Category: Hmmmm

it is 58 degrees in my office. you see, our communications team moved up to the third floor (affectionately named the penthouse suite) yet since this place has been mostly unihabited for several years, the air control circuit is on a shared unit with some kind of server room that must remain at 65 degrees or below. they are in the process of splitting the two so we can have one with heat.

three of us girls plugged in our space heaters and last week had no problems. today, however a circuit blew by 9:30 this morning and all of our office plugs went dead. turns out all six of us share one circuit, and 1500 watt space heaters are the archnemesis of said circuit.

computers, gone. half-written emails, gone. any sort of productive behaviours, gone. we were left helpless.

during the eight minutes of downtime, i thought how similar this little situation is to my life. i feel cold…empty…frigid. i don’t have the Warmth inside of me that i should. so i plug in one 1500 watt space heater (perfectionism), after another (materialism), after another (unhealthy eating habits), after another (trading mindless activity for time with my Father)…until my circuit blows and I end up completely helpless and unproductive.

although at the moment, the only thing keeping me physically warm is a fleece blanket i have wrapped around me, i am going to try and be more aware of the space heaters i plug into my life when i should be basking in the heat of a much more natural Source.

I haven’t been in a blogging mood lately. Sorry. Let’s see…not a lot has happened. Back to work. Got a new office (our entire Communications Team pretty much has the third floor to ourselves which also means a lot of exercise – 42 stairs up!), working a couple freelance gigs. Not too much exciting. No deep thoughts or revelations.

How are you?

Sleeping in is quite wonderful. For the 2.5 years I was on staff at Westside, my schedule varied which meant I slept in quite a bit, except for the weekends. Now that I’m on staff at Lake Pointe, I usually arrive in the office around 8:30. Really, it’s not too terrible.

Around 10 am or so, Chris & I were still lounging around when we got into a conversation about appearances. In the three years we’ve been married, we’ve both gone up a size. I know this isn’t because of my great cooking skills, since I cook about twice a year.

Something I have always battled is comparing myself to other women. It’s almost natural for me to see someone and think, “If I were that skinny…that tall…that confident…if my teeth were that white…my skin that clear…” but on the flip side, I also think, “I’m glad I’m not that fat…that short…that gangly…that wrinkled…”

Thinking those thoughts are awful. They’re harmful to me, and unfair to others. And for some reason, I’ve been doing it a lot more frequently.

There is so much pressure for women to be perfect. Everybody we see on TV is flawless. It’s difficult not to feel like a disappointment when I’m carrying an extra 10 or 15 pounds, my hair needs a good deep conditioning and haven’t shaved my legs in four days.

Is this comparision thing something other women do and just don’t talk about?

My cat has been nuzzled up into my stomach for the last few minutes as I pay some bills and check my email. He’s sleeping, I think…as he keeps twitching a little bit.

I really wish I could be more like my cat. He has no idea when or how I’m going to feed him, he just knows I will. He knows I make sure he has clean water and knows he’s gonna get a little belly rub if he flips over. He never pounds down my door whining because the food in his bowl is getting low or because he knocked his green ball to a place he can’t reach. He knows I’ll take care of him.

God…please let me be more like my cat. Let me nuzzle up to you and be able to rest knowing you have everything taken care of.

I know it’s been a while since there was something of substance on here. It’s been a busy couple of weeks, and there are a lot of things happening…decisions to be made…feelings to sort through…and some freelance design on top of it all to keep me busy.

Yesterday I wasn’t feeling too great, so I canceled my appointments and just kind of sat around and talked to God a lot. During that time, I checked my email a zillion times, and in doing that, got some updates on some people I know. I realized something HUGE I’ve got to work through. Here’s my dilemma:

When there is someone in my life I don’t really care for (you know…sandpaper people) and something bad happens to them…I can’t help but feel a little bit happy. I know, it’s terrible but in a way I feel justified…like, “Yeah, you’re just getting what you deserve, sucker! It’s about time!” Awful, awful, awful. The feelings of “dog’h” arrive shortly after.

So…new goal for life (or at least for today, and then tomorrow. and the next day) – Try and look at people, especially the people I’m not so fond of, with the eyes of Christ. I think of how it is our crap he died for, bled for, and was beaten to a bloody pulp for, yet he never looks at us when something bad happens and thinks, “Yeah, you deserve it!”

Never.

I have two cats. A gray one named The Flop, and an orange one named Wicket. I got Flop around Christmas 2003 and Wicket, Thanksgiving 2004. I remember seeing his picture online at the shelter, after browsing through hundreds of kittens. Something about him stood out…and I knew he was the one. We went to the shelter to “meet” him and make sure we connected, and I’ll never forget how, when the lady opened his cage, he literally jumped right into my arms and started nuzzling my face.

Yup, he was the one alright. I took him home and he rode the entire way nuzzled up into my neck, purring like there was no tomorrow.

So, I’ve had Wicket for a little over a year. I don’t let the cats sleep in my room, and every morning without fail, Wicket is waiting for an open the door…just trying to sneak by him and jump on our bed to start his morning affection cuddle. Usually, I’m still asleep but now and then he slips by, barrels across the bedroom and leaps on the bed, motor running and head going straight under my neck.

So, by now you’re wondering…what the heck does this have to do with God? I mean, you did title your post “Cats & Abba”)…Well, this morning was one of those mornings where he snuck in and leaped over the bed, right on top of me…meowing and purring and doing the little nuzzle thing with his head. It kind of struck me today though, that he has ALWAYS done this…it wasn’t the initial high of getting adopted…it’s every morning.

I began to wonder why I am not more like my cat with God. He has given me so much…the necessities, but also a few toy balls, and some cat treats to eat too. He has blessed me so abudantly, but typically in the morning I roll out of bed and complain how bright the sun is (I don’t really like the sun) or how 8am is too early to wake up (knowing how good I have it to be able to come in a little later to the office.)

My cat taught me a lesson today…about gratefulness…and love. Regardless of how many times I’ve shot him with the water gun to stop him from doing something bad…or stepped on his tail (accidentally, of course)…he is always ready to show he loves me at the first possible second in the day.

See…cats aren’t all bad.

Gwen said this on Candyce’s blog.

“There’s nothing worse than contrived passion. It’s like an echo in an empty canyon, put forth with great effort and always returns but with a strange hollow sound.”

That’s amazing…what are your thoughts?

In about five minutes, I’m going to be off to attend the celebration of Brandon’s life. As I drove by the church on my way in (I work across the street in a separate building), I saw them wheeling in his motorcycle for part of the memorial display. I remember seeing a picture of Megan and him on it, or how she’d get nervous when he’d ride it when his counts were low. I remember seeing the love she had for him shining through her eyes. Laughing with them over a pizza dinner at Merle’s house only a few months ago. Being at their wedding where they exchanged vows. ‘Til death do us part…I remember Megan saying that, and choking up a little. But a love like theirs, not even death can separate.

Thank you, Brandon. Thank you, Megan. Thank you for inspiring me to love more fully and drink in the gift of life each morning my eyes open to a new day. I am eternally grateful.