Anne Marie Miller

Category: Mad Church Disease

  • spoiled rotten & rambling

    it seems as most of my adult life, i’ve had a laptop, usually work-provided. the same was true with my current job, except i was extremely spoiled. i had an iMac desktop AND an HP laptop. but, as part of the focus of my position changed, the laptop was put to use in a more effective way (meaning its owner as of a few months ago was no longer yours truly.)

    first, i went through a freaking out period. i had no other computer at home except the laptop. my phone (which is back in working order, yay!) has microsoft word and email on it, but could i really write a book using those little letters on the keyboard?

    fortunately, a friend saw my need and let me borrow a mac mini (and another friend lent all the peripherals) so at least i had something at home until i got my big fat (realistic and very modest) book advance (which one must have a publisher in order to get) and with that advance (from currently up in the air publisher), a new laptop would be purchased.

    as fortunate as i am to have such generous friends, my mind is not being so generous with sharing its creativity with me. i realize how spoiled rotten i have become with mobility and technology…the fact i am confined to my little ikea chair (which after sitting on for any extended amount of time will lower slowly…slowly…until one is awkwardly low to the ground)…and the gentle whirring and humming of my borrowed CRT monitor has somehow convinced me that i need the mobility in order to be productive. that i cannot be in one spot all the time and be productive.

    which is a lie.

    but is still very hard for my personality to sit in one place…especially when the cats jump up on the keyboard and what was an intelligible sentence turns into someiopdufthing lik3897e thcjjlskis.

    all of this nonsensical rambling (which should have been put towards book-use) to ask for your prayers…i have a deadline in less than two weeks…i am struggling on a part of the proposal…my brain is fried…

  • chicken salad and the dark underbelly

    at lunch today, i was sitting alone at an awkwardly placed table inside an overland park, kansas panera. thinking the free wifi and yummy chicken salad (which is not so readily available in dallas) would be two wonderful lunch-time companions, i plugged in my dad’s laptop (i am laptopless at the moment) and got to email checking and book-writing things.

    in my inbox, i have about 58 stories of ministry hurt people have chosen to share with me. i feel so humbled and grateful they are willing to open up such painful wounds. and if you are one of those people, i beg your patience…responding has been more difficult than i ever imagined.

    after nibbling a while on my fruit, emailing a couple friends, and starting to chow down on the chicken salad, i felt particularly moved to read a specific email i had recently received. i read it once. twice. googled a few things. and read it a third time.

    by the third time through, i could barely manage to swallow the bite that was in my mouth. not only was my heart breaking for the person and the journey he had been on, my stomach was twisted in a big knot because of what had happened within the leadership of this particular staff.

    i have been a part of staff where a large moral failure has occured. twice. it is not pretty. however, i think we are often blinded to the fact that stuff like this happens all the time without going noticed. pastors who preach from the stage wisdom and purity are doing things i don’t feel comfortable writing about. and if you’ve been here a while, you know i’ll pretty much talk about anything.

    my sin is no more or less pretty than the next guy. there are dark recesses in my mind, and in my heart. but as a christian and in leadership at a church, i know these places are there and i do my darndest to not dwell on them, to talk about them with my close friends. i certainly don’t play in the muck and call it fun.

    more and more as i read these stories, i realize how many church leaders do think it’s all fun and games what they do behind closed doors. they become pastors because they want a power trip and abuse the freedom they have in their lives and in their churches. they bring other leaders down with them to those places.

    they aren’t the ones taking the mad church disease surveys (or if they are, they aren’t being honest), but it is their coworkers who see it what is happening, or experience it directly then either leave because of it or stay and don’t say anything because of the ramifications of accountability.

    there is a very dark underbelly to many churches – churches you know of and read about and probably even comment on the staff blogs – that are going through the motions while living in deep, real sin.

    i shouldn’t be surprised, but today i literally felt ill about this. it is unspeakably sad, and the truth always comes to the light, so i feel badly for the congregations who will one day discover things they could never imagine happening within their church walls.

    please pray for me as i continue to read these stories, especially the hard ones like this. please pray for the people who know things they wish they didn’t, and who are doing things they shouldn’t be doing.

    i realized today more than ever that whatever mad church disease turns ends up being, it cannot simply be a trendy book with good principles and advice. there is so much more going on, and i pray that we have the courage to bring about change to the war which is happening literally each and every day.

