Anne Marie Miller

Author: Anne Marie Miller

  • my apology to pastor joel osteen

    Dear Pastor Osteen,

    Since I have not had cable for four of the last four and a half years, Sunday nights provide little entertainment. More often than not, I am left to veg in front of an infomercial for the Cookie Diet, the movie, Liar Liar (in Spanish), or your TV program.

    I must embarrassingly confess that in the last five years, we have intentionally tuned in (and affectionately named you “Smiley Pastor”) to do nothing more than to criticize you and the feel-good messages you have become so well known for.

    (I also admittedly enjoy your Texas accent, as I do miss my home state, but I digress.)

    People in my generation like to poke fun at things that are different than we are. And we tend to do this more in groups, egging each other on. I’d like to say I’ve done this out of a “fun and games” mindset but when I dig deep, I realize I’ve done it because of pride. 

    Trolls on the internet do not have the authority to hold you accountable. Even if they believe what you are teaching is false, aside from God, only the people in your life…who know you…have the scriptural “go ahead” to make sure you are not leading others astray.

    This Sunday was not unlike others. I flipped through the six or seven channels and landed again on your broadcast.

    And all of the sudden I realized that I have been a really petty person.

    This world is so negative. Even in our christian circles, there seems to be a spirit of cynicism and defeat. You are different. The joy I was making fun of is something I so desperately needed to experience. And I thank you for that.

    I don’t know you personally, Pastor Joel, and likely never will. And I’ve been in the church my entire life so I also understand that there are many dimensions to people God places on platforms. But in that moment I was entirely ashamed for the way I had talked about you, even in jest, or the times I’ve rolled my eyes at your books in Walmart or in airports or when someone talks about how your influence has impacted their life.

    So, Pastor Osteen…chances are you’ll never read this apology, but I pray that if you do, you’ll accept it. I ask for your forgiveness for my immaturity and pride.

    Yours,
    Anne Jackson

  • addicted to cutting and self-injury

    my friend lynse wrote about such an incredibly personal struggle and beautiful redemption. personally, this is something i have no experience with, but i know with the amount of readers that pop by, maybe some of you have dealt with this or know someone who has.

    lynse shares her journey about cutting. cutting (and other forms of self-injury) is defined as “a deliberate injury inflicted by a person upon their own body without suicidal intent.”

    lynse gave me full permission to post the entire story, and i encourage you to visit her blog to encourage her and celebrate with her. also, i actually do ask that you repost her story…so many people suffer with this addiction in silence. i know lynse personally. i was honored to be in her wedding, and just from seeing her and getting to know her, i would never have guessed this was something she struggled with. chances are someone you know might be hurting themselves, too and you would never suspect a thing.

    lynse writes:

    To most the thought of harming yourself would be so outlandish that you would look at me like i was crazy if i told you that it makes sense to me.

    I am choosing to write about this because there is such a need around this generation to bring light and truth to the fact that a lot of this generation is stuck in the rut of Self Injury. It is a painful place to be and takes a lot to get past. It is a dark place to get stuck. And as statistics are showing there are a lot of people stuck there.

    So i want to share my story??

    I started ?cutting? when i was 13. I dont fully remember how i was introduced to it, but within a few days had taken root in my life. The pain that was so deep inside of me was killing me. i was allowing myself to die emotionally. It was a fight that i didnt want to take place but had no idea of how to stop it. It seemed meaningless to fight to keep them alive when i viewed them as the things that were causing me so much pain.

    So my only solution to make sure that i was not dying totally was to hurt myself. To feel the pain on the outside assured me that i was still alive. That there was still hope. At least that it how it all started. It started out of my desire for hope. For some feeling to let me know that i was alive. That i could still feel something. That one day maybe i would feel again.

    Soon it became an addiction. I had my way of doing it. I had my ?ritual.? The when and how. within 2 months it had moved past the need for hope. My body and mind were addicted to the feeling. To the release that it gave me. My rage towards myself and other people had grown so much that i didnt know how to release it. And i thought this was a good way.

    As time went on whether i had a bad day or not i had to cut. I had to do it each night before i went to bed. It calmed me enough to rest and go to sleep. (and about addiction, still to this day if i experience intense pain i get tired because my mind was trained to go to sleep after pain.)

    I share this because i know that there are people who are in this rut. And honestly, it breaks my heart. because being on the other side of this ?journey? for hope i have found that the only hope that there is is in Christ. I know, i sound super spiritual?.but it is true.

    The only way that i could figure that out was to get to the darkest part of my life. I was in such darkness. I had been cutting for 4 years and no one knew. I had a secret. And it was a dark dark place to be in. full of pain and the desire to get caught in hope that someone could help me. I was tired of the darkness. And the only solution i knew was to come clean. To get someone in my head and share the journey with.

