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I never thought there was much difference between reconciliation and forgiveness. In my heart, it all kind of meant the same thing – letting go of pain that someone had inflicted on me. Usually this involved some type of “making up” process involving apologies, sometimes tears, and a hug to make everything alright.

Twelve years ago, somebody hurt me in a very painful, inexcusable way. For years, I didn’t allow myself to work through the pain as I needed to. About a year ago, circumstances (which were mostly out of my control took the wheel) caused me to stare at this wound square in the face.

As strange as it sounds, I’ve never doubted that I had forgiven this person. I feel fortunate that, for the most part, forgiveness comes easy to me. There are probably only two situations in my life where I know I still need to work on forgiving someone, but this particular hurt isn’t one of them.

However, as I was processing through healing during this time, I began questioning if i really had forgiven this person. Sure, the scabs had been peeled off and the wounds were fresh – and it hurt…badly, all over again.

Something just wasn’t sitting right.

Someone who was helping me through this sent me an email. He said that what I was experiencing wasn’t me being bitter or holding on (which was what I was afraid of) but that I was desiring reconciliation.

I wanted for this person to own up to the mistake and for everything – painful as it would be – to be okay again.

I wanted for the relationship to be harmonized and restored completely.

Later, I read this in a book:

Joseph was reconciled with his brothers when they came to Egypt in search of grain. By the time his brothers reached Egypt, he was able to stand before them and confront them because he had no inner feelings that would keep him from having a relationship of unity and peace with them.

Forgiveness is unilateral. You can forgive even if [someone] never admits [their wrong doing], is never sorry, and never changes. But reconciliation requires both people’s commitment to recovery, honesty, repentance, forgiveness, and communication. Even then, reconciliation is a long and difficult process of breaking down barriers and building trust.

You may not ever be reconciled with a person that hurt you (or that you hurt). That part takes both people to work through.

Forgiveness is a necessary, but not a sufficient condition for reconciliation.

However, forgiveness is a decision that you make, and continue to make, regardless of the other person’s choice. And through the cross and grace and love, you can.

i don’t know what it is about me but i am a very last minute person. when it comes to helping other people, i love to be as prepared as possible, but when it comes to something i am doing (like writing or speaking) i wait until the last possible minute. it’s the only way my brain seems to work.

tonight, i put together notes for the breakout session mike foster and i are leading at ministrycom08 which is a conference in oklahoma city next week (let me know if you’re coming and if you’ll be dropping in one of the two sessions on burnout). it’s been peculating in my head for the last eight months since i agreed to speak at it, but i didn’t flesh it out until now. one hour and five pages later, it’s done and i really feel good about it.

i think if i started working on it sooner, i’d probably stress myself out to the point of no return…over analyzing and overthinking it. tweaking and retweaking. but there seems to be a more organic feel to it this way…

how do you prepare for something big?

awwww.

but i do have to admit. i don’t like much meat but I LOVE BACON. i mentioned this to our new programming director, dave, the other day, who recommended i watch this jim gaffigan video on bacon. it is so true.

“on a magic bacon ride….”

after a pretty heavy post on the sabbath yesterday, i thought i’d share something happening in my own church.

this pig is for real.? the men at cross point church will be eating this very pig tomorrow at a tailgating party thing.? no girls allowed.? which is fine, because i would probably throw up if i saw this thing in person.

knowing this, ryan, who is heading this event up, and whose office is right next to me, has been talking about the process of getting the pig…from buying it, scalding it, and even dehairing it.? he just sent me the picture of the final product.

HE IS STILL SMILING. And whose truck is that?

wrong, just wrong.

does this make you want to throw up, or eat some bacon?

17 billion text messages were sent worldwide in 2000.

250 billion were sent in 2001.

500 billion were sent in 2004.

1.9 TRILLION in 2007.

(ht: brody, fab chart by yours truly. remember. i love spreadsheets.)

-===-

do you text often?

sometimes circumstances in my life work very similar to an enema for my brain.

granted, i have never had an enema of any kind before, so perhaps this is just speculation.

life has been hectic lately. despite my hesitation of public speaking, i’ve taken on a few more opportunities. chris has been working a lot. my family has a little drama going down. his family is going through the loss of his grandpa. there are airports and plane tickets and bills and cars making funny noises and deadlines and emails and laundry and exciting book things and friends coming into town and friends moving and friends grieving.

maybe it’s the cumulative result of all of these things over the last two weeks that have caused this flush of any kind of creative output from my head, but that’s where i am at. anything noteworthy or newsworthy or thought provoking or interesting at all has been removed completely from my brain.

so i won’t be talking much until it has been refilled. and the temptation during times like these is to fill it up with things that are easy to process, or fun to absorb, but meaningless. during this time i will be shutting up and listening. praying and listening.

and i’ll see you soon.

FlowerDusters,

We lost a blog reader today.

Chris’ grandpa, who was an active reader of this blog (which always made me smile) passed away this Sunday afternoon.

Please pray for his family, who has already gone through some tough times recently, and that he can find a way to financially make the trip to KC for the funeral.

Chris is selling his amp on Craigslist (Fender Hot Rod Deville 2×12 – USA version) as one way to help.? So if you need an amp in amazing condition or know someone who does, there you go.? It appears the amp has been sold.? Supposedly the guy will pick it up tomorrow. Let’s hope so.

Thanks for your prayers and support.

last week, i mentioned something chris had said about living in america but not living an american lifestyle. over the last few months, we have made some drastic changes that have helped us look at needs vs. wants vs. reality differently.

in oklahoma city, we lived in a brand new luxury apartment in downtown. when we moved to nashville, we could have moved into a cottage in the famous downtown franklin (read: trendy and expensive) or into a 1970’s townhome in older west nashville, sight unseen.

we chose the townhome. it’s a few hundred dollars a month cheaper. and it has wood paneling. which i have grown to love.

yet i am still tempted. i am still plagued. with the speaking engagements, and inevitable public appearances that come with widely releasing a book, i feel i must look a certain way. dress a certain way. have my hair a certain way. lose those “last 10 pounds.”

because i feel as if i don’t, people won’t take me seriously.

i am a jeans a tee shirt kind of girl. i don’t always match. on purpose. i love my flip flops. it literally takes a wedding or a funeral to get me dressed up. it really hasn’t mattered much to me…until now.

i have to admit, i’m feeling the pressure.

would it be so terrible to wear my (nice) jeans and my (nice) shirt when i talk to pastors who are old enough to be my dad? will they take me seriously? will my glasses make me look smarter, or be a barrier for eye contact? will they notice that i’m 28? does it matter i’m a girl with nine hours of college credit, and only three of those were a bible class that i barely passed? should i get my nails done?

[welcome to the inside of my mind]

it would be easy for me to drop a grand on a new wardrobe that would make me look like i have my stuff together. i could look really sharp, no doubt. i could hire someone who knows something about how to dress people so i don’t feel so darn self conscious.

but i really don’t think that would truthfully represent me — all of me.

yet i feel the pressure. and i’m struggling with it. i think deep down inside, i know it doesn’t matter. but i so feel that it does…

do you?

this is hilarious. go to yearbookyourself.com and you too, can experience your photogenicness throughout the decades. thanks to lee for this. he sent some to pete.

the bad thing is the middle picture really does look like my freshman year in high school…woohoo, 1994 and spiral perms!

what was your worst hair?? bonus points if you can link over to a picture of it.