appearances that come with widely releasing a book, i feel i must look a certain way. dress a certain way. have my hair a certain way. lose those “last 10 pounds.”
because i feel as if i don’t, people won’t take me seriously.
i am a jeans a tee shirt kind of girl. i don’t always match. on purpose. i love my flip flops. it literally takes a wedding or a funeral to get me dressed up. it really hasn’t mattered much to me…until now.
i have to admit, i’m feeling the pressure.
would it be so terrible to wear my (nice) jeans and my (nice) shirt when i talk to pastors who are old enough to be my dad? will they take me seriously? will my glasses make me look smarter, or be a barrier for eye contact? will they notice that i’m 28? does it matter i’m a girl with nine hours of college credit, and only three of those were a bible class that i barely passed? should i get my nails done?
[welcome to the inside of my mind]
it would be easy for me to drop a grand on a new wardrobe that would make me look like i have my stuff together. i could look really sharp, no doubt. i could hire someone who knows something about how to dress people so i don’t feel so darn self conscious.
but i really don’t think that would truthfully represent me — all of me.
yet i feel the pressure. and i’m struggling with it. i think deep down inside, i know it doesn’t matter. but i so feel that it does…
do you?
Comments
81 responses to “wood paneling and my biggest struggle as of late”
I’m feeling ya Anne! I suppose that’s why the LORD admonished us that the ‘fear of man is a snare’ and largely b/c on the flip-side of that same fear is the need for their approval.
I must say ‘total transparency’ before folks helps us all to breathe easier…in fact, it’s a lot easier to breathe without the mask, the LORD once whispered into my ear!
Shalom Aleichem!
Man, do I ever struggle with those same thing! Not the dresses or getting my nails done, mind you, but the balance between being ME focused and being OTHERS focused.
Wouldn’t it be nice if there were some golden standard that you can spend XX% of your income on yourself and should give XX% away. It’s not really the giving we’ve had trouble with, it’s balance.
At what point does my spending stop taking care of my needs and start indulging my wants?
Am I doomed to live a life without all the little frills and extras I see so many people have?
And yet, how can I indulge all these little frills when there are so many going to bed hungry tonight?
Where is the balance?
Anne, I think us women have always struggled with the truth that “looking good makes us feel confident”. I think you should be comfortable. and yourself. and of course appropriate. (that’s the funeral and wedding thing i suppose) I personally do not feel there is any shame in dressing in a way that makes you feel comfortable and at ease. If you need some new jeans and a couple of new shirts then that’s okay. If you would rather wear what you have, ditto. Go in peace my friend and just be YOU. That’s who we want to hear from.
And BTW, some of us much older people still struggle with being accepted. I also did not finish college. (2/3 of a nursing degree is not helpful to being a worship minister!) I also worry about my weight and how I look up on stage. Because I have no “formal” training – no seminary, no music degree – I feel others don’t always quite see me as a minister OR a musician. I certainly lack “credentials” and could probably not be hired at other churches. That hurts. So we all probably struggle with the same thing. I’m just not doing it on such a grand stage! :)
yep.
please let me know when you figure it out…
The pressure is real – I thnk we all feel it. The whole ‘keeping up with the Jones’ stuff.
Hi Anne~ I got to your post through Boo Mama’s. I don’t normally comment on everything I read, but I felt led to add my 2 cents worth to this one.
For more than 25 years now, everyday, I’ve prayed for the Lord to dress me and get me ready for the day – whatever comes. I literally ask Him as I stand at my closet, “What do I wear today?” And, I promise you, He leads me to “notice” something – and often it is a new combination of old things, but it always has been just what the day needed. I also ask Him to help me fix my hair, nails, jewelry, etc.
I know you know this… God cares about even the smallest details of our lives. If we’re going to stress over it, we can be assured that He cares about it. Some think that asking for this type of help from the Lord is being selfish. I don’t. We’re told to depend on Him and to pray about EVERYTHING. There is enough of Him to help us dress AND to take care of the major needs around the world. We’re His kids… He delights in being involved in every aspect of our lives.
I said all of that to say that I truly believe that if you ask the Lord what you should wear to each interview, meeting, etc. He will lead you. Then it won’t be about you giving up your individuality, or trying to dress to conform – it will be about the Lord dressing you in a way that He can use you and shine best through you in that particular situation. Then, when you meet people, you don’t have to worry if you look O.K.. You will. You will be dressed by the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth!
