what the heck?

for this lovely friday, i decided to go look at some referring keyphrases that have brought people to my site in the last couple of months.

some random favorites:

“i let the nun shave my head.”

“i am the lady who pooped in the elavator.”

“when you get married, keep your mouth shut.”

“what can i use instead of a rubber glove?”

“i gain water weight after eating nachos.”

“naked lady shaped cake pan”

“spider laying eggs in my throat”

“naked worship for widows”

“ideas for my pantyhose slave man”

“will you explode if you don’t poop?”

why is there so much poop talk? i don’t talk about poop on my blog!

hmmm….

always entertaining, though.

Comments

33 responses to “what the heck?”

  1. Ryan Detzel Avatar

    Maybe you should start talking about poop more…

    …it’s what the people want.

  2. Rachel Avatar

    What service do you use to find that information?

  3. Brad Ruggles Avatar

    Dang! Your site got indexed for some pretty weird stuff!

    My poor wife started her blog with a post about a funny story – my daugher asked why boys peed standing up. Ever since then she gets at least 10-15 hits a day from searches like “boys peeing” “watching boys pee” “girls peeing standing up”. I feel bad for her but I still jokingly call her blog the “pee-blog” :-)

  4. Brody Harper Avatar

    Ha HA HA…. yeah yours are weird.

  5. Kelli Avatar

    spider laying eggs in my throat???
    I think Im gonna be sick

  6. Mandi Avatar

    Hmmm… pooping AND naked. Pretty racy blog you’re running ;-)

  7. janowen Avatar

    mine can’t compare but many times I get hits that make me wonder too. My blog is about my own spiritual journey. I talk about worship alot because I am a worship leader. I also talk about my everyday life…

    One day we went to Paula Deen’s restaurant in Savannah and it prompted me to blog (as a good Southern girl) about southern comfort food. That was last fall. I still get hits almost every day from people looking for recipes for peach cobbler, biscuits and gravy, etc. I even have people comment wanting recipes. I think it’s the#2 post Ive ever written as far as google hits. I guess we like to eat more than worship.

    I looked at yours and wonderd WHY anyone would google these things………do you ever WONDER about people!?

  8. DaveAllen Avatar

    LET’S HAVE A CONTEST!

    Pastors= preach a sermon using as many of those sentences as possible. If you can use them as either the title or main points in the outline and still be theologically orthodox, bonus points.

    Writers= take each sentence and use it as the opening sentence of your new novel. Write chapter one for us.

    Winner gets something special.

  9. DaveAllen Avatar

    POETS= write an acrostic poem (ala Psalm 119); so that the first letter of each line needs to spell out , “ideas for my pantyhose slave man”

  10. janey Avatar

    Fun stuff!

    I’ve been looking for ways to spice up the title of posts I’ve been writing.

    I promise I won’t take your ideas but their good!

  11. Zack Avatar

    Seriously. Will you explode if you don’t poop?

  12. Brooke Avatar

    Why would a spider lay eggs in your throat? That’s nasty….bleh.

  13. B.McCoy Avatar

    I made an interesting confession concerning poop the other day..
    (that sounds really bad..)

    http://bmccoy.wordpress.com/2008/08/10/10-things-im-not-afraid-to-admit/#comments

  14. tony Avatar
    tony

    I Don’t Eat Asparugus Simply For Obvious Reasons. Mainly You Put Asparagus Next To Your Huevos, Or Salsa Eeggs. So Long Asparagus! Very Enticing Menu, asparagus. Not.

  15. JudiFree Avatar

    ha! I wish there was a great app to summarize what your google searches say about you and your blog. I could make millions on that!

  16. Rachel Avatar

    WOW! That’s quite the list. Wonder why all the poop talk?

  17. Billy Chia Avatar

    Oh the joyous insights we gain into the human psyche when look at our referring traffic.

  18. Chris Chowdhury Avatar

    These are off the wall! Way to go! Compel them to come anyway you can! :)

  19. Dave Carrol Avatar

    I had a beauty yesterday “how do you tell a christian missionary you think there lazy bums”

    that’s a tough conversation to have…

    “as if the throng of angry pygmies aren’t enough… my friend thinks i’m lazy”

  20. Andy McMahon Avatar

    ?ideas for my pantyhose slave man? is actually how I found this blog…..

    Only kidding!

  21. Lorna Avatar
    Lorna

    Um, now that you’ve mentioned that you don’t talk about “that word” you have talked about it, (and received lots of comments using it) so you will probably be getting even more hits! :)

  22. bryonm Avatar

    Your blog is obviously a gathering place for freaks and weirdos. I lurk here. I rest my case.

  23. Lory Avatar
    Lory

    DaveAllen: This is as creative as I can get in 10 minutes of work!

    Inquiring about theology,
    Daring, I raised my hand.
    Everyone glared my direction,
    Absurd was what they mouthed.
    Slowly, I lowered my hand.

    Figuring out how to escape,
    Out the door I ran,
    Running for my life.

    My co-laborers laughed at me,
    Yelling, “What’s your question, man?”

    Panting, I found my cars keys,
    About to make my break,
    Never did I imagine that,
    Trouble was on the way.
    Yearning to leave the building,
    Having a really fast car,
    One would think I was already,
    Somewhere down the road,
    Everyone would be wrong.

    Sirens were blaring behind me,
    Loud speakers shouting commands,
    All that the cop had concern for:
    Very fast cars on the road.
    Evidently, I had that car.

    Meetings with staff can be brutal,
    And after today’s little ticket,
    Next time, I’ll just ask my question.

  24. goteeman Avatar

    well, you see, it starts when we are wee young lads and lasses… no sooner can we get walking down than it’s time to use the potty… our greatest accomplishments from ages 2-3 are when we make poopie… which evokes praise from our parents, who whoop and holler and make a fuss, cuz little joey or little janie maked a poopie… YAY!!!!!

    Then in elementary school, the jokes are all knock-knock jokes or poopie jokes… even the word sounds funny, and it evokes laughter from everybody but mommie… so everyone has successfully Pavloved that dog, and we are then imprinted with the poopie fixation for life…

    or maybe that’s just my story…

    J/

  25. DaveAllen Avatar

    Tony and Lory,
    Hilarious!! Your prize: Come on over to the house this weekend, you and your kiddos can swim and I’ll cook brats. wursts, that is, not your children. Bryonm, come on over to; you’re our kind of guy.

  26. Christopher Avatar

    I just looked at your indexed pages you apparently have 16 pages that use the word poop more than once. Nice.

  27. Andrea Avatar

    Come on, you poop, I poop, we all poop! :) Apparently there are not enough of these poop themed blogs.

  28. Lory Avatar
    Lory

    DaveAllen,

    Will a Sunday school lesson count instead of a sermon? My high school kids will be learning about Josiah and his faithfulness on Sunday. I can see how several of these phrases will fit in!! :)

  29. Terrace Crawford Avatar

    That is hilarious.

  30. DaveAllen Avatar

    Lory, yes but I need audio (video is better) to qualify.

  31. DaveAllen Avatar

    “what can I use instead of a rubber glove”

    As probably the oldest guy hear, I want you to know if my proctologist ever said that in my presence, I’d run.

  32. Kelly Avatar

    Oh my heavens . . . sorry, Anne, but this post made me laugh so hard.