Anne Marie Miller

Category: Church

  • FREE tickets to Unleash

    A few of us Cross Point people are going to Unleash on March 12 and we can’t wait!

    I’ve never been to NewSpring before and have been wanting to for a couple of years now…plus, getting to connect with other pastors and leaders is one of my favorite things in the world to do!? And with 2000 people there I’m sure there are quite a few leaders I could learn a ton from while I’m there!

    AND IT’S REALLY STINKING INEXPENSIVE!? LIKE FIFTY NINE BUCKS INEXPENSIVE!

    From the website:

    Unleash is a one-day conference hosted by NewSpring Church and specifically-designed to challenge, encourage and motivate church leaders to take action in reaching their communities for Jesus Christ. Unleash 2009 happens on March 12th at our Anderson Campus and features two main sessions from Senior Pastor Perry Noble, tons of breakout sessions and quite a few creative and technical tricks up our collective sleeve. Southern hospitality awaits you.*

    (Emphasis mine…I fully expect that “southern hospitality” means Tony Morgan will be giving out hugs to everyone.? And that Perry will be serving us buttery biscuits upon our arrival.)

    Okay, okay, okay…so what’s with this “FREE” tickets thing?? Well, since I was going to be blogging about Unleash and all, I decided to ask Tony for a free ticket to give away.? He fired back with something along the lines of “One ticket? You are super lame. How dare you even ask me for such a simple thing.? ONE? Come on, Jackson. You just want ONE ticket? How about FIVE free tickets? So someone’s entire team can come? Because it’s all about the team.”

    Okay. Maybe I made the first part of that up.? But he really did want to give away five tickets so a whole team could come.

    Uh, deal.

    So I’m giving away FIVE free tickets to Unleash!

    To enter, leave me a comment telling me what creative thing you’re going to do with the money you’ll be saving by not having to pay and I’ll pick someone at random on Wednesday sometime…whenever I feel in the mood to end it! :)

    And if you don’t win – just register! But you better hurry.? It’s super close to being sold out!

    Ready? Go!

  • for all of you peons who aren’t the lead pastor

    i’m totally kidding, by the way.? you’re not a peon.

    but most of us aren’t senior pastors.? very few of us who read this blog are the big time decision makers.? most of us are support staff.

    and in such roles, we often face difficult questions.? our culture of subconscious (or conscious) hierarchies, combined with our sincere respect, and in some cases a fear for our job can leave us wondering what to do if we think our lead pastor (or whoever your mega-leadership-boss-man/woman is) is on an unhealthy road.

    boomama asked me this question for last week’s blog blitz, and i think it is a topic seldom addressed, thus my reposting.? even though this is targeted toward assistants, it really applies to anyone who isn’t calling the shots.

    Let?s say someone works as an assistant to a senior pastor / executive pastor / high-up-person-on-the-church-leadership-flowchart. And let?s say that someone who works as an assistant notices that his or her boss is stressed, anxious, tired – basically on the verge of burnout. Do you think there are any specific things that assistant could do for his or her supervisor to lighten the load? Or should the assistant just stay out of it?

    my response:

    To answer your question ? YES. Absolutely YES. How will depend on that person?s relationship with their supervisor and it could take some serious guts?maybe even putting their job on the line in the worst case scenario?.but we have a responsibility to carry each other?s burdens (See Galatians 6).

    A few ways the assistant could do this practically:

    1. Communicate it directly. Set some time up with the supervisor to specifically address this. Don?t throw it in the mix of another meeting. ?The reason I wanted to meet with you today is because I?m concerned.? Explain the behavior you see that is worrying you.

    2. Offer any assistance you can provide. If it?s something obvious like a particular project or area of responsibility, THINK AHEAD. Assistants know better than anyone the details of what?s happening. Make a plan ahead of time of how you can lighten the load and recommend it for the supervisor. Otherwise, you?re giving that person more work trying to figure out what you can do.

    3. Encourage them consistently and appropriately. When I see my own boss getting stressed or overwhelmed, or maybe he indicates he?s had a long day, I shoot him a text message or quick email just to say how honored I am to work with him and that his passion for what he does is contagious. Small gifts for his or her family like a dinner out or offering to babysit so they can have time are both practical ways you can also encourage your boss.

