Anne Marie Miller

Category: Church

  • Pardon my Lack of Holiday Sentiment

    Maybe it’s a lack of Christmas Cheer. Maybe it’s a lack of caffeine (I’ve been cutting back)… But recently I’ve had some problems getting into the Christmas spirit.

    By “the Christmas Spirit,” I mean the American-November-24th-through-
    December-25th-Christmas spirit. Don’t get me wrong; I like buying and making gifts for people. And I definitely like the constant supply of holiday candy and cookies that has been flowing into my office. But as far as feeling more loved, more loving, or more in tune to God in my life. I’m not feeling all too different.

    Let me explain…

    Earlier this week, I was interviewed for another newspaper about the decision to close the church building on Christmas Sunday. After getting misquoted in the KC Star, I decided to write the statement out and then ask that the reporter send me the article for fact checking before it went to the presses. I got the article from him Tuesday and read over it. Except for putting the wrong attendance number (he put too many), everything seemed to be right. I’ll save you the time of reading the lengthy article, and instead just provide you with part of my quote that has really got me thinking…

    ?…We believe that worshiping God for what Christ has done for us is constant and continuous and should be celebrated every day.?

    Constant.

    Continuous.

    Every day.

    I remember back when we had our Easter services here at Westside. We spent a LOT of time planning, rehearsing and putting together visual elements for this service. Like weeks – compared to days which we typically spend. Same with Christmas. Why do we do that? Why do we put the emphasis on two weekends a year?

    I know the answer – how we have more people who are spiritually curious that will come on those two days. And that is true…

    But are we, as Christ followers, just as guilty as the secular world in commercializing Christmas? But instead of using Santa and snow men, we use mangers, and candlelight, and angels that we have heard on high. It’s like we treat Mary, Joseph and the Wise Men like distant relatives…we occasionally mention them in passing but really only see them once a year around the holidays. Why do we only sing hymns of our Saviour’s birth one weekend a year? Why isn’t the birth of Christ celebrated more throughout the year? I know we are each personally responsible for our own lives of continuous worship, but as church leaders, aren’t we also responsible for setting that same example to those who worship with us? Based on the way we do things now, what example are we setting?

  • Discerning or Deceived?

    People have often mentioned to me that I am gifted in the area of discernment. I can often see or feel things that are intangible ? sense moods, emotion and can easily distinguish between true and false in situations?in conversations, environments, and attitudes. When someone is feeling ?off? or upset, it usually comes across clearly to me, and sometimes without even knowing I can guess why out of seemingly nowhere. It?s a little creepy sometimes, but in a good way.

    Also being very ?feely? (I?m an INFP) I tend to base a lot of decisions off of how I feel about something rather than logic or common sense. Sometimes it works out great. And other times?well, not so much. Something I constantly ask myself is, ?Is this just a feeling or is it the truth??

    Today has been an ultra-sensitive day for some reason. I feel as if I?m swimming in a sea of the unseen ? everybody?s thoughts and feelings. There is one area in my life right now where I am feeling extremely insecure based on the way certain people act towards me or respond towards me. I?m feeling inadequate in my talents and gifting. Some things that are happening around me are making my discernment ?red? flag go up.

    But is it just a feeling? Or is it the truth? Am I being discerning?or am I being deceived? How far can I trust my inclinations?

    So?I pray for wisdom. I guess that?s all I can do.

  • Moving on – Megachurches & Christmas Sunday

    We got to go home early today due to the snow. I’d guess a good 5″ so far and it took me 15 minutes to drive Chris’ rear-wheel drive car up the hill we live on and another 10 to turn left. Dang rear-wheel drive cars! Anyway…

    Now that I’ve been home a while, I’ve been reading the almost consistent disdain blogged about by the religious masses on megachurches closing the doors on Christmas Sunday. The church I work for is doing that as well. I’ve read several quotes from the brainiest theologians saying how we’re bowing down to the secular culture and not wanting to inconvenience those who aren’t believers.

    I’m sorry, is it just me, or is this not that big of a deal? Would I rather give the community an opportunity to celebrate the birth of Jesus and experience the love of Christ when it’s convenient for them, or ask them to go out of their way to check out something they’re not even sure exists? I do think that as believers, we should sacrifice our needs in order to reach people, but I don’t and wouldn’t force those expecatations on others to sacrifice their Christmas time with family. I am feeling that we are worshipping a specific day instead of celebrating the incarnation of God.

    What irritates me about this whole ordeal is the “us-against-them” mentality and sucker punching that is happening! I’m not all for everything megachurches do, but I do try to respect and celebrate that they are doing something for the kingdom of God. It might not be the way I would do something, but who the heck cares when people’s lives are being changed? Why can’t they just peacefully say, “We are glad these churches are offering nontraditional times and means of reaching people for Christ even though we are offering services in a more traditional manner?” Why do they have to be so dramatic about the whole ordeal?

