I am so incredibly doped up on cold meds right now, I apologize in advance if this doesn’t make a lot of sense. To give you some sense of how off kilter I am, I was trying to plug in my computer adapter and it took a good three tries to line up the plug with the socket. Anyway…I have mainly been sleeping and watching random sitcoms.
Something I’ve been thinking about lately is a very unhealthy habit of mine. I often compare myself to other girls. If only I could be 20 pounds thinner, my stomach wouldn’t be so squishy, my skin could be perfect (especially now as it’s really dry and flaky due to Old Man Winter), if my clothes could look more put together, my hair not frizz so much, I could cook, be witty and charming, not chew at my hang nails…there are millions of things I wish I could be and whenever I get in this mindset and watch TV, even go out in public, I find myself contrasting these flaws with every single female who walks by and thinking how much better my life would be if I didn’t have to deal with all of these things that I am self conscious about. I know it’s not true, but it’s so easy to give in to that way of thinking.
It’s ironic that when I was in junior high and high school, even my early twenties, I was so much MORE self confident and sure of myself than I am now. Usually it’s the other way around. I wonder why that is.
Anyway, there is no point to this except just to share what has been going on in my fuzzy mind. I hope you all have had a wonderful holiday season!
Comments
9 responses to “Thoughts from the Nyquilator”
Hey, try those shower vapor fizzy things. They’ll make you feel perky and beautiful and confident…… and you’ll smell like the Berkeley hills (Eucalyptus)…
Be easy on yourself, Anne. Self- confidence can be cumlative and progressive, however, not steady. In otherwords, if it wasn’t for the really sucky times, how would we learn what God really wants us to learn? Well, that’s the excuse I use!
And, I just have to say, you live in an age where saying words like sucky are acceptable. That’s a bonus right there. :)
Hope you’re wearing a little smile.
And if you’re still awake after taking Nyquil, you didn’t take enough!
hey… first comment on your blog… but fear not.
i wanted you to know that you are beautiful. my guess in that you are nearly 99.5% unknown to me, in fact, i’ve only seen the corner of your face in a photograph…but i hope that this will make you smile.
i have been with my family and friends who know me best these past few Christmas days, and i have been reminded of some things:
we are loved
we are intended to be
we are undiscovered, but full of wonder
we are beautiful
i hope your day is full of joy
b
What’s funny…even ironic…is that those same women that you are comparing yourself to are more than likely comparing themselves to you. They also walk away thinking that their lives would be so much better if they could just have your height/weight/hair color/creamy skin/mad computer skills…etc, etc, etc.
We put ourselves under a microscope so that we can focus on all of our “flaws”. Even supermodels/actresses are unhappy with different parts of their body or their skin or their hair, etc. We look at them and think we’d be so happy if we just had their bodies, but even they know that alot of what we see is smoke and mirrors. And so what if they are skinnier than us, that doesn’t mean they are any happier. Heck, alot of them have to starve themselves or take drugs and have lipo in order to keep that body. I say no thanks to that! I’d rather be a little soft in the middle and be happy. Who’s with me?!!!! :)
ditto on dawn’s comment…
i’ve definitely struggled with comparing myself to other women. truth be told, when i’ve experienced guy-related rejection, comparing myself to the girl who was picked over me or wondering why i wasn’t good enough was actually a bit more emotionally wounding than feeling that i missed out on the particular guy.
you have a unique and captivating beauty, anne. if i see it from here, certainly those close to you do. and God saw it and chose to send His Son for you… don’t believe the lies… that’s what they are.
here’s to nyquil. (i always have funky dreams when i’m sick, and that ultra-sensitive feeling you posted about sometime back is amped up. i always thought it was tiredness and feverishness messing with my head. it never occurred to me that it might be the drugs. :))
Age is relentless. I think that’s what makes the comparison thing even more difficult in many ways. There’s no replacing my hair as it disappears from my noggin. Sure, my gut coulkd decrease, but even the muscles I could replace it with would turn flooby in time. And yet, none of this matters. We are both incredibly loved, incredibly wanted, incredibly desired. We are considered handsome and beautiful, dashing and desirous despite our best self-innoculating attempts at self-loathing. His heart for us is crushingly shared with us through the day to day graces of those whose hearts and live have been interwoven deeply with ours. Somehow, despite knowing us so well, they still love us as they do. How the heck does that happen? Shucks… maybe it’s because they know Him, He Who Loves Us and all others despite who we are.
He Whose Love Never Fails.
I pray you feel better soon, Sister. Truly. Colds & flus & general weather-related sinus nastiness sucks.
By the way, your gift was used as part of several gifts combined to purchase a gift card for a lower-price grocery store, in order that much good grub might be had at lower prices. Thank you for that. I know they appreciate it.
When are you two shooting for Edinburgh, and for how long? Fill me in, yo.
So there I was thinking about you, and although this is on your blog it is really directed at all of us…because we are all in the same boat. This was on a “Shirts that make you think” I stole it from someone, I can’t remember…It said something like “Anytime you reject any part of yourself you are rejecting God because He designed you” Of course you have to take into consideration the whole sin thing, but I am refering to the perfect masterpiece of you, inside and out, the way He crafted you to be you. You are beautiful. Sometimes it is hard to accept though. I love you Anne.
Anne- At 32, I find that, though I probably look “better” than I did in my early 20s, I am struggling with self-confidence more than I did then. Or actually it is probably just a different struggle. I think it has little to do with age and more to do with what is going on or has gone on in our lives. I guess I have learned that this goes in phases for me. In my own personal journey, God really pointed me to some roots of rejection that I am working through. With him seeing me through, I am discovering a whole new beauty in myself that has nothing to do with my weight, skin, belly, or whatever else I may be struggling with on any given day. I just try to remember that the enemy is so jealous of the beauty of a woman, and I have to refuse to let him make me over-focus on only one part of what constitutes that beauty.
seriously, you will be 30 in like 5 years!!!!
wow, your almost 60
almost 90
basically, its been nice knowing you, i wanted to say that before you died of old age
(note: if you dont remember what im talking about, then disregard)
anne, you know i get this, i’ve so been there, and at times i still am. I know that no matter who, and how many people think you’re beautiful (which i do) or tell you you’re beautiful, it doesn’t help a whole lot. kristi was very right in her comment. i don’t have the answer, but i will deffinitely be praying for you, and i love you so much (and i will when you are 90 too!)