sometimes people get busted. and sometimes people confess.
either way, it seems that a lot of the time, those people don’t receive grace.
i think of john edwards. kind of busted, and kind of confessed. the healer song guy confessed. and yet, a majority of people just drag them through the mud or cry about how disappointed they are.
i will never forget two separate days in my life when i had to walk through dealing with serious confessions.
my former boss, a pastor, and very good friend confessed quickly to an affair he had with another very good friend of mine. yes, it felt like my heart had been ripped out but surprisingly, i felt unexpected joy (??!!) because i knew he had just taken a step closer to freedom and restoration.
two years later, another friend, who was almost like a father figure to me and my pastor confessed to his long term affair. my heart broke, but again, i still found some very random peace knowing that someone else was walking toward freedom.
there are obviously consequences and pain that come along with confession…i mean, when you confess, obviously you’ve screwed up somewhere along the journey. and sin does break the heart of god and causes problems in relationships. sometimes it’s even impossible to mend those human relationships.
people will let you down. i’d like to challenge you to suck it up a bit when you’re hurt or disappointed by someone who’s fallen.
instead realize that their confession is actually a huge part of them becoming restored. it’s a huge step toward holiness.
and that should be celebrated.
Comments
56 responses to “when people confess”
this has been a delicate art of learning for me. learn grace. doesn’t sound like something one should have to learn, but for me, personally, i have had to. thankfully since God is the ultimate in grace-giving, we have a good example to follow.
amen!
i wrote something similar to this yesteday, and i agree with you completely on your last three paragraphs.
http://www.loveisgreaterthan.com/reason-124-why-i-dislike-christians
Yes, I am a firm believer in confession. I agree it is the first step to healing. Unfortunatley the situations like this that I have been around never go past that first step or it’s “some” confession not all and slowly more comes out. I have watched pastors and friends take one step forward and 100 steps backward all the time feeling let down by others and blaming for their continued downward slide.
I think the biggest problem is that AS a minister is falling into the sin that takes them down eventually, they don’t have anyone they can go to and say “hey, I am really struggling with this…”
Being found out is Gods grace for sure.
I became a Christian at Jimmy Swaggart Ministries in 1984, worked there for 4 years before the first fall. I have continued to pray for him and his family that if he has to live in a trailer and eat off food stamps, but be right with God, then please God get him there. 20 years later I still pray that for him. So I will do for ALL the fallen men who have led or will lead people to Christ. The salvation of their souls is what I pray for.
Confession is tough and getting busted is tough, but genuine confession can come from being busted. I was busted as a youth pastor looking at porn on the church comuputer (I know, I’m an idiot) but it led to genuine confession to my spouse and after nearly destroying our marriage, we are healthy and strong because of it. I later got fired, which sucked but I also found answers to my life long addiction and found that freedom is possible.
Good post – we need grace, especially when we are often times judging others who we have no right to.
But it makes us feel so much better about our own shortcomings and sin when we get to judge someone else.
I think there is a reason the scripture says, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.
The older ones first. Hmm…who are the “screen brave” people who are so quick to judge others on the internet? It’s the young people…like myself. We’ve got to grow up spiritually if we ever want to be like our Rabbi.
I recently started meeting with 2 other guys for accountability but not in the traditional sense. We don’t have a set of questions we ask each other every week but instead we’ve spent the last few months getting to know each other…strengths and struggles. Now instead of asking questions we simply confess…it’s a beautiful thing and very liberating.
Kevin Davis, wow! thank you.
God doesn’t work with us unless we confess.
I wonder how things might have turned out differently for the whole world had Cain confessed his sins when God confronted him. Had Cain confessed to lack of faith in worship, sin which waited at the door would not have dominated him. Lack of Cain confessing–contributed to Abel’s death.
Well said……We should be much more disappointed, in my opinion, to the response of Christians to these kinds of confessions….it’s almost like lions pouncing on prey. When sin enters the light…..God can start working….and that’s a beautiful thing!
What a great perspective Anne
Love your heart and perspective on this, Anne!
great thoughts anne…
what has happened to Mike G this week could be the best thing that has ever happened to him. It’s when everything gets stripped away…all the pride, all the accolades, all the lies…that we realize who we are and what we really have.
I went through something sort of similar, and as tough as it was there was such a freedom in being known and not hiding. it’s there that you know that the love people have for you is real. it’s there that you realize how much you need God. It’s there where God shows off just what he can do in someone’s life.
good words :)
good stuff anne, as well as others sharing…yesterday i posted on this whole situation with “Healer”…i promoted the song to friends and family as well as my church…this is part of my post…
“should we be surprised when people mess up?should it be so devastating when christians stumble?or at least when we find out they have stumbled??? how many times do i stumble and it goes unnoticed by the world around me??? we are all human?we all have a battle within us between our sinful nature and the Spirit within us?we are going to stumble?even fall?”
i have experienced numerous emotions over this, but i haven’t celebrated…thanks for the perspective!!!