    Have services on Christmas or don’t have services on Christmas. Whatever is going to reach your community – Just do it and don’t whine about the way other leaders have decided. Let – it – go!

    So how am I to respond? I’ve decided that I really don’t care about their motives, whether mixed, bad, or indifferent. Every time one of them opens his mouth, Christ is proclaimed, so I just cheer them on!

    And I’m going to keep that celebration going because I know how it’s going to turn out. Through your faithful prayers and the generous response of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, everything he wants to do in and through me will be done. I can hardly wait to continue on my course.

    ~Paul, 1st Century missionary


    (BTW, this isn’t a post on whether or not you agree/disagree with the churches offering other service times other than Christmas day, although please feel free to share your opinion. What do you think about how, as the body of Christ, we’re handling this?)

  • Money, Money, Money!

    Money, money, money

    A few months ago (June 29th) my spirit was struggling some with how local churches spend money. Today I read (and re-read, and re-read) Alex’s post on “A Reversal of Kingdom Capital” and over the last week, some of my emails with James have also discussed the struggle between supporting valid needs of local churches and using money in more practical ways by helping people meet their everyday needs financially.

    For me, personally, some of the struggle comes with the fact that I am employed full time at a church. I feel so fortunate to have a steady and generous (not exuberant) salary, health insurance, dental, vision, retirement, paid time off, conference time and money, and even a small amount for growth (books, magazines, etc.). Also, our church makes our financial reports very public and we have several people in the church, as well as outside accountants keeping a watchful eye on spending. So, my struggle isn’t in the integrity of how our church handles money specifically.

    However, Alex’s post, for some reason, really struck a chord with me that sort of resonates back to an earlier post from last week where Kyle and I talked about how sometimes, the church culture seems to almost segregate by denominations and by something as simple as a building…”What church do you go to?”

    Now, let me tie these two together – Although I know local churches are often doing incredible jobs at reaching their neighborhoods and the world, I am personally questioning if it would be wrong (I can’t think of a better word) for one to give financally to other areas instead of giving to his or her local place of worship.

    I mean, it’s not just about my church – it’s about The Church… Right?

    Before you comment, I know the easy answer would be giving to both – a place of worship and above and beyond that, give to the poor or help meet other’s financial needs – Trust me, I’ve heard that one my whole entire Sunday School life…

    And I don’t want an easy answer.

  • Getting Away

    So I got away last night. I drove up to the plaza and walked around despite the rain and the cold. That’s what hoodies are for, anyway. I stopped in Barnes and Noble where I found an interesting sign for one of their featured book tables. It read, “Understanding Our World.”

    I laugh at the sign. If only it were that easy. Pick up a few books at B&N and be elightened into the innerworkings of the world.

    I meandered over to the world history shelves. The History of South Africa….of Spain…of Rome. Hitler’s book, “Mein Kampf” I love WWII history for some reason. Anne Frank was my hero growing up.

    After a while, I went back to walking. Across the street from me was this lady playing an oboe. It’s been a while since I’ve seen an oboe. She pulled some really great warmth from it. I darted across the street. I knew I didn’t have any money (I didn’t even leave the house with my purse.) But I had to talk to her.

    I pulled up in front of her chair and just started out telling her how beautiful her music was. I wasn’t lying. Or exaggerating. It really, truly was. How I was walking across the street by Sharper Image and heard her. How it warmed me up on a chilly night. I apologized that I didn’t have any money, but asked her if she played out on the street frequently.

    With her wind-battered, chapped lips…cracking her skin as she smiled, she said that she played out there almost every night. Especially this week, because it’s race week at the speedway. She told me how she was having “one of those weeks” where it seemed like nothing was going right for her. I told her I knew a little bit how she felt. She said she’d be out there this weekend again. I hope I can find her. It won’t be hard if she’s playing the way she was playing late last night.

  • Taming my passion – or not?

    So this week is the big employee evaluation week here at Westside. I know every working soul in this country and thousands others must bear through this process every year at about the same time. Answering questions about your strengths, weaknesses, how you can improve?your supervisor?s strengths, weaknesses, and how the company can help you work the best you can.

    This year, I decided not to hold anything back on it. I expressed my dreams, passions and hopes (I printed out 4 pages to attach to it since I couldn?t get it to fit on the five or six lines they offer). I gave it to one of our pastors who I don?t report to but trust his wisdom significantly for him to look over before I turn it in to my supervisor, asking him if it was too much and if I need to tame it down a little bit.

    Of course, I don?t want to tame it down at all!!! But at the same time, I think of Nehemiah in the Bible, when he wants to rebuild the wall-he was crazy passionate about it, but had wisdom in the timing of how he talked to the King about it. He prayed a lot and planned a lot so the down time wasn’t wasted.