    4. Lead by example. You may be on support staff but people all around you see what you do. Are you contributing to a 24/7 workaholic, always available culture? Or do you have boundaries that you stick by? As an example, I don?t typically check my work email on the weekend. If I do, I won?t respond until Monday unless it?s a legit emergency. This is the culture on our church staff, but it has to be constantly made intentional. Talk freely about the time you spend with your friends or spouse. Leave on time. When you?re sick, stay home. All these things will communicate what is more important?work? Or health?

    5. When all else fails, find someone else to help. It may be another pastor, or an elder, or a leader you know your boss trusts. If it doesn?t seem like your concern is having an impact and your leader is still about to fry, talk to someone else respectfully. Don?t spread rumors or talk about it with everyone?but find one or two key people that you know your supervisor will listen to.

    Don?t EVER think ?I?m just an assistant!? Who cares? You?re a believer! There is no hierarchy when it comes to caring for each other.

    have you ever had to deal with a situation like this? anything you’ve learned along the way?

    because really. caring for each other is the new black.

  • Church Staff Turnover

    Someone left this comment on this post:

    “If you are a pastor and want to know if you are the cause of burnout, look at your turn over rate, how many people have worked for you more than ten years, how many former employees still go to your church? Have you ever reached out to them?

    That kicks you right in the stomach, doesn’t it?

    Staff turnover (and volunteer turnover) in churches is HUGE.? And as pastors and leaders, we should ask ourselves those questions.

    Your thoughts?

  • Do you have the Margin to be Jesus?

    Not unlike many other places on the east side of the country, Nashville is COLD today. Windchills below zero. The townhome I live in is old and not very well insulated, so on days like this it says right around 62, with all space heaters on high.

    As I was getting ready this morning, I started thinking how miserable the cold was. After all, I am a Texas girl: A warm blooded-anything below 90 degrees is freezing cold-kind of lady. While this was happening, I was reminded of the nearly 11,000 homeless that Nashville call home. And that, although I have to spend all of 30 seconds out in the sharply frigid temperature, these people LIVE in it. They SLEEP in it.? They walk around as the arctic wind gusts chap their already weathered skin.

    Once at the office, Ryan, our missions pastor, and Pete and I got together and decided we had to do something about it. Walmart has these really inexpensive but ridiculously warm fleece blankets that normally run about $4 (they were on sale for $3 today!) And so Ryan and I went and loaded up fifty-one of these blankets. We sent out an email and at 2 pm today, some of our staff and whoever else shows up (we invited people on Twitter and Facebook) will head out to some of the areas in Nashville where those who are homeless tend to hang out.

    nashville-homeless

    It’s just a blanket.? Just a couple of hours of time and $150.? But hopefully these blankets will help keep these people a little more protected during the next week as the temperatures continue to plunge.

    Cross Point is an amazing place to serve.? We are busy…things are crazy…but I love how interruptions like this easily take priority over the things that can wait.? It was cheap and fast and easy to do. It just took doing it to get it done.? Does that make sense?

    How much margin do you have built into your life — your professional life, your personal life, your family life — where you can stop everything to help people spontaneously?? I highly encourage you to add a little more if you can, because it’s so worth it…not just for us…but for the people who need whatever it is they need in your communities.

    If you want to talk about church marketing – THIS IS CHURCH MARKETING. Your mailer may be effective and tell people in words what your church is up to, but this puts action behind it. Would you rather be known as the church with the great mailers or the church who goes out in the community and tangibly loves people when they need it most?? Goes back to Marshall McLuhan’s thought of “The medium is the message.”

    What’s your medium? What’s your message? Do they work together or are they opposite forces…which can be confusing?

  • open wounds and love and flies

    if any one person on this earth is responsible for pulling me out of my “dark” years and encouraging me to get back into my faith, it was kristi. you’ll read a little bit about her in mad church disease. she was the first person that ever held me accountable to anything in my life. she was my coffee date. my late-night movie friend. she was the maid of honor in my wedding.

    then life took her to wichita, ks and me to dallas and then finally we are here in nashville and she is in south africa with her husband doing anything. anything at all. whatever is needed.

    she wrote this on her blog today and it was too powerful to not share.

    i have no action steps to give you. no thought-provoking questions. just read kristi’s words…and tell me what your heart tells you.