    This was key for me. To let someone in and know the pains and the hurts. I knew that if i let this remain in the darkness it would grow bigger and bigger. and the thing that once started in the search for hope was driving me further and further away from it.

    The person i went to had no idea what to say. She often looked at me dumbfounded. the thought of doing that to herself was so absurd that she couldnt understand. But she listened. She was determined to help me in any ways she could, even though she didnt understand.

    You cant wait until you understand to help someone. And this is what i see happening. So many people know people who self injure and are trying to learn why they do it. Each person has their story. And if you ask, i am sure they will share. It is a very dangerous thing to get into. You may not realize the roots that it can create in your life. But i would encourage you to share your story with someone.

    But without sounding like a public service announcement, if you self injure or know someone who does please please please let someone in. Let someone into your darkness. It will hurt at first. It will be uncomfortable. It will be embarrassing. But if you live in the darkness alone your life will never change. Let someone in and bring the light into your pain.

    Find your hope.

  • just curious…

    how many blogs do you subscribe to?

  • Carbon Copy Churches produce Cookie Cutter Christians

    I was recently reading through some old drafts I had written and saved. In the fall of 2005, I wrote this after listening to an Erwin McManus podcast. He said,

    ?We need to reclaim the movement of Jesus Christ – it?s not the place where people are forced to conform and be standardized. But a place where people are seen as unique and find their originality in Jesus Christ. ?I think those of us who have been entrusted with followers of Christ must not simply cast vision and call people to it; We must create visional environments where dreams and visions of those who work with us and serve under at times, have their dreams and visions set free and ignited.?

    I’d love to hear your thoughts.

    Is the modern church today producing carbon copy, standardized Christians or are we, as leaders, helping release God’s unique calling in each believer? As the Church, are we helping build and release others’ dreams or do we focus on our own?

  • it will take you FIVE seconds to answer this. por favor?

    where do you live?

    all i need is your city and state.

    this is for a REAL reason, i promise! you will find out VERY soon.

    (and it’s not to beat los on his 750+ comment post…but let’s try since it’s an easy question anyway, right?) :)

  • So, tell me what you want…I’m Blogging Catalyst 08…for YOU

    i have decided to step out of my introverted comfort zone a bit.

    last week, after a lovely telephone call with this guy, i learned that i will be given the honor of wearing a pretty little badge that gets me in everywhere (except maybe the men’s restroom, maybe?) at a nifty little conference called catalyst. Catalyst 2008

    what this allows me to do, i think, (without getting ushered out by big, hairy security guys) is to talk to speakers, including a couple of my favorite people, ask questions, and then blog it as live as humanly possible.

    and maybe even get some of it on camera.

    roll that beautiful bean footage.

    so…again, the thing that makes this adventure different than the other live blogging adventures of the past is i want to know what YOU want.

    not what you want to ask people (yet)…but what would make this a good experience for you?

    think outside the conference blogging box, mkay?

  • what’s one of your dreams?

    for the last few years, i’ve wanted to start a non-profit something-or-other that accepts donations and supports pastors who are in transition or out of work. when i was sixteen, my dad went for almost a year between pastoring and working in the marketplace. my parents cashed in his retirement and accumulated a ton of debt just to pay the bills.

    i haven’t forgotten that, and now that my friends and peers are the ones in transition or have been justly (or unjustly) released from ministry, it’s something still fresh in my mind. i am dreaming of finding a way to make this happen.

    what’s one of your dreams?

  • warning: this blog is not live (all the time, anyway)

    one of the most frequently asked questions i get about this monster of community you guys have created here at flowerdust.net is how i keep up with it all.

    i don’t!

    i wish i could, but i can’t.

    some people have asked when i find time to write. a book…some articles…this blog…and at the deadly viper blog…not to mention the amount of stuff i write for my job at lifechurch.tv. it can and does suck the creative vibes from my head really fast!

    so…i have learned to combine two things to master the madness.

    1) write when the moment is right – i am writing this on tuesday, but i’m having it post on friday. some blog platforms let you schedule stuff out ahead of time. today i’ve written three (soon to be four) posts. obviously i’m not putting them all up on one day. even if your blog doesn’t let you schedule posts for the future, if you’re feeling the words, write them down now! save them in a word doc or something and then you will just need to copy/paste!

    2) don’t write when the moment is wrong – i can’t tell you how many times i have stared at this screen and tried to force something, only to delete it or save it in a mass of unpublished (and quite terrible) drafts. thank goodness those things will never see the light of day.

    by having some posts saved for a rainy day, i really don’t feel much pressure to have to write something each and every day. because let’s face it. sometimes the creative juices aren’t flowing, and you’d be better off keeping quiet than forcefully making something happen.

    ya know?

  • on other addictions:

    natalie dee

    HT: nataliedee.com (*various items from this link may not be appropriate for all audiences.)