    I don’t want to tame my passion or quench it in anyway and honestly, I don’t think I can. But I want to be wise in how it’s expressed to those who aren’t passionate about the same things.

    Just some thoughts.

  • Take me to your leader – I can’t handle it!

    I’ve always had leadership roles. In high school, in my career…whenever. I think I’m one of those people that when nobody else assumes responsibility, I typically take charge. Growing up, I took care of my little brother from a young age. It seems to come easily enough.

    Recently, I’ve been struggling with what makes a leader a leader. I’ve been doubting my own gift mix and strengths. At least here in the Midwest, you have to be 30 or older, strong-willed, outgoing, sharp and have most of it – if not all of it – figured out. You have to wear suit outfits, wear pantyhose (for the ladies), or something business casual and keep your hair a normal color. You have to work a lot, and sacrifice downtime for “put in some extra hours this week” time.

    I just don’t fit in.

    I’m 25. I’m a little stubborn, but I won’t push to get my way. I’m introverted and an awkward speaker. I’m smart, but because I’m abstract, things that make sense quickly to some people…well, it takes me a while to catch on sometimes. I have nothing figured out. I wear distressed jeans with a T-shirt that says “G is for Gangsta.” I wear flip flops or ballerina shoes. I like making my hair all different colors. I will always take my day off, even on the busy weeks. And I get pissed off if I’m expected to not take a day off.

    Leaders sacrifice. That’s what I’m told. I am supposed to sacrifice the way I dress, if I get tattoos or red highlights. If I feel like I would be ashamed to be called a leader while wearing my G is for Gangsta T-shirt, I probably shouldn’t wear it. (I don’t feel ashamed, so I do wear it…except now I can’t find it…) Those are the little things, so it’s said, so what’s the big deal if you have to sacrifice them? If they’re so little, why does it matter what I do?

    Sometimes you have to put in extra time. Sometimes. Not all the time. And that call will always be mine.

    I feel like the things I’m being asked (not verbatim, in some job-endangering way) to put aside are the things that make me who I am. I think it’s the environment that I’m in. Granted, nobody is standing over me with a sicle threatening me to change nor am I getting hounded on by my church….and not to knock it, or anyone I work for or with, but I am super and uberly confused on what is sacrifice and what is too much when it comes to being myself.

    Days like today, I want to throw in the towel and say, “You know what? If this is leadership, you can have it.” To be honest (and yes, I realize some of the people I work for and with read this, and I’ll probably print this out and attach it to my evaluation since I haven’t filled in the “is there anything else you’d like for us to know” section yet), at times, I really miss a lot of things in my old job as a youth assistant, working with Chad. Freedom to be who I was. Freedom to fail. Freedom to try new things. To work on my strengths and to use them, to grow them.

    Now I feel as if I sometimes have that freedom, and then at other times I feel completely confined, wallowing in the mundane (I know not everything is going to be exciting and enticing, but I feel like I’m just checking off a to-do list. A maintenance list.) and when I feel like that…I want to run. I don’t know to where, but to just run.

    Where’s the line? Where’s the balance?

  • Leadership Summit 2

    Quick post on the Leadership Summit: Asking myself two questions…

    1) What is it that stirs a holy discontent in me?
    2) What do I have to give back to God?

    On #1, in each of us something stirrs our hearts and souls – a holy discontent. When something just isn’t right and it begins to drive us to some sort of impassioned craziness if we don’t do something about it. Many times we try and shut it off or run from it, but we should be feeding it. If it breaks our hearts, it must be breaking God’s as well – so he’ll look all across the earth to find us and choose us to be his tool to bring healing to whatever that discontent is in. Biblical reference – Moses seeing his people being beaten, then fighting each other. (Exodus 2) – God calling him to lead them out (Exodus 3)

    At lunch, our pastor asked the people at our table, about 5 of us, what our holy discontent is. For once I knew exactly my answer (that never happens.)

    Honestly at first I hesitated saying it. I don’t know why. I thought if I gave some canned answer I would “typically” give about equipping artists or engaging them in community (which I do feel strongly about)…I could just medicate it…one more time.

    But I couldn’t. I had to say it. And I am so glad I did.

    Mine is seeing broken and struggling churches, seeing those churches not getting help they need, and instead being beaten by the progressive and overextended church culture pressures that surround them. I see and weep for the effect that it has on church pastors and leaders and their families…knowing also the impact this has on the community around it – the people who are searching…..

    I love my job. I love doing communications stuff. But that doesn’t keep me up at night. That doesn’t brew around in my head at 3am. THIS DOES.