  • radio

    I’ll be on Power Talk Live tonight discussing burnout at 9:00 pm CDT on 89.7 PowerFm here in Dallas.

    Power Talk Live is a weekly show which addresses tough issues. You can listen live from anywhere by going to 897powerfm.com or if you live in the DFW area or South Oklahoma, you can pick it up on 89.7 FM.

    Usually they do a call in segment so if you want to call in, you can call 214 (or 817) 787-1897 or if you are out of the DFW area, 1-866-787-1897.

    I’ll also post the mp3 as soon as I get it back from them. Hope you can tune in! If not, I’d love your prayers!

  • Tell me what you want, what you really really want…

    First of all, thank you to everyone who has helped promote Mad Church Disease. I think we will cross the 1000 survey mark before tomorrow and it has only been a week since the site launched. This could NOT have been done without you.

    Anyway, I just finished my first outline for the book as part of the proposal going to some publishers. Before I finalize it, I want to make sure I’m not leaving out anything-as I’ve mentioned before – this isn’t just a book that I’m writing about what I think-I want to make sure that it is meeting as many needs that I am searching for as many answers as possible.

    So, if you have any thoughts on what you?d like to see in the book, now is your time!

    Let me know in the comments on the Mad Church Disease blog.

    Also…this would be a great opportunity to solicit feedback from YOUR readers. Many of them have completed surveys but I don’t want their participation to end there. If you feel so inclined, please take this time to email them, or to blog about this, and point them to the MCD blog as I’d love for them to continue contributing to the content of the book as well.

    I’m closing comments on this particular post in order to keep all the feedback on this topic over at the Mad Church Disease blog. I’ll see you over there — and remember — there are no stupid ideas!!

    If you are really thinking about something, ask!

  • Thank You!

    Thank you all for your hard work yesterday blitzing the internet! I think technorati picked up most of the blog reactions: ALMOST 200! That is amazing. That is mindblowing. Almost 200 reactions in 24 hours. Wow. I cannot thank you enough! I could not possibly mention every single person/organization who shared the cure by blogging or emailing but I thought I’d post a couple of things I weren’t expecting!

    Check out the Technorati blog reactions here & click on a few of them to get to know some other awesome bloggers!

    1) At 6:30 yesterday morning, I noticed in my Google Reader that FriendlyAtheist.com had posted it. At first, I was honestly a little freaked out. I love Hemant’s candor & honesty and there have been many, many times he has made me think about the way I think. Anyway, knowing he is as honest as he is…I opened up the link and was floored by his graciousness to help. I guess they don’t call him friendly for nothing! Thanks, Hemant!

    Read Hemant’s post about the survey here.

    2) ChurchMarketingSucks.com posted an interview. It’s not that I wasn’t expecting it, but I appreciate the fact they were concerned about the affect Mad Church Disease would have on potlucks.

    Read the CMS interview here.

    3) I got an IM from RagamuffinSoul asking me for a hi-res copy of my cover. Interspersed with “hahaha” and “Muahahahah” and “Just trust me” I sent him the cover. What was produced was nothing short of a work of art. You can watch it below.

    At this point, I have about 500 survey responses…so…give or take 10%. If you haven’t posted or emailed or taken a survey…please help spread the love. 5000 is looking like a pretty big number…but 500 responses in one day is AWESOME and couldn’t have been done without you!

  • FIGHT MAD CHURCH DISEASE!

    It’s here……….
    MadChurchDisease.com     is live!

