i am not a very trusting person. some of it’s baggage from the past and things over which i had no control. some of it’s because there have been times in my life when i have not been trustworthy. i love observing people. you can learn a lot that way. if someone speaks badly of another person when they’re not around, i usually think that they’ll probably speak badly of me when i’m not around.
a few years ago, i was very hurt by someone who i trusted, a lot. recently, i’ve written about how it still impacts me today. because of this person’s actions, i find myself guarding my innermost dreams and hopes…fearful they’ll be trampled on by another person. and honestly, my heart just can’t take it anymore.
i wrote about that situation in my book, and wrote about how forgiveness is a decision i needed to make…but trust was something that needed to be earned.
and friends? i had to go back after sending my manuscript to my editor and change that.
because i am beginning to believe that trust is not something that needs to be earned.
please hear me…this does not mean that we are allowed to make stupid decisions and be gullible. but when i carefully read and studied on 1 corinthians 13:7, it basically says “love believes all things.”
in the greek translation, this reference of love is agape love. the kind of love we are filled with when we become believers. the self-sacrificing kind.
agape love believes all things.
so, what does “believes all things” mean?
believes (greek: pisteuei) literally means this: to think to be true, to be persuaded of, to credit, place confidence in.
and all things (greek: panta) literally means this: each, every, any, all, the whole, everyone, all things, everything.
i had to look even farther for the context here, as at a simple glance it seems that without question, we should believe everything. which doesn’t make sense given all of the wisdom the bible says we’re to pursue.
one commentary i read summed it up beautifully….
LOVE puts the most favourable construction on everything, and is ever ready to believe whatever may tend to the advantage of any one character. And when it can no longer believe well, it hopes whatever may excuse or extenuate the fault which cannot be denied. Where it cannot even excuse, it hopes God will at length give repentance unto life.
do i give people the benefit of the doubt? and when i can’t…do i truly hope the best for them, through christ? or do i dwell on the assumed, or even obvious shortcomings or someone…holding my own agenda close so that i, in my own power, can protect it?
just some thoughts for the weekend…
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25 responses to “weekend thought: follow up on “should trust be earned?””
He Wishes For The Cloths Of Heaven by William Butler Yeats
Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
Anne, some great points. I struggle to remember–Jesus was a great example of love that wouldn’t be duped. It’s a fine line, and personally we’ve tried to “believe all things” from our beloved (adult)child who continues to abide in lies to the child’s detriment. At a certain point, the loving thing to do is be perceptive; “wise as serpents, harmless as doves”; “cast not pearls before swine”. Of course, bearing all things believing all things, etc. It’s a tightrope. I love you, but love doesn’t mean being your doormat. Seeking the child’s best in cases like this may mean withholding in order to bring about the greater good (repentance).
this is very challenging for anyone who’s trust has been betrayed. I’m thinking about it. A true challenge…but right now, I do believe you.
I tend to really want to give people the benefit of the doubt. What I struggle with is seeing trends in people’s lives and continuing to give them the benefit of the doubt…
Trust in God, not man. Man will always let you down. But that means trusting men and believing that God is in control. or does it?
What about respect? Is that earned? probably another post eh?
This is Truth. I have felt this but never really understood it scriptually…thanks for the insight.
Powerful thoughts. Profound impact.
If we all loved like this what a different place the world would be…
There’s a fine line here…one that can’t be masked by good intentions or simply “believing”. We are fallen beings, fraile and sinful. We are challenged to discern rightly… We can’t escape the reality of human nature or eliminate expectations of what does trust look like? Truth taken to extremes eventually becomes flawed so balance is essential…
One lesson learned from past betrayals is simply…believe someone when they tell you (show you) who they are. That’s a two-edged sword.
Sorry for rambling. For me I read this and found a nugget of truth here that’s profound, alongside a caution for balance.
here’s the deal…trust and love are not the same thing…i believe jesus loved judas but he didn’t trust him because he knew his heart…
however he trusted the disciples even when he knew in advance that they would fail him, but quite frankly he knew that mankind would fail him too.
he always knew that he would love without it being reciprocated. unfortunately our flesh is not wired the same way as gods.
but in terms of relationships, the biggest hindrance are secrets. every time we deposit one into the secret bank account, we make a withdrawal from the trust account.
if trust were unconditional, jesus would have entrusted the care of his mother to anyone but instead he chose john. so wisdom has to be incorporated.
My personal paraphrase of 1 Cor. 13:7, which the NIV translates “always trusts, always hopes,” is this: Love gives the benefit of the doubt. I expect others to give me the benefit of the doubt. Why is it so hard for me to do the same for them?
Same with Alex, I give people benefit of the doubt or at least chances two three times (depending on the fatality of trust they break).
This maybe a different topic, but I wonder how we separate being careful about wasting our trust vs forgiving people who abuse them? I have been disrespected in the past, etc. and while I continually try to forgive I also want to protect myself from being taken advantage of (at least by the same person), but naturally I am an open, trusting person (too trusting and naive- I’ve been told so).
Great post Anne…
Forgot to add question for Tim Irwin.