I know that the Lord is so proud of you and the way you are serving Him and His people. May He bless you and dress you, all for His glory! :-)
Or you could just think about your Ugandan kids. If you think they’d be glad to see you looking like you do right now, it should be ok with everyone else. And if not, just care about impressing the Ugandans.
You know, I quit major make up about 8 months ago. But I’m a stay at home mom. However, at events (wedding, party, etc) I slap it back on. I don’t know what to tell you, Anne. We all do this. Even guys. You do want them to take you seriously. You don’t want to look like you’re 16 years old. But you also don’t want to stray too far from your real self. This is tough so since I have nothing to add I will just pray that when you prepare for an event that God will guide you in your wardrobe as well as your words. Good luck!
I could understand the pressure. I’ve felt it, too, as a pastor’s wife. God has made you to be who you are. If you are speaking from your heart about what God wants you to say, then the truth is, they aren’t going to even SEE Anne Jackson anymore.
Do what you need to do to make yourself feel confident…confident in who God’s made Anne Jackson to be because my old roommate used to say, “If you don’t feel good about yourself, what’s the point?”…and then concentrate on what God wants you to say. The wrapping won’t be (and shouldn’t be) as amazing or impressive as the gift inside it.
You are a TREASURE, Anne. I love to hear your thoughts.
Anne,
Great confession….I struggle with the same thing. Even living in North Africa I daily see….super poor people with one or two outfits….super hip creative guys wearing hip European fashion. Because my work is among the younger creative types I dress similarly. The struggle is the same for us overseas as well….well for some of us at least some just dress bad no matter where they live :-)
Camel Rider
I struggle with this a lot. When I was working as a teacher, I wanted to look older than the parents so they’d take me seriously. I wanted to look professional. Now that I’m at home with the kids, I want to look like I do something other than chase after small children all day. I tell myself this has to do with the reality that humans form opinions about others based on appearances and to ignore that ignores reality. It makes me upset if I don’t have makeup on by the time my husband gets home, though, and I KNOW he is not judging me. So I guess at least half of the battle is convincing myself that I have worth, with or without makeup.
…But if a little bit of mascara and some heels make ME feel better, sometimes it’s worth it, too.
I think being authentic is particularly important given the topic of your book. Coming from a household that has suffered severe devastation due to church burnout, I know that the expectations of others play a huge role in that slippery slope.Our Christian culture is already filled with the flashy and the polished writing it-all-sounds-the same books. We need fresh voices from real people who have the courage to be themselves-100%. And I am betting that is you!
So take a deep breathe, buy a few new things, and have a ball!
BTW-been lurking awhile and this is my first time to comment…love the blog :)
Er, yes.
Just emailed you!
the dress code is something that i tend to go to an extreme on…i really could care less what people think about my jeans…i want to be myself, which at times means i’m in a casual jacket with my jeans and other times just a t-shirt with my “holy” jeans…i would love to wear a hat 24/7, just because i love hats (plus the hair continues to get thinner with age…)
if people are wanting to hear what you have to say, it won’t matter what you have on…and if they are wanting to hear what you have to say, it won’t matter…this is something where you have to be you and share who God has made you to be and what He has given you to share…
easy for me to say right…?
maybe you can just pretend you are typing on my computer to all of your readers???
Okay Anne: Challenge time! First, I am 55 years old (soon to be 56 on 10/9 if anyone is interested- :) ) That puts me in the old fogy group to many of your readers. So let me speak as a 55 year old male. Quit worrying about how you look! Speaking frankly: I like the relaxed look. I would be put off if you thought you needed to “put on airs” to speak to me-in a group or personally. I too am a casual dresser. I wear khakis and a pullover or henley on Sunday morning. It is so refreshing to NOT have to wear a stupid noose around my neck. I will be struggling next month when I return to a former church for a reunion and I will fight my bride to not wear a tie. I wear jeans or casual clothes during the week. But I digress. Be yourself! Pfffft on those who want you to conform to their image or feel you must for them to listen to you. this is my personal opinion: wear the jeans and t. Another thing: don’t be so hard on yourself about your lack of education. I know a whole lot of educated people that ain’t got a clue about life. We used to say that many college professors do down deep and come up dry. I look forward to reading your book and someday to meet you so you can sign it. Okay…time to get off the soapbox. Be yourself Anne. I like what I read.
BTW: my daughter wore flip-flops in her wedding. :)
I hear the wrestling match going on inside your head. My dear, be you.
Because the you I know is fabulous.
i’m laughing as i sit in my office wearing a shirt and tie…i have to for work…HA!