I think one of the most powerful interactions that two humans can have is that of forgiveness and reconciliation. Powerful.
anne, thank you for sharing this! it’s so true. you’ve added words to help define a fresh experience in my life.
Such a hard topic. I know in my life and family….when my dad fell in ministry he was attacked. I wonder if the church and leadership would have responded the right way if maybe he’d not have headed in the wrong direction. Pointing fingers sucks. On the other hand…I feel badly for Mike’s wife and family who were decieved…they need losts of prayer as well!
I am glad you wrote this. I get happy when people confess and it is all out in the open because I know their healing has started. It isn’t happy because I’m gloating, but I’m actually happy for them. And my heart breaks for them, and the compassion comes and I pray for their healing and restoration.
well said…
i though of this as i read your post (cannot recall author; think it is bonhoeffer):
the person who is alone in their sin is utterly alone.
whether we are found out or we confess, the enemy often is disarmed when the truth is exposed to the Light.
I’m very much aware of this type of confession…. I, too, have been VERY hurt by people who you thought would NEVER do something “like that”…. only to be told, the DID do something “like that” and even worse!! It was very hard to get through that first time…but when it happened a second AND third time (and I’m sure there will be many more-but guess what, I’m OK with it now-by the grace of God) I have learned how to continue my walk w/God AND give grace where it needs to be….I love people and I love the Lord with everything in me. I am thankful to God for that! :)
Good topic… So often we base our personal and spiritual growth on another’s experience. Can be helpful at times, but for those instances where we find out that person’s experince is based on a lie or sin it can just really be a bummer.
Tough situation.
I?ve always been a bit surprised by how some followers of Christ respond to those who have messed up. I think that?s part of what the secular world sees as hypocritical and it is what fosters that ongoing false sense of perfection that can make a church feel fake (when people don?t feel vulnerable enough to share what they are really dealing with versus ?frontin? to try and appear like they have it all together). I?m not saying that to condemn as I know many churches are not this way, just voicing an observation from some I have seen.
I work with an author who used to be new age and is now a Christ follower? amazing how many people condemn him still and don?t celebrate the restoration taking place in his heart. They’d rather take shots at him versus coming along side him as a brother to help guide the way. I know lots of churches that won?t hire someone if they have had a divorce or some other mishap that may have not been their doing at all. It?s almost like we sometime forget that God is BIG and He restores. People are broken and that is why we need Jesus. It?s why we need grace.
I think of Mike Fosters, ?A Second Chance is a Human Right.?
I think of Saul. God used him. God redeemed him. God gave him a second chance.
Why can?t we?
Thank you for that. The person in my life was also a pastor, and my father. It has taken me years to let go of the hurt, but now I realize that his actions in its aftermath truly did open up healing and restoration for his relationship with God.
The rumors are the worst part to deal with, there is a constant meanness in which people seem to refer to leaders who make mistakes. But thankfully God has softened my heart to this as well, because I understand that we are all humans and through God’s grace we are saved. People who are Christ followers continually forget to die to themselves and instead follow their own desires. And our desires are a poweful thing. Again, another lesson to me. Constantly cultivate and grow my relationship with Christ. He is the only one who saves, and the only one who can save us from ourselves.
great post, sister. so much more eloquent than mine on the same subject.
cheers!
Anne, here’s a question for you. Two people have sexual sin in their life. One gets caught, confesses, and begins the road to recovery. The other succumbs to his conscience and the Holy Spirit, confesses on his own, and begins the same road.
Is one better than the other? Does getting caught “cheapen” the confession?
Anne,
You know I love you girl, but the sin of a friend (who doesn’t lead) who cheats on his wife doesn’t have the same impact as the two men you mentioned above. John and Mike both lead thousands and thousands of people. Their influence brings much greater responsibility, which means that they’re held to higher standards. Plain and simple.
I agree that it also means confession is a LOT more difficult. I just don’t believe showing someone grace means letting them off the hook. Two very different concepts.
Scott
PS. Again, you I love you…completely platonically.
amen. Thanks for putting it just the right way. i was having trouble getting the right thoughts to connect, but this is what i was headed towards. i agree. we should be celebrating confession because it is what brings about restoration. and i agree with scott that showing grace and letting someone off the hook are different things.