    I have always been sensitive. Always. I cry at simple commercials, I laugh easily, I am more likely to embrace rather then give a handshake. That’s just me. But I am never really ready for the shock of seeing somebody dying…every time I walk into a room when it’s happening, I never really get over it even though I have been practicing now for 2 years.

    Nosakhe, one of our Community Care Workers told me she got a new “patient” this week and wanted me to meet her. She needed my help to assess the situation. She said she was very sick and suffering. She was right across the street. So we walked over and I was drawn to this woman. She was probably 35 or 40 years old with a few stray gray hairs mixed into her head of black. She was facing the wall as we entered the room and didn’t stir as we made our way in. I became immediately aware of the stench of her urine and body odor, even though I understood immediately she was the only one to be left alone in this huge room for quite sometime with two beds. I left the door wide open and forced open the window beyond the limits till it creaked. She stirred. She was incapable of speaking her aunt/mom/sister told me. So I got close to her ear and told her my name and that we were there to love her.

    It must have been 100 degrees in there and she was naked but covered in 4 blankets that reeked of waste. I put my gloves on and started removing the layers. She was sweating and rolled her eyes towards me. I started praying in my head and removed all offensive jewelry so not to scratch her sensitive skin. My watch, rings…anything that could be abrasive on her sweet body. I knew I would be here for hours. The people in the house started watching and I asked for a bucket and all of the supplies. She was gritty and neglected. I asked a hundred questions. After I stripped the bedding I instructed that they needed to be washed and dried at least every week, I started showing them how to bathe her. I never stopped talking to the woman. My eyes never left hers. I told her how beautiful she was and that we both were going to get through this crazy.

    I showed them how to clean her raw bed sores and how to dress her wounds. How long has she been in this condition? I then changed her adult diaper and for the first time in my life didn’t really know what I was made of. I walked the people in the room as well as myself through the process…as long as I kept talking I figured I wouldn’t pass out from the smell or from what I was seeing. Her whole back side as well as her delicates were covered in sores and swollen. How long has she been left to rot? I brought with me baby wipes and prayed that they were sensitive enough. She was full of puss and heartache. She was so brave. I still was talking to her and tried my hardest to keep my eyes on hers and not only on the task. I kept speaking to the other woman as they were the ones to clean her from this day forward…I was merely training.

    So I tried to turn her and noticed one more sore and I could then see into her body and the tissue within. My stomach turned and I prayed once more. How long Lord? Please heal this woman. I told the ladies watching me that it was essential to clean this wound. I could here the flies in my ears. I finished and then put the new diaper on. She weighed so little, we could have been using one designed for a child. The only reason I struggled was because she was tall, not because of weight…I assumed she weighed 60 at best. I changed gloves and gave further instruction to the woman watching my every move. I then used aloe to soothe her skin and spoke tender words to love and unlock her joints. I never broke eye contact. She started following me with her head and I was so gentle.

    In my former life before mission work, I was a licensed massage therapist…but this was beyond all of my training there (draping, keeping the clients modesty…) but since she was already so exposed and nude, I just rubbed her down. I assumed she wasn’t being touched or cared for and by her response, I am fairly certain I was correct. Her ribs and naked breast all sucked to her body because her skin clinged tightly to her. She was so dehydrated. I was so careful and slow and worked my way, head to toe with the aloe…working between all the sores and ribs and places I thought she was hurting. She never dropped my gaze. I then put chap stick on her and she opened her eyes wide and I put more on.

    Relief.

    I stared telling the woman how we had to be careful as to not to overwhelm her and not to feed her too quickly as to damage her delicate stomach. I started with the water. She clearly couldn’t sit up…so I spoon fed her water. She was so thirsty. We stopped to let it settle and then I gave her more. We then gave her some watered down porridge and I told them that her body would most likely reject the nutrition and that we had to be super careful to feed her a little at a time at first so her body could adjust. I also instructed them to get her out of that room. She needs air, she needs people, she needs to live. We talked about being around people and how important it was to read or spend time with her. I was smitten by this woman because she is somebodies daughter, mom, sister, aunt and I loved her immediately.

  • Talk Less – Listen More…on Church Conferences

    One of my themes for this year is “Talk less. Listen more.” I mentioned it in the post about an author’s responsibility in the publishing industry and I think it’s a pretty universal idea that can be applied almost everywhere, including this blog.