I hear ya, especially about looking a certain way for “those that matter” but shouldn’t, really. I have a suit and tie that only comes out “to marry and bury,” as my wife puts it. We replace it once a decade just in case it’s looking like a re-run no one can quite remember. Interesting how Jesus excises the “image incubus” from all of us, isn’t it? Forces that ugly sucker up into the light so we can deal with it. I’m so glad you are. I’ll pray for you as I pray for myself.
Yes, I do!
Part of me wants someone to nominate me for the show “What Not to Wear” because my closet and I need the help. But I still want to be me and not some version of what some young, hip TV personalities think I should be.
Oh, for the simple Bible days of tunics and sandals!
side note: When I pack for a trip I always wonder what Jesus packed whenever He was out walking from town to town, and I don’t think He had any of the disciples dragging suitcases filled with unnecessary stuff for Him.
I’m a guy married to a woman that needs to dress up for her job. My wife also prays and asks God to help her get dressed (sometimes I wish she would pray quieter). Recently, I hired a wardrobe manager/tailor to advised me and outfit me on what clothes would fit and work properly. I think that was some of the best money I spent in a long time.
Go ahead and spend some money on someone to help you figure out what you look good in and what you look like to other people. You might be surprised.
Aboslutely. I know exactly where you’re coming from. While it is not important to God what you look like, unfortunately to the world it is. Although we know that we are loved by God, we can’t expect that many of the people we are trying to reach will pay any attention to us if we don’t look that we’re at least semi-concerned with our appearance. Not that we need to be too extravagent of course. There’s an interesting line that you have to walk to appear to have influence while pulling off the whole Christian humility trait, since that too is a huge part of our witness.
Good luck.
By the way…I’m starting a new feature on my faith blog called REAL Christians on Friday. The premise of it can be found at Tell Me the Truth…. Please stop by when you get a moment and give me your honest opinion about it. I’m pryaing it will be a good thing. You can bring items like this to it if you want. =)
i get this, anne. joy and i intentionally are living – home-wise – more modestly than we need to SO THAT we can be more aggressive with our debt and be more free to give to others. God’s generosity was evident in that our single-level duplex – though a bit small – was new when we moved into it. we suspect a move to a house will come at some point; we want it to be His timing, though.
another thought for ya: i have every confidence that if you and chris are living in obedience and strive to be good stewards of the provision you receive, God will honor that and you will discover that He is generous in really creative ways.
there are few things i oppose more than the “prosperity” gospel, but i also believe that God loves to lavish us in unique ways. be on the lookout…:)
Hey! I don’t know that I have formally met you yet… but I have seen you at Cross Point. Forgive me for not introducing myself but every time I see you, you are engaged in conversation, and I don’t want to be the girl interrupting. I think that everyone struggles with this. I know that I do for sure. It’s hard living in a world that is so so focused on outward everything… how much money WE THINK people make (even if they are several thousand dollars in debt), how attractive we think he/she is (but don’t know that they work out several hours a day and struggle with an eating disorder), etc. etc. I kinda think that it’s all a balancing act. BUT… from what I have heard about you (all amazing things), I think that you need to just be you! (Easier said than done, I know.) I’ll be praying for all of us! P.S. I am GOING to find you Sunday and say hello! Welcome to Nashville!
Anne,
I’ve got to confess that I struggle in many of the same ways… wondering if people will take me seriously when I didn’t grow up in the church and have no bible school training – who am I to talk about faith and life? All of what you said actually hits me like a ton of bricks, except I’m 31 (who am I to know anything?) and the house? ACK! Nothing like the other lovely Christian women have (or the hair for that matter!)
A good friend told me very recently “Lanelle, if you only believed God loved you, you could do anything” I think in me it is a struggle between the praise of man and the praise of God. I think there is a tinge of doubt there, some deep insecurities in me…
I’ve been struggling to step out of my box recently, and honestly it has been very hard. Sometimes I step out only to desperately want to run back. Seek first the kingdom… Keep on stepping, and know that I’m praying, even though you don’t know me at all and we’ll likely never meet!
I hear you re: pressure… I guess that (in my better moments, anyway) I have just decided that I don’t care what people think.
I think it’s possible to look sharp and professional w/out dropping a ton of cash.
I own one cheap suit, which I got off the sale rack at Target. I also own several cheap dress shirts, some Dockers, and some lame neckties. Nothing in my closet cost more than $40. I do spend a couple extra bucks a month to have the shirts dry-cleaned, as I’ve found that they tend to last way longer that way.
I guess there could be some people that think I look sloppy in those clothes… but, their opinion doesn’t determine my level of confidence.