Wow Anne! I love your take on this very tough subject. Thanks for sharing your heart in your posts.
a great perspective Anne. Thank you!
Thanks for the comment love also :-) You have gained another subscriber!
I got here late today and time is short so I have not taken the time to read all the posts Anne so perhaps someone has already said it: “the church is the only army that shoots its own wounded.” I am saddened by Pastor Mike’s confession. That song was awesome. I wonder about the accountability he should have had. But far be it from me to judge and criticize. I can only cry out his restoration, the restoration of God’s Name in spite of this, and my own restoration when I sin. There is a price for confession but there is also something much greater: freedom.
Yeah, dealt with this first hand. Their freedom brings you instant bondage that you must shake off. It’s like playing “hot potato.” Healing comes after confession, and bad things grow in the dark :).
agreed. I guess it’s tough to know people’s motives. Not that people’s motives matter. If people are proclaiming Christ for their own gain…at least Christ is proclaimed… that’s a tough one.
To me, it’s less about the people who have fallen and more about the fame of Christ. Can we still make Christ famous through the fallen…? I believe we can.
I just read an email sent to our Arts team about Mike’s (Healer song guy) issues and it all but confirmed my suspicions that he was using cancer as a cover up for something deeper (that perhaps he didn’t want the world to know). I feel pleased for him that it’s been brought out into the light as I’m sure the lies were eating him up inside and I pray that he really does get the restoration he needs now. I’m sure that it was never going to happen while he was lying about it.
I think I was most saddened by Mike’s dishonesty over the last two years as so many people had been praying for him and I’d watched his dad get up and speak and try not to cry about him dying and we all felt that we were behind him and supporting him.
I agree and disagree Anne… if we are talking about a leader in the church then there is a level of responsibility and accountability that they must be held to. And I say that as a leader in my own church. That’s why James says that teachers will be judged more strictly (James 3:1).
It’s one thing for someone in the congregation to commit adultery, it’s another thing when a leader does it… it doesn’t just hurt the people around them… it hurts the whole Body of Christ… people lose trust in leaders because of it… people lose trust in Christ and Christians because of it… Leaders are always in the spotlight, which is why there is more responsibilty that comes with the position.
Can God work through it…? Absolutely. Is there forgiveness and Grace…? Absolutely. But if you want to take on the mantle of leadership, know that you are an example, and your actions will count 10 fold. Whether they are good or bad.
Good post Anne…
I think that the big difference comes down to the heart. I have seen situations where the pastor was sorry they were caught and did not have a repentant spirit regarding the actual sin. On the other side, I have seen situations where people were caught lead to true confession and life change. It is great to see a life transformed.These situations can lead to freedom if the people involved truly allow for that to happen.
I absolutely agree that “leaders” are held Biblically to higher standards (and an aside: Read Scott – the church this happened in has thousands and thousands and thousands of people, and is extremely influential within the community).
But don’t we all lead in one way or another?
By no means should people be let “off the hook” but they shouldn’t be ripped apart, either. And we do a pretty damn good job at ripping people apart. We shouldn’t throw them a “congrats…your biggest sin is known now so let’s have a toast” party, but finding the grace and restoration that God gives is something to be celebrated amidst a storm of hurt and pain. If all things are to be pointed back to Christ, why can’t we just shut our mouths and just do that?
the ‘being held to a higher standard’ issue is a tough one indeed – i have a harder time showing grace to leaders than to avg guys/girls (i’m quite aware that my grace isn’t worth too much anyway)
i get angry when a leader falls (not fails, but falls) – i truly believe they were raised up to lead by God himself and their falling brings the Kingdom down a notch in the eyes of the unbeliever. whether they are missionaries, pastors, creative directors, musicians, authors, etc. i guess i hold them to a higher standard – rightly or wrongly. it’s not just affairs or theft or abuse, it’s also attitude and beliefs (arrogance, self righteousness, control issues, lying, manipulation, jealousy, etc) – i do cut them slack some though, because they are human
so i confess that they are held to a pretty high standard in my eyes – what hurts me, is that i grieve when God gives someone something like a ministry, a book, a song and they literally trash it and burn it along with their God given reputation. it’s like the “what a shame’ feeling you get when you hear of someone’s child that had tons of potential get hooked on drugs or becomes a prostitute or sleeps thru life
what a Godly shame that is – but how do we fix it?
ABSOLUTELY!!!
Confession is such a difficult thing to do. Grace needs to overflow after that (not that there shouldn’t be appropriate actions and consequence, but), not judgment and stone throwing.
