Pardon this interruption to the “Power of Human Need” discussion. It is so beautiful outiside today and I am becoming more and more restless…more and more nervous.
Some job possibilities are in their final stages and all are up in the air. This is the last week I can afford to not be working. I actually don’t have health/life/dental insurance as of tomorrow (but have some starting up next week through Chris’ job.) I don’t know if I am going to be staying here in Kansas City, or moving somewhere. I’ve put my eggs in two baskets – and maybe that’s not wise to do – but I am getting more anxious by the day that either of them might not work out – Thinking worse-case scenario of course. I’ve never not worked for this long. I’m thankful to afford me taking the break I have, but I’m beginning to feel a lack of purpose in my life. I know there is a reason for this holding pattern…I just don’t know what it is. I thought everything would be figured out a couple of weeks ago and nothing is figured out. Each time my phone rings I hope that when I see the number, it would be something that will show us direction. It’s usually a sales call, which I ignore and let fall into voicemail.
Last night I got sick to my stomach. It was probably a bad combination of spicy Thai food, a late Starbucks run and worry.
I know…I know He has things under control. I know he holds my tomorrow and he’s holding my hand. I just wonder if I am not listening….if I am missing something….or not being obedient in some way.
It’s beautiful outside…I can’t keep sitting in front of this machine…my escape into the outdoors is imminent…and prayers are appreciated, although I couldn’t tell you exactly what I need prayer for.
Comments
17 responses to “Escape is Imminent”
To worry is to give God the middle finger.
One of my high schoolers said that once. You 2 are going to land on your feet regardless of the circumstances. I think maybe your “normal” life will just be different than most “normal” lives.
I’m not worried about you guys.
P.S. Hows the website comin?
I can’t tell you how much I identify with what you’re going through, Anne. I’ve been praying for clarity on a couple jobs and I’m just gettin’ nothin’. Ugh. Intellectually we know that everything will be fine, God has this under control. But won’t He please let me in on it?? I’m praying for you a little guidance and clarity.
Recently I heard someone say that “worry and anxiety is a heart divided”. It is a heart that is not fully trusting in God’s sovereignty and ultimate purpose for your life. It is divided between God and…something else. I try to think about that when I catch myself worrying (which is ALOT) and focus on my heart being fully immersed in God and all He is about.
I’m so glad it’s a nice day there today! Enjoy it!
blech! ‘you talkin’ to me?!”
I don’t much like the “be still and wait” ballad my soul is singing either. Wanna start a band?
hey if you guys do start a band, i wanna join. my souls singin’ the same song… praying for you today.
I know He has things under control. I know he holds my tomorrow and he’s holding my hand. I just wonder if I am not listening….if I am missing something….or not being obedient in some way.
That 100% echos the thoughts that go through my mind everyday. Is worrying about out own ability to hear God correctly the same as doubting or worrying about God. I don’t know, but I think it has virtually the same effect in my life.
i love you. and i am going to be real.
i know that you must be restless. but what i think is happening is that a decision is clear. a decision about what to do or where you need to go is clear. but fear and anxiety and perhaps even stubborness are stopping you. all of which are sinful.
god is not the dangling type.
grab the bull by the horns (i wasn’t going to write horns… but i thought i’d be wiser than the other choice) and just do it, anne. take the leap – make the choice.
god is just going to sit and wait until you just do it.
those are just my thoughts. i love you so very much. i am praying for a peaceful decision (no matter what) and i can’t wait to just talk to you. email me or something…
did you happen to read my xanga yesterday?
Praying for you both,
cause restless wife = unhappy husband!
your post makes me think of an eagles song… ‘i can’t tell you why/ i can’t tell you why…’ i wish i could tell you why you’re in a holding pattern…
but let me say this: you have a great husband, and said husband’s job has good benefits (at least next week–try not to do anything too physically risky or get sick before then :)), and you get to enjoy a beautiful day instead of being stuck in an office. and you’ve been eating thai and drinking starbucks. seriously, your life tempts me to envy… :)
i can relate to that feeling though, though the shape and color of it may be different. (and though i could actually go out and buy the thai and starbucks if i really wanted to. :)) may God move a little more quickly on your behalf.
(i’d also add that i don’t think ‘two baskets’ is necessarily a bad thing. that may be wise.)
Reading back over this, I realize how whiny I sound. I will selfishly and unashamedly blame this on “no coffee was consumed before the writing of this post” but most of it is just the ugly side coming out. Thanks for hanging in there with me, and for the encouraging comments and emails.
Love you guys :)
i’m with crystal…i think perhaps all signs could be pointing in one direction, but it’s not the direction you hoped for. i’m strictly speaking from my own experience. i’ve found myself doing the same thing,praying for an answer or a direction when one was already given…i just didn’t want to see it. i could be and probably am wrong here. it’s not beyond God to have you to be still (even by force) and wait on Him and His perfect timing. but it also could be that the answer you really want you are not getting. time will tell…
oh crap kris, this means we are whiny too! waaahhh!
hahahahahahahahahaha!!! please pass us a little cheese to go along w/ it….
Re: decision making – not really at that point yet :) There are a couple job possibilities, but no official offers yet.
Re: cheese – yummmmmm.
I think of and pray for y’all often.
You know what? I sit here with a horrible cold feeling sorry for myself and I realize it does not make me feel better, it just makes me feel something. Time for a change. Go outside. Drink more coffee. Maybe decaf for a change…might help the worry a bit. I think many of us wonder (worry?) if we missed God’s voice, especially when it comes to career decisions. I have been working with this guy at my company for almost 3 years now. He is very high maintenance, borderline manic/depressive or bipolar or something. He can be up and down SO fast it makes me dizzy. But there is something about the guy. He has a huge heart. He genuinely cares about everyone, even those he has difficulty in dealing with. The problem is I am a people pleaser, and he yells a lot. I don’t do well under that pressure, makes me feel like a little boy. I debated seriously for two years as to why I was at this job, what was I supposed to learn, how was I supposed to survive driving to work in the mornings, sometimes in tears over the fears of what was going to happen. All about me, all about wht me what am I to learn. Then one day on my way in a few months ago I distinctly received an answer from God. It was not about me. I was to be here to be a friend to this guy. I actually began sobbing, because I finally knew why I was where I was. It was a huge relief. Subsequently, he went through a divorce (he is 52), and his father being diagnosed with lung cancer. Currently he is in Florida by his father’s side awaiting his departure from earth. He and his father are believers. He has become a good friend to me and I think have to him. All I know for sure iswhen I became aware of that answer, it was immediate and reassuring. It was instant knowledge. I KNEW it was true and right.