my friend lynse wrote about such an incredibly personal struggle and beautiful redemption. personally, this is something i have no experience with, but i know with the amount of readers that pop by, maybe some of you have dealt with this or know someone who has.
lynse shares her journey about cutting. cutting (and other forms of self-injury) is defined as “a deliberate injury inflicted by a person upon their own body without suicidal intent.”
lynse gave me full permission to post the entire story, and i encourage you to visit her blog to encourage her and celebrate with her. also, i actually do ask that you repost her story…so many people suffer with this addiction in silence. i know lynse personally. i was honored to be in her wedding, and just from seeing her and getting to know her, i would never have guessed this was something she struggled with. chances are someone you know might be hurting themselves, too and you would never suspect a thing.
lynse writes:
To most the thought of harming yourself would be so outlandish that you would look at me like i was crazy if i told you that it makes sense to me.
I am choosing to write about this because there is such a need around this generation to bring light and truth to the fact that a lot of this generation is stuck in the rut of Self Injury. It is a painful place to be and takes a lot to get past. It is a dark place to get stuck. And as statistics are showing there are a lot of people stuck there.
So i want to share my story??
I started ?cutting? when i was 13. I dont fully remember how i was introduced to it, but within a few days had taken root in my life. The pain that was so deep inside of me was killing me. i was allowing myself to die emotionally. It was a fight that i didnt want to take place but had no idea of how to stop it. It seemed meaningless to fight to keep them alive when i viewed them as the things that were causing me so much pain.
So my only solution to make sure that i was not dying totally was to hurt myself. To feel the pain on the outside assured me that i was still alive. That there was still hope. At least that it how it all started. It started out of my desire for hope. For some feeling to let me know that i was alive. That i could still feel something. That one day maybe i would feel again.
Soon it became an addiction. I had my way of doing it. I had my ?ritual.? The when and how. within 2 months it had moved past the need for hope. My body and mind were addicted to the feeling. To the release that it gave me. My rage towards myself and other people had grown so much that i didnt know how to release it. And i thought this was a good way.
As time went on whether i had a bad day or not i had to cut. I had to do it each night before i went to bed. It calmed me enough to rest and go to sleep. (and about addiction, still to this day if i experience intense pain i get tired because my mind was trained to go to sleep after pain.)
I share this because i know that there are people who are in this rut. And honestly, it breaks my heart. because being on the other side of this ?journey? for hope i have found that the only hope that there is is in Christ. I know, i sound super spiritual?.but it is true.
The only way that i could figure that out was to get to the darkest part of my life. I was in such darkness. I had been cutting for 4 years and no one knew. I had a secret. And it was a dark dark place to be in. full of pain and the desire to get caught in hope that someone could help me. I was tired of the darkness. And the only solution i knew was to come clean. To get someone in my head and share the journey with.
This was key for me. To let someone in and know the pains and the hurts. I knew that if i let this remain in the darkness it would grow bigger and bigger. and the thing that once started in the search for hope was driving me further and further away from it.
The person i went to had no idea what to say. She often looked at me dumbfounded. the thought of doing that to herself was so absurd that she couldnt understand. But she listened. She was determined to help me in any ways she could, even though she didnt understand.
You cant wait until you understand to help someone. And this is what i see happening. So many people know people who self injure and are trying to learn why they do it. Each person has their story. And if you ask, i am sure they will share. It is a very dangerous thing to get into. You may not realize the roots that it can create in your life. But i would encourage you to share your story with someone.
But without sounding like a public service announcement, if you self injure or know someone who does please please please let someone in. Let someone into your darkness. It will hurt at first. It will be uncomfortable. It will be embarrassing. But if you live in the darkness alone your life will never change. Let someone in and bring the light into your pain.
Comments
18 responses to “addicted to cutting and self-injury”
Wow! I just started reading Lynse’s blog unrelated to this post. What an amazing journey. Thank you for sharing it here. I’m forwarding this to our youth pastor to address this “secret” behavior with our youth group.
Very well written. Thank you for sharing your story and for your honesty, Lynse.
“You cant wait until you understand to help someone.”
So true.
Thanks Lynse, for writing and thanks Anne, for sharing.
I’ve had many friends deal with this subject-both male ans female-it’s reassuring to see increased discussion on the topic begin.
There’s something crazy beautiful about a story of freedom and hope.
Self-injury is something that God has broken me for and placed on my heart more than anything else. I’m not sure why, but my heart breaks for everyone I encounter who is dealing with these struggles. I want to love them. Speak truth into their lives.
As christians, humans, brothers and sisters, we are called to be a river of life into the hurting and lost. It’s our job to help guide them and lead them back onto the path of God’s love.