Always Trusts, always hopes. Is this directed to God or to others? Although it’s tough, I would feel more comfortable to always trust God more than my fellow human (key word: Always)
WOW! Powerful post. Definitely something to ponder on.
This challenges my “protect myself at all costs” mentality. While my past taught me I have good reason to be overl-protective of me–this truth says my faith should teach me something all together different.
Pondering …
Beth
aka the accidental pharisee
:O)
Crap.
You Got it right Anne,
We should not be surprised when people let us down or when we let people down. We are too flawed to prevent it. From a biblical view point it indicates we are not to trust man, but trust God and love people. Maybe trust from loves perspective is giving people permission to hurt us as well as to love us with lots of forgiveness in between. I think they call that relationships. When we choose to begin a relationship with someone whether work, play, or intimates friendship, we must accept everything that comes with it from the very start. Warts and all.
What if…just what if we really did discover the power of love.
I applaud you Anne.
Great post Anne. I totally agree. Trusting will expose you to getting hurt from time to time, but I can’t imagine living any other way.
somehow i missed that post over at deadlyviper, my friend. i am sorry for contributing to this trigger of past hurt. it sounds like you are again pursuing righteousness in dealing with the hurt though. the way i get through hurt like this, is to share it with others, allow others to carry the burden with me, (with those who are safe and can relate) and we can then heal together. pushing each other ever closer to God. if He can forgive us of all that WE do day in and day out that take away from His Kingdom, surely we too can forgive those who hurt us.
in my counseling in trying to heal and overcome all these hurts from people “i trusted” and my distrust in people now, what i am learning, and sounds like you are learning now, is that we need to trust, trust until that person has given shown or given a reason not to trust them. this is SO hard because i have somewhere along the way become a cynical and distrusting person and i hate that about myself.
glad i have you. yep, i am.
hmm, that’s good.
it’s funny how quick we are to think that we’re “right” in saying a person isn’t trustworthy. and you know, our estimation of the end result might have been correct.
but being (vocally and actively) right about a person’s faults isn’t edifying. it isn’t loving. it isn’t being like Jesus. and it certainly isn’t glorifying to Him.
and you know what? it probably won’t change them either.
trusting them … thinking the best of them … hoping and believe all good things for them … loving them — that definitely could change them.
good thoughts, thank you. i brought up the question tonight at dinner, and it was interesting to hear people’s reactions. i’m glad to see what the Lord is doing in your heart about all this.
I think that we should be aware that for others to trust us we will probably have to earn it – at least to some degree. That’s reality, especially for a leader. However, I think in giving trust out ourselves we should keep this idea in mind that we must always beleive the best about someone else. I love the commentary quote because it reminds us of God’s redemptive love. And that love is not just towards us but through us – loving is risky and messy but models God’s redemption. As believers that is hard to swallow at times. Sometimes I would rather go run and hide, not extend the hand of hopeful love.
I’ll be pondering this theme for a while Anne. After being (dissed) quite recently by someone very close, it’s fresh subject matter to me. Thanks for your very transparent food for thought.
Maybe this is an extreme example but how many of us would trust someone who has had a history of using guns to kill, in a room with one of our children, even though they say they are cured or over their problem of killing. I’m sorry I don’t see scripture telling us to trust mans heart but to trust God.
Just the first thing that came off the top of my head.
I think we obviously need to use wisdom but sometimes we come into relationships being very cynical and even bitter – I’ve done it many times. I think that is when my past bleeds over into my present and probably my future and hurts those around me. But obviously in situations God gives us wisdom. If someone abuses a child then there are consequences to that. I hope that my prayer is still for redemption. I think I am learning to “own” my own baggage so I can not assume the worst about people.
I can’t find very much in the Bible that instructs me to trust other human beings. Most of the scriptures I find relating to that say just don’t do it. It does, however, tell me to trust in God.
A personal experience: My husband agreed to help a stranger in apparent need. The man asked if my husband wanted to go in to the hotel and pay the desk clerk himself instead of just handing him(the one in need) the money. My husband’s response, “I have no reason not to trust you.” And he was right. The stranger had never done anything to cause my husband to distrust him. My husband had to trust God that what he did in response to the need would somehow, some way, some day, glorify God.
I think we get tripped up over believing we NEED that trust in and from other human beings.
It’s one of those things I have to let God do.
Nancy,
The Bible clearly says to not put your trust IN someone, but the verse in 1 Corinthians says to trust (assume the best) of others.
I think there is a big difference between putting your trust IN something or someone and trusting them. By putting our trust IN God, we are able to assume the best of others.
Tom,
The Bible also says to be wise. This passage isn’t telling us to be gullible or stupid. In context it means to not give doubt when there is no reason. When there is reason, to hope for God’s redemption.
I’ve thought a lot about trust in my life. I’ve been hurt and hurt deeply.It left me with a choice to make – to trust or not to trust. I learned to trust God; He is the foundation on which I build relationships. Even if I’m hurt again, I can handle it because my foundation is strong. With that mindset I give others the benefit of the doubt, have the strength to forgive, and love in spite of inperfections.That’s what I’ve learned.