weekend thought…competition

so here i am, taking care of some freelance in my office, space heater 6″ away from my leg…sipping on some “rooibos sunshine” loose leaf tea. my coworker dalton and i have become addicted to rooibos, and there just happens to be a loose leaf tea shop a few miles from the church which has probably a hundred kinds of loose leaf tea. so we have our little tea station in our communications workroom. i’ll admit, we’ve become tea snobs.

earlier today, as i was getting ready – applying eyeliner or something – one of those thoughts [that you know aren’t your own] pops in my head and says, “Why even bother? You know you can’t compete.”

I knew exactly what this statement meant and where it came from. I seem to have my brain locked into this “22 years old is the perfect age” mindset. It probably was one of the best years of my life. And now as I creep ever-so-more up on 30, I realize that superfically, aging is something I’m not looking forward to.

You would never hear me say it aloud, but I am horribly competitive. A few years back, after a fierce game of Uno, we all went to eat. We talked about the game and I said something about how “I’m glad I’m not one of those competitive crazy people.” Steve, normally laid back and not too expressive, smacks his hand down on the table and says, “SWEET JESUS ANNE, YES YOU ARE!”

After Steve’s statement, the fact I had broken many a Super Nintendo controller in my youth, as well as chalking up several technical fouls during my high school basketball career, I realize – yes, I am extremely competitve.

This competitive nature also comes in the form of my appearance. The voice that snuck in unexpectedly today was pushing that competitive button – making me feel there’s no way I can physically compete with the beautiful, early-20 year olds that seem to overflow out of the Rockwall city limits.

Fortunately, a Voice much louder and more important reminded me, “Why do you need to compete, anyway?”

Eh. Good point.

Now if only I can convince myself to believe it…