I’ve learned there is no easy way to reach healing when dealing with these struggles, but having someone help you and that person also being proactive with you in seeking that healing through God’s freedom, hope, and love for you, you will reach that.
Thanks for sharing this post Anne. It’s a post worthy to be written. Many people will find an avenue for healing through this. Be blessed!
http://www.vagabondrunn.wordpress.com
I am posting this on my Facebook. As someone who counsels those walking through grief, I have walked alongside several people who found relief through cutting. Lynse’s story is a wonderful offering of hope and healing and speaks with the authority of someone who has been in those shoes. That is invaluable! Thank you, Lynse, for sharing.
hope is such a beautiful thing
Thank you all for your kind words. It is something that i have walked through and know that there are people who need to hear my story.
My prayer through this is that people would come into the light and leave their secrets and darkness behind.
Anne- thanks for posting this. you are a great friend!
Lynse — thank you for having the courage to share your story. I know it will being hope to many and encourage them to let someone in. I will definitely post this on my blog.
Thank you for sharing this blog. This brings hope to many who are still in the dark. I have worked with many girls who deal with this darkness and it’s just sucking more and more people in as the years go on…so, thank you for bringing it into the light :o) not enough people talk about it in a way that brings hope.
Thank you, Lynse, for sharing your story so openly!
Lynse, what an amazing story and testimony. If anyone doubts how common this addiction is, I encourage you to talk to a teenager. My 13-year-old son blew me away at the dinner table one night recently by casually mentioning how many girls in his school “cut themselves.” My heart immediately constricted at the knowledge of God’s precious daughters feeling compelled to deal with their pain in this manner. It was one of those amazing moments as a parent when God opens a door of opportunity, and my son and I had a very long discussion about it, a conversation that most certainly would not have occurred to me had he not raised the issue. He now has a much better understanding of the depth of pain associated with this addiction, and I know he will now see these girls with very different eyes of understanding. Every parent should have this conversation with their children. We might think to have it with our daughters, but we also need to have it with our sons – boys who have a lot of potential to unknowingly add to the pain and torment these girls are struggling with. My beautiful son ended our conversation with the question, “How can I help them, Mom? What is the right thing to say?” I told him that the most powerful thing he could do for them would be to pray for them, and beyond that he needed to extend a hand of friendship and simply tell them about Jesus in the frank and honest way that only one teenager can communicate to another.
Thanks for sharing your story, Lynse. Kerri, thanks for posting at your blog and sending us here!
I’ve worked with teens for several years and have dealt with this often. I am so thankful for Lynse and her willingess to share this with others. I will post it in the hopes that some of the young women I know will read it. God Bless you Lynse!
Anne, Lynse… if I may add something. First, thank you for posting this and sharing so openly and I couldn’t agree more about the need to let someone in. Four years ago, at this same time of year, I was doing research for a sermon on Rom. 12:1,2 when coming across an article on self injury I read the tell-signs of a “cutter.” I realized these symptoms were evident in one of my daughters; isolation, moodiness, long sleeve shirts (duh, 110 degrees outside; we lived in the desert)… wristbands. I called my daughter into our home office. She was sporting a new impromptu wristband. I asked her to take it off. Reluctantly she did but kept her palm down. When I motioned for her to turn her wrist over she began to cry, then did I.
As a parent it’s hard to describe the guilt and shame. I felt her cutting was a result of my failure as a parent. I am a pastor, I thought we were close, I… I… I. As much as my daughter assured her mother and me we had nothing to do with us, it certainly affected us. Her journey is personal and the details too many for this comment but she is our happy, gifted and servant-minded (22 year old) little girl again.
So I’ll finish with this point: Self injury hurts more than you know… I mean it hurts more than just one person… you know?
Compassion.
dan, i totally agree. it hurts everyone who is in your life. it shows that your actions will always hurt or help other people.
Thank you for sharing the story of your daughter.
I used to self-harm but I don’t talk about it. God’s grace transformed my life but I usually leave out some of the painful, shameful details. I reckon I should be more willing to give God his due and talk about the untalkable. Thanks for the inspiriation.
so glad to see people talking about self-injury more. as men and women who work in the church, we have GOT to start talking more about the real issues in our life, like lynse, as a witness to the realities of life – it’s not all that we adults want to convey it to be (read: perfect). thanks for sharing, and for opening up.
Because you said we could repost this article I did. Thank you for giving permission and posting this on your blog.
http://123pizza.org/blog/2008/06/21/article-taken-from-anne-jacksons-blog/
So inspiring to someone overcoming cutting right now. Thanks for sharing!