I also think it’s also possible to get the gig(s) you want w/out having the most sparkly resume and education.
I’m 32 years old. I went to college for about two and a half years. My transcripts include an F in BICYCLING, for crying out loud. I have no special training, no certifications in this or that, etc.
Even with my lack of formal education and sale-rack threads from Target, I somehow ended up in executive management at a $150,000,000 company. I don’t know how. I certainly didn’t set out with that goal. All I can tell you is that I show up on time, work hard, and make sure that if I say I’m going to do something, I do it.
It’s not rocket science. Show up, work hard, treat people the way you want to be treated.
Just my .02
Wear the nice jeans & t-shirt. Please make sure your jeans don’t show your undies in the back and front. That is just gross. Just put a jacket over the shirt. Nix the cleavage – duh.
You are young so not many wrinkles – go lite on the makeup, use your natural beauty.
Use the glasses for reading only – makes the old people who need them to read feel better! ha.
No matter what those old men are going to look at you like you are their young daughter. It’s better they think of you that way then the “other” way. Use it to your advantage.
The weight – is that why your site only has head shots? You need to quit worrying about that crap. Be healthy & don’t fret over the weight if in fact you do have any extra to loose. Trust me – no one really notices anyway unless you wear leggings with a t-shirt covering your butt at the grocery store and you have donuts in your basket.
I would rather see a speaker be themselves with just a small amount of tweaking, if you are uncomfortable then it will surely show. Probably a coach to help you speak would be good – check out Toastmasters if they are still around, or a similar group.
Chill, quit stressing & see if you can rip down that paneling.
Oh, can I relate! My hubby works in the political arena. Translate: clients who are congressmen and senators. I am just a small town southern girl used to dressing in walmart and target attire. There have been times when I have literally gotten sick just anticipating those business events that I must attend with him.
I get so easily sucked into appearances. Over the past months as I have fought my cancer battle, I have learned so much about being who I am. Trust me, cancer is not pretty. But the results are certainly beautiful. I’m learning that’s what’s most important.
There is so much need in the world… that’s where I want my focus to be.
I am all about being yourself. I think a nice pair of jeans is dressing up here in the Lone Star State of Texas. Over the last couple of years my friends and I have been called to speak at Ladies Retreats and of the 5 of us that travel together, I am the one who was not raised in the “this is the way you dress to go to church” home, in our house we were just lucky to get there, and we definately didn’t have the “right” clothes. I am most comfy in a pair of jeans and flip flops. One thing that the Lord reminded me that Paul said in scripture was that we were to be all things to all men in order to save some. So I think to myself, will the people I am speaking to “hear” me if I wear…. or will they be focused on what I chose to wear. So sometimes I am dressier than others depending on what the audience will be, I just want Jesus to be heard and not get in the way of that.
oh man!!! do i ever understand!!! what will people think of me if i…? i really struggle with the fear of making mistakes and then people being there to chastise me for all the wrong decisions i have made!!! it sometimes paralyzes me into not wanting to do much of anything.
and, it would be super easy for me to spend all of my money on new clothes or the latest technology instead of giving that money/resources away to worthy causes or missionaries.
all this to say…i feel ya!!!
Holy cow … only 7:43 my time and there are already 27 posts … by the time I’m done, mine will likely be #30. or higher
You’re my kind of people, and so are these commenter’s:
… I personally do not feel there is any shame in dressing in a way that makes you feel comfortable and at ease. If you need some new jeans and a couple of new shirts then that?s okay. If you would rather wear what you have, ditto. Go in peace my friend and just be YOU.
… Or you could just think about your Ugandan kids. If you think they?d be glad to see you looking like you do right now, it should be ok with everyone else.
… Do what you need to do to make yourself feel confident?confident in who God?s made Anne Jackson to be because my old roommate used to say, ?If you don?t feel good about yourself, what?s the point???and then concentrate on what God wants you to say. The wrapping won?t be (and shouldn?t be) as amazing or impressive as the gift inside it.
… i really could care less what people think about my jeans?i want to be myself, which at times means i?m in a casual jacket with my jeans and other times just a t-shirt with my ?holy? jeans?