    How can you help fight Mad Church Disease?

    1. Take a survey here.

    2. Email all your friends, your staff, your small group, the people you volunteer with, and have them take the survey.

    3. Fight by spreading the CURE! Post a link to the survey on your blog, and keep an image link in your sidebar (images here)

    I can’t WAIT to see how God uses this! Thank you for all your support and prayers over the past week! I am so lucky to have such awesome friends (even if you do just lurk and I have no idea who you are…you still rock, baby!)

    A special thank you to the group of about 100 people who signed up to be “Trailblazers” — these people tested the site, promised to post content today, committed to emailing over 4000 people combined, and are from over 25 states and six countries! Words can’t express how grateful I am!

    So, let me know – How did you help fight?

  • a new chapter

    i was looking back through my old leadership summit notes from two years ago and came across something i had written about my “holy discontent.” it was shortly after day one of the leadership summit in august of 2005. reading this now, knowing that the last two years have been full of healing, learning, getting my butt kicked (deservedly so), tons and tons and tons of grace, second chances, and small but difficult attempts at obedience…it is really cool to see how god has taken something that has been on my heart for most of my life, reignited my passion for it, and is now allowing me the opportunity to move forward with it.

    feeling completely unworthy, yet inexplicably grateful.

    August 11, 2005

    Asking myself…

    What is it that stirs a holy discontent in me?

    In each of us something stirs our hearts and souls – a holy discontent. When something just isn’t right and it begins to drive us to some sort of impassioned craziness if we don’t do something about it. Many times we try and shut it off or run from it, but we should be feeding it. If it breaks our hearts, it must be breaking God’s as well – so he’ll look all across the earth to find us and choose us to be his tool to bring healing to whatever that discontent is in.

    Biblical reference – Moses seeing his people being beaten, then fighting each other. (Exodus 2) – God calling him to lead them out (Exodus 3)

    At lunch, our pastor asked the people at our table, about 5 of us, what our holy discontent is. For once I knew exactly my answer (that never happens.)

    Honestly at first I hesitated saying it. I don’t know why. I thought if I gave some canned answer I would “typically” give about equipping artists or engaging them in community (which I do feel strongly about)…I could just medicate it…one more time. But I couldn’t. I had to say it. And I am so glad I did.

    My Holy Discontent is seeing broken and struggling churches, seeing those churches not getting help they need, and instead being beaten by the progressive and overextended church culture pressures that surround them. I see and weep for the effect that it has on church pastors and leaders and their families…knowing also the impact this has on the community around it – the people who are searching…..

    I love my job. I love doing communications stuff. But that doesn’t keep me up at night. That doesn’t brew around in my head at 3am. THIS DOES.

    I realized how much of this is tied to my past. In my comment at lunch, I said that this stirring was a new thing, within the last month – but as I reflect, it has been there for years. At a meeting, I saw members of my dad’s church attacking him and another one of our pastors. It burned a hole so deep inside and so quickly…After leaving, I climbed on the fire escape in the back of the building and wrote a letter to God that I still have today – pouring out my questions and asking for understanding of why we are so flawed – why so unjust to those who we are tied together with – bound and yoked to – as the body of Christ.

    I never went back to that church. The next week, my dad and the other pastor resigned. Every time I would try to go to church, as soon as I saw the way they treated the leaders, or the way the leaders would lie or misuse trust, I would run.

    I couldn’t stand the way that my heart was breaking. After having my heart broken one last time by a youth pastor I looked up to so much – I said forget it, and didn’t go back to church for almost 6 years.

    Now this pain I’ve been feeling – this, “Dark Night of the Soul” as my friend James put it once, and Hybels reiterated today – I know what it is.

    I have no idea what to do about it.

    I want to help these pastors, these churches – but who am I? A 25 year old girl with too many emotions, weaknesses, frailties…trying to understand and enter the world of a 45 year old man?

    I have no idea what to do.

