This morning I was doing some thinking.
Back in the day, I remember the International Mission Board telling me as long as I didn’t use their name, or the man’s name who abused me, then it would be okay to write about it and speak about it in my book and talks.
And when I read through the 300-page transcript of their interview with me during their investigation, they asked me if I was going to write about it or speak about it and I said no.
Over the years, I’ve let the idea of “keeping my word” to them keep me silent. When people would ask about my abuse after I would speak or when they would read my book, I’d say I “legally” couldn’t say anything about it because I thought since I told them I wouldn’t, and it was recorded on paper, that I could get in trouble for talking about it. Only my closest friends and family knew.
When I decided to come forward, I also read a part of the transcript that said I would talk about it if someone else came forward and I felt the need to. When I said it, I meant another victim of the man who abused me. But 12 years later, I feel like the #MeToo and #ChurchToo movements empowered me to speak.
So many times people have told me about their abuse and how they have been told to keep quiet. They’ve promised to not name their abuser, and they feel as if going against their word is a “sin” or doing something wrong.
Keeping your word means doing what you’re going to say you’re going to do so that you will be a person of integrity. A person of integrity does what’s right to keep themselves and others around them whole, healthy, safe, and valued.
If you have promised someone you won’t speak out about the abuse that happened to you, or abuse that you know about, by talking about it, you are not breaking your word. You’re breaking the silence. Your keeping your word to protect, honor, and value human life and dignity.
You are not “sinning.” You are not going against the truth. Even though you may have told someone you’ll keep abuse a secret, you have the right (and often times the responsibility) to speak up.
Don’t let someone else’s lack of integrity keep you silent. That is a tactic used so the abuser will remain safe and protected. By speaking up, not only are you setting the truth free, you’re speaking justice and life back where it has been stolen.
If you need help reporting abuse, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
I am more than happy to help you through your next steps.
You can contact me here.
