When Donald Miller founded The Mentoring Project, I was a fan. He saw a need, figured out a way to help fill in the gap, and went for it.
The psychology in family dynamics has always been profoundly interesting to me. Just last fall, I wrote a paper for a family sociology class. I researched the correlation between mood disorders (like depression, anxiety, etc.) and fatherlessness*. Surprisingly, there wasn’t much in the way of data (yet) but below is an excerpt from my paper that summarizes what I found very well:
Maldonado supports the positive correlation between increased mood disorder in children and fatherlessness. Using research from Barlett, he notes “children who have no contact with the nonresidential parent suffer more detriment than children whose parents “openly reject” them, “hurt…[their] feelings,” or “exploit [them] for selfish purposes.” While a father’s death has significant impact on a child, by nature they are more adaptable to the loss. However, when the loss is caused by a father’s personal decision, children often blame themselves when they are rejected or abandoned by living fathers. A child feels less valued if a parent does not make an effort to engage in the child’s life. Using research by Wallerstein and Kelly, Maldonado expresses children at any and all levels of development experience “sadness and even severe depression” when he or she experiences feelings of rejection by the father’s absence. (Maldonado, 957).
As an interesting sidebar, mood disorders are not only found in children of absent fathers, but also in the fathers who left. Quoting Effects of Divorce on Parents and Children (Lamb, ed. 1982), fathers who “rarely saw their children after divorce felt a great sense of loss and depression.” On the other hand, fathers who stay in close contact with their children post-divorce enjoy “higher self-esteem and significantly lower rates of depression and other mental health problems than fathers who have little or no contact with their children.” (Maldonado, 959).
I’ve been tracking along with The Mentoring Project for a few years now, and love that they’ve developed this great idea for a Father’s Day campaign, Don’t Buy the Tie!
I realize many of you have given up on ties and probably purchase something more in the category of requiring batteries, but the principle holds true. What if – just for this Father’s Day, in honor of your dad or a father figure in your life, you gave that hope to someone else?
In this case, it may be giving a boy a chance to have a father figure in his life. However, based on some of the research I did for my paper, you may also be giving a father (who for some reason doesn’t have much contact with his child) a great hope as well.
Tim and I donated to the Don’t Buy the Tie campaign. I encourage you to check it out and do so as well!
*This is not to dismiss other causes for mood disorders. In fact, most of my research indicates traumatic experiences (absent fathers included) often are the beginning of a psychosomatic responses as the body’s autonomous and nervous systems can’t process trauma at early ages so it is “stored” within those systems which cause chemical imbalances and neuropathological disturbances. There are other factors to consider (hereditary, genetics, etc.).
As I finally processed my own traumas (sexual abuse, etc.) in my thirties, much of (but not all of) my depressive symptoms went away! Not every person experiences trauma or loss in the same way so each person’s path in their mental health looks different than others. The important thing is to recognize how trauma affects us and to seek professional help and medication when necessary. I am NOT a doctor, just a student of the behavioral sciences, so take that for what it’s worth.
