certain things trigger painful memories. and then i do allow myself to feel them. deeply.
saturday night, i had one of those experiences.
a person i have been getting to know lately reminds me of someone in my past.
someone who i looked up to tremendously. someone who led me. someone who i cared for deeply. someone who pastored me. someone who i trusted uninhibitedly.
someone who had been living a lie. the entire time i knew him.
i have forgiven this person. i still love this person. but this person has forever changed me.
and tonight, as i was reminded of my old friend again; my heart, surprised me.
achingly raw.
bleeding.
tears well up even as i type now. for past pain. and present fear. of future trust.