    As such, I’ll be asking you questions specifically designed to get your feedback. My friend Brody has a “Dear Christian Music Industry” category and it’s been a great way for him and his readers to communicate to the industry influencers who quietly lurk on his blog. Its my hope that a few of the “Church Industry” (I shuddered as I typed that phrase) influencers will lurk around and see these posts and your responses.

    And what does that mean? You’re now the influencers. Actually, you’ve always been.

    You buy the tickets.

    Yesterday, I twittered about church conferences. I’ve recently had a few people comment to me that they go to conferences held at churches and leave feeling inadequate because they don’t have the budget, staff, or other resources to “do” what these churches do. I realize that people have the responsibility how to respond to the conferences they attend, but it seems like we’re naturally wired to compare and contrast what we see with what we are.

    Here are some of the responses I received from twitter:

    I agree, money, time, and most seem to be entertainment focus, verses step by step insight in how to truly grow and motivate your ministry

    I always walk away from conferences or church networks feeling like I suck. I have to really fight it.

    Most discouraging thing about church confs–the resulting “copy cat” syndrome. “Let’s do what they’re doing!” = Dead thinking.

    That’s part of the reason I’m pumped about events like @innovate3 and @theideacamp. More conversations/interaction.

    I’m not leaving feeling inadequate, as much as tired of them and not finding the majority of them very helpful anymore.

    The conf. thing for me has less to do with feeling inadequite & more w/ boredom over the same white guys saying the same thing.

    I like conferences for inspiration and ideas but rarely do I find much insight for practical application

    I go to a HUGE one every year and for the past 3 years I feel that same way. Its tough. Exciting stuff but tough.

    I think Church Conferences are out of control and hopefully will be a thing of the past.

    So what sayeth thou? No doubt, I have been to my fair share of “this is really amazing and inspiring” conferences as well as “that light set up cost more than a Boeing 737.”

    If you could tell anyone in conference world anything, now’s your chance!

    (I hope they’ll listen.)

  • would you die for them?

    cambodia

    earlier this week, i mentioned that last friday, i had a chance to chat some with gary haugen, the ceo/president of international justice mission.? my friend ben introduced me to my friend jeff who introduced me to my friend bethany who coordinated this entire phone call.

    as a sidebar, i think it’s interesting we all have known each other for months online, but only recently met in person at catalyst back in october.

    as most of you know, the trip i took to africa in february changed my world.? to experience poverty and hope and life and death and fear and courage in eight days didn’t just leave me reactive…it left me transformed.

    and just when you think your eyes have been open as wide as they possibly can be, you’re shown something new.? that happened when i read gary’s book “just courage.”

    from the jacket:

    “There must be more to the Christian life than this–more than church each Sunday and waving to my neighbors and giving some clothes to Goodwill when I go through my closet each spring.”

    These aren’t bad things, of course. But they’re safe and comfortable and easy. And there’s a reason they’re not satisfying your desire for something more significant and meaningful–we’re created by God for adventure.

    International Justice Mission president Gary Haugen has found that engaging in the fight for justice is the most deeply satisfying way of life. This book shows how we too can be a part of God’s great expedition.

    after reading his book, and our conversation on friday, i’ve been left with some nuggets and then haunted with a question i’ll ask at the end.? here’s a bullet point list of some things gary said:

    *We know how to bring evangelism, food, water, and housing to the poor. These are beginning to become mainstream.? We can do these things, and do them comfortably.

    *What do we do about the problem of violence and the brutal abuse of power in people who are tortured, murdered, raped, or manipulated in violent ways? We are not familiar with these things.? We don’t know what to do.? We don’t feel empowered.

    *Why is violence so intimidating? It’s intentional.? Not the result of bad luck or viruses or bad weather.? It is the force of humans intending to hurt other humans.

    *Violence is scary.? It fights back.

    *If you feed someone, you’re not going to be attacked by hunger. But when you attack violence, usually it’s going to fight back.? There is a test of courage that is special when fighting violence.

    *Violence is not as powerful as we think. It happens because we are letting people get away with it.

    *The oppressors of the poor are not brave.? It’s a crime of opportunity.? As soon as they sense a threat, they begin to leave. Gary told a story of how he saw one of the worst areas he had ever seen in his life on a visit to Asia.? Years later, the brothels where hundreds of children were traded and sold into the sex tourism industry, had disappeared and his fifteen year old niece was helping lead a Vacation Bible School in the same spot.? The violence had been confronted and it left.

