Category: Mental Health

So, first thanks for your prayers an encouragement from last Saturday’s post.? Instead of dropping back to 150mg of Wellbutrin, I stopped taking it all together. (*Note-don’t ever do that unless you’re under supervision from a doctor!)? I got switched over to Paxil, which affects a different chemical in the brain.? Some friends of mine have had success with it, but more importantly my own brother has been on it for a while and the difference it has made in him his tremendous, without very many side effects.

I haven’t started taking it yet.? Wellbutrin has the world’s longest half-life so it is still in my system for a few more days. I’ll probably start next weekend.? I know this stuff takes time to work and the side-effects diminish over time, but what Wellbutrin did to me was a little more than a side effect…I’d even say I was literally hysterical.? It was so crazy.

On to the next step…

when i feel any emotion intensely, my eyes turn an unbelievable shade of bright green – almost a green-blue color. which is weird. because for the most part, on any given day, they are a boring brown-green hazel color. the day i started high school they actually were blue. i was that nervous.

they’ve been really green the last couple of days. i just looked in the mirror and noticed how green they were. the last couple of days have been hard on me emotionally. maybe the increase in the wellbutrin was too much, but i crashed hard yesterday, and even harder today. i feel like i am having an out of body experience. the real me is floating around somewhere, probably sipping a peppermint mocha and instead, some crazy lady who cries any time a word leaves her mouth, who gets angry at the first sign of tension and who is scared to even be alone has embodied this shell with bright green eyes.

i know the crazy me isn’t really me. and tomorrow, i’m dropping my dosage back to 150. it seemed to be working fine, whereas the 300 is creating a monster. what i hate most about this is the feeling i am letting people down. chris didn’t marry a crazy lady. lake pointe didn’t hire a crazy lady. a crazy lady doesn’t work with my co-workers. but here is crazy lady and her inability to control even the slightest emotion.

i know i really need to get a grip. i wish i could figure out how much of this is me that i am not letting god control and how much is actually the medicine jacking with my chemicals. regardless, i could really use your prayers right now.

What are your thoughts on taking medicine for Depression or Anxiety?