… Be yourself! Pfffft on those who want you to conform to their image or feel you must for them to listen to you. this is my personal opinion: wear the jeans and t. Another thing: don?t be so hard on yourself about your lack of education. I know a whole lot of educated people that ain?t got a clue about life
Anne, What a perfect day for this post (for me at least). I am sitting here in my GRITS (Girls Raised in the South) t-shirt, which looks more like a pajama shirt than a ‘day shirt’. My hair is in a ponytail (I really don’t look good in ponytails) and I’m wearing rolled up jeans. Ahhh this is the life. Yesterday I had makeup, rolled hair, clothes that matched well–that was the life yesterday. But today I’m in a ‘dress for me’ mood.
I’m with you on wanting to wear my whatevers whenever. Why can’t people see us for who we are like Jesus does? But, like you, I drag out the uncomfortable stuff and take extra time when I have a meeting or something where I need to be taken seriously because people do care. I think your glasses should be fine, though, right? I can feel you standing there before a meeting thinking ‘glasses or contacts?’ I’m not laughing. I have changed one for the other at the last minute myself.
I can understand being conscious of our dress, but I am guilty of overthinking it to the point that I feel more like my clothes than myself sometimes. I get frustrated over this when it’s time for church. I’ve been to dress-me-up churches and I’ve been to come-as-you-are churches. Now I have that moody feeling when I visit a new church. Do I want to abide by a dress code, or wear my whatevers? I’m feeling you Anne!
I enjoy freaking people out which is just as bad. I love to wear jeans to a wedding or funeral just to bother people. I know it’s wrong but I can’t help it.
I have instructed my wife that if I die before her she has to stand at the door and can’t let anyone come to my funeral with a tie.
See we all have our issues.
Anne:
Because you are presenting your new book, and the book is YOU personified, I would go by the feel you have and live that you were so brilliant to write. I look at book covers and inside covers and outside comments, so, in my opinion, the Author stands out….that being YOU, go with the comfort as you have spent kazillion hours to write and of course the truth is …..you are precious in His sight…..so go with just being Anne and I promise God will definitely get the glory because you are very caring! And that’s it in a nutshell! Trust me, there’s a twinkle in your blogs that stands out when you mention your new book MCD! All-inclusive authentic.
Anne,
From what I’ve seen from your blog. Tee shirt and Jeans is what who you are, I never thought of you as a ‘business suit’ kinda person. So don’t feel too pressured about your attire. On the contrary, if a ‘missionary’ or somebody preaches about God, giving to the poor, yet wearing the nicest prada and Jimmy Choo’s…then I’d be skeptikal.
Hi Anne,
We all struggle with these things. I’m 33 with a college degree and I still wonder everyday if I will be taken seriously in my interactions with people. I find the the more I am doing what God has called me to do, the more likely I am to feel insecure. That is because there is one who doesn’t want us to do what God has called us to do, and he knows the buttons to push.
Being authentically who you are will make people respect you more than wearing the “correct” clothing and holding the “correct” degree. Correct is a subjective ideal.
Keep blazing the trail…
Deneen
Anne,
Yes, I have struggled with it too over the years. I will tell something that I do not normally share online. I went to seminary. And am often used through by that seminary for promoting that seminary. That seminary or any other seminary is not what I personally promote. And while you will be out promoting your book… that’s not what you’re really promoting either…
For if it were… you would not bleed Jesus like you do. You wouldn’t care that there are individuals suffering from Mad Church Disease. And you wouldn’t want to offer them encouragement, support, hope, and etc…. just like you do with the little children of this world.
It’s not about being an American. It’s about following Christ. And with Him there is freedom to be who He created you to be. If the situation requires fancier dress – do that… if not.. don’t. It’s the heart of the matter….
As always.. praying and love you woman just as you are…
I feel I’m going into the same boat. I’m in college to become a high-school English teacher, yet at the age of 22 and in my fifth year of college, I still have that “baby-face” and look like a sixteen year old kid. So the whole idea of people taking you seriously has been on the forefront of my mind for awhile now. I’m learning to just go with it. I’m a pretty happy go lucky guy, so the professionalism is there, it’s just in a different form.
Don’t sweat the appearance stuff. People will respect you more if you’re real.
Anne,
Would you like me to nominate you for What Not To Wear? You get a $5K wardrobe and a trip to NYC!
But I wear jeans and unmatched clothes too. :)
Derek Webb penned those thoughts very creatively in “Faith My Eyes” when he said, “I’m blessed as the poor, but still I judge success on how I’m dressing.”
I can totally, totally relate.
I often get the chance to teach the Bible to groups of people, and I find myself trying to come across the same way as other Bible teachers that I admire, when that’s not really who I am…
It’s tough!
that’s me. a male. tshirt and jeans… not the cool tshirt and jeans either.
I was going to say also, how you talk matters more than how you dress.