    *Violent people depend on lies and deception. If the world saw the truth about violence, they wouldn’t let it continue.

    *We need to learn the truth about what’s happening and expose it.? We need to become hard-nosed truth tellers.

      violence needs to be confronted with truth.? when you confront violence, it fights back.? millions of people are slaves to violent acts — slave and sex trafficking, murder, rape — and in order to end it, we have to acknowledge it, face it, and quite possibly, take a very large risk.

      a risk that may cost some of us our lives.

      and thus the black-and-white, extreme side of me asks…

      would i die for someone’s freedom?

      would you?

    • pretty church – messy church

      is it just me, or does anyone else struggle with the tension between pretty church and messy church?

      by pretty church, i mean the lights, camera, and action.

      by messy church, i mean the dirty, dangerous, tangible.

      (let’s not argue over vernacular. i trust you know what i mean.)

      being the church can look different in different ways and in different environments.

      sometimes it’s the excellence demonstrated in a sunday service.

      other times it’s the sweat as a team builds a church brick by brick in the dominican.

      sometimes it’s children’s program and presenting god in a way a kid’s never seen.

      other times it’s feeding the kid their only meal of the week.

      when my messy church sleeves are rolled up and my arms are dirty, i admit it’s easy for me to ask a lot of questions about pretty church.

      but in all fairness, the gospel can be acted out in many avenues.

      living in the tension is difficult for me.

      anyone else?

    • i can’t stand my perry noble post!

      remember this post?

      yeah. i pretended that the fighting and drama going on there didn’t matter.

      freedom of speech.? woohoo.

      let the people who can’t act responsibly, regardless of their viewpoint, look stupid.? that’s their own problem.? if they want to fight, that’s their prerogative.

      however, i realized it is larger than their problem.? it is all of our problem, and as the rightful owner of this blog, it was my responsibility to shut that post down.

      i emailed several friends – both real-life friends and online ones (as well as some twitter strangers) – who aren’t believers.? we have explorers, semi-buddhists, atheists, and those who have left the faith, and i asked them to simply skim the comments and let me know if they represented:

      love

      joy

      peace

      patience

      kindness

      goodness

      faithfulness

      gentleness

      self control.

      ==

      everyone of them came back with a resounding “no.” and they weren’t at all surprised. evidently some of us are known not for our love for each other but for our hypocrisy.? our stubborn disagreements.? our closemindedness – regardless of where our theology is.

      if we are so concerned about “evangelism” — about reaching people with the gospel, the truth, the hope, the life, the love of christ — it is the holy spirit working that touches people, right?? that same holy spirit that dwells in us, right?

      just in case you haven’t studied that list of words above – the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control – those would be the fruits of the spirit.

      evidence of our obedience and allowing him to guide us.

      guess what?

      the people who are supposed to see that in us?

      they didn’t.

      massive failure.

      ==

      instead, they saw the opposite.

      hate

      anger

      anxiety

      impatience

      rudeness

      bitterness

      disloyalty

      roughness

      impulsivity

      ==

      most of you read the comments (they’re all gone now, sorry, even the encouraging ones).

      would you disagree with my friends’ analysis?

      ==

      yesterday i spent some time with the staff at healing place church.? pastor dino rizzo was talking about the future of the church during our lunch meeting.

      he said something to the effect of “we have no right to be cynical about the church.? the church is doing great things.? we only have reasons to celebrate.? this is the best time to be church.”

      like a stilletto to my stomach, i thought back on that post and most of the subsequent comments.? when i finally got a chance to get on my computer this morning (i’m at the memphis airport on a layover), i was nauseous that the “discussion” was still going.

      so i killed it.

      it’s dead.

      and if there is ever another mean-spirited comment on my blog from now on, IT WILL BE DELETED.

      i don’t care if you disagree with me.? or if you disagree with others.? disagreement happens. that’s cool.

      but if there is an ounce of devisiveness in your tone, your comment will be deleted.

      if that new rule, the only rule that has ever been or ever will be enforced on this blog pisses you off, don’t read my blog anymore.

      go fight somewhere else.

      this blog will ONLY be about love.

      cynicism is no longer allowed.