    I just know I must.

    The adventure began 18 years ago when I hid in a closet so I could spy on my dad’s deacon’s meetings. But tomorrow, we enter into a whole new chapter. Thank you for your prayers & your support. I can’t wait!

  • weekend thought…prayers

    Ok, so by now you’re probably sick of this whole Mad Church thing…sorry. As my dear friend Andrew will tell you, it has been consuming every waking moment I have to get this site up and running correctly by July 2! They have been most tolerant of me and my “excuse me, I have take this call/email/whatever from my ‘database guy’” escapes from our outing tonight.

    Anyway, this weekend I have about 50 people testing the three surveys and they are all really complicated surveys as far as database stuff is concerned. A few prayer requests…

    -Please pray we can work through the errors we get and that this will be ready to go with no problems on Monday! Some are going through great but for some reason, others aren’t.

    -My database guy is working tirelessly on this so he needs your prayers too. It keeps storming here so that has also been affecting connectivity.

    -Please pray for the healing that will come from this book and for those who will take the surveys.

    Other than that, I appreciate your feedback and support! I am going to take a blogging break this weekend to rest and organize some things. I hope you all have a lovely weekend and I know your prayers will cover and protect this project!

  • i am really bad at keeping secrets

    alright, so a few times in the last week, i mentioned i am working on a little project and was planning on telling you about it on friday. well, i can’t wait to tell you anymore!

    there is one condition – and that is that YOU must keep it a secret (via means of blogging and email) until July 2, and then that is where i’ll need your help.

    deal? … okay.

    i am writing a book. not “oh, i want to write a book” but in the sense that things are already written, interviews are being scheduled and conducted with people, some art direction is complete, i am in some very early discussions with a couple of publishers, and there’s even a website that will be launching on july 2.

    the book is (currently) titled mad church disease, and discusses the ministry burnout epidemic that is killing church staff, volunteers and their families left and right.

    (why is it called mad church disease? read here.)

    it will also have insights from pastors (and not just “famous” ones), but volunteers, families, and stories of redemption and healing. THIS EPIDEMIC HAS TO BE STOPPED!

    as i mentioned earlier, the website will be publicly launched july 2. but what i am really looking forward to, and WHAT I NEED YOUR HELP WITH is this…

    a big part of the book is research. there have not been any comprehensive, indepth studies that take the temperature of “ministry burnout” for all three groups: church staff, families/spouses of church staff, and volunteers.

    on the mad church disease website, these three surveys will go live and it is my goal to get 5000 respondants to the surveys.

    (you can read more about the surveys here.)

    what god brought to my attention the other night (here) about getting the “right people” to help drive people to the survey site on july 2 was that although there may be some made up “A LIST” of bloggers and leaders – how BLIND i was for not telling you guys about this project.

    why would a pastor of some top 100 listed “well known” church who doesn’t know me get involved (and why should i care if he doesn’t care?) when right in front of me i have YOU…you who have prayed for me, laughed with me, challenged me, encouarged me? YOU are MY “A LIST” people. so i apologize to you for being blinded by my own desires!

    this is the deal. i am asking anyone that would like to fight mad church disease, to sign up as what i call a “trailblazer” – pretty much these trailblazers are people who are committing to blitzing their universe (by posting a link to the site/survey on their blog on july 2, emailing their friends, etc.).

    to read more about becoming a trailblazer, you can go here to this link and if you want to, sign up.

    on sunday, i will send everyone who’s signed up some graphics, text, and links to use (as much or as little of) so you can help direct people to take the surveys. it would me SO much to me if I had your help!

    i know that’s a lot of information, and i do ask you wait until monday, july 2 to post anything or write anything but if you have questions or comments, i’d love to discuss them with you so feel free to comment below on this post.

    and for your quick reference:

    Book Site

    Trailblazer Page (it’s hidden)

    phew! now that it’s off my chest, i really look forward to your feedback.