I’ve seen some people in sales (no offense to them), dressed up in three piece suits, ties and all, but when they talk they open the sentence with “Check dis out man….look at this nice car, wouldn’t you want one?” uhmm..No.
great post anne.
everything you do in the future will hinge on your nails.
you gotta do the nails.
ABSOLUTELY! You said it well. I think we all struggle with this… just not all of us admit to it.
2 thoughts: wear contacts for better eye contact AND do the nails. :)
I’m a family pastor who would love to show up on Sunday in jeans and cowboy boots. I’m not a cowboy, but would just love to wear the boots that I got last year on my sabatical. I can’t. I don’t have the guts. I wear jeans in the office and have had people tell me that it isn’t right for a pastor to be dressed that casually. Still, I’d like to on Sunday but don’t.
Instead, I just hired a new youth pastor who wore a grungy pair of cargo khakis and a t-shirt to his interview. He’s comfortable with who he is and who he is isn’t a dressed up guy. Several people told me to ask him to dress up for the events leading up to his appointment. I talked to him about that. I told him that some people will have a problem with a pastor in a t-shirt, but it was up to him to decide if he wanted to please the “people” or dress in his normal way. He told me he’d wear a nice solid color t-shirt.
He did. It was white.
The youth all love the way he dresses.
I wish I could wear my cowboy boots to church. I gotta find the guts.
Hey. You got my heart on this one. Dave Allen said way up at number 7 to “just think about your Ugandan kids…” but for me, I am getting ready to fly back to the States and have a handful of speaking engagements and that is precisely what I will be thinking about…Well, sort of. “My kids” are in South Africa, and I don’t have to impress them (his point) but I am going to be speaking at all those churches to raise money for us to stay here. Do I wear churchy dress up clothes? Do I wear what I wear here? Dress up? Dress down? How do I act? Because I know there has been a lot of static as of late concerning the church politics but we haven’t been in a church family in over a year…how the heck am I supposed to act, let alone know what to wear? I am so concerned over this. I know that if I wear what I wear here (traditional dress) people in America won’t get it and if I wear cool clothes from Old Navy that won’t be me either…seriously, I am stuck in the middle.
at 23 it is a trudging uphill climb and battle for respect from whom i influence or work with. but i find that God has called us all for a purpose and i don’t think there’s a dress code for God to see that we fulfill that purpose. i think we are at our most comfortable and more effectiveness if we are being ourselves. putting on a play and an act isn’t being a good example to anyone we lead. showing them that we are capable and able in our own skin, allows them the freedom o be themselves as well. just my thoughts.
Anne, I think part of it has to do with local Nashville culture. I visited the offices of a Christian music company there last year, and went into the men’s room.
I panicked. The bathroom counter was crammed with hairspray, gel, mouthwash, brushes, combs, cologne and other toiletries… I was sure I had walked into the women’s restroom.
But I hadn’t. I was astonished at the preoccupation with image, and my friend who lives there said to me, “That’s Nashville.” Come see us in St. Louis. Your jeans and t-shirt will blend in just fine!
Anne, I totally understand your problem. I look at it this way, though:
I’m a bi-vocational children’s pastor and computer geek. I speak to teens and college students from time to time, and I have a small group of middle-aged adults who meet at my house each week. As a computer geek, I work at home often, but also on site at different customer sites.
Each of these environments has an expectation. What I *prefer* is working at home in my pajamas and flip-flops. But there are places where that getup won’t fly. I wouldn’t be taken seriously in some environments, I’d get laughed at in others, and probably get the cops called on me as a homeless person in others.
In order for me to deliver my message and be heard, I have to become all things to all people (Sound familiar?) It’s not that I’m not “me”, but I have to make myself fit into culture enough to be accepted. There are clothes you wouldn’t wear, things you wouldn’t say, actions you wouldn’t take if you were on mission to Uganda. You would tailor yourself to be heard and accepted in that culture. There are plenty of subcultures we have to adjust to here as well.
That said – I’m totally with you on the insecurities of moving in certain crowds. I don’t have a college degree. I never attended a Bible college. I feel inadequate most of the time. You just have to be confident that if you have a message to deliver, God will speak through you. After all – it’s his message, anyway.
I love clothes.
I love Anne.
And I love me my new pair of Pumas.