    I realized how much of this is tied to my past. In my comment at lunch, I said that this stirring was a new thing, within the last month – but as I reflect, it has been there for about 10 years. I saw members of my dad’s church (when I was 15 years old) attacking him and another one of our pastors. It burned a hole so deep inside and so quickly – I flipped open my bible (which being 15, I didn’t read it much) and instantly found Ephesians 4:3 – “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” I stood up in front of the church (keeping in mind I am extremely introverted in groups of more than a handful) and read the verse. I said something to the effect of, “I can’t believe that you guys call yourselves a church when you ignore a clear desire of God that’s in the Bible” and I walked out – having to pass by everyone as I went down the aisle and out the heavy wooden door. I climbed on the fire escape in the back of the building and wrote a letter to God that I still have today – pouring out my questions and asking for understanding of why we are so flawed – why so unjust to those who we are tied together with – bound and yoked to – as the body of Christ.

    I never went back to that church. The next week, my dad and the other pastor resigned. Every time I would try to go to church, as soon as I saw the way they treated the leaders, or the way the leaders would lie or misuse trust, I would run. I couldn’t stand the way that my heart was breaking. After having my heart broken one last time by a youth pastor I looked up to so much – I said forget it, and didn’t go back for almost 6 years.

    Now this pain – this, “Dark Night of the Soul” as James put it once and Hybels reiterated today – I know what it is.

    I have no idea what to do about it.

    I want to help these pastors, these churches – but who am I? A 25 year old girl with too many emotions, weaknesses, frailties…trying to understand and enter the world of a 45 year old man? (generally speaking….)

    I have no idea what to do.

    I just know I must.

  • Copycat Part 2

    “Don’t let your passion become annoying”
    Ramblings through belief, immaturity, grace & wisdom.

    I received one of the most memorable bits of advice about two months ago from speaker Rob Bell. I was in Michigan at a smaller conference and he had some time between two sessions where he invited anyone to suggest topics for the next session or just bounce questions off of him. I was completely surprised that only a handful of people jumped on the opportunity. At the same time, I was selfishly happy because we had a short moment to connect.

    My question stemmed from a new and burning desire for complete, unadulterated and Spirit-filled authenticity in my leadership area at Westside. We have come a long way in the short time we have grown but at the same time, I see the trend in our church of copy-catting methods and practices from other churches. And on the other hand, I see churches smaller than Westside looking to us for the same things.

    That part is really scary to me. I see the need to help other churches, but at the same time, before we put any of our resources out there, we need to have a plan for how to responsibly share these things with them – instead of just giving them the fish…showing them how to fish. How to gut the fish. Cook it up…or not…Sushi’s pretty good from what I hear. And run with them along the journey. Whatever. Maybe they want to put the fish on a piece of wood and mount it in their Family Life Center. Or maybe they want to use it to feed stray cats. Whatever God is leading them to do with their fish – I hope we can help them listen to that leading and don’t muffle it out instead.

    There is purpose and wisdom in learning from the mistakes and successes of others; in fact, if I remember correctly a very wise man once said, “As iron sharpens iron….” But I believe in the unique and beautiful calling and inspiration the Father has given each of us to fulfill His kingdom purpose. Not just pastors or church staff or leaders – but all of us followers who are branches extending from the tree of life. I passionately believe that if we stop and listen closely…if we quiet the voices and the buzz of growth and progression and technology and postmodernism and relativity….maybe we can find that true authenticity that is birthed in us all by grace on a cross and a command to “Go..”

    And that was the extent of my discussion with Rob. It actually was a lot shorter than everything I just wrote, but was comprised of the same idea.

    How can we challenge those around us to be more authentic in this McDonalds-ized church culture?

    He said it was something he’d definetely address and I walked off smugly, thinking how his response would affirm everything my little heart was crying out.

    When it came time for my question – his very first sentence was, “First – don’t let your passion become annoying.”

    I about lost my lunch. I felt as if I had been kicked in the stomach. Talk about a discerning guy! He knew exactly where my heart was. When I get passionate about something, it consumes me. Which then I pass on to those around me. And it isn’t always with grace or openmindedness.

    As I travel through the blogging world, every single day I read something somewhere that I disagree with. I see how more and more people are buying into this new way of doing church. Not that these influential churches aren’t reaching people or that lives aren’t changing. That is not in any sense what I am leading into. I just see how easily our minds are limited when we see successful churches and think that’s the only way of doing something.

    I could write on for another three hours about this – but if you haven’t checked out now, you probably will soon. Sorry this is such a scattered post. I have a lot running through my mind and I’m really tired. But hopefully in this mess you’ll maybe get a glimpse of something I care about. And hopefully I can learn to graciously express my thoughts…and hopefully they’ll be graciously received.

    Do you think that by modeling a church after a “successful” church, leaders may be quieting their unique callings and creativity? Should influential churches share in responsibility knowing some churches are copying their every move and recording their every word?