(PS – Sorry, I’m a little “passionate” today) :)
Anne, great post and the body of Christ does shoot their own wounded – sometmes they hold them down even when they repent and turn around. The next question we need to ask once they turn around how should they be received by the rest of the body. What is the process of restoration?
Such a sad situation. Broke my heart when I read about it.
But I think the best thing the church can do in the eyes of the world is to extend the same grace and forgiveness to him that has been given to us. I’m not say we should be excusing his actions or sweeping it under the rug. What he did was wrong, Plain and simple. And yet at the end of the day it was the thief on the cross next to Jesus that was promised a life in paradise while the religious leaders were called a “brood of vipers.”
Great post Anne.
Not sure how you ever have time to read all these Anne, but the pouring out of comments on this one shows just how important this issue is. And you are so right. SO right. I started saying, years ago, that nothing anyone does will ever surprise me. I used to think that came from seeing horribly graphic and torturous things that parent’s do to their children. However, now have realized that many people experience that same thought–that nothing anyone does will ever surprise them–and that it comes from all different sorts of experiences. The way I say that phrase is sarcastic and terse, however the way you personify that same idea is gentle, and full of grace. And you are so right.
Why do Christians shoot their own wounded?
Great post. Last night when I read many comments about the man who wrote Healer and then read his story, I wanted to stand between this man and those with the planks protruding from their eyes.
I try not to judge others…I know the sin in my life. Who am I to judge others’ sin when the Bible clearly states that all sin is equal in the eyes of God?
my heart just breaks when someone comes clean…i guess because a part of me is happy for the healing that will take place in the person’s life. Yet I feel like their are so few churches/christian who will continue on and provided restoration. The key is healing AND restoration…I know I have been know to forget about restoration.
i like passionate – we need more of it :)
Amen! I am so glad to read others who share the same mindset/belief that I do about people like the ones you mentioned. I recently posted about the healer guy and it just made me so sad to think about what he must be going through right now – especially dealing with all the “Christians” who are stoning him.
For the one who said “why do Christians shoot their own wounded?” I don’t know. But sadly I’ve seen it time and time and time again. And it makes me angry. Because I know I have no place to judge others, especially with my own sins – hidden AND exposed!
To this last comment – I agree and it is sad that Christians shoot their own wounded I wrote about my own experience with this and what happened when I was met with grace. You can find it here: http://tageis.wordpress.com/2008/05/27/grace-or-a-gun/.
thanks anne, I think this is a subject that needs to be discussed!
So true… Everyone has stuff that they wish they didn’t have. We need to be in the business of re-building people, not ripping them to shreds.
Thanks for your perspective, Anne.
Passion is a good thing Anne, so don’t apologise for it.
We’re not all leaders… Some are called to be teachers, some are called to elders etc. (Eph 4:11)… and we need to get away from the notion of not judging… we are called to judge each other… (1 Cor. 5:12). It’s the world we are called not to judge.
but we are also called to love one another… and when we do rip up our leaders apart… where’s the love in that!???
preach it.
thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
I certainly think that confession is extremely hard, and I have had to do my fair share of it, especially recently.
There is a positive side of having an openness to accept a confession and provide forgiveness. It allows others to do it too. If a persons experience is that people who confess are crucified then they wont be prepared to do it too … then they cant heal themselves.
With my own children, I am fairly open to them admitting their mistakes, I have told them there is only one thing I will struggle to forgive and that is them allowing others to take the blame for their mistakes.
Just my two cents
stumbled onto this particular entry just on the day that i was pondering on writing out a confession of mine on my blog (but i guess the gesture wouldn’t probably count seeing that i am using a pseudonym to identify myself online and on my blog). sometimes it’s probably the outlet that we look for in confessions. i rarely believe that things happen just because.. so thank you, i take this entry as sign.
This is such a beautiful concept. That no matter what we do, God’s grace is there to take us back again. Confession doesn’t come without a price, but like you said, it’s the start of journey back to freedom. Imagine if Michael had kept this Healer thing in the bag. Imagine the pain of keeping that secret for your whole life. I wrote once that the pain of keeping something in can often times be more powerful than the pain associated with releasing something. I am so glad for people who understand the grace of God.
This is so true. Where were the mentors like you 2 years ago when I was confronted with my husbands porn addcition not once, not twice, but three times. I only had a pastor’s wife who told me he was no good and i needed to get rid of him. Thank God I loved him enough to give him grace and help him walk through the recovery. But it would have been nice to have people to guide me along the way.
Thanks for this post!
AMEN SISTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I agree with you, confession should be celebrated by the fact that the person confessing is on the road to freedom!
Oh, I found you via following pwilson on Twitter.