Hi Anne,
Thanks for your honesty. You are beautiful jeans, teacher, whatever. Having said that, I think you should give yourself the freedom to invest on a wardrobe that would reflect you and at the same time give you some credibility. I also came back from Africa and I live extremely frugal for an LA girl. I dont get my nails done, or tan and I belong to the junkie car club since my car is a 1994 with 208,000 miles. I am unemployed too – and single- and no family – so I try to keep good stewardship but for the interview I have tomorrow (Id appreciate your prayers) I felt freedom in investing in a new suit. I am not a suit type of person so I got a skirt and blouse and a flower pin to reflect my OWN personality but if I went to my interview in jeans and t-shirt it would be to me, bad stewardship of the opportunity God gave me to interview with this people. Is kind of like that woman who spent a year in perfume to put it at the feet of Jesus, it is extravagant but it is what she did to relate to him. If I need to relate to people in the advertising industry I cant seat at the interview tomorrow with flip flops and jeans. I know my beauty is on the inside but I have to make the effort too…May you be set free to invest a little on yourself – you deserve it girl! The way we represent ourselves is an opportunity to represent Jesus. 2nd Corinthians 4:11
I meant to say jeans, T-SHIRT – whatever sorry!!!!!!!!
hey, I saw your link on facebook, so I thought I’d check it out. First, congrats on the book! Second, I say go with the jeans and t-shirt. That’s who you are and that’s what everyone loves about you. Your look is you. No worries :)
Anne,
I can’t pretend to know where you’re coming from. All I know is that if people won’t listen to you because of age or dress (just make sure you don’t smell like a nasty explosion of gas), they probably aren’t the people who are going to care about anything you have to say anyway, or the liklihood of them changing as a result of it is slim.
Be the best you that you can be. Trust me, the world (including pastors) needs it more than you’ll probably care to know.
Cheering you on in jeans,
Jeremy
You wear Christ way too well to be worried about anything else…….the whole question reminds me of Esther 2:15-16……and as far as being 28, that’s part of the reason you were called for such a time as this.
Love you and praying for you with excitement and expectation! :)
i love your honesty with this.
i saw rock what you always rock. my motto is ‘what you see is what you get’
i’m jealous of the wood paneling :)
I love a woman dressed up, but, there is something about the jeans and tee’s as well. Most of all I feel it is important to just be yourself, although yourself is fluid concept, you can be yourself in nice jeans and top. There’s a problem when people miss a message because it’s delivered in a burlap sack.
P.s. I grew up in a craftsman house from the 20’s and my first home was a 1925 english cottage, I miss the character of these homes, and, yes. The paneling too.
Great post–I can so relate…I worked 21 yrs as a physical therapist with kids—comfortable, fun, crazy. Now I’m 40+, still a ponytail, baseball cap, jeans kind of girl whose helping to lead a brand new church! Little church experience so trying to look “professional”, yet I would rather spend time with the T-shirt and jeans “crowd”…oh, the dilemma…
Instead of answering a question, I’m going to ask one…..
What percentage (or part..since numbers can be tricky) of burnout is caused by pastors/staff members trying to “measure up” and “look the part” instead of simply being the part?? Therein may lie your answer….
KEEP IT REAL. if jeans and t’s are you, be you. Do not buy the hype. who you are created what you do. if being you has been enough up until this point, keep being you now. you being you is what people want.
be you. it wins every time.
Anne, I have worked with a number of young minister types and here is what I have found; Your clothes and hair and car and nails and education do nothing for you. It is where you are in Christ that wins the day. I have listened to every syllable spoken by people who were barely old enough to drive because their words were God inspired and directed. I believe “Mad Cow Disease” is what God gave you after you relied on Him in dark times. Speak about it and it will be from Him. You will be fine.
I am still a big fan of the daily shower however. You might want to stick with that. ;-)
go with the woodpanel. One day you might be driving a station wagon.
Just be Anne!
don’t try to make yourself something!
i heard a great line from a friend, “be yourself, everyone else is taken.”
i think society is judgmental but in reality most of us are like the rest of us and most of us bend to what we “think” everyone else wants… in reality though, everyone else seems to want what we have. :) ha-ha.
i admire those who have the strength to be themselves without trying to be someone else.
Friend,
I think you dress fine and I think that people will take you seriously because of the depth of your words and heart, not how deep the pockets on your dark wash jeans are…..and you are always welcome to use my closet if you need an outfit.
I totally feel the whole “maybe I should dress better to impress the pastor/leader/businessman/whoever that is old enough to be my dad” thing – especially since all the other staff at my church are always dressed no nicely.
[Thankfully, my lead pastor who is in his 50’s dresses a lot like me, with t-shirts, shorts, and flip flops quite frequently. That makes me feel no so underdressed. =) ]
Whenever I feel that way, I remember that I have to be who I am, and t-shirts and sandals is who I am. Plus, as a single guy it really makes me stand out to the ladies when I actually do dress up ;)
havent read through the comments. sorry.
my opinion…
none of it matters.
i dont know you at all – but i “think” i know enough to say…you are where you are now…because you are you. you are authentic. so keep being you.
“…but if I went to my interview in jeans and t-shirt it would be to me, bad stewardship of the opportunity God gave me to interview with this people”
those are wise, wise words young lady – good for you!!!
That’s awesome to hear someone else successful in ministry that doesn’t have a degree. I thought I was the only uneducated one out there. haha
Anne I have to say that I am a bit surprised that these things consume so much time in your noodle. Not that I am disappointed, but I figured that if anyone understood their role and their place in society, culture and church it would be you. You have always approached these issues with such wisdom and grace and knowledge and not because you have a degree but simply because you have lived it out. I truly appreciate the honesty of your thinking because in many ways, just like about everyone else here, I have had some similar thoughts.
Hey Anne, I’m also in full-time ministry as a writer and speaker, and I love your post. After five books, lots of articles, and speaking, I learned that being who God made me (jeans and fun shoes) is what is best. It’s my heart that he’s after, and not a whole lot of the other stuff really will matter in the end.
Love your post. Love your heart. Keep running after God and the passion that he has placed inside of you.
Suzie Eller
Kenyon, nope…I am just as screwed up and obsessed about the wrong things as the next guy.
My dress is an expression of my feeling of the day. Color, style, whatever….whatever You say, whatever…….sorry, got off on a Chapman song:) !
If you genuinely believe that God has given you a message to tell, then He has given you the life experience/education necessary to do what lays in front of you. If you are a jeans and t-shirt girl, be who you are. Good luck! Look forward to reading the book.
Expound! Or maybe I will, lol. This is something I think about a lot. I think God calls us to be radical. I think this may mean no shopping sprees, no cable TV, minimum driving, no extras, just giving, giving, giving, and God will take care of you. I mean, Jesus truly lived this way, and we are called to live like him. Why is it so difficult to desire and see through though? Especially living in a consumer culture. I want to be like this but I want to look in style. I want to save the world but I like to eat out. It is so difficult!
Reading about being inside your mind reminded me of the movie: “Being John Malkovich” – not in a weird way, but our thoughts tend to get away from us!
Being authentic got you there, being authentic will keep you there! Besides, God is the one who gives opportunity, not the impressing of others.
Keep it real!
Oh yeah, and do wear your nice jeans! haha
Be yourself! “Who” is always more than “what.” The right clothes and education don’t mean that you have anything to say. I’m sure you’ll find the appropriate balance. :)
Hi Anne,
I’m guessing that when you went to Africa, you had to take a lot of pills/vaccinations for the trip, right? Well, you were preparing yourself for the environment you were about to enter… which was different from the one you normally live in. I would view your upcoming, growing speaking/professional engagements the same way. Athletes wear uniforms and protective gear. Military, public service professionals (firemen, police) wear their gear. It all has a purpose and reason behind it. In my last job, I had to wear a suit and tie. I’m not a suit and tie person AT ALL, but did it to receive my paycheck and fulfill what was required of me. While there is no set list of rules you probably have to follow, regarding dress, some of the things you mention are just part of the expectations. I’m not saying you should cave in or conform or anything like that. I just think that your message is so important, so vital, that what you DON’T WANT is for anything to stand in the way or distract anyone from hearing your heart and message. You go to another country… you try to speak the language… when in Rome, you know?
I think you can find a great balance in “expectations” and in your personal preferences and style. I have an author friend who hired a stylist to help her come up with a practical wardrobe.. separates that mixed & matched, laundered well for travel, etc. They enhanced her appearance/presence without distracting or being disingenuous.
I think that sometimes when you put yourself in the public like this, it’s a lot about the audience and less about you, the individual. They want to hear what you have to say, so you just have to help set the stage that will facilitate this. You can also gauge your appearance by your audience demography.
If you have to wear a uniform or costume or whatever you want to call it, I think it will be worth it in order to deliver your vital words of help and healing.
Can’t wait to see you at cre:ate 2009. I wonder what you’ll wear? ;)
Great web-site, where did you obtain the template?
I’ve really enjoyed the quotation “Love of beauty is taste. The creation of beauty is Art.” By Ralph Waldo Emerson. This opened up my eyes to the beauty of make